I wonder...is there a way that he would just happen to read this exact blog entry (or something similar), without knowing who it was from? I just wonder how he would respond to something clearly personal and emotional, even if he doesn't think he is the person in question. Maybe that might give you a better sense of how he might respond?
I wonder...is there a way that he would just happen to read this exact blog entry (or something similar), without knowing who it was from? I just wonder how he would respond to something clearly personal and emotional, even if he doesn't think he is the person in question. Maybe that might give you a better sense of how he might respond?
buena suerte, that is all i can offer you, a wish of good luck.
buena suerte, that is all i can offer you, a wish of good luck.
man, sly, i feel you so deeply--my best friend is evangelical christian...we've been through just about evreything together and have known each other since kidergarden--but it's the same thing for me, i hide so much of my life from her because i don't want to face her christian judgement. she'd never get violent, but she'd sure as hell pray for me and want to read bible versus with me, and make it her mission to bring jesus into every conversation we ever had ever again. there's some stuff in my life that i've never told *anybody* because i'm scared she'll find out...but we have a history and we love each other and she has always been there for me the *second* i've needed her...
sigh.
i have a friend who came out to his father on IM...maybe that might be a way to provide you with some safty and him some space?
man, sly, i feel you so deeply--my best friend is evangelical christian...we've been through just about evreything together and have known each other since kidergarden--but it's the same thing for me, i hide so much of my life from her because i don't want to face her christian judgement. she'd never get violent, but she'd sure as hell pray for me and want to read bible versus with me, and make it her mission to bring jesus into every conversation we ever had ever again. there's some stuff in my life that i've never told *anybody* because i'm scared she'll find out...but we have a history and we love each other and she has always been there for me the *second* i've needed her...
sigh.
i have a friend who came out to his father on IM...maybe that might be a way to provide you with some safty and him some space?
From the sound of it, it's gonna hurt whether you do it or not. I think just be direct:
"You're a dear friend and I have kept quiet all this time because I didn't want to lose you as a friend; but I've reached my breaking point on this. The reason I object so strongly when you say (homophobic expression) is because you're talking about me."
And from there the ball's in his court.
Never fun, but I think it's better to know. Who know; sometimes if a person is genuinely decent, as it sounds like your friend is, the personal connection is what it takes to reach him in a way all the reasoned dispassionate arguments in the world can't.
If he's too ideologically or personally blinded to abandon your friendship or hurt you (I'm not saying thoughtlessly hurtful shit probably won't be said at first, necessarily; some people need time to process), well, at least you'll know.
And you may be surprised in all sorts of ways.
If you don't say anything...
Well, even putting aside the coming out, if that's possible. I keep thinking of Blake you know, The poison Tree:
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow..
From the sound of it, it's gonna hurt whether you do it or not. I think just be direct:
"You're a dear friend and I have kept quiet all this time because I didn't want to lose you as a friend; but I've reached my breaking point on this. The reason I object so strongly when you say (homophobic expression) is because you're talking about me."
And from there the ball's in his court.
Never fun, but I think it's better to know. Who know; sometimes if a person is genuinely decent, as it sounds like your friend is, the personal connection is what it takes to reach him in a way all the reasoned dispassionate arguments in the world can't.
If he's too ideologically or personally blinded to abandon your friendship or hurt you (I'm not saying thoughtlessly hurtful shit probably won't be said at first, necessarily; some people need time to process), well, at least you'll know.
And you may be surprised in all sorts of ways.
If you don't say anything...
Well, even putting aside the coming out, if that's possible. I keep thinking of Blake you know, The poison Tree:
I was angry with my friend:
I told my wrath, my wrath did end.
I was angry with my foe:
I told it not, my wrath did grow..
I didn't comment when I first read this post, because most people seem to find my way unacceptable. And the way I handle things might be wrong 99% of the time.
But, if a friend can't accept you for who you are, then is that person really a friend? Is a conditional friendship one you want to protect?
As for how to do it, I'm a fan of jumping in and just telling, as fast as possible. Good luck, whatever you end up doing.
I didn't comment when I first read this post, because most people seem to find my way unacceptable. And the way I handle things might be wrong 99% of the time.
But, if a friend can't accept you for who you are, then is that person really a friend? Is a conditional friendship one you want to protect?
As for how to do it, I'm a fan of jumping in and just telling, as fast as possible. Good luck, whatever you end up doing.
j...i have no idea. My gut feeling is that it would probably not short circuit a homophobic reaction.
bfp...i know the feeling. there are some folks i don't come out to because of all things, i cannot stand knowing that they are praying to "change" me.
belle, you're probably right. it's a matter of working up the nerve, and not really how i go about it.
spotted...i think that's a very fair thing to say, and i've thought about it. it's hard to tell where i blame the enviroment he got the homophobia from and where his personal accountability lies.
i may have more, after the fourth. thanks for all the support and advice...it's been a really rough couple days here, but i think things are looking up again.
j...i have no idea. My gut feeling is that it would probably not short circuit a homophobic reaction.
bfp...i know the feeling. there are some folks i don't come out to because of all things, i cannot stand knowing that they are praying to "change" me.
belle, you're probably right. it's a matter of working up the nerve, and not really how i go about it.
spotted...i think that's a very fair thing to say, and i've thought about it. it's hard to tell where i blame the enviroment he got the homophobia from and where his personal accountability lies.
i may have more, after the fourth. thanks for all the support and advice...it's been a really rough couple days here, but i think things are looking up again.
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