My Obsession of the Moment
Gosh I swear we be going through the same stuff at the same time, sometimes. I'm struggling with that myself. I tell guys that I'm dating to find the right one, not just to "have fun." Just told someone that 2 days ago as a matter of fact, lol. I'm thinking that a good time to say it is once you decide that you like a guy and you see potential there.
First off, I don't like hot the green of this comment box looks on top of your pink layout! LOL Someone should have told you by now that pink is just a watered down shade of red... ROFLMAO
Second, you know I recently met a guy who seems great. Doing everything my daddy taught me to to expect. I was worried about what I'd tell him when this whole "Where is this going" feeling/conversation came up. Early on, it was him who put it out there that he wasn't looking for a girlfriend. He was looking for a wife and if my goal wasn't to be a wife and mother, I need to step! He didn't say it exactly like that, but I got the point.
When I'm asked, which is rare, they generally assume my nubile ass is tryna get married. Anyhow, I say, "Joint taxes, staffing up the homestead, life, grandkids, and matching burial plots." Just a few days ago I told a dude who I dated a few yeas ago, "Look. It's not that I don't like you per se. But I'm getting married and you are not the marrying kind." Damn! I wonder if he felt really small..
Ladies- I think we are all feeling the same way. I told the guy I had been "seeing" that I was officially focusing on marriage and that I could no longer mess with him. We have to be on the same page!
I don't know if he felt small. I tried to be as tactful, but honest, as I could be. Girl correct my spelling! 
Done!
Well, you know how I feel about that, S... as we talk often about it. I guess that since I am much older, and have been married before, I am real clear about what my agenda is... Make sure you are clear about your own. Wholeness, and knowing what you want, and being brutally honest while you are without someone is key. As we get older, we should be thinking more about whether we just trying to get some a$$ (yeah, call it what it is, gal, LOL) or be a part of something substantial... Just trying to get some AZZ! I'm dying laughing..
Always ask yourself the question... Are my motives right? I see you are getting there. Good for you
Hello Serenity. I can not tell you how grateful I am to have read this post. I'm coming from the other angle,I'm young, 26, and right now for me, I want to date to "have fun". And the thing of it is, last night I was talking to one of my girlfriends, and I felt guilty about dating that way because I don't want to be an exclusive relationship. And it's odd, because I kinda do want to be in an exclusive relationship, but I know I'm not there yet. I'm not a wife, yet, still working on it. But in the meantime, I've always asked myself if it was alright to date just to date. (I don't want to have sex with these men either...is that selfish?) I just want to be in the company of a man and flirt. And have fun. I always say, men choose women for eye candy sometimes...why can't women? Is there anything wrong with going out with a fine man because he's fine? Does this all even make sense? lol. I guess I just really needed to vent. I wish you well if your search for a husband, and a consistent friend and companion... I don't think it's wrong for you to have a specific goal in mind and go after it. I do think you need to make it clear to the guys up front where you stand and what you want.. I just hope you don't tell one of them that you only want to have fun, but then fall for him and try and change the rules of the game in the middle of the game.. Anyway, don't feel guilty.. Do you! And enjoy life.. All of us have work we need to do on ourselves.. So you are not alone.
My dating strategy has always been; be upfront and honest. If all I wanted was to be sexed down, then that's what I told him. If I just wanted to spend time with a man, but not be in a committed relationship, I told him. If I didn't know what the hell I wanted to do, I told him that too. LOL Those were moments in which I didn't want anything serious, but I wanted companionship. When it all boils down to it, I've always been the exlcusive relationship type.
I don't think you letting a man know what you want is labeled as giving too much too soon. Hell, by doing so, you're giving him the opportunity to decide if that's indeed what he wants too. I say it helps to weed out the duds, at least, it has for me. I think in the past, I have been weery about saying what I want for fear they won't like it and will leave.. You know what, that's what I want them to do at teh end of the day.. I hate wasting time.. I think this needs a whole blog in itself. Thanks!
I think it is good to set clear expectations upfront. I believe that guys are either in a place where they are open to relationships or they are not. If you want to be in a relationship than the quicker you eliminate those who don't the better. I went out on two dates with this guy who was clearly on the rebound and I told him that his emotional unavailability wasn't going to work for me.
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