Redneck Mother, your writing never fails to amaze me. Your take on women's reproductive freedom is as eloquent as any I've seen. Wow.
Terrific post!
I wish that "anti-abortion" people would call themselves what they are - anti-woman people. After all, it's what they are. Like you said, women aren't human, they're incubators. Very sad, scary times.
I've been reading your blog since about April? of this year. I find something in each of your posts that is very visceral in its ability to send home the true feeling. I came back from California (~2.5 years) with a feeling of Austin Texas thanks to you. I'm male, so I can't claim to know first hand knowledge on any of this. But I am sympathetic with people of all stripes and try to understand other's points of view as much as feasible. Reading this I can at least take a (albeit small) step towards a better understanding. It was really difficult to read through some of this, but it's necessary for people to face and understand what we're looking at. We're human, and flawed, and that alone should keep us from stepping into the realm of that normally regulared by whomever/whatever it was that brought us to our present state of evolution. Many thanks for this writing and the many others you have done, it makes me feel that much better about my choice to come back home to Austin and the people who make it what it is.
Thank you for this. I get into 'debates' about reproductive rights all the time. I mostly keep my cool but I'm occasionally reduced to arm flailing and hissing.
It's crazy-making to have to try to explain the very basics of reproduction to people who would like to put controls on what we can do with our bodies. "WHAT come out of your WHAT?" Argh.
I had one such debate with a guy where I work. He was horribly offended when he brought up the Alito/husband permission for abortion deal. I told him that leaving aside all other issues I don't owe my husband to be his incubator. Trying to force me into a pregnancy I don't want is basically trying to force me to become a baby-making machine. His turn for arm flailing.
When legislators try to regulate processes they have no knowledge about, that's called "Revenge of the C Students."
A lot of people, though, expect science to be able to predict and quantify everything. When I was working in the GYN office, I had one woman decide that I was incompetent and leave the practice when I told her that there was no way of knowing why her baby (first trimester) died. I fear that she may have gone to some full-of-it doctor who won her over by making up some unsubstantiated explanation of "exactly what happened."
The idea of the body as a machine reaches even beyond pregnancy. It's the foundation of our entire allopathic medical system.
Here's my very early pregnancy loss story, but I haven't experienced anything as heavy as yours.
I wish we could re-frame the political discussion. The argument, at present, is defined by anti-abortion forces. There IS another vocabulary.
As I understand it, for instance, the courts upheld the right of a father to refuse to donate a kidney to save the life of his 10 yr. old son. Their decision stated that no human being can be compelled to use his body to save or sustain the life of another. Period.
If anyone reading this has more info, I would welcome it.
Mary
The cases that I was able to find talked about a person's right to refuse to undergo an invasive medical procedure for the benefit of another. They upheld the right to refuse to undergo surgery for a kidney donation or have a needle stuck in you to donate bone marrow, and also the right to refuse a cesarean section or even prenatal examinations.
It would probably be argued that remaining pregnant when one is already pregnant is not an invasive medical procedure.
Brava.
This is brilliant, heartbreaking, angering and Fucking Real. This is a manifesto and, thus, required reading for all citizens.
I bow to you, Redneck Mother. I bow deep, low and with reverence.
WOW. This is one of the absolute best essays/blogs/commentaries on pregnancy and the sovereignty (and the fabulous, weird, organic, non-linear, messy nature) of women's bodies.
You totally rock. I am e-mailing the link to my girlfriends.
Stunning. Thank you. I'm adding you to my list of regular reads.
came here via Twisty. You state the realities so directly and movingly. Great piece of writing and as Megan said - I'll be reading you regularly!
I also got here via Twisty, and am so glad I did.
My story about how the uterus is not a regulatable machine: the blighted ovum I had this summer. Let's not even get into the terminology--it sounds as if that blastocyst caught a disease somewhere down the road. At any rate, it took my body 10 1/2 goddamn weeks to realize that no fetus was developing. There on the ultrasound was a small, empty gestational sac. So, was it a pregnancy or not? Could you call it a miscarriage if there was no embryo to miscarry?
The variations on pregnancy are endless and the causes for loss largely unknown.
Exactly. The sad thing is that treating women's bodies like machines also makes women think that they can control them and feel horrible guilt and failure when things don't go smoothly.
And makes everyone else place blame on the pregnant woman who must have done something wrong.
Thank you for reminding me why I need to remain vigilant in my home state so that this travesty never becomes law. The very notion that a woman, after having suffered a miscarriage, would then have to make a report like a crime had been committed is beyond reprehensible! Cosgrove swore up and down when the hub-bub first started that we all "misunderstood" and "misinterpreted" his intentions. No, buddy, I get your intentions loud and clear. If a woman or her doctor has to file a report when a "baby" dies, it's just one more step towards criminalizing abortion.
Like others, I'm here via Twisty, and goddamn. Reminds me of a friend of mine who told me, after several miscarriages, that experiencing how precarious pregnancy can be made her more strongly pro-choice each time. (This goes for the pregnancy that stuck, too.) And you just explained that perspective to me more fully, so thank you for an amazing post. I'll be back.
Great post. (Also here via Twisty.)
Yeah, yeah, Twisty sent me, too...and I'm glad she did! You're brilliant and on my blogroll. Thanks for this post.
The day the doctor told me--nay, insisted despite my repeated and vocal defiance--I had "gas" rather than pregnancy-induced life-threatening internal bleeding was a defining moment for me and my views on women's reproductive rights.
I'm linking up to what you said. Every body needs to read this.
OMG!
just found you through the magnificent Twisty Faster. what a powerful piece of writing. i've added you to my favorites, right next to 'I Blame the Patriarchy.'
since when are anti-abortionists "anti-women". Talk about simplistic hubris. Recognize that it isn't just women who experience life threatening pregnancies who have an abortion, it is much more complicated than that.
redneck mom -- i am so sorry you went through so much, and very grateful you wrote about it all.
you are so right. the idea that pregnancies are easy, that they "usually" proceed without problems, that most fertilized eggs will move along the assembly line to birth and then proceed to a full life -- i also don't believe that is true.
my dad and his little sister were born 8 years apart. in between, his mother had miscarriages, a stillbirth, and a baby who only lived a couple of months. my paternal grandmother died of heart failure at age 53, before i was born -- perhaps aided by the drugs and alcohol that salved her misery.
my mother produced 4 daughters by age 28. she didn't acknowledge she was pregnant with my baby sister until 3 months along, so i suspect she may have missed other early pregnancies. my baby sis was born 10 weeks early in 1965 [dad told us she was as long as a barbie doll], and she was not expected to live. baby sis just turned 40, and is still a miracle.
my son was a frank breech -- the awful effort to "turn" him didn't work, and he was delivered by c-section a bit earlier than planned, since my body decided it was show time. with my daughter, i had bleeding early on -- went into labor 5 weeks early, stopped by drugs -- and then she popped out on her own schedule, not caring a damn about whether the doctor was ready or not. 
so many friends have had miscarriages; suffered huge medical problems during pregnancy; lost babies late in pregnancy; had children born with serious medical problems. at least two relatives -- born to smart, wonderful, hugely caring women -- have brain damage due to birth accidents.
my experience, and that of the women in my family, and that of friends, tells me you are absolutely right. the human body is not a machine.
I've had four pregnancies that I know of and managed to produce two beautiful children. I have gotten into arguments with people who insist that pregnancy is rarely life threatening. Considering that my second pregnancy took root in my right tube, which I discovered when the hemoraging began, I'm pretty sure that they're wrong. I am grateful to the doctors who saved my life that day and to the ones who, years later when my Golden Sunshine Boy was delivered C-section after a 17 hour labor (frank breech), very swiftly operated to repair the tube which had adhered to my uterus following the first surgery. No, my reproductive system is not a predictable machine and anyone who thinks so can ask my husband what my uterus looked like when the docs held it up out of my body to figure out exactly which of the many problems they should try to fix before the epidural wore off.
The docs were all stunned when my second boy was born with none of the complications of my earlier pregnancies. It's a crap shoot every time, and sometimes we don't even know we've rolled the dice until the game is over. Thank you for making it so clear.
this was awesome. i'm linking to it on my space. thanks for for being so forthright.
Wow. Your post just blew me away. It'd be great if we could make every "pro-lifer" read it.
I've been pregnant five times that I am sure of, resulting in three live births.
Not one of those pregnancies was like any of the others. Morning sickness: yes, no, only on awakening, only after meals, only if I waited too long between meals. Weight gain: normal, shot up like a rocket in first trimester before levelling off, had a miserable time trying to not LOSE weight. Blood pressure: normal, bounced all over, ran consistently low. The whole experience was one giant crap shoot.
I asked one OB/GYN why I had miscarried. He gave me an eloquent shrug and replied, "No one has the faintest idea why so many pregnancies fail in the first twelve weeks. But I have a wide selection of theories if you'd like to choose one."
Some people really seem to believe 'there oughta be a law' is an adequate substitute for rational thought.
When I had a miscarriage, my mom and aunt both told me about theirs. My mother-in-law told me about losing twins within a few days of their birth. My friends, especially the older ones, all had their stories too--stories they'd never told me before.
Almost every mother I knew had a pregnancy go wrong. This is a HUGE sisterhood and we never talk about it.
Excellent post. I'll have to stop by again. Here via Pandagon (Amanda) via Twisty.
Excellent post. I'm going through a termination for medical reasons at the moment, so it's important to me to hear that not every pregnancy is simple and text book.
Also..."Kassi" wrote:
Recognize that it isn't just women who experience life threatening pregnancies who have an abortion, it is much more complicated than that.
Huh. In my experience, it's only women who experience life threatening pregnancies and who go through abortions. Men can have wives/girlfriends/sisters etc. who are experiencing pregnancy, but they can't experience it themselves.
Here via Twisty also.
As my husband the biologist said in his attempt to console me after an ultrasound showed our first fetus had stopped growing at around the 10-week point, "the problem is, growing a whole new organism is a damn complicated process."
Thank you for this post.
I just cruised over from the Happy Feminist. Amazing post. By the way, did you see Frontline this past Tuesday?
I got here from Bombadee's Garden. This is so well written. With my first pregnancy I had the same experience as Sneaky Snu. 8 weeks of thinking I was pregnant, no heartbeat at the exam, and an ultrasound that showed an empty gestational sac.
I'd like to see how those asshat legislators would feel if it was their wife on the table crying, her ultrasound technician also crying, having to call everyone they know to tell them there is no baby after all.
How sad. Repent! I'm putting you on my prayer list...
Just kidding. What I really want to say is can I buy you a drink Hyde Park B&G someday? (I'm an old hippy-ass redneck Austin girl who loves good food, good writing and good thinking.)
Great essay.
Also here via Twisty.
After two miscarriages myself (within just a few weeks of conception both times), I know how linear and predictable pregnancy ISN'T.
Brava.
Here via Hydrogen and Stupidity and I'm glad to have dicovered your blog. Well done.
I can relate to some of what you describe so well, and appreciate your heartfelt (but no nonsense) comments.
So much of the discussion seeks to reduce us to machinery, from the predictability and controllability you describe to the notion of ownership and "say" over another as though that person has no capacity for self determination- all we need are some men with pencils and gages. My trouble comes with the informed, reasonable woman LOVING guys out there that quietly say "your view leaves us in the cold". Thats when MY arm flailing starts- I'm with you sisters but find myself going..um...um...
So help me out here if you can.
The men who have busied themselves with explaining the dilemma not of spousal consent but their discomfort with having no say over their unborn have claimed (to me, at least) that women are the ones framing themselves as machines by reducing sperm not to half of a genetic makeup but to an incidental "input" easily dismissed and disregarded. Like sugar into a batter. And once procured, is rendered irrelevant for the purposes of discussion. Some tell me that the moment they utter a word about their sense of having a "role" (not to be read as "say") they are slammed as misogynists. It would be helpful to explore the concerns of spouses in ways that do not categorically diminish men as they are so prone to diminishing us. Any ideas on how that can be framed? Do men have ANY say at all regarding the destiny of their unborn in your view? In saying they do, is it a matter or distinguishing what we legislate versus what is private? I disagree with spousal notification but feel that there is something to the argument that we often reduce men to irrelevant inputs as they regard our uterus as something like a bread machine. But I'm just not clear on this role, if any. The answer I often get is "men have no role, its my body, and nobody can tell me what to do with it".
There's the tough part for me- I agree, but can appreciate the sentiment that they are "reduced to inputs".
I see that many women on such blogs have very clear decisive answers and I suppose I am admitting that often I do not. We want men involved as fathers, legally and socially, but then we say they have no role or say past conception, and no role in determinging anything because of the logistics of nature- and to suggest anything else is feminist blasphemy to those that leave little room for exploration and consideration.
One said: "Give them an inch, they take a mile, never budge on your body!"
That feels awfully machine-like, and renders all men with the same brush.
It would be helpful to explore the concerns of spouses in ways that do not categorically diminish men as they are so prone to diminishing us. Any ideas on how that can be framed?
I don't think it categorically diminishes men to acknowledge that pregnancy is unique to women, any more than a man writing about ejaculation would necessarily diminish women by sharing his experience.
That said, I think the proper place for the concerns of the men of pregnant women is the private, individual sphere, between the two parties involved, if the woman in question believes that it's in her best interest to include him in that discussion.
My point is that pregnancy is, or should be, a private issue ultimately handled by the woman experiencing it.
Nice rant.
You should look at the background of the legislation; it was probably driven by the insurance industry or the trial lawyers or both. If a woman loses her baby in an auto accident you can bet someone is gonna get sued double.
kcb,
I do think the matter is privacy and the desire to LEGISLATE authority/role/say/participation that we are wary of. I appreciate your comments. Its hard to hash out, is all I'm saying. I don't have answers, but can agree with what you stated!
Amazing post. My mother was pregnant 6 times that we know of, resulting in me and my two sisters. The youngest was only saved because my mother demanded gestational progesterone. To this day I can't understand people who announce their pregnancies before they're out of the first trimester.
Greenlily, I think the answer to your question is that in the vast majority of situations where the man has any right to an opinion, he will be granted one by the woman involved. I mean, most women who get pregnant have some kind of a relationship with the father. The quality of that relationship will determine how the woman deals with the man involved. It's the man's responsibility to lead his life in a way that will make the women he's sleeping with want to include him in their decision making about any possible kids.
To this day I can't understand people who announce their pregnancies before they're out of the first trimester.
When I was pregnant with each of my boys, I decided that if I had an early miscarriage I really did want the full-on sympathy of my relatives and friends, so I chose to tell them very soon after each positive test.
This year, when I suspected that I was pregnant again (turned out it was menopause instead), I had decided that I didn't want a lot of attention if I lost it, so my plan was going to be that I would only tell my husband until the first trimester was over.
The "conveyance" business is simply borrowed from existing law requiring the reporting of deaths. E.g., if a person dies quietly on a bus or a plane, and is not noticed until the vehicle comes to rest, where is the death reported? Or if a person is hurt in an accident miles from a hospital, and dies on route, where is the death reported? Answer: wherever the body is removed from the vehicle.
No deep thought went into the fetal death reporting statute. They just took the existing statute requiring reporting of deaths and stuck the word "fetal" before the word "death" wherever it appeared.
r...a ...w...k ON!
Once upon a time, before I was psychologically or emotionally prepared for motherhood, I miscarried an unintended pregnancy at eight weeks before I could make intentional arrangements.
I often wonder if, in the idealistic universe of the ridiculous, I would have been prosecuted for illegal abortion of an unwanted child because I said so much to so many people I knew.
Thanks for sharing this. (Arrived here via Carnival of the Feminists)
Wonderful post & thanks to BPhD for the link. Think I'll begin to stop in ever now and then to listen.
Thanks for the wonderful piece of writing.
Amen. Absolutely stunning post. I'm here via Dr.B and I'll definitely be back.
Thank goodness Texas has women like you! I didn't have the cojones to stick it out there--just too fucking sexist--and had to hightail it home to the land of fruits and nuts.
But we're sisters on this issue, fo' shizzle. Thanks for your beautiful, wise, stupendous rant. The war for our reproductive rights is flaring up again. It's a cause I intend to go to the mat for, and I am elated to have a genius like you on my side.
KCB: A remarkable post. I also came here via Dr. B, and am duly impressed.
A couple of things worth thinking about:
1. I'm actually not sure how well the "machine" angle works in explaining ignorance. I think most forms of anatomical ignorance don't necessarily imply that the people involved view others as "machines" per se, rather that they just... don't learn the basics, for whatever reason. (When I was a kid, I thought French-kissing was sex for the longest time. Some people just never get disabused of notions like that.)
2. Re: motivation, I think Greenlily's point deserves consideration beyond relying on assurances that "in the vast majority of situations where the man has any right to an opinion, he will be granted one by the woman involved." One of the pro-life movement's greatest strengths is its ability to exploit the anxieties of men and women who are trying to navigate a relatively new landscape of fatherhood and motherhood... and it often seems like the pro-choice side of the aisle thinks it would be a sign of weakness to entertain any viewpoint other than treating the physical fact of pregnancy and the body as the beginning and end of the debate. That attitude is understandable in a lot of ways, but it ultimately strikes me as a tremendous mistake that alienates many people (both men and women) who would otherwise be sympathetic.
Thank you!
My story: Among the 3 of my pregnancies only one was viable and she almost killed me, the little dear! High-risk, 5 months of uncontrolled puking, but voila, when it stopped I had a jaundiced preemie. Fortunately she made it; she's my only child and the love of my life.
I marched on Washington in '92 during my second trimester at a pro-choice rally because after what I'd gone through, I realized I'd never wish an unwanted pregnancy on anyone, ever, even my worst enemy!
well said!
Another DrB reader who came here to be stunned. Thank you for this-- as soon as they fix my blog, I'll post this entry on my main page.
It's been un-updatable for a week, now. I'd appreciate it if you could all take the time to visit my blog and click the "flag objectionable content" (I have no objectionable content, but maybe if enough of you click on the flag button, it'll get them to finally pay attention to my problem so I can blog important stuff like this again)
Thank you for writing this, RM.
Well-said. Indeed, once a once-pregnant mama announces her miscarriage, stillbrith, or baby who died, these stories come out of the woodwork--and good thing, too. Not only does hearing RedNeck Mama, or me, or any of the other commentors talk about their msicarriages, or stillbirths, or fetal deaths, or baby deaths remind us that we are not alone in our private experience of grief, we reconfirm that our frustrating experience w/doctors and other medical practitioners (who can't give us answers, or give us the wrong ones, or want to interpret our experience for us) is also near-universal.
For those of you who REALLY want to get your bloodpressure up, I recommend the anthropological study of obstetric practise in the USA (in the 1980s):
_Birth as an American Rite of Passage_ by Robbie E. Davis-Floyd
Wow, I am blown away by this post. I came by BphD and this is an amazingly frank discussion of an issue most of us ignore.
I've never had a pregnancy (that I know of), but my mother miscarried the year before she had me. Mom was always open to me about her miscarraige, but I think that it hurt her more than I realized as a teenager. Unfortunately miscarraige is relatively normal in early months, and often due to weird genetic mutations in the fetus and all sorts of other things we don't know about.
How can anyone think that they could regulate a woman's body? That's not how biology works.
I think it's dangerous to say men have no right over the foetus/child at all. Admittedly some guys just shoot their load and promptly lose interest, but most are driven by their emotional and biological urges to care for the child. The foetus is made of half of their chromosomes so surely they have half a say in things? Isn't this what a partnership should be?
When it comes to abortion then I agree it is fundamentally the woman's final choice not anyone elses, but I would find my relationship severely lacking if I could not consult my sig/other about it. Some men deserve to be treated as our equals and thus deserve a 50% share in their children-pregnancy and all.
Just my 2 cents
beautiful!
My first pregnancy was uneventful. I had an induced labor and everything looked fine until I started to push. After an emergency c-section my baby was born stillborn. Over 15 minutes of resuscitation and my sweet baby has severe brain damage because of lack of oxygen for such a long time. Even in my wildest “pregnancy worries” I wouldn’t have come up with this scenario but the reality is, which I am quickly finding out, that problems like this happen more often than most people realize.
Thank you so much for this post. I want to copy it and email it to some redstate women family members who've told me they just love them their W.
To Miss_B: are you saying you support the kind of legislation that requires BY LAW that a woman inform their husbands before they could have an abortion? Of course, in a "relationship" the couple should discuss it. But there should not be a LAW dictating it. I can't even wrap my head around this one. The idea so clearly reduces women to the level of property of their spouses. Are you ready to be, in the eyes of the law, the property of your mate, less than human?
I must step in here and say this -- I love the fact that so many people are reading this carefully and sharing their own stories. But a few folks are getting their feathers ruffled because they think I'm saying their honey/hubby should have no say in their pregnancy.
Not so. Take a deep breath and read again, or refer to this handy shorter version: Because of the variables and risk involved, I do not think the government should be involved in regulating pregnancy or abortion. Unless you are sleeping with your legislature, I am not referring to your personal relationship.
i've been ruminating on these same ideas myself lately: this idea that women's bodies are not our own. rather they belong to our fetuses, or our husbands and fathers, and the collective of male humanity. it's quite a disturbing movement, and right-wing radicals have made this ideal a part of their mission to restore rich, white, christian men to their positions of abusive power.
it's also quite interesting that women's voices are being ignored -- both by republicans who are pushing for fetuses to have the same rights as born, fully-formed adults, and democrats who have pretty much ignored women's rights in favor of "more important shit."
Something else everyone should consider with regard to men controling women's bodies. For many, many years, a woman's husband had to consent for her to get a tubal ligation. This wasn't in the dark ages, but true in Arkansas at least until the early eighties.
My friend's last pregnancy (number 4, all the babies surived) nearly killed her and the husband still refused the tubal. It wasn't until the doctor made it clear that another pregnancy would kill my friend and that he would have no part of it that the husband finally signed the consent form for a tubal ligation.
Giving men the rights over their wives bodies is wrong. No matter which way you look at it, men do not have to become pregnant and carry a baby. Miscarraiges are much more traumatic for a woman than a man, after all many people think the mother must have done something wrong. Anyone who thinks someone else should be able to tell you what to do with your body is implying you do not have the capacity to make decisions for yourself. Women are adults, not children and no one should be able to tell us what to do with our bodies.
right.
I agree with those who have said most women in a relationship are going to talk these things over with their SO anyway, so it should not be a law.
it's also quite interesting that women's voices are being ignored
I wouldn't describe it as "interesting" so much as potentially disastrous. But it's a predictable consequence of the "pro-life" right's ability to exclude mainstream feminism from the discussion.
(Aggghhh... this is probably a mistake, but I'm going to rant for a second here, because this is a pet peeve of mine.)
The right enjoys that ability because too many people in the women's movement still seem frustratingly unaware that they're being out-competed in provision of two things:
a) a moral narrative (not just a rights-based one) about reproductive issues, and
b) a seemingly inclusive (albeit highly reactionary) vision of marriage and parenthood.
Naomi Wolf was writing about a) ten years ago, and still it seems like little or nothing has changed (which fact does seem to have finally sent Wolf off the deep end). And b) is just as powerful a tool: the right is able to present people with a cohesive vision of the family unit, and that speaks to lot of people much more vividly than an environment where, say, Miss_B has to offer the sentiment that "Some men deserve to be treated as our equals" almost as though it were potential flamebait.
Until those things change, Dems will be able to continue largely ignoring the reproductive rights issue, and the right will continue to have the rhetorical upper hand. The women's movement needs an answer to the question of involvement and partnership that goes beyond simply "we don't need the government involved." Perhaps a more positive, pro-active alternative to repressive abortion laws is feasible -- promoting individual legal agreements between couples, for example (and just off the top of my head).
Sorry for the rant. It just frustrates me to no end to see people note how the women's movement is being marginalized... and then not change anything in response.
b) a seemingly inclusive (albeit highly reactionary) vision of marriage and parenthood.
Oops, that was confusing. I meant that the right's vision is highly reactionary, not that a countervailing vision would have to be. Sorry.
Jardinero1 said:
You should look at the background of the legislation; it was probably driven by the insurance industry or the trial lawyers or both. If a woman loses her baby in an auto accident you can bet someone is gonna get sued double.
Actually, the insurance industry and trial lawyers were not involved. The legislation was suggested after a few women dumped babies in trash cans/dumpsters and claimed that they were stillborn. I think Cosgrove saw his opportunity and in the name of "those poor babies" came up with this very broadly worded legislation that he later claimed was "misunderstood." When I first read the proposed legislation, I wondered if the author was either a) that stupid or b) pretending to be that stupid in the name of widening the definition of a human being in the state of Virginia. I wouldn't put it past them.
"b) pretending to be that stupid in the name of widening the definition of a human being in the state of Virginia. I wouldn't put it past them."
it's B. seriously. read the RNC national platform. it includes a provision to extend the 14th amendment to cover fetuses.
I just came over from Blogging Baby and just skimmed through all the comments. I'll go back and read more thoroughly later.
My God! I thought I had been keeping up with the idiots but I've been busy knocking down Prop 73 (parental notification) here in California and let Virginia slip right past. Thank you. We'll watch for it here.
I had at least one early miscarriage at around 20 (I think - I was never really sure. They could both have been crampy heavy periods).
My daughter-in-law's fetus died someplace between driving from Monterey to Merced on her way to visit me. The local hospital here confirmed with ultrasound but wouldn't treat her. Instead they suggested that she and her children drive back the 130 miles over mountain road to Monterey to be treated by her ob/gyn. Excuse me? She called the "physician" here and was told she should just wait for something to happen. A couple of days later she began labor. We called again and were told she couldn't come to the hospital until "something" was showing. When it finally did, she almost bled to death on my floor before we could get an ambulance. Then the homicide division of the police showed up at my door. It was a nightmare from start to finish.
What a beautiful as well as horrible post. They mustn't be allowed to get away with this latest attack on our rights.
Please keep writing. You and Molly Ivins are two of the best things I've found so far in TX.
got here via bitch phd and normaltrouble(on lj)
how incredibly eloquent.
it's hard enough explaining to people why i had 8 kids without telling them about the three miscarriages i had in between.
i just want everyone to leave my uterus alone.
and i want these people to leave the uteruses of my daughters alone as well.
yes, mom of eight and pro-choice. i am a living heresy to all and sundry.
What an amazingly meaningful post. I, too, posted today on this topic. But you really hit it. You managed to take the abortion issue and turn onto, yet another, head. Thank you, thank you, thank you!
This is the first time I've been to your blog...It will not be the last.
Hiya, just got linked to you via "Sugared Harpy." 24 1/2 years ago, we called the burgeoning bulge in my belly Cletus the Fetus! He's now a college grad, hardass rock climber. A sweet, wonderful guy.
I had a miscarriage when he was about 7 years old; we'd wanted to have another child, but it didn't work out.
While in college, I had an abortion. The miscarriage was the most painful experience emotionally speaking, among my three experiences of being pregnant.
I had to borrow an ID to appear as 21 years old whe nI got the abortion, and had to visit a couple of shrinks to explain why I needed the abortion. It was done in a hospital, but it was really not exactly legal, since I wasn't 21.
Bush &Co, these self-righteous, close-minded bunch of aging white boys and their wannabe associates and the close-minded women who support them will soon have young women who've had contraception fail, back into seeking abortions desperately.
We are sliding backwards again...
People who don't want to fall victim to South Dakota-like laws need to start using the phrase, "government-forced birth" to describe what happens when abortion is outlawed. What true conservative could possibly approve of something called government-forced birth?
"The foetus is made of half of their chromosomes so surely they have half a say in things?"
Actually, the fetus is made exclusively of material from the mother's body. Men contribute one half of one cell which is long dead by the fetal stage.
Unbelievable. Counting down the days I move to Spain. They may not have have full abortion rights, but they're not doing THIS
About 2 years too late to comment in a timely manner.....
Thank you for this.
As a woman who had three miscarriages, the first being at 14 weeks (the "termination" where they removed my dead foetus being done two weeks later on St. Valentine's Day thanks to Ontario's then medical system that treated medicine like going to a service stations... First one had too much business so you have to drive across town to one where they don't know you and won't make an appointment for you....), and the other two at 7 weeks, like about 50% of all miscarriages.
Why did I miscarry? It could have been any one of 5000 reasons or for no reason at all. Try and legislate that....
To top THAT off, I have on my medical record the lovely "medical" description of a miscarriage which is "missed abortion" which makes it sound like I tried to terminate my pregnancies but they didn't quite take.
A year after my last miscarriage, I am sitting on a but listening to two 20-somethings talking about artificial insemination and fertility treatments. One says to the other "Those women should just get over it and face the fact that they can't get pregnant. If they had miscarriages or can't get pregnant, it's probably just as well because they weren't meant to have kids."
I just wanted to go over and smack her face.
I'm late to the game too. Just wanted to say thank you for this post - I had read it a year ago, and remembered it when I had my miscarriage recently. It was a lot like your Pregnancy #2, though it was my first - very early, lots of pain and bleeding, but in my case I didn't know I was pregnant until I was already miscarrying.
Thank you for your courage in sharing these stories. It gave me the courage to write about mine.
StotheL, I'm so sorry about your miscarriage.
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