I agree some unfortunate people seem to have to use their experiences on how to judge a new person, but how refreshing would it be to find the people who don't do that? and give everyone a chance based soley on what they have come to know about that person? xx
So, I'm feeling bit sheepish fter reading this post. The ghosts have an ugly way of rearing their ugly heads in my present. Damn it! But, like I often tell people, it's hard to break a habit that you're had for so many years, that it takes the patience and love of another to know that these are indeed undeserving feelings, that they are not to blame and that you have to work through them.
I don't bring these ghosts up on purpose, in fact I wish they would just go away but they don't. Time, work, and understanding will make them go away.
Yes, I am the only one who can control these feelings and yes, I have used them as a crutch and as an excuse. This is why I feel sheepish...lol. But, it helps when the person you are with understands and helps you get through. They aren't neccessarily left with the check but are needed to help me pay the tab.
:::smiles:::
That is about as clear as mud, but it's the best way I can describe it.
Bethanie's comment said it all.
Oh Patrick! Insightful thoughts as always.
Dan and I both had many ghosts to put to rest when we first moved in together. Dan had been treated very badly by his ex and was quick to fear I might start the same behavior. The slightest offhand comment I might thoughlessly make could make ugly thoughts rear their heads. We often held each other under a magnifying glass in the beginning. Only time has helped our fears in this area.
Since Dan had found his ex-live-in's journal where she admitted she had never loved him but loved another all along, was using Dan for us money, etc., etc, I made sure Dan could always see all my writing, and hear all my thoughts, good and bad. As the months/years went on, gradually he relaxed and stopped expecting that one day I might do what she did.
And I have finally relaxed in the sure knowledge that Dan will not ever hurt me by words or by actions, no matter what happens in our lives. The way my ex often did. I have also gotten much better in believing he won't stop loving me. I've never been afraid Dan would cheat on me, but I did wrestle with him stopping being "in love" with me. Again, these are ghosts from our past. We know this. But they are very hard to lay to rest.
Takes time. And trust. It's funny, you know...as my trust for Dan has grown, I've become more easily orgasmic. I was never orgasmic with my ex. Dan is the first person I've ever had an orgasm with. For me, orgasms have *everything* to do with trust and being open. I feel far too vulnerable at that moment to let anyone see me that way except the one I trust completely.
As my trust in Dan has grown, so have my climaxes, now becoming multiple and longer. *grins* It's sort of a barometer for me. LOL!
Amen P! i will be the first to admit that for a long time i liked to blame everything that i did wrong on my past, baggage, etc. Everything bad that happened to me was someone elses fault. Fortunatly, when i became a grown up i started to realise that life is not something that we just live on cruise control, we make our own way and our decisions have consequences. i know now that most of the good and bad things that happen to me are a direct result of good or bad decisions on my part, and i can accept that. Thanks for the great post P!
You must have been reading Michael's blog. He wrote about something very similar just recently.
BTW I meant to say in the last comment...Great minds think alike! 
Commenting by HaloScan
