Alligators gotta eat! Same with Richard Gere!
My 2 yr old nephew sings that "too too tool of the patriarchy" song all the time! He's also a littlest feminist because of the amazing talents of my sister and our family as a whole. I was bummed out when I learned that the baby was to be a boy. Now I love him bigger than the sky and I have much more hope and empathy for boys and men. It's scary. But in a good way most of the time.
Why can't the gators and Gere can work together to get their needs met without bothering the rest of us?
I admit I was very happy when my wife and I found out our baby would be a girl. Raising her as a feminist should be easy with my wife, because my wife has the natural feminism of someone who never saw it all from any other perspective.
Sometimes I kind of wish I had a boy, too so I could help him get over the whole problem of adolescence a little easier. If your boys get through adolescence OK it will be smooth sailing from there.
A problem I can foresee will be the distance they might want to put in between you and them, not because they love you less, but because they don't want mom in the middle of the hormonal shit storm they are silently dealing with every waking second of the day. I hope you can figure out a way to sympathize with what they are going through.
My only suggestion would be that you probably shouldn't underestimate or ignore the magnitude of the hormonal havoc of puberty. I've heard many a feminist snort in derisive contempt about men not being able to control themselves being horseshit. Maybe it is - but a pubescent boy should elicit a tad more sympathy, I hope.
Puberty horrified me because I couldn't talk to anyone about what was going on without it all being either scary or a big joke.
Right there with you. It ain't easy! I have 2 daughters (college freshman, HS junior) and a young man who's in the Hell Called 8th Grade. He's in the throes of puberty, and I am having a serious focus shift from being a Mother of Daughters to a Mother of Sons. Whole different world, baby! He has a girlfriend now. (What, he couldn't wait 'til his 30s? Is that so much to ask?) She is not a BarbieGirl, she is bright, opinionated, not into makeup or belly-shirts, she reminds him to study. This fact give me hope. (whew!)
But wow, after all these years of looking at teenage boys with more than a little suspicion when it comes to my daughters, it's a wake up call being on the other side -- I see other mothers now looking at my (sweet funny goodhearted) son as if they'd like to run him off with a pitchfork.
Also, it was a slap in the face for my son to call me on being "anti-man" a couple of years ago. Whoa! Said it made him feel like he was being lumped in with sexist pigs just for having a penis. Ouch. I'm a single mom, his sisters are strong young feminists -- overwhelming for him at times, I guess.
Anyway, it's a learning curve, I'm trying to keep up. I have every reason to believe he will grow up into a fine man, one that any daughter's mother would be glad to know. But damn if it doesn't give me grey hairs.
Love your blog -- just found it. My hat's off to you, being Blue in Texas. Great stuff.
Love this post! I am Mother of None for the time being, but I hope to have boys and girls at some point and raise them all to be feminists. This blog will be a big resource, for sure.
I have a question though: what is a good romantic movie, to your mind? Cause other than the final fairy-tale-rescue-BS scene, I enjoy Pretty Woman.
One of the hardest things to reconcile with a son is the idea that he is not the enemy by virtue of being male. It never occurred to me that my son would think that, so we didn't address it until he was an adult. It would have spared us both a great deal of anguish if I had been able to help him sort out the patriarchy from the people. He considers himself a pro-feminist and lurks on Twisty's blog. I consider him the kindest man I know.
Can't believe it took me so long to find your site. Funny, clever, and the same view of the world! And W, natch!
I love Twisty; I'll have to get over there and see what all the fuss is about lately.
I have two girls, and was relieved at first figuring I can't imagine how to mother a boy, for all the reasons you talk about.
But sending my daughters off to - even junior high, if not before - scares the heck out of me.
I love the boiled-down lesson. That is exactly what a lot of men somehow - I don't know how - don't understand.
Thank you for raising the kind of little men I hope my daughters will marry someday. I am doing my best to raise my boys this way too.
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