Hmph. Something I think most fabulous women struggle with...how to maintain fabulous status while being a mom.
I used to wear a different outfit everytime I went out with my girls...to the point where one of them actually asked me if she could have my tops and skirts after my ONE fabulous wear (did I REALLY do that?). We went everywhere. Knew everyone. Were known by people that you want to be known by...but as I became a Mom, that list of people that I really wanted to be known by shrunk. And today, the top two people are my sons...B-boy and Crash.
Is it bad/good or better/worse than other decisions that I could have made? Who knows. But when I hear stories about the last Thursday/Friday/Saturday night, I must admit it sounds familiar and when I do go out, it's like I haven't missed a beat.
On the other hand, the wealth of entertaining stories that I have from hanging out with my boys alone makes it worth it. Stories to which my friends' "hanging out" stories can't even hold a candle (although your hair burning tea light candle story was pretty funny...hah, candle).
I agree, the transition isn't always easy. But, I think just from the fact that you blog about your "mommyhood," you're doing a great job. Your Nate-Dawg only loses out if you are selling yourself short, because "If momma ain't happy, ain't NOBODY happy!"
Aw, Scarb, you don't have to settle for either or, you can be a little bit of both.
Sometimes I miss the skinny, slightly slutty, sexy wench I used to be but then the other day in Walgreens this man was checking out my boobs and I must have been putting out some sort of vibe because this tall blonde guy tried to pick me up in the produce section of Kroger. Talk about an ego boost.
Hang in there with the party girl skills. The time is coming where the mom and the party girl will merge and you'll need those skills for Nate!
The pre-baby me was never much of a party girl - but I remember the first time, post-baby (as in, almost two years post-baby) that I stayed up until 2 am to get to the end of a mystery novel. Sure, I was exhausted the next day - but it felt great to be me again!
I have struggled with this and surrendered a while ago. But the pre baby me is still me. The boy isn't loosing. He has a cool mom who cares about not loosing herself. That is an important lesson for he and all of us. There is no perfect answer or magical balance. Different combinations of your selves will feel right at different times. It is hard not to be hard on yourself but you should cut yourself some slack..
Thanks peeps! Sometimes it's just good to get out the thoughts that I beat myself up with, you know? And then to get your feedback makes me feel even better about it. So a million thanks!
You still get to go out and party? Damn... I need to get a sitter. Really. Need. A. Sitter.
Anyway, I've been the proverbial there. And still there. As the kid gets older it is a little easier to balance- mines 3 and now the guilt has subsided some. And I can be the old me a little more often, even when I am being a mom.
Samantha is only 9mths old and I miss the "old me" soooooooo much, but even when I get out to go just to the grocery store I miss her and feel guilty for giong out, is that crazy or what?
I like to think of it this way....I could live in a world without shoes and bars and even friends (although it would be hard as hell) but I wouldn't even want to contemplate a world without my baby boy. So, in that sense, the Mom in me wins out...but since I am happier now than I've been in years, I guess the old me wins too.
I once read that a sign of a truly well adjusted, secure and happy child is how they act in the absence of their primary caregiver - and if he can enjoy himself and not be too distraught that you aren't there 24/7, then I think you've done all the right things. But funny how the very thing that means we've done some good parenting can also make you so sad.
I don't know how you always manage to sneak into the crawlspace in my brain.
Yesterday I purposely put on lipstick and a linen sweater and a long funky necklace and by the end of the day I was covered in prunes and four hundred hairs had been pulled stickily out of my ponytail and I thought - why? why do I do this when I can have delicious sweatpants and greasy hair?
Love this post, N.
Oh yes. The incredible balancing act of a new Mommy. It ain't pretty. And it ain' t fun. My kids are older now, 5 & 8, and it does get sooo much easier as they get older. You can see them developing into their own little people with lives that have NOTHING to do with you. And it makes it easier to kinda be your own person again. the Mommy guilt tugging with that part of you that just wants to be your normal pre-baby self is such a hard compromise. I think everybody finds their own balance along the way or goes crazy. Some women are TOTALLY fulfilled just being a Mom. I so admire those women, I do. Other Mom's, like myself, need something else to counteract the Mommy side of me. For me it's not partying so much, although I LOVE to party as much as the next 36-year-old, it's being intellectually stimulated. I need to feel like my brain is working. I love my kids fiercerly, but to be a good Mom, I have to have something else to make my brain churn too. It's all so complicated, huh? :;
Yeah, we rarely go out because let's face it - I work two nights a week and every other Saturday already and she is in daycare during the days, so when else am I going to see her?
But I don't feel that not going out on the town so much really means losing myself. I was never much of a party girl except during school, so it's not much of a stretch most of the time, so maybe that makes it easier. I do still have my interests and some friends and I still feel like I am part of the rest of the world, which I think is the key. And the going out part, I feel like it's just on the backburner for a while.
I sweah to gawd. every time I start musing over a subject, you write about it, and so well that I don't feel comfortable trying to revisit it. but I think I *must* revisit this; it's just so much a part of what all of us as new/old moms are going through. the metamorphosis of motherhood. it's so - so -- gah. it defies description. it is a bit of a vortex, too. or maybe a tornado. "The Mommy Tornado." hmmmm. kinda has a nice ring.
sending a hug because -- you're struggling to be the best everything at once, and still be you. and it requires some hugs.
Have you read Mother Shock? She has a line in there about being able to shapeshift between the old me and the mom-me. I too have always felt like I have to be one or the other, but reading that made me think for the first time, hmm- maybe it IS possible to be both, just not at the same time..
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