i wish i had advice but i just have pure empathy for your situation. i went through it with mine except that i just had one at the time which was resolved with me taking naps with him every day for the first year. i've read many sleep books and the main thing that stands out for me for little ones under 1 is that they don't go into deep sleep until much later, hence why they wake up so easily when we put them down. i personally have vowed to try one of those baby hammocks with the next one although i suspect that the next one will sleep perfectly! if there was any way that you could swing her having naps in your bed with you lying down with her for the first bit and then for nighttime in the crib, make sure things are totally blacked out and sit with her till she falls asleep??? that's a lot considering you have two but maybe this will lead to a better idea for you. the best book i can recommend is the no cry sleep solution, it has a lot of options. take care!
This is such a tough situation. My first child was the exact same way. We did co-sleep with him, and he would not even nap any where else except on my back or in the bed with me. I think that the hardest part of this is having to almost give up a part of yourself while you are getting through this adjustment period, which was tough for me. I have been working with parents who have children up to the ago of one for almost ten years, and the one thing that I have noticed consistently is that with children who have very strong separation anxiety, trying to force the issue will only make life worse. It may take getting your little one back to a place where she feels comfortable, and then taking smaller steps to foster independence. The Ergo or other back carriers can be much relief to you for getting things done, and I know that I simply could not have lived without mine.
Remember to take care of yourself, without that, everything just falls apart.
oh how i remember those days! my youngest slept with me from day one b/c i just found it easier to nurse him. after 2 1/2 years i was really ready for him (and our oldest son) to sleep on their own! the only thing that worked was having them a share a bed! i used the mesh bed rails on both sides of the bed and that worked fine. they are 4 years apart and to this day (they are 10 and 6) they'll still get in bed together most nites. good luck!
I am so sympathetic, and I did eventually succumb to co sleeping with my 2 sweeties. It did, and does, feel safe and happy, and everyone in the family sleeps well. However, my daughters are now 5 and 7 and my husband has had to move to one of their beds. I can't get them out of my bed. I want to sleep with my husband!
In retrospect, I think I would have had my mother spend the night 2 or 3 nights in a row to try and keep them in their beds. It may not have worked, but I would have been well rested, which helps every situation.
Can your husband do the bed time routine while you go to the bookstore for a few nights?
I am not a huge proponent of crying it out or anything, but it did seem to be the only thing that worked with Jack. It only took 4 nights for him to get the idea and to stop crying every time I put him in his crib.
But I do understand how very, very, very hard that crying is on the mama.
I also cant remember how old she is, but Jack did sleep in his swing every single night (and naps too!) until he was about 8months old. He had really severe acid reflux and the sitting up + swinging was necessary to soothe him.
Oh girl I feel for you. It's really tough having our babies cry it out, but i think consistency works. I stopped nursing my two youngest at 6 & 10 mos, cause they wouldn't sleep unless they were next me in bed nursing and waking up several times during the night just to eat. I was broken, not only my sleep but my back. So I stopped. I did my best to put them to bed when they were almost out. I made sure their bed was warm, (heating pad, then remove before you put baby down) i kept my hand on their backs, rubbing, whispering and slowly moved away. if they started crying I wouldn't pick them up, but put my hand back and kinda rocked them. It seemed to work for me most of the time. Insha'Allah you will be able to find what works for you.
Yikes, those babies can be a real handful sometimes can't they? I never used a crib with any of mine (I had a pack 'n play with the first, tried to use it for the first week, the baby had radar and woke up the second I put him in it every time. I bailed on the whole concept after that first week 
What I did do was use a spare twin mattress I had lying around and slept with the baby on it on the ground. I nursed easily when needed, and baby was in no danger of falling off our bed. When he was 14 months, I just moved back into my bed and he was fine with that and had his own mattress.
My second boy, Z, was not quite so independent. Did the same thing we did with I, but when Z was 2 I had our 3rd baby, so dh and I got rid of our bed and just got a king mattress and put it on the ground (no nothing underneath). That way both Z and H slept with us on the bed. Z was ready to go into bunk beds with my first when he was four, and now it's just my 3rd still with us in the bed (he just turned 3).
If you are fine with giving up on having furniture for a few years, I have found this sleeping arrangement virtually no stress. The kiddos all sleep great and I sleep great. Happy mommy, happy babies, happy solution. We figure they're only little for a relatively small time, so it's worth the adjustment.
Maybe your daughter would go for a mattress on the ground (if you had appropriate gates/monitors for safety if using for naps) since you could lie with her as she fell asleep and there would be no "putting down" step.
If all else fails, I totally recommend a baby wrap. By the time we got to H, my third, I was usually so busy with the other two that I didn't have time to lie down with him for naps, so I just wrapped him on my back and went about the rest of life while he slept. He was a real chunker too, so those wraps can really distribute the weight well enough that its not unwieldy if you tie them right.
Best of luck, I know that age is sooo hard! You are in our du'aas!
Khadija
okay, so I only did the co-sleeping when my kids were newborns. After about a month, it was off to the bassinet/crib. I did have difficulty getting S to go to sleep in the bassinet. She would wake up every single time I tried to lay her down and we'd start all over. It finally got so bad that I finally decided to lay her on her stomach. I know, GASP! And...she slept. And basically slept through the night. And from then on I put her on her stomach. Yes, I was worried, but I checked on her a lot (her bassinete was at the end of our bed) and she never had a problem. I do find it interesting that you had problems with colic with Baby Girl, same as S. Only try it if you think you'd be comfortable with it, but it saved my sanity and S got sleep. Insha'Allah a solution will come.
wow, lotsa comments. I guess i'm not alone in this am i? that makes me feel a bit better. Thanks for the all the advice and input!
Robyn - i did that too but she's been in bed with me from the beginning. I could never get her to sleep more than a few minutes in the bassinet. I used to have her sleep sometimes in the crib for naps but she is VERY attached to me. If anyone else even holds her she cries etc. I walk from a room she cries. It's tough when no one else can even hold her. And she's been on her belly since about 3 months as well so no finger pointing there lol. Won't sleep any other way. I hope it gets better soon.
Khadija - see, this is what i was telling my husband over the weekend but he wants to use a futon mattress in her room and i'm thinking our room would be better. LD is still mad at me for kicking him out of the bed when BG came but he's so loud and sleeps so little (super early riser and late to go to bed) that no one would get sleep if he was in there. I might have to do this. I don't mind her there, i just want her safe. I have tried her in the pack and play when i need a moment but i can't get her to like it. I'm hoping the back carrier will do the trick or this mattress idea.
take3 - i cannot be anywhere in the vicinity or she will just scream mommma, mommom and i can't do it. She's loud. Pediatrician was shocked since birth at her vocalness lol.
sarah - husband is helpless here...when i did my son he was out of town because he couldn't handle it. there's no way he'll help.
karen - that's so funny. that's how i was feeling with my son but then my husband is a snorer so it was a lot more peaceful with the boy. 
I miss him now that he's in his own bed.
lorena - that's good news that they are still close. That's why i let her sleep with me and it's funny our relationship is so much closer than it was with my son at this age. I broke the rules with her, with my son it was all by the book. and yeah, it makes breastfeeding so much easier, except she wants it all through the night.
Heather - it sounds like exactly how it is with me...i need a little me time. Not a lot, but definately a little and lately i get none. With a husband that works long hours i am feeling very ragged these days. Thanks for the reminder to take care of myself. I need to remember that.
suzanne - i've heard that works but not for this little girl. She's so stubborn and will scream until i pick her up. I've tried the different theories but we never get past the screaming part lol. As soon as she is in there you get that silent scream that turns to wailing. For the first two days of getting her in the crib i rocked and nursed her to sleep and then put her in and it worked like a charm. I didn't even talk about it to anyone because i didn't want to jinx it and when she realized it was going to be a regular thing, she said no way lol.
Well looks like everyone gave you great advice. I am not big on co sleeping I like my own space when I sleep. Zara slept with us til she was 1 and then I had a really hard time getting her into her crib. With my second I didn't make that mistake. He did sleep in a swing til he was like 5 or 6 months though. Naps and nighttime. Then he finally got used to his crib. Now when it's bed time he seriously almost gets excited to get in the crib with his blankie and go to sleep. I don't know how you function on so little sleep!!
sorry no experience with co-sleeping,Nuria slept until she was 3 months on a basinet next to my bed, and then at 3 months on her own room on a crib, she was so good, even until today she never wakes up in the middle of the night. WHen she was around 1 year old she started not wanting to fall asleep, and I did the thing about leaving her to cry...it was hard and I ended up crying too, but in a week the problem was sorted...
My heart goes out to you! Having gone through the whole putting baby to bed awake I can imagine the hell you go through. It broke my heart to hear her scream and cry for so long. Layla also fell asleep sitting up, I almost gave up.
Keep trying to do it. It may take a week or so of the crying but it will get better. Put her down--have a nap/bedtime routine--tell her good night and leave the room. If she's crying after 5 minutes go in lay her down and tell her it's time to sleep. Leave the room. Keep this up and extend the amount of time before you go in, usually 5 minute intervals. We still have bad moments here after a year of doing this, but, for the most part, she goes down without a problem.
Hang in there, it is really hard to be in such high demand by two little ones. Some days nothing happens here except dealing with the kids. It's okay, it will change.
^that was me by the way , forgot to put my name on it.
Goodness. First off: May Allah make your little one go to sleep on her own in her crib, and make this trial pass, and make it easy for you, Amin.
I co-slept with my first born until she was a year and a half old. We ended up doin the cry it out, and moved her to her crib and room around this time, 'cause I was heavily pregnant with her sister and couldn't bear one more kick in my 7 months pregnant belly. (She cried herself to puke for 20 minutes for one night... and that was it!) she's been sleeping in her crib ever since. Her dad checked on her every 5 minutes assuring her that we were close by. I never once went near her. It absolutely broke my heart. If I came near her I would've just picked her up. We discovered the puke the next morning ( Her dad didn't notice!).
As for my second( who has a much easier temperament). we co-slept until she was 3 months old, then moved her to her own crib next to us. She still sleeps there and I still nurse at night( we are planning on moving her out of our room and weaning at night in the very near future inshaAllah)
I recommend the ergo-baby carrier( I love it, so easy on the back, and very well designed) It worked with the big sister who was like your daughter( refused to sleep in a crib or on her own until the story I mentioned)
after that we set her down on a mattress on the floor so as not to disturb her sleep by lowering her in a crib( she'd wake up like your girl) and put pillows next to her. When she woke up we weren't worried about her falling off the bed... she just crawled out of her mattress.
I hope this helps( sorry for the long comment!)
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