Absolutely right. Tough, especially given your experience, but right.
Focusing on the living and on the advantages that we have is also a really good way for any of us to live. And knowing that whatever horrible thing might befall you, you have enjoyed good times with your boys as long as you could and not saved all the good stuff for later. We all hope and expect we'll have a good long time to enjoy our kids, but why waste a day, just in case.
I, too, struggle with the "wall of anxiety." Nearly 4 years ago, my 15 year old nephew was killed by a drunk driver who ran off the road. My nephew had done absolutely nothing wrong other than be at the wrong place at the wrong time. Even now I struggle with myself to let my kids spend the night away from home. Still, like you, I don't want to raise my kids in an atmosphere of constant fear.
Thank you for being so brave as to share your struggles. I am so sorry for the loss of your boy.
I'm glad I'm not the only mom who feels my heart clench when my son drives away with his father (who's a safe and careful driver).
When The kid was about four I realized how often I was saying "be careful" to him. I somehow learned to bite back those words and when the situation called for me to say something I settled on "watch your step".
Beautiful post, Casey. I'll be thinking about you this week.
We had a similar brush with mortality not too long ago...our outcome was positive, but it definitely change my world view dramatically.
Sinda summed up my thoughts exactly. Take care.
I'm sending peaceful thoughts your way this week.
Thank you for sharing this, you have a wonderful way of writing your way through grief to tell a story well.
~Hilary
Thanks, everyone. Lunalibre, I'm so sorry about your nephew. It is a constant struggle to balance safety with freedom and to acknowledge the limits of our ability to protect our children.
Sending sympathy and understanding your way in a shared awful week of infant loss. The young boy drowning earlier this week certainly didn't do much for me either... but I can't lock my kids in a padded room. Swimming is part of summer fun. Finding the balance between enjoying childhood and keeping them safe isn't always easy.
I would have had to bite my tongue from telling that woman that her daughter sounds like a klutz like me-- and I could probably break a foot in a padded cell given my own lack of natural grace. 
For some reason your last four posts just showed up in my reader. And here I thought you were on vacation.
I am so sorry for your loss-I can understand your initial anxiety, and I admire the fact that you recognize it as such and try to wrestle it.
I couldn't agree more with your appreciation of your boys living life with zest. As a teacher, I have dealt with parents who don't want the kids to play kickball because they might get a ball in the face or don't want the kids to play Red Rover because they might break their wrists. Kids are kids-thank God almighty. They aren't wired to live in fear unless we teach them otherwise.
What a powerful post. Having never met you once, I know you are such a good momma.
Casey, you're inspirational AND heart-breaking. I'm going to remember this next time I stress out about what might happen when I'm an old lady and have no pension or money because I've been at home with my kids most of my adult life.
Sorry about Declan. Haven't BTDT but I've been plenty close enough to cry with you.
I love this post.
Yesterday, I listened as Lad (13) recounted an experience in camp. Apparently, he spontaneously decided to dance and sing in a film studio, unaware that others were watching him by camera in a nearby room. Another camper alerted Lad, "Hey, they are watching you and MAKING FUN OF YOU in the next room!"
I responded to Lad's story by asking, "So what did you do?"
He quickly answered, "There is no need to solve a problem if there is no problem."
"Too busy living his life ..." as you say.
I love this post.
Dianna
I'll be thinking of you this week. I'm glad you allow yourself the time and space to recognize when life will just suck for a bit. My pregnancy losses always happened early on, and so the due dates are somewhat fuzzy. But they still catch up with me, particularly the first one.
And the maternal anxiety, it does suck. Personally I still struggle with it, but I'm glad you refuse to be held captive by it, or extend it to your boys.
Oh Casey, I don't even know what to say. There just aren't words big enough to say how sorry I am for your loss, how wise you are and how much peace and extra gravy comes your way. Much love to you, S
Thinking of you during Hell Week.
I love that Casey can take something that is so extraordinarily important and give us her insight in such a powerful way, through her writing.
Dianna
I'm late reading this. Hurray for you, and hurray for Hurricanehead. And I'm so sorry for the loss of Declan. I've had three miscarriages since my youngest was born, and for a while I tried to hold my three living kids tightly, until I realized I was suffocating us all...
Thank you! As a mother who is constantly being "informed" of potential dangers for my often more than capable son, I am grateful for your articulation of what I often feel - their fear should not become my (or my children's) problem.
I'm also touched today because my cousin just experienced a still birth, and we are grieving with her. Reading your words helps give me insight into her pain.
Blessings to you.
You are all so kind -- it's supportive friends who got Chris and me through the initial loss and who taught us the value of being carried and being there to carry others when they need it.
Becky, I hear you, and I'm sorry about your miscarriages (I had some of those, too.) It's easy to cling tighter when you need to feel in control, isn't it? Good for you for catching it.
Jennifer, I'm just so sorry. My thoughts are with you and your cousin.
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