I hope when my co-workers see me shaking my head in utter, pained, yet resigned, disbelief and sadness while looking at my moniter, they won't think I'm looking at their C++ code.
Knowing that you're the type of person who makes neat columns of dates to keep track of contact lens freshness seriously complicates my vision of you. I already had to incorporate the writer (Moleskin notebook, jersey, possibly beard but nothing man-groomed or too tatty so on second thought no beard. You can have a pipe if you like but no candy-scented tobacco or anything) the blogger (several stone heavier than should be, pasty complexion, tendency to giggle shrilly when faced with good copy such as abandoned zimmer frames dry humping trees) and successfully breeding person with long-term relationship (unexpectedly attractive? I admit this is the fuzziest of the three). Now I must incorporate someone, probably still clad only in y-fronts, blearily peering at a small yellow square of paper . Not sure I have the stomach for it.
Jonathan - You obviously don't wear contact lenses.
Megan - I am all that and much, much more. But "unexpectedly" attractive? Why "unexpected"? What is so "unexpected" about me being attractive?
Another benifit of the humble PostIt(TM) is that you can leave it in place and stick a second one on top thus maintaining a record in case the Inland Revenue are interested in it ... for some reason.
Anyhoo, June 2018 penciled into my diary now.
since some of the dates are so faded, turn it on its side and write over top of it.... that way, not only are you saving yourself a post-it, but you are saving the world by not using more than just the one....
Jeorg - If only I had done them all in pencil, I could keep going forever, with my only expense being wear and tear on an eraser (which I own already). What an idiot I am.
Mr Wheeliebinland - I am actually doing my tax return today (yes, I know it's not due till October, but would you expect anything less of me?), and I will see if this Post-it note is a valid expense, what with me needing clean contact lenses to see my computer screen where I write the words that I sell. There must be a special box I can fill in on the form for this purpose.
Start the months column with July and end with June - problem solved!
Grumpyoldwoman - I like your thinking, but then instead of having neat single years at the head of each column, I'll have 08/09, 09/10 etc. It's a trade-off, isn't it?
But do I even need years? Maybe months is enough and I don't need column headers at all. What is the likelihood of me not knowing what year it is? Though on second thoughts I might be senile in 10 years' time...
Also, I am still smarting from the "unexpectedly" attractive.
This is like watching your own private descent into madness.
Only on the Internet and in blog format.
I am glad blogs didn't exist when they made Taxi Driver, it would have been rubbish.
Terribly TERRIBLY sorry. I'm sure it is simply that I have to assume all male bloggers are less than fantastic in the looks area because otherwise the digital attraction would simply be too strong what with the blazing wit and all that. Either that or it is the effort of cramming a mentally imagined porky, pasty frame into a jersey.
Salvadore - maybe time travel will have been invented by 2018 and you can travel back in time to scribble "NW2" on street signs all over London (in bifocals, which explains the sloppiness of the writing), then travel back even further and place a clapped-out old blue bathmat next to your door...
Maybe they'll have invented multi-dimensional sticky notes by then, too...hmmmm...now, there's a thought (c:
I just found your blog, and I'm glad I did on this entry which I loved! I am impressed that your post-it still has its stick, in fact no, I am incredulous. Although the rest of the post makes me think that you couldn't possibly be lying. Might be back to find out where I can get some of these everlasting post-its.
Mr Angry - Are you talking to me?
Keshav - I can think of no other explanation for what is happening in my life.
Hello and welcome, Marianne. If you liked this, do try the whole Bathmatwatch saga.
You could get one of those childrens' magic notepads where you write on the plastic tracing-papery-type top sheet with a very small knitting needly type thing and then when it's full, slide the magic slidy thing up and down so that the words magically disappear and you can start again. Magic!
Or go with your tick sheet idea - which is also good.
"the first half of the first column will go unused as we are already six months into 2008"
No no no you silly man, you just start each column in July, and the year headings will be labelled '08/'09, '09/'10, etc. And don't start whingeing about the extra width required. You could easily codify it as 89, 910, 1011, or even just 89, 90, 01, 12, 23 etc, and this could even last more than ten years, as you would know by its position in the row whether you were dealing with 2010 or 2020.
Note that I purposely didn't read the rest of the comments before posting this comment. I didn't want the disappointment of seeing somebody else make the same observation before me. And anyway, I bet nobody else thought of my clever year-labelling code.
If you used that code, you would have the extra satisfaction of bamboozling nosey visitors, who would not be able to work out what the numbers represented. You could further obfuscate matters - and save even more space - by labelling your months "J, A, S, O, N" etc... oooh, that spells Jason! Spooky! What happens if we continue? "D, J" ... hmmm, so this Jason feller is a DJ... "F, M"... aha, and his radio show is transmitted via Frequency Modulation!... "A, M"... or is it? ... "J." I think that must be his surname. Or just a reminder of his first name.
Or you could just use your very own code to represent months. Like, I dunno, a B for July cos that's when your birthday is. Well actually it's when my birthday is, but it might be yours too. My birthday is very soon, but it is also three days after the due date of my baby, so I have sadly been unable to make any plans.
I do like the idea of Jason the DJ, though.
I'm a bit worried that you might already have made up a new post-it note, including tick grid, and it might therefore be too late for you to follow any of my suggestions. You couldn't possibly throw it away and start again. Given your new ten-or-more-yearly cycle, that would represent a quite uncountenancable level of wastage. Unless you could find some other household function, which the current tick-grid could be used for instead? Like, replacing the filter in the water jug, or de-fleaing the cat, or de-worming the dog, or making sure your partner is menstruating regularly?
Uncountenancable is a horribly clumsy word. I should be able to think of something better. But I can't, and anyway this comment is already too long and I was suppoed to be on my way to bed.
Good night.
Duck - Maybe I could use an Etch-a-Sketch?
Clare - Fantastic stuff. Other commenters please take note - this is what I am expecting from you all. Whilst I love the horrifically over-engineered codification I am a bit worried that I will see it one morning and think "1989? Am I mad, in a coma, or have I gone back in time?"
"1989? Am I mad, in a coma, or have I gone back in time?"
Huh. So you're going to discount a perfectly good Post-It-space-saving method, purely because you have a time-placement deficiency in your brain? You would waste all that paper and resist destroying the world's rain forests for that?
I think it's an excuse. It's just all about ego with you men, isn't it? You don't want to admit that a woman could have come up with a better plan.
Pah.
Out of your head from Dec 05 to Jun 05? If I was so stoned that I woke up six months earlier, I'd definitely be having very strong words with my dealer.
Vulpine - Excellent work. Your pedantic observations have a home here.
Clare - I have forwarded your (brilliant) work to the DVLA for when they next need a system for numberplates.
Has this entry established a new record for the best response ever from your adoring public, Salvadore? 21 comments may be a record, as may the total of 1305 words (quite a few of which seem to have come from someone called clare). After your recent disappointment about the response to your postcode entries, I trust your existence feels well and truly validated.
I know it is not of much use now, but there are bifocal lenses, so any system you invent now will set you up for life! You could also trademark it (my husband for 1 will be very happy with this idea: over the years he had to change his changing days from the 1st every month to, by now, the 7th: every time you forget a change, the schedule gets more messed up, since you can't waste 2 days of the put-in-too-late ones, now can you?)
Hello and welcome, Stephen. I do indeed feel that I am doing something worthwhile with my life. And so are you, as I love the fact that you counted all the words in the previous comments.
Taconcubano - Perhaps I could even patent the idea of writing on Post-it notes. I like your husband's idea - wearing the lenses for just three extra days each month (which must be OK as some months have three more days than others anyway) could save a pair of lenses a year!
You are all marvellous people. You bring me joy. I have a supply of Post-notes on my desk which will last, if I use them as efficiently as you, until July 3456. I now realise I need to bequeathe them.
I just change my contact lens (I only wear one, as the combination of long and short vision gives me perfect sight) at the start of every month. I feel dreadfully inefficient and inadequate now.
Z - But have you ever got to the 4th of the month and thought "Did I change my contact lens?" Is it just me?
St - Can I bagsie one for the Dyson filters please? (A complicated rota system as one needs changing more often than the other...)
Salvadore, yours is one of the few blogs I have read that makes me laugh out loud and want to keep reading. I just discovered you and am proud of my find; I love your quirky wit and punchy humour. I have been writing a blog for a few months now.
I'm using a pseudonym because I'm married and having an affair. It's a situation I never thought I'd find myself in, but there you go . . . bed made, lying in it, inviting another man into it, etc.
I feel alternately like a desirable goddess, social commentator, guilt-ridden Catholic, virtuous wife-and-mother, and wanton tart!
If you have the time and inclination, stop by and say hi sometime.
Cheers
Tuesday Malone x
Hello and welcome, Tuesday Malone. Your life sounds very complicated - have you considered concentrating more on Post-It notes and postcodes instead?
By the way, your pseudonym is superb - if I ever write a noirish thriller the femme fatale is definitely going to be called Tuesday Malone.
I've been reading your blog, only just found it and really enjoyed it.
What's with the no more writing this year? Are you going to post some more stuff soon? Look forward to reading more. Keep up the good work, its great to have a laugh, so good for the soul!!
Best wishes, Scribble.
Hello and welcome, Scribble.
I'm afraid I've been busy with lots of work recently (though there will be more about one particular project here soon), and also I don't know whether I mentioned that I've also got a LOVELY BABY? But I'm glad you like it here.
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