Everyone needs an oportunity for adult procivities to run rampent gibbering about on the walls. Best of luck on this one sir. Quite a plum, or perhaps a bushell or two of plums.
In the supposed words of the real Reverend "Sport" Rendelburg,:Ank you,good bless you, and godnight.
EdW |
03.27.08 - 11:19 pm | #
Perhaps his wife's vagina really is enough. How will we know until we all try his wife's vagina and see if it is? I bet a lot of us would be satisfied with his wife's vagina.
Zen Bubba |
03.28.08 - 7:43 am | #
General
I enthusiastically second your nomination for the Love In Action position. Just one thing. Is that missionary, doggy style, or something that would make me blush?
purvis ames |
03.28.08 - 8:14 am | #
General -- Good luck with your application, but you might have some competition for Johnny's soon-to-be-vacant position.
MOJoe |
03.28.08 - 9:06 am | #
Dear General,
Seeing as your tastes in manly movies run so retro, I suggest you treat your little soldier to "The Magnificent Seven" and also "The Great Escape" and perhaps "The Longest Day." He will just revel in these, I assure you.
They may not have the steamy interaction of the Heston-Boyd scene, but he will certainly enjoy the general adorableness of so many cute men doing manly things together.
Auntie Claire's Hand |
03.28.08 - 9:35 am | #
I always favored Sly. I hit 'mute' and supplied my own sound track:
Come on,big boy. Yeah, you in the lacy thong. I dare you! Come and get me.
MOJoe |
03.28.08 - 9:44 am | #
Awesome, Gen’rul. You’d make a great leader of that Love in Action clusterfuck … er, I mean, “ministry.” And thanks for the underwear tips. I’ll have to peruse the Fredericks of Hollywood catalogue when I get home from work. Does it have a size chart for us menfolk? Not familiar with how the not-men sizes work.
But I was troubled by one thing Smiddy said on that video. He said that God made his wife’s vagina for his, um, “bit.” Now, I don’t think “bit” is the right way to refer to the man-tool. I suppose “bits,” collectively, could refer to the whole package, the golf balls and the five-iron, if you will … as I recall from my misspent youth watching late night public television, the Brits are fond of the term “naughty bits.” Then again, they’re fond of dressing in full drag, too, which is taking the whole choice-of-underwear thing too far, ask me.
In any event, I’d think a manly man like John Smid coulda come up with a better moniker for his money maker than “bit.” I mean, think of the whole panoply of, shall we say, terms of endearment for the male organ … willy, dick, Mr. Happy, one-eyed-trouser-snake … and the best he could come up with was “bit”? That’s a damn shame.
Me, I’m a “Johnson” man myself. It’s got a nice ring to it.
Dave von Ebers |
Homepage |
03.28.08 - 10:16 am | #
The next logical step to his fixed point homosexual center, would be an in-pants, portable homosexual internment center. The underwear-centric strategies make more sense, in this light.
Kazoo Inhen |
03.28.08 - 10:41 am | #
I concur that underwear may be the key to uh something. Thats why I wear freshly applied duct tape as an undergarment. Nothing can move, no accidental arousals. Of course the removal of said garment is quite painful. Thats why I change 6-8 times a day. Praise Gladiators!
Patrick McHenry (R-NC) |
03.28.08 - 12:12 pm | #
Sir,
Handling your important business with chilled ice tongs or forceps is my tip. Of course, rubber undergarments (with a few strategically placed straight pins in ones naughty parts) always work in periods of high anxiety. Especially during Audie Murphy westerns.
If nothing else is working, I suggest male chastity devices:
OT
One more reason to vote for Barack Obama: he can make Elisabeth Hasselbeck shut the fuck up.
She was harassing him about the Wright clips on 'The View' this morning, and he said, "How would you like it if someone took the five stupidest things you've ever said, and put it on DVD".*
Well if you've ever seen 'The View', you know that such a DVD would be like the tape from 'The Ring': The dumb would literally crawl out of the television and chew your tongue out. Hasselbeck herself knows it, which is why she shut the fuck up.
* rough quote from memory
bob the hog |
03.28.08 - 1:58 pm | #
"Ben Hur" and "Sands of Iwo Jima" I can understand. But Abe Vigoda? Him of "The Godfather" and "Barney Miller"? That Abe Vigoda?
MM |
03.28.08 - 2:28 pm | #
Why, what's wrong with Abe Vigoda?
He's not sick, is he? OMG, he's not… Phew!
bob the hog |
03.28.08 - 2:51 pm | #
Ping Dave von Ebers:
At least he could have called it a "byte." Bytes are bigger than bits. Plus "byte" helps reinforce (subconsciously) the dangers of oral sex, which is an act that teeters dangerously on the edge of what I prefer to call "manly unmanliness." I mean, what's the difference between my wife's mouth and the mouth of the blonde teenager wearing the "Greenday" T-shirt who was in the booth next to mine at the adult video arcade last...
Um, that might be TMI. And my "backspace" button is sort of sticky ok I'd backspace that I mean sticking ... OK, gotta go. I mean run. Leave.
Thersites D. Scott |
Homepage |
03.28.08 - 4:51 pm | #
General, Sir:
I have been doing bad things. Why, because they are much more fun than doing good things. Righteousness? Feh!! who gives a flyin' fuck about any of that horsedrivel.
I've been visiting a couple of blogs that are worse than that sort of XXX porn that got the State Troopers in NJ in trouble. But only worse in that they are as addictive as the "new" dark chocolate M&M's. Nowudimean? It's okay, I'm not too sure myself.
i wear panties.
and i don't enjoy your slur.
lewis stoole |
03.30.08 - 2:42 am | #
Why do I suspect that Smid's wife is really just his right hand?
Fantod |
Homepage |
03.30.08 - 11:43 am | #
Let's not forget about the Senator Vitter dirty diaper movement (as it were), please. That's REAL sex.
No Blood for Hubris |
Homepage |
03.31.08 - 9:52 pm | #
A real Hemi is 426 cid. A 427 is a Chevy Big Block.
Everyone needs an oportunity for adult procivities to run rampent gibbering about on the walls. Best of luck on this one sir. Quite a plum, or perhaps a bushell or two of plums.
Perhaps his wife's vagina really is enough. How will we know until we all try his wife's vagina and see if it is? I bet a lot of us would be satisfied with his wife's vagina.
General
Awesome, Gen’rul. You’d make a great leader of that Love in Action clusterfuck … er, I mean, “ministry.” And thanks for the underwear tips. I’ll have to peruse the Fredericks of Hollywood catalogue when I get home from work. Does it have a size chart for us menfolk? Not familiar with how the not-men sizes work.
I concur that underwear may be the key to uh something. Thats why I wear freshly applied duct tape as an undergarment. Nothing can move, no accidental arousals. Of course the removal of said garment is quite painful. Thats why I change 6-8 times a day. Praise Gladiators!
Sir,
"Ben Hur" and "Sands of Iwo Jima" I can understand. But Abe Vigoda? Him of "The Godfather" and "Barney Miller"? That Abe Vigoda?
Ping Dave von Ebers: 
General, Sir:
so true.
Let's not forget about the Senator Vitter dirty diaper movement (as it were), please. That's REAL sex.
