There is a mechanism. Its called Child Abuse and it is of the worst kind.
What does it take for this society to recognize the most insidious forms of abuse? and it is not unique to parents separating. It can be found in bureaucratic systems. It is all over in govermnent, bar associations, church organizations, etc.
I paid child support the best I could. I could count on my fingers the times that I have seen the two boys. Their grandfather was probably their father figure and I have never heard from them since. The boys are 30 or 40 years old. All that money down the drain and nothing to show for it. Talk about alienation of affection. Any comments. Thank you
Bill
I think it is terrible when any parent is refused visitation because of a vindictive spouse. I'm sorry to hear about your experience.
Would it be better for children to grow up viewing all three types of abuse (physical, mental and emotional) or be raised stress free by just one parent? Sometimes there is absolutely no hope of acheiving peace, but to distance away from the afflictor. Who knows what mental distress the mother was given and how that instability would have affected the children. She could not have acted this way for no reason, it just isn't logical. There must have been a serious driving force!
You'd be surprised at the number of spouses who do and say anything to rip custody from the other spouse. Sometimes, I'm sure, they genuinely think they are saving their children from an awful parent, but most of the time, these are people who are using the system for their own revenge, with little thought about the effects on the children.
I'd honestly like to know where those stats are taken from. If parents are being unjustly penalised as you say, then that means the "system" is highly flawed. What about the genuine cases?
It's not hard to find plenty of cases where a vindictive spouse has claimed child abuse or spousal abuse in an attempt to wrest custody or visitation away from the other spouse. All you have to do is a Google search to find plenty of examples.
From about the 1960s until about the 1990s, it was very difficult for men to get custody of their children because the "best interest of the child" standard dictated that the parent who did most of the caretaking (usually the mother) should have primary custody. Since the 1990s, courts have gone to a joint custody standard in which both parents are given equal or nearly equal time. This can be very inconvenient for ex-spouses when they remarry and start new families.
There has been an explosion (figuratively speaking) of litigation in custody cases and parents (usually women) know that if there is a charge of sexual abuse, the other parent (usually the father) is going to have limited, if any, visitation given. Such cases are hard to litigate and very expensive, which is part of the reason most men simply give up.
Yes, the system is "highly flawed." The courts are not well equipped to deal with areas such as family law where winners and losers can't just go their separate ways but must find ways to get along for years after the final judgment. Mediation is a better solution, but there's just not a good way to split kids after divorce.
About genuine abuse: yes, there are cases of genuine abuse, but there are also cases of misunderstandings and manipulation by custodial parents. Children desperately want to please the only parent they have continuous access to, and this will cause them to say things that are patently untrue. When there is no physical evidence of abuse and the allegations are "in the eye of the beholder" (for example, mental or emotional abuse), it is very easy for children's feelings and behavior to be manipulated.
It seems that there is great concern about the "fakes" and I genuinely hope the legal system improves to prevent such manipulations. Where there is a will, there is always a way and from the reply it seems that changes are already being made.
Additionally, I hope the genuine cases are not belittled due to the smear the manipulated cases leave behind. This is very important. Otherwise the system will remain flawed.
It would be an abysmal injustice to judge any case with a preconception or a generalisation as not all cases are the same and as my name states, there are always 2 sides to a story.
As for the case above, there isn't enough information (ie the wife's side of the story) for any wise comment to be specifically made.
I'm currently in the midst of a suit for parenting time which has now become a custody issue, as well.
My teenage children have chosen to live with their father, whom they favor over me for a number of reasons; some healthy, many not.
If I had known then what I know now, I would have done things completely differently at the time of the divorce. I would have filed for sole legal and physical custody instead of agree to the 50/50 arrangement my ex convinced me was the only way I'd have custody at all. Fool me.
This man was an abuser and had me in fear of everything he threatened me with; including the custody of my children. I didn't want my children to NOT have contact with their father, but have never felt he was fit to provide substantial parenting time.
I moved from the home we purchased together when the kids were small and let the kids continue with their school there. While I don't live far away (6 miles), I don't live within the school boundaries. As a result, my kids have never felt my home was their home. Additionally, my home has defined rules and boundaries while Dad's has not. What I should have done is buy out the ex, stay a while, then move WITH my children. Moot point now 
Kids left me in April and have not been back since. It's been more than 4 months with no enforced visitation, even though the new revised plan has still not been recorded. Because of the turmoil and the kids' desire to protect their dad, I've taken a very low-key approach, in an attempt to regain the trust of my kids and show them that I do care about their feelings.
Dad has been unemployed for nearly 4 years, abused drugs and left them out where my children could find them. Dad has been arrested for hit and run (he passed a driver on the left illegally and clipped their side mirror off) and the case was mysteriously dismissed from the docket one month before it was to go to trial. Dad has two other documented road rage involvements while the KIDS WERE IN THE CAR! Dad is in drug rehab and leaves the kids overnight alone.
My current husband and I work very hard at our regular jobs and keep a decent, clean, yet modest home. We expect respect from my children but don't get it because they demand that we modify our rules to adapt to theirs (the rules of their dad's).
Seeing that I was outnumbered, I put forth a modified parenting plan which included provisions to protect the interests of the children. The plan provided two weekends a month visitation with me and states that a minimum GPA of 2.0 be maintained before enrolling the children in sports. All fire arms are to be secured and kept inaccessible to all children while children are present (this has been an issue, as the kids have found a loaded 9mm on Dad's pillow) AND... the really brutal element is that the kids would be forced to attend family counseling with me for at least 12 months - at my expense.
My children were appointed an attorney who... after two m
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