I'm amazed at the amount of emotion this article has produced. Almost as much as that blanket you showed me. Ugh. Maybe it was a miscarriage. Perhaps you should search your apartment for a shriveled fetus? Nathan H | 11/18/07 - 2:18 pm | #
ok wait, why was it the worst thing ever that a girl got her period when she agreed to do you out of nowhere?
she just sounds like an idiot. no that goddamn terrible.
but the teeth thing is bad. its just not that biga deal butt | 10/03/07 - 11:36 pm | #
A few things. We'll go from the top of your post down.
1) "...it’s a sacrifice I had to make when I saw writing that sucks as badly as this." Sucks as MUCH as this. Sucks as badly as this makes very little sense.
2) "I found it hard to believe that your girlfriend stayed with you even though you’re pathetically shallow and primitive. But I found it even hard to believe that you call yourself a writer. If you plan on making a career out if it, you’re wasting your time, pal. You definitely were not put on this planet to write. I’d say right now it looks like your only purpose in the world is to make fellow losers feel better about their own pathetic lives."
Well, first and foremost, Nick is a comedy writer. Exaggeration is his preferred method of communicating his desired effect. You can disagree with it all you want, but I doubt he cares. Furthermore, you're hardly in a position to criticize his writings- your prose is flaccid and ineffective. Take a remedial writing course, you slob.
3) "You’re writing style is so formulaic and lame. It’s a low-grade conversational stream injected with random pseudo-figurative clichés. AND IT’S NOT FUNNY. Not even funny for fraternity standards. Not even for PIC standards."
YOUR writing style, you cretinous mess. As for the pseudo-figurative cliches (Comme un Ontarien qui parle francais, je ne vois pas le besoin d'inclure l'accent... Maudit poseur tete-carre), their use is appropriate and reasonable in the article in question. And who the fuck do YOU write for, the MLA?
4) "How low is your self-esteem that this embarrassing shit is some kind of “highlight” for you that you think we need to read? It’s obvious your ego is somewhat dented since you have to constantly remind us you have a girlfriend who, although you claim is intelligent, stayed with you for some reason."
Commas, jackass- use them properly. I think your inane blabbering has burned my retinas a little bit.
5)"And finally, you complain about “bitches” and “whores” a lot. Well if you hate them, don’t perpetually objectify them by fueling the stereotype that propels them to believe all their expected to be is one night stands.
Didn’t understand that?
What did you expect? You go to fucking WVU."
THEY'RE expected to be. THEY'RE expected to be, you ingrate. Nick may go to WVU- and for the record, lest I be interpreted as some friend rallying to his defense, I don't, nor have I ever met him- but at least he's not quite as terrible a wrecking-ball of the English language as you are. Philistine. SB | 09/25/07 - 12:45 am | #
Wow.
Vagina = not cool. Atleast not this time.
Hopefully kellen doesn't bleed all over you like the victim of a gang atack.
This confirms that Simonne is the class of this joint.
And it's tough to reconcile the fact that the protagonist (fiction means it isn't Nick G, right?) doesn't mind if she's so drunk that she tosses up 100-proof vomit with olives all over the couch, but can't handle a little menstrual blood. Laz | 09/24/07 - 3:47 pm | #
What kind of caliber girls are you bringing home that have the audacity to ask you for a tampon? Perhaps she thought you were a woman and that's why she asked if you could spare one, but instead you let her use your mattress as a maxi pad. WELL DONE. WELL DONE. Simonne | 09/24/07 - 10:13 am | #
Nick,
Why not fuck her in the ass? Jake | 09/24/07 - 4:04 am | #
Everybody's a fucking critic.
To anybody who spends his time reading college humor websites and then spending his time commenting on how bad the writing is,
Since when is period sex a no no? It wasn't like she was asking you to lick it.
The volume of blood you describe is not menstruation....that was a miscarriage!
I'm not going to attack you as a writer, but this is possibly the least enjoyable thing I've read by you. How do you expect a reader to continue after you say a woman asked a man for a tampon? That soars past exaggeration for the point of humor right on in to silly.
One last question....How does one have such a passionate opinion and then sign it ~anonymous? Michelle | 09/23/07 - 4:23 pm | #
None of my friends know I write for PIC, because I never tell anybody. It saves me the hassle of trying to explain what I wrote is in the name of comedy. J.B. Hour | Homepage | 09/22/07 - 2:09 pm | #
I was present for the night that provided the fodder for this masterfully crafted tale chronicling the late night debacles of a troubled young man. Gaudio, I'm glad you hit it instead of me. CUMPSTER Dyljina | 09/21/07 - 7:24 pm | #
God anon, are you Tucker Max or just some other pompus asshole that's starved for attention? A | 09/21/07 - 3:51 am | #
1. If you don't NEED to defend yourself, why did you? Frankly, I'm doing this because I'm here, doing homework like a sucker, and have chosen smashing prudes on the inter-web as entertainment between periods of reading. Besides, if you really have better things to do... why did you respond so fast?
2. You may have noticed that at the conclusion of the article, the author rallies against the idea of one night stands, which in this world (that is, the social realm of the young adult, to which you obviously don't belong) is commonly done to "prove one's masculinity." In renouncing this practice, what some might term a "social flaw," the author risks losing both an object of affection, and the respect of his "retarded frat brother" peers. This is noble.
3. Like it or not, regardless of intention, Chaucer wrote toilet humour. Period. You can't get on board with this, but you CAN support a story where an angry suitor rams a red-hot piece of farm equipment up his rival's ass? Both stories are funny - but only if you're not a pretentious douche.
4. I've got nothing against long posts. I mean, Christ, look at THIS one. Just saying that 6 paragraphs of hateful nonsense (NOT criticism) is really unnecessary, and unwanted. Don't worry, I'm sure I can keep up with a few extra sentences. I just don't like your bullshit, is all.
Check that out. I numbered all of them for you, representing responses to each of your individual "thoughts." They're called arguments. Use some.
I don't care what you think. I don't need to defend my post. But I just have to say this:
Being compared to Nick is making your pal Chaucer roll in his grave. Chaucer rallied against the social flaws in his society through satire, not by rambling on about his pathetic, unfunny experiences.
Oh, and I made sure to make this post shorter to cater to your ADD. Anything else I can do for you?
Believe me, if I could in any way have condensed my critisism of Nick, I would have. Do you tink I enjoyed wasting that much time on him? anonymous | 09/20/07 - 10:43 pm | #
What Tyler said.
Anon., if you don't dig PIC, why the fuck are you here? Talk like that leads this poster to believe that you're either one of those deluded assholes who puts women on a pedestal (not getting laid enough) or among the aforementioned bitches/whores (defending their right to get laid too much). I'm leaning toward the first one though, for even though none of us have lives (c'mon, we're posting in a blog comment box here), you're the only one with the audacity to spend six (SIX!) paragraphs trashing Nick's work, which he does in his SPARE TIME, as a HOBBY.
Remember: Chaucer, Swift and Wilde were the Nick Gaudios of their respective days. If it's too low brow for you, shut the fuck up and go read something else. A guide to basic etiquette would be a good place to start. Anonymous | 09/20/07 - 10:02 pm | #
fuck the guys that didn't think it was funny. That shit was hilarious Tyler | 09/20/07 - 8:14 pm | #
Reading this article was 5 minutes of my life I’ll never get back. And writing this response is another 5 wasted. But it’s a sacrifice I had to make when I saw writing that sucks as badly as this.
I found it hard to believe that your girlfriend stayed with you even though you’re pathetically shallow and primitive. But I found it even hard to believe that you call yourself a writer. If you plan on making a career out if it, you’re wasting your time, pal. You definitely were not put on this planet to write. I’d say right now it looks like your only purpose in the world is to make fellow losers feel better about their own pathetic lives.
First of all, this is the kind of story retarded frat brothers tell while they’re getting drunk. Not something they try to manipulate into a “story” that is acceptable for a website, even one like this with declining quality standards.
You’re writing style is so formulaic and lame. It’s a low-grade conversational stream injected with random pseudo-figurative clichés. AND IT’S NOT FUNNY. Not even funny for fraternity standards. Not even for PIC standards.
How low is your self-esteem that this embarrassing shit is some kind of “highlight” for you that you think we need to read? It’s obvious your ego is somewhat dented since you have to constantly remind us you have a girlfriend who, although you claim is intelligent, stayed with you for some reason.
And finally, you complain about “bitches” and “whores” a lot. Well if you hate them, don’t perpetually objectify them by fueling the stereotype that propels them to believe all their expected to be is one night stands.
Didn’t understand that?
What did you expect? You go to fucking WVU. anonymous | 09/20/07 - 8:12 pm | #
Wow, Nick. You've managed to disappoint me while getting pissy about disappointing me.
For somebody with your razor-sharp awareness of satire, you COMPLETELY missed the joke. Swing and a miss.
I almost feel bad for you now; apparently you think you have the market cornered not only on satire but on writing itself.
I mean, didn't you consider in the writing of YOUR retarded, overbearing comment that - oh. You considered nothing except for your chest-thumping righteousness. That explains it. Darth Fader | 09/20/07 - 5:54 pm | #
Well considering I just saw and kissed Kellen I'm going to go on a limb and say that she, my 4.0-having girlfriend, would know to use a comma after "We're done," not to mention not kiss me...and/or walk to class...and/or text me two seconds ago with "That wasn't me on PIC"...der.
I fucking hate the internet.
And as for you, Darth. Didn't you fucking realize I'ma writer? I mean, did you honestly, in the composing of your retarded, overbearing comment, consider that I may have not hit a woman with a bag of oranges; that I may have not licked the peanut butter off the asshole of a girl named Michelle? That I don't go around .
The stuff I write that's satirical is blatant...as is the stuff that is true.
That all said, get a grip, you dumb motherfucker. Nick Gaudio | 09/20/07 - 2:56 pm | #
Who would have thought that the author of "How to earn your redwings in style" would turn tail and skedaddle at the gushing menace?
I've said it before, I'll say it again; blood makes good lube. Nothing is more intimate; nothing is SEXIER than a big hunk of your penis and a big hunk of her uterine lining.
Nick, you disappoint me. Good luck Kellen. You'll need it in a couple weeks. Darth Fader | 09/20/07 - 11:16 am | #
We're done you asshole Kellen | 09/20/07 - 8:42 am | #
wow...I didn't think it could be done. Nick Gaudio- a one woman man?
It's not a bad thing. Courtney | 09/20/07 - 8:31 am | #
