Rock Me Bitches!
Oh Pook. I don't know what to tell you. AA doesn't work for everyone. I know it didn't work for Ben; he has said many of the same things about it. I think it is great you can admit you have a problem. Now you just need to get some help. Can you find a therapist who specializes in substance abuse problems since your family doctor is obviously no help. You've been through so much lately and I hate to think of you trying to tackle all this on your own. You'll be in my thoughts. **hugs**
I'm proud of you that you opened up to us about this.
I think Jess' advice was excellent, there must be help available for people who just don't fit with AA. I bet if you go back and see your doctor again, she'll start to see you're serious.
Big hugs, sweetie, we're all thinking of you and rooting for you.
I'd say get your butt to a 6 month - or longer - rehab, Pookie.
Even if it means leaving Wee Man with BD during that time, which isn't maybe the greatest option.
You HAVE to get sober - to save your life.
Yes, I know the pain sucks over your Dad's passing and the other ongoing family dysfunction.
And that is irrelevant to the issue that drinking 9and in the past some drug usage, even prescription) is keeping you from being the best Pookie you can be.
Life has a lot of painful habit patterns - you've been imbibing since you've been little...
The friends you've chosen have had similar lifestyles, where drinking is acceptable and even encouraged.
It's got to stop, Pook. You may have to leave that way of thinking and behaving behind comnpletely.
No, this isn't easy. It IS however, survival.
You and I both know immense unhappiness. And we try to struggle through it, and actually do a great job to the outside world.
Yet it is the inside one that must be mastered, one awareness at a time, one progress at a time, one change in thinking and behaving and feeling at a time.
FIND A LONG TERM TREATMENT PROGRAM POOKIE, where you are isolated from the familar/the rest of the world for 6 months or longer. Seriously, 30 to 90 days doesn't do enough to change a lifetime of automatic bottle to mouth numbing behavior.
Now you may tell me to F...O.. - that the $$ to do this isn't there.
In which case, I don't know what to do or how to get it done. I understand the pull of addicition and how long it takes to get though it. I understand that AA doesn't work for everybody.
I don't know Pook, but I do know your circumstances have to change. You MUST get away and stay away from everybody who drinks - yes, even socially.
No codependent bullsh** from people who will enable you and party in front of you or delibeartely play stupid about it like the mornons you see on the tv show Intervention, all of whom are just as sick in cooperating with the addict, as is the addict who is slowly killing themselves - and doesn't think they are.
Are you at the point yet where you're willing - and want to clean out everyone in your life who drinks, Pook ?
Because it's going to take a whole changed mindset from you - where you see alcohol as unattractive and unimpressive and don't want to be around people who can't have fun/don't think they are having a goiod time unless alcohol tends to be involved...
Thinking of you, and much tough love, dear Pookie --
xoxoxo
If there was a me too button (like on Truu confessions) I would hit it. I'm sorry you feel lost and alone. I would love to try to give you advice, but I would just be bullshitting myself. You're in my prayers though...Take care Pook...
My brother spent time in rehab, he spent a lot of time in AA. He really enjoyed AA and got a lot out of it, stuff he still uses today, but that doesn't mean he's completely booze free. He's doing pretty well but he still has his moments (binges, hungover for like, 2 days.) Luckily they're few & far between but they're there, I don't know if he'll ever be "cured". I know there is NOTHING I can say/do to make you get help, to make you better, YOU HAVE TO WANT to. I know that sounds like it's a cliche, but it's true. My friend's dad is going through this right now - he's telling everyone he'll get sober, but only because he knows it's what they all want to hear. I tried to tell my friend this delicately without sounding like a pessimist - I wanted her to feel happy about her Dad agreeing to get help. Sure enough, as soon as no one was around for a day or 2 he started drinking again & spent some time in the hospital. I don't know how he's doing now, he says he's going to get help but I don't know. I don't know if he WANTS to get better. And it's the same thing with what you were saying - "You would think that would have been a wake up call" - you'd think after ending up in the hospital, after his wife telling him she was going to leave if he didn't clean up, after the doctor telling him his liver is shot - is it enough to get him to clean up? So far no.
Anyway I'll stop rambling. The only actual ADVICE I have for you is - GET A NEW DOCTOR. And KEEP going to doctors until you find one who will actually listen. If this doctor isn't listening, regardless of what the problem is, she's not doing right by her patients. Get a new doctor, keep talking until someone helps you.
I wish you all the luck in the world, Pook. And you have tons of us behind you.
XOXOXOXOXOXO
Hi honey. Sorry to be a bit late over here, as I have very much wanted to speak with you... but am not suprised you're not answering your phone. I wish I could tell you something magical that will make it better for you. A few things alarm me here:
1) Your drinking, of course. It does need to stop, not only for your safety and your health, and for EJ, but also because you are pushing the hurt so far down that it will plague you for years if you don't let it take its course. I am extremely worried about this.
2) You say you feel emotionally alone. That is a big red danger sign to me right there because that is exactly how I felt after my dad died and it led me to a dark place that took a long time to come out of. Please, please, please let people help you and reach out where you can. I know it's hard for people to understand the craziness in your head right now, but finding even one or two people you can really open up to would make a big, big difference.
3) You and BD are just "okay." Worried about that too. He loves you and probably wants to help you but doesn't know how. You have both been to therapy before. Maybe you both should go again, on your own.
There are also a lot of places to find support for grief, which is the heart of why you are drinking at this time. Anything that could help ease that would be great. Seek it out as you can. Please?
In the meantime, the present issue, the alcohol, must be managed head on. Make your doctor listen to you. Make your friends listen to you and let them know you are serious. And don't ever, ever feel like an asshole.
I love you. God, I wish I could help.
I have nothing to say here. However, I did send you an email. After I sent it, it dawned on me that the subject line was kinda generic-"hey there"-and I haven't emailed you in like 100 years. So if you see something in your inbox that says "hey there", it's me, and not someone trying to get you to send money to Nigeria or sell you some impotence meds.
Ok so I stumbled across this blog googling my gf's nickname, pook, or little pook, or pookie. But anyway that's besides the point.
From what you say of your sister and brother, Your family let you down, and you have hate for them. The first you have little no control over. The second, you do. Is the hate helping? If so, keep it up. If not, look to drop it.
Or maybe you just had a bad day, in which case ignore all this! Anyway, interesting to read.
G (UK)
Commenting by HaloScan
