I wouldn't advise No. 3, as if it happens again on the same cushion.............UGH!
4. Ask yourself why the hell you're allowing the baby anywhere near the furniture and return it to the upended play cot (AKA infant Guantanamo) where it rightfully belongs. Relent enough to throw in a few of those cardboard toast things that babies are supposed to enjoy so much but lay down newspaper first because that stuff plus baby spit=unremovable brown spackle.
Encourage the baby to be sick upon different cushions in rotation, and wash them as this happens. This will ensure a tidy and clean house, with just a hint of aroma of sick. In fact, encourage vomiting on any object when it is in need of a clean.
I have only cleaned the boy's toy box once, and that was when he had thrown up in it. Spatter radius was extraordinary, therefore many toys got cleaned also.
Finally: This may not apply to you so much, but beware the v-neck top when the baby is ill, as bras can hold quite a lot of vomit.
4. Wipe halfheartedly with the piece of kitchen roll you carry round permanently to wipe the baby's nose, swapping sick for snot on the cushion.
Keep baby permanently on your lap, so it will only sick over your clothes: easy washing and reason to go shopping (without baby, especially when you trained him to vomit on clothes).
Stop feeding baby - problem solved.
For clarification - this was a joke and not stated from experience!
Hello and welcome, True Lateral. I will heed your advice, but to be honest I rarely wear a bra, and anyone who says that I do is lying. And even if I did, I'm quite flat-chested so volume of sick would not be a problem. But it's still good advice as my chest is quite hairy and that would be difficult to clean. Not that I would be wearing a sheer cleavage-showing top and black lacey bra in the first place. I'd just like to make that clear.
4. Get him to puke in patterns, guiding him round like a cake icer. To this end, consider investing in stencils.
Mike - Combined with different coloured foodstuffs it could be this decade's rag-rolling.
Cover all furniture and flooring with plastic. It squelches when you sit on it but creates a good reason to make up new fart jokes.
Look back wistfully in a couple of years when you turn over the cushion and discover that the child has drawn over it in felt tip and turned it over rather than tell you.
Give it another 15 years and it'll be a cigarette burn.
You do know that babyhood is the easy part of bringing up a child?
If you swap 'He' for 'I' that almost perfectly describes my first year in a shared house at University.
Make that "alchohol-smelling vomit" and you have my 21-y-o daughter.
Aren't you glad you've got that to look forward to?
Commenting by HaloScan
