There's a party in the cupboard
Busted by Ivy. Yes - it is true, I hardly ever jaunt into the city anymore, but Danielle - take your fine self and Burcu to the mirror pool at Graceland cemetary next time you're feeling squishy and weird, and then you MUST have margaritas and really good mexican food. There ya go - it is a cure all! Thanks for the reality check, Ivy.
Busted by Ivy. Yes - it is true, I hardly ever jaunt into the city anymore, but Danielle - take your fine self and Burcu to the mirror pool at Graceland cemetary next time you're feeling squishy and weird, and then you MUST have margaritas and really good mexican food. There ya go - it is a cure all! Thanks for the reality check, Ivy.
Mia! Good advice but how dare you not offer to take Danielle to see the lady in front of the mirror pool in Graceland if she starts to feel all 12/13 again when she gets back to Chi? No one can think of hurtful feelings too long after the Graceland/mexican food combo. Ohhh, wait, you've moved out to the gorgeous almost-burbs. I forgot.
Ivy
Mia! Good advice but how dare you not offer to take Danielle to see the lady in front of the mirror pool in Graceland if she starts to feel all 12/13 again when she gets back to Chi? No one can think of hurtful feelings too long after the Graceland/mexican food combo. Ohhh, wait, you've moved out to the gorgeous almost-burbs. I forgot.
Ivy
Yes - we have all been there. But don't let the torture of it torture you. Let it be an experience and then let it be the past. Burcu is right: you would not feel this way if it were not a legitimate feeling. That's ok - don't be afraid of your emotions. But don't analyze them under too much scrutiny either. They are what they are. Now leave it alone. And keep yourself well...Mia
Yes - we have all been there. But don't let the torture of it torture you. Let it be an experience and then let it be the past. Burcu is right: you would not feel this way if it were not a legitimate feeling. That's ok - don't be afraid of your emotions. But don't analyze them under too much scrutiny either. They are what they are. Now leave it alone. And keep yourself well...Mia
Yeah Danielle, Rhythman makes a good point...well, up until the pathetic loser part anyway. But if you have the opportunity and resolve to confront your chimera and see that it is really just a sales associate with a widow's peak, you might be able to make plodding on that much easier, so good luck!
Yeah Danielle, Rhythman makes a good point...well, up until the pathetic loser part anyway. But if you have the opportunity and resolve to confront your chimera and see that it is really just a sales associate with a widow's peak, you might be able to make plodding on that much easier, so good luck!
(I was truncated...read other part first)
and at least a small number of friends/family that really love me, that I’m just some pathetic loser who doesn’t know how to go ahead and give it all up, so that the pain that lives around the futility of existence will finally go away? Yea, probably.
But I plod on. And you know why? Because in spite of the glaring and awful truth behind how screwed up my life sometimes feels, I still have some pretty fucking good days. And these are the only days I’m going to get (though I’d like to trade a few with that Gates fellow). And nobody, no happening, no painful memory, real or conjured is about to steal my best shot at it tomorrow.
Cause really, you just never know.
(I was truncated...read other part first)
and at least a small number of friends/family that really love me, that I’m just some pathetic loser who doesn’t know how to go ahead and give it all up, so that the pain that lives around the futility of existence will finally go away? Yea, probably.
But I plod on. And you know why? Because in spite of the glaring and awful truth behind how screwed up my life sometimes feels, I still have some pretty fucking good days. And these are the only days I’m going to get (though I’d like to trade a few with that Gates fellow). And nobody, no happening, no painful memory, real or conjured is about to steal my best shot at it tomorrow.
Cause really, you just never know.
My apologies if I’ve missed the point, but…
The memories I have that haunt me most, are over people and events that do not exist. I mean they do, or did at one time in some form, but over the days, weeks, years since the fact, I have reworked them in my mind so many times that the transmogrified creature I carry around in my head, is a true chimera. Yet haunt me they do. And even more so for the reworking. A lost love, a missed opportunity, an embarrassing moment, a very best friend who dropped me like a rotting carcass, because her new gay lover with insecurity issues felt threatened by a completely platonic friendship with absolutely no chance of romance, not to mention connubial consummation. (Hypothetically speaking of course.) They’re all more dramatic, more promising, more horrifying, more vivid in my head than they could possibly have hoped to become in the real world. And still I suffer.
Now does this mean, despite a modest degree of success in making my way through life
My apologies if I’ve missed the point, but…
The memories I have that haunt me most, are over people and events that do not exist. I mean they do, or did at one time in some form, but over the days, weeks, years since the fact, I have reworked them in my mind so many times that the transmogrified creature I carry around in my head, is a true chimera. Yet haunt me they do. And even more so for the reworking. A lost love, a missed opportunity, an embarrassing moment, a very best friend who dropped me like a rotting carcass, because her new gay lover with insecurity issues felt threatened by a completely platonic friendship with absolutely no chance of romance, not to mention connubial consummation. (Hypothetically speaking of course.) They’re all more dramatic, more promising, more horrifying, more vivid in my head than they could possibly have hoped to become in the real world. And still I suffer.
Now does this mean, despite a modest degree of success in making my way through life
Oh! And I forgot to tell you, after years of pain over THE guy, one day the agony was over. Poof! I no longer could bring myself to care. I got off the train that had always gone in the same hurtful direction. As I stood on that platform of freedom I realized that I could have gotten off all along. I just needed time.
Now I recall the pain with no particular emotion. It is just memories.
Ivy
Oh! And I forgot to tell you, after years of pain over THE guy, one day the agony was over. Poof! I no longer could bring myself to care. I got off the train that had always gone in the same hurtful direction. As I stood on that platform of freedom I realized that I could have gotten off all along. I just needed time.
Now I recall the pain with no particular emotion. It is just memories.
Ivy
Danielle, remember that being alone at night in no way negates the fact that you are funny, clever, entertaining as Hell and good looking.
Whenever I was in the Hell you're currently experiencing I'd grab Mia and go to Graceland cemetary on Clark. Then we'd find the woman sitting in front of the mirror pool and we'd hang out and talk about the hurt.
Being surrounded by everything in that beautiful garden always made me feel better when we left. Then Mia & I'd go to El Jardin's also on Clark St. and have masses of Mexican food and a margarita. That was our crisis plan and it always worked for some reason.
Grab Burcu when you get back to Chi if you still feel this way and go find the woman in Graceland & have some good food.
Feel better.
Ivy
Danielle, remember that being alone at night in no way negates the fact that you are funny, clever, entertaining as Hell and good looking.
Whenever I was in the Hell you're currently experiencing I'd grab Mia and go to Graceland cemetary on Clark. Then we'd find the woman sitting in front of the mirror pool and we'd hang out and talk about the hurt.
Being surrounded by everything in that beautiful garden always made me feel better when we left. Then Mia & I'd go to El Jardin's also on Clark St. and have masses of Mexican food and a margarita. That was our crisis plan and it always worked for some reason.
Grab Burcu when you get back to Chi if you still feel this way and go find the woman in Graceland & have some good food.
Feel better.
Ivy
I'm the only Koo Jay I know, and as I've said before most decidedly a girl. :P
My real name's Katie... if that is any help.
That's the worst dig I've had in a while. ;(
I'm the only Koo Jay I know, and as I've said before most decidedly a girl. :P
My real name's Katie... if that is any help.
That's the worst dig I've had in a while. ;(
I'll go to Barnes with you when I get home so we can stalk her together--if that will make you feel better, that is. It's always nice to have someone with you when you stalk, and I think I'm just the person for the job. 
P.S. OMG, Barnes!
P.S.S. "Open, Open, Open"
I'll go to Barnes with you when I get home so we can stalk her together--if that will make you feel better, that is. It's always nice to have someone with you when you stalk, and I think I'm just the person for the job.
P.S. OMG, Barnes!
P.S.S. "Open, Open, Open"
Wait--Koo Jay, you're a girl?? Isn't Koo Jay a boy's name?
Wait--Koo Jay, you're a girl?? Isn't Koo Jay a boy's name?
...and don't lose Burcu. She is, obviously, a great friend. 
And very, very right.
...and don't lose Burcu. She is, obviously, a great friend. And very, very right.
There's nothing cryptic about the email. WE all fill in our own blanks, fit the profile to match ours. Koo Jay says she's been there. So have I. So has everyone. Take your time, give yourself a break. Whatever they may be based on, the feelings you have will always be legitimate by virtue of the fact that you/experience/them. Breathe, allow yourself to breathe.
There's nothing cryptic about the email. WE all fill in our own blanks, fit the profile to match ours. Koo Jay says she's been there. So have I. So has everyone. Take your time, give yourself a break. Whatever they may be based on, the feelings you have will always be legitimate by virtue of the fact that you/experience/them. Breathe, allow yourself to breathe.
{{{}}}
Been there.
{{{}}}
Been there.
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