And don't forget that Debi flat out says that for Sunny to stay with Ahmed is GOD'S WILL. *sigh*
Chapter 13's principles were so good, but Mrs. Pearl had to go and mess them up with these horrid examples.
Can't wait to read more of your review!
You wrote that "The solution Michael provides is excellent". I disagree, IMO it is only a partial solution. According to what I have read (see Chuck Colson - Prison Fellowship materials) the recidivism rate of ex-convicts is high unless they have a life-changing encounter with the Lord while in prison. If he's not walking closely with the Lord, what's to stop a newly-released husband from going back home and resuming the abuse or *doing worse* to his wife and children, upon release. IMO both the Pearls oversimplify the situation - it's not a mere matter of the wife writing love notes and etc. while hubby is in jail. The Pearls' advice to abused wives is shallow at best and, as you point out, dangerous at worst.
Man's means (imprisonment) are imperfect, only the Lord can truly transform a man and deeply restore a marriage.
I look forward to reading the next installment of your review.
Blessings, Kathleen
the pearls' material is what we've trusted and gone by for years now. It is shaking the foundation that I have with their readings. I was just going to order about 100$ worth of their material, and now I can't believe that they may be leading people astray. It convicts me not to put people on such high spots.
I question their child training advice as well. Through all this spunky, I have read that you have listened to their advice on child training. Do you question that area too now? How is this effecting your view on the rest of their material?
Very good question. I also wonder about the "taking the good and leaving out the bad." I guess that's what you'd say in care bear's case.
When something this serious is so obviously approached from a position that is counter to God's position - then I would not recommend the book or say "take the good bits and leave the bad". I'm glad you have done the checking on this.
Hmmm. Having not read the book I cannot very well comment.
I was just wondering, have you considered emailed the Pearl's about this? Their answers might shead some very interesting light on this issue. If you are going to continue this series this email might be a very useful addison as well as possilby clearing up an issue with CTBHHM. Just an idea.
A very well written review and you bring up a very good point. Thanks for the comment Spunky!
The Blogging Boy Scout,
Travis
Kathleen, you are right in this is a partial solution. If you reread my first post I say exactly what you said here. Unfortunately, for the sake of brevity I am trying to bring this to a logical conclusion and avoid repeating myself.. I hope that people will read all of them. And get a clear understanding of where I am coming from.
Travis, I do not have a personal offense with the Pearl's so contacting them by e-mail was not considered. This is what Michael wrote in the May 1999 issue of his newsletter.
"I am one that believes in free dissemination of and access to information. Each person must assume responsibility for his own beliefs and actions. It does not disturb me when others differ with me, nor am I alarmed when I differ with others. Truth stands alone. We must be on its side; it will never be on ours."
I assume that Michael and Debi have written what they believe and I am only examining it in light of scripture and what I believe.
I want what I write to them to be examined so that if I missed something it can be identified as well.
The truth stands alone.
Spunky
Ok I see what your saying in that Debi did not advice her to go to the authorities as Michael does tell women in abusive situation too. Right on there!
However I think if we read it a bit more discerningly we will realize that Debi was simply speaking to Sunny about not speaking ill of her husband to her friends and mother anymore and especially if she chose to stay, to which I happen to agree with.
True enough. I said the same in the post. If that was Debi's point then she should have picked a different story. This story opens up other problems that complicate the issue not make it more clear. And that is a problem that is throughout the book.
She still sent her home to a man who tried to kill her and put her and the children's lives in jeapordy. We have no idea how many more beatings this woman endured before he became interested. Nor, do we know how many afterwards. Those are things that would take alot of discernment to know because this woman and many more like her are forbidden to speak about it out of fear.
Care bear, I have noticed a shift in their writing over the last 5 years or so. We still enjoy learning from their materials but read it very discerningly. That said, the material in this book gives me a greater difficulty in recommending them to new parents who often just follow the leader.
Spunky
As a therapist I am outraged at such lousy "counsel".
God does indeed hate divorce, we all know this. But what irks me is that people only like to quote the first part of that verse, because when read in its entirety there IS mention of violence. Check this out..
16 "For I hate divorce, says the LORD the God of Israel, and covering one's garment with violence, says the LORD of hosts. So take heed to yourselves and do not be faithless." 17 - Malachi 2:16
Why is it that people who quote this scripture never mention the fact that God hates the covering of one's garment with violence?
In other words, God also hates violence in the context of marriage. Period.
Thanks Spunky for the heads up on this. 
Ahh. OK, thanks for the further information Spunky!
The Blogging Boy Scout,
Travis
Very good discernment and evaluation. I wished I had thought of this when I read it. What you say is very clear. Can't wait to read more of your articles on this book.
Susan
Travis,
It's a book review. And material is taken from their teaching. There's no need to email the Pearls.
Folks - I agree with Stacy on this. Sometimes teachers people have liked turn out to have error in their teaching that is too serious to pass over.
This is serious error.
Kristen,
I think that I would be questioning the choice of principles and the overall package they present. The "horrid" examples are ones the Pearls choose to put out front.
I wanted to respectfully offer a slightly differing opinion in my own blog...
http://melanie.lifewithchrist.org/
I didn't mean to post anonymously, I apologize!
Catez,
Chapter 13 was about reverencing one's husband, which is right on. But Mrs. Pearl used examples of domestic violence and how Sunny chose to "reverence" her husband rather than protect herself and her children. The principles of honoring and reverencing a husband even though he hasn't "earned" it are good, which is what I was referring to.
This book is an awful book. The BASICS of it are good, but there is just way too much unbiblical content for me to say the book itself is good. And it concerns me DEEPLY that this book has been so popular. I have friends who plan to buy several and to give them to new wives and pretty much any wife they know because, "every wife needs to read this book." (Their words.) :-(
I know what you mean, Kirstin. I'm on a forum where a bunch of ladies are getting this book "like it is the greatest thing since cream cheese." They have started a discussion group on it, which I opted to join. I'll probably be crucified if I share what I think about the book. I was given it by another woman and sure wouldn't buy it myself. I'm glad that I got the chance to read it, though, and that my husband has been willing to read and discuss with me. He still hasn't finished it since it makes him so angry when he reads it. We've both been too exposed to that type of religion. Some call it "spiritual abuse" which to me is an accurate description.
There are too many good choices to give young mothers. We are so apt to grab at proof texts and not to study the scriptures for ourselves. Even the oft quoted verse "For I hate divorce", has to be balanced out with the whole of scripture. I find it highly interesting that Christians build as many fences around the scripture as the Jews do. I think Yeshua was quite upset with that when He said "my yoke is easy and my burden is light."
Love and shalom,
Serena
"But Mrs. Pearl used examples of domestic violence and how Sunny chose to "reverence" her husband rather than protect herself and her children."
There is no proof that Mrs. Pearl told her to put reverencing her husband over protecting herself and her children. Later on in the book, she gives two examples where women are counselled to go to the police when their husbands are doing wrong. These women were protecting themselves and their children, and from his comments in 1999 , I judge that this counsel is still true for someone who is abused. You seek help; you don't seek to leave a difficult message. Yes, God has permitted divorce, but it was because of the hardness of men's hearts. You don't have to divorce. As Mr. Pearl says in his theology of wrongful suffering, you can bring glory to God by not running away from a difficult marriage.
But every case is different. Sunny in this case does not seem to be suffering for righteousness sake. She is part of the problem always blabbing to others how bad her husband is. Not that he is excused for his behaviour. But he is not a Spirit-indwelled man; he does seem to be a man who is very much provoked. Sunny was counselled not to leave him or kill him, but to behave in the way that God intended her to behave. And God blessed her for obeying Him and being a godly wife. God uses means in the salvation of people. In this case it was a wife who through her quite, respectful obedience to God was used to bring her husband to salvation.
Now that he has made a profession of faith and has made changes toward godliness, let's believe all things and not wonder if he is still covertly beating his wife.
leigh Ann,
You have minimised the violent and abusive behaviour in your comment.
"Sunny in this case does not seem to be suffering for righteousness sake. She is part of the problem always blabbing to others how bad her husband is. Not that he is excused for his behaviour. But he is not a Spirit-indwelled man; he does seem to be a man who is very much provoked."
Provoked to that sort of violence? No. I think that there needs to be some good clear teaching on abuse dynamics in the church. The problem with the Pearl's teaching here is that the responsibility is shifted - on essence, "if she was a better wife he wouldn't be violent". This type of violence works in a pattern - the abuser builds up, is violent, and comes down again. Then the cycle repeats. It has everything to do with his own lack of impulse control, seared conscience, and lack of respecting boundaries, and nothing to do with a blabbing wife. Any Christian teaching that is not clear on these issues is in error.
It is time to get honest - the Pearl's have serious error in their teaching. There are better resources available.
Hi Kirsten,
I left a comment for you but it seems to have been eaten. Anyway - yes, I see where you are coming from and I agree with you.
I am not trying to minimize anything. Women that are abused need to get help, but that doesn't mean they have to get a divorce. I also did not say that she provoked him to that sort of violence. Obviously, he had major problems. All I'm saying is that she did not help the situation at all with her attitude and tongue but exacerbated the problem. And Debi was telling her to do her part no matter if he wasn't doing his part.
It is not a case of "if she were a better wife he wouldn't beat her"; it is a case of obeying God's Word as to what your role is as a wife and letting Him take care of the rest. This is the example that Christ left. He could have ended the abuse at any time, but He stayed to accomplish an eternal purpose: the glory of God and the salvation of men.
My church does not condone abuse. If the man were a believer, the elders would go to him and confront him. If he refused to change they would recommend getting the law involved. If he were an unbeliever they would recommend getting the law involved. Their first response would not be for the wife to bail out. What can the Lord do with a loving, respectful wife who with her Christ-like conduct seeks to win her husband.
Sorry I'm taking up so much space. I will stop. It's hard to talk about these things in short sentences.
Leigh Ann,
I'm glad you weighed in. You are saying many things I haven't had the time to type. THANKS and keep up the good work.
Spunky,
I treasure your "cyber-friendship," but I have to totally disagree with your book review. I think things have been taken WAY out of context and misread DEEPLY here.
It's really surprised me, I'll admit that... I don't have the time to get into it right now, however, though I wish I did. Perhaps later on my blog I'll try and discuss it further. I'll be sure and let you know if I do.
Hi Leigh Ann,
Jesus death on the cross is not meant to be taken as an example of a wife putting up with violent abuse.
If you are not minimising the violence then there would be no need for this comment:
"All I'm saying is that she did not help the situation at all with her attitude and tongue but exacerbated the problem."
No. A man with that continued pattern of violence is going to be "exacerbated" by anything - by trivial things, by things that aren't wrong, by any lever that conveniently serves as an excuse to blow up.
I didn't advocate divorce - however getting away and being safe would be paramount.
Leigh Ann,
The two examples of when to call the police involved thievery and sodomy not domestic violence. So the issue still stands. I am not advocating divorce. And the method you outlined is fine. However, Mrs. Pearl did not even seem to be concerned enough to get the elders involved. Why? We can assume that she did. But an issue this serious should not be left to assumptions one way or the other.
Molly, thanks for your thoughts. I hope you get a chance to read tomorrow and I will reach my conclusions by examining what Michael says in his portion. I am examining what the Pearl's have written and the contradictions are there. They are not clear on the issue of domestic violence. It is because they leave this issue a muddled mess that we can even disagree on it. If they were clear we would all have an understanding of where they are coming from. It is precisely because they don't make a clear statement that we are all reaching different conclusions. And that is my concern.
Spunky
To all
The issues I raised today do not provide a clear picture of their opinion on where that bright red line is in the area of domestic violence. To anyone who has read the book, I ask, "Can you tell me when Debi WOULD call in the state or the church for action in regards to domestic violence?" If so where? (Thievery and sodomy noted already.) I know that she says that it is possible to do so. But if butcher knives and repeated violence over 7 years aren't enough....What is?
That is a huge missing ingredient in the book.
Your so right Spunky. And I've seen this type of logic in many books and teachings: there is so much grey. If there is one thing I hate, it's when an author only offers only grey solutions, and not black and white solutions.
What does the bible say about abuse in marriage?
In Agreement with Spunky's Recent Posts on a Woman's Role in Marriage
Very few people understand that to come to freedom in Christ, you must deal with the root cause of sin. It is not enough for a wife to try to do all the right things (which is impossible in itself) to change the behavior of her husband. Over the last decade I have tried applying many principles for being a godly wife, but nothing was able to penetrate the blockages in my heart or my husband’s heart. That’s because a changed heart can only be wrought by the power of God, coming from within, not from some demonstration of outward behavior. Too many people gloss over the pain caused by sin with band-aid approaches. What they suggest may seem to work for a while, but when something major happens, you’re back to square one. Sin has to be repented of, confessed, and resolved!
I love my husband, but I didn’t know how to communicate with him. We were causing each other so much pain that there wasn’t any emotional intimacy left. For years I cried out to the Lord to intervene. My journals are filled with the prayers of a broken and hurting woman. No one wanted healing more than I did. I kept hearing from various homeschool leaders what my husband was supposed to be like, but he seemed to fall so short. And I was blind to hidden pride and self focus because of the pain I was experiencing. Our lives seemed to be filled with hypocrisy, when in truth our hearts were locked against one another. Like so many other homeschooling wives and mothers, I became disillusioned.
God mercifully heard the cry of my heart, however, and in His perfect timing we became aware of the ministry of John Regier (www.biblical-concepts.com.) 719-573-8051 or 719 574-4840. His marriage series Rekindling Marital Intimacy is the only thing that has penetrated our individual sin and addressed the pain in our hearts. John deals with blind spots, strongholds, and generational curses. He has counseled over 1200 couples (free of charge) in the last nine years. He has seen the devastation caused to families by legalistic, pharisaical teachings. We have to be so careful what we adopt as truth and take into our spirits.
The botom line is that we all come from very different backgrounds. Some of us have walked through devestating circumstances that only God can heal.Real freedom in Christ is the only answer!
In his series Rekindling Marital Intimacy he has identified the following areas of sin.
Tape 1
Identifying and Resolving Personal and Marital Problems
Tape 2
Resolving Bitterness
Tape 3
Resolving Temporal Values
Tape 4
Resolving Rebellion
Tape 5
Resolving Pride
Tape 6
Resolving Physical, Emotional, Spiritual and Sexual Abuse
Tape 7
Resolving Moral Failure
Tape 8
Resolving Ground given to the Enemy
Tape 9
Resolving Hypocrisy
Tape 10
Resolving Negative Thought Patterns
Tape 11
Resolving an Evil for Evil Relationship
Tape 12
Building Emotiona
Tape 12
Building Emotional Intimacy
Thank you Spunky for being willing to shed God's light on this subject.
God bless you!
Thanks Jill for sharing your heart and resources with us. I'm glad you found the freedom that only comes through Christ.
Spunky
". . .a changed heart can only be wrought by the power of God, coming from within, not from some demonstration of outward behavior. . ."
And isn't that the heart of the Gospel? That we cannot perform enough, cannot obey enough, be good enough--yet God loves us? And that God will change us from within?
The hard part is that so much of sanctification is that "now, but not yet" paradox. And it is hard to daily recognize, no, I cannot love my husband enough. Cannot be the wife I should be, want to be. That what I need more than anything is to lean into God, rely upon Him, and that be the source of my marriage--not my wifely righteousness.
I find this material to be legalistic and on weak ice Scripturally.
I read blogs and analysis because I understand it has become popular within the Body of Christ. This concerns me.
I find their parenting advice to be harsh bordering on draconian and I find the marital advice equally unbalanced. I think that extreme wife-only submission as taught by the Pearls could quickly become abusive within certain marital dynamics. If the husband is kind and loving and the wife quiet and submissive I'm sure things would work out but, then again, it would be fine without Debbi Pearl's imput as well. If a wife is "blessed" with a "Mr. Command", however, things could quickly fall into the abusive category.
I appriciate the effort you have made to articulate your thoughts into this blog.
2COR 10:
3 For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war after the flesh:
4 (For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty through God to the pulling down of strong holds
5 Casting down imaginations, and every high thing that exalteth itself against the knowledge of God, and bringing into captivity every thought to the obedience of Christ;
Isa 55:6 ¶ Seek ye the LORD while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:
7 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.
8 For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD.
9 For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.
10 For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater:
11 So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
12 For ye shall go out with joy, and be led forth with peace: the mountains and the hills shall break forth before you into singing, and all the trees of the field shall clap their hands.
13 Instead of the thorn shall come up the fir tree, and instead of the brier shall come up the myrtle tree: and it shall be to the LORD for a name, for an everlasting sign that shall not be cut off.
Heb 3:12 Take heed, brethren, lest there be in any of you an evil heart of unbelief, in departing from the living God.
13 But exhort one another daily, while it is called To day; lest any of you be hardened through the deceitfulness of sin.
The greatest testimony that Michael Pearl and his family demonstrate is that Love does indeed cover a multitude of sins. (1 Peter 4:8 And above all things have fervent charity among yourselves: for charity shall cover the multitude of sins.) I am sure of that regarding the Pearl family even today.
In Christ
PG
If we confess our sin he is faithful and just to forgive us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
We are not called to hide our sin from one another or the Lord. If your brother is in sin you are to go to him. If he repents you have won him over. According to Mathew 18. There is no admonishment toward personal repentance or accountability to church leadership or one another for sin.
Debi contradicts her own previous teachings and those of the scripture. As a Titus 2 woman Debi is exhorted to teach that which is good. This book fails in the high standard that she calls each of us to.
I have not read the book, however, it's unlikely that I will go out and buy it. Their advice on dealing with abusive situations would indicate that they have no experience with battered women at all.
"In a moment when he is not angry, calmly inform him that the next time he physically assaults you or the kids, you are going to call the law and have him arrested."
This has to be the worst possible advice I have ever heard of in my life. It's based on the idea that a battered woman is:
1. emotionally capable of going to her husband and asking him to stop beating her
2. that such a request would be respected and would not earn her another beating
And neither is EVER true in an abusive relationship. (Hint: That's why it's called ABUSIVE, people!)Also, we have:
"If your abusing husband fully understands that you have the power of the law behind you, he will learn to keep his hands in his pockets. I am not suggesting you do this to be vindictive or to get even with him. It must be done in humility and love. If your husband knows that you are the weaker vessel, desperately seeking your survival and that of the kids, and that you are not trying to punish him, butthat you are going to stand by and continue to love him, that you are going to wait for him to get out of prison and then try to start over again, it may move his heart to fear if not to repentance. "
Give me a break. Of course the abusing husband knows the wife is the weaker vessel desperately seeking survival. That's WHY he is beating his wife: because she is weaker. Abuse is all about power and domination and a total perversion of the role of spiritual head. It is not about a random loss of temper.
No one should take this woman's advice on how to deal with abuse.
Why do my posts keep getting deleted? Is it because I disagree with you? That's mature.
What I had tried to say is that I really do not believe there are women who will be hurt by this book in the spirit in was written in. It is really sad to see that some have taken this so overboard, rather than take the book at the spirit it was written in instead of nitpicking it to death. If you try, you can do that to any book. People have done that to the Bible as well. Remember?
Tammy I haven't deleted anything. Often when more trhan one person is commenting at a given time it will give a server error. It is never my intention to stifle dissenting opinions.
As far as this book hurting women. That is a subjective thing. I KNOW women who have been hindered by being told that "taking in reverently" is the only God honoroing option. I whole heartedly reject that.
As far as the book goes I would enoucrage you to read all the posts and the comments as well. Escpecially the ones under the Statement of Unity. It shares the underlying issues with this book very well. That being that the Pearls hold a theology the sin nature of man that is allows the belief that a man can be "good" apart from the redemtptive work of Christ. If you are interested you can read more here.
http://spunkyhomeschool.blogspot...n-midst-
of.html
It is discussed in the comments section not in the original post.
I have no exepctation that you will change your mind but it will atleast give you an understanding of why this book is a problem for me. I did not learn much of this until after I did this reveiw. It all makes alot more sense. I hope you read it.
Spunky,
First you criticize Debi because she does not lay down exactly what to do in every particular situation. You want a precise definition of where the bright red line is that means it's time to sick the authorities on your man. Life is not that simple. You take this as duplicity and call it inconsistent. You would then have to call the Bible inconsistent.
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, Lest you also be like him."
" Answer a fool according to his folly, Lest he be wise in his own eyes." Proverbs 26:4-6
The answer is that it all depends. In one case, wisdom dictates that it is time to leave. In another case, a man may be worth redeeming. Debi left that decision up to Sunny who knew her own heart and the heart of her husband. Clearly Sunny loved her man and knew that he was worth saving. She probably also saw that her wifely indiscretion was the primary trigger for his bad temper.
Personally, I disagree with some of the Pearl's doctrines, but have found that they possess much wisdom. I would hope that most Christians would be well enough educated doctrinally to benefit from their wisdom.
As for Mike Pearl's refusal to answer his daughter's question concerning doctrine, I suspect that he was just weaning her so that she would look to her husband as a spiritual leader. From what I have read in your reviews, it seems that what bothers you the most is the idea of a man having any REAL authority over his wife, which is the biblical pattern.
I have found that in real life the Pearl's advice is the medicine that leads to a real cure. It would be easier just to blame him for his own behavior and leave, but I think there is a better way. An adoring, reverent, and chaste wife can be very appealing and persuasive. And in my case the Pearls have been prophetic. They foretold the day when my husband looked over at me with tears in his eyes and told me what a wonderful wife I was. It was definitely worth it.
I have read a borrowed copy of "Created to be His Help Meet" and am going to get my own copy for sure. It is 99% pure gold, and I am not going to let a little gravel get in my way.
From what I have read in your reviews, it seems that what bothers you the most is the idea of a man having any REAL authority over his wife, which is the biblical pattern.
This review was written WITH my husband. When I read the book I submitted her teaching to the authority of my husband. And it fell way short of his standard and a biblical standard. And it was HIS decision to write and post these reviews.
What you believe about why I have problem with the book is not the issue anyway. The issue is that Debi puts forth a standard for women. A high one at that. HER inconsistency is the issue. She does not apply the some of the very teaching that she asks us to do.
She desires to tell us when to OBEY our man and yet never considers the possibility that this is NOT "God's Plan" or even our husband's but hers directed by her husband. If she had called this Debi Pearl's Practical Guide for Being A Help Meet that would be fine. But she calls this God's plan.
Mchael's refusal to answer his daughter is because "She has another head". That is the reason he gave. Any woman who is married also has a husband that must be considered FIRST. Yet Michael NEVER suggests we consult our husbnad BEFORE considering HIS wife's or HIS advice. Nor does Debi.
First you criticize Debi because she does not lay down exactly what to do in every particular situation. You want a precise definition of where the bright red line is that means it's time to sick the authorities on your man. Life is not that simple
The idea that she does not lay down exactly what to do in EVERY situtation does not trouble me. That book would be volumes long. But repentance and forgiveness is GOD'S first step in reconcilliation and restoration of a relationship. To call a book God's Plan but leave out the redemptive work of Christ is the issue. So there are some things that she left out that make the book a serious problem.
In her book she gives examples of when not to obey. Domestic abuse is rampant in society and the church is no exception. It is not that she doesn't mention physical abuse. It is that she does NOT give a woman a way to find refuge from the abuse and STILL reverence her husband. There is a way to do so. But a woman in that situation needs guidance to get there. She is usually NOT able to see a bigger picture. Debi's either/or option (Leave or Reverence) does not include the option of going to legal or church authorities for a remedy.
But I don't expect you or anyone else to be convinced of this. A review is my opinin of whether the reviewer felt this book was worthy of recommendation. In my analysis this book is not worthy of recommendation.
Others differ. I can accept that. Those that respect my review and opinion may decide that this book is not worth getting. Others will decide that I am not worth listening to and decide to purchase. That's the nature of a review.
Personally, I disagree with some of the Pearl's doctrines, but have found that they possess much wisdom. I would hope that most Christians would be well enough educated doctrinally to benefit from their wisdom.
It is the very nature of the Pearls doctrine that is the foundational reason for the reason for our review. That was outlined in our first post and there is a review of their doctrine here
http://allthings2all.blogspot.co...ter-
joy_30.html
I would hope most would be well educated enough doctrinally as well. But sadly, that is not the case. And a woman who attempts to DO the things which Debi recommends WITHOUT a relationship with CHRIST will eventually give up. And sadly she will say that it is God's Plan that failed her. God did not fail her it was a book that told her that she could be good without God and have a "heavenly marraige" without the redemptive work of Christ. That my friend is a sad ending. And the very reason I will not recommend the book.
You would then have to call the Bible inconsistent.
"Do not answer a fool according to his folly, Lest you also be like him."
" Answer a fool according to his folly, Lest he be wise in his own eyes." Proverbs 26:4-6
The answer is that it all depends. In one case, wisdom dictates that it is time to leave. In another case, a man may be worth redeeming.
I am not calling the Bible inconsistent but Debi inconsistent. She gave us scenarios of when NOT to obey and yet gives a woman counsel inconsistent with ther husband's teaching. Leaving is NOT an option for Michael Pearl yet that is an option that Debi gave.
I agree that situations dicatate differing solutions. But on the basis of a letter from a husband, the Pearls believe the wife has blasphemed. That COULD be true. But we don't know for sure that it is. There is information that the writer may have left out to make it APPEAR that he is just a man needing his wife. Could he be homosexual or a cross dresser or have AIDS? Clearly those are examples where the wife would be justified. Yet, the Pearls do not consider that situation. It is the Pearls that are inconsistent my friend and NOT the Bible.
Hi Spunky,
You wrote;
This review was written WITH my husband. When I read the book I submitted her teaching to the authority of my husband. And it fell way short of his standard and a biblical standard. And it was HIS decision to write and post these reviews.
What you believe about why I have problem with the book is not the issue anyway. The issue is that Debi puts forth a standard for women. A high one at that. HER inconsistency is the issue. She does not apply the some of the very teaching that she asks us to do.
She desires to tell us when to OBEY our man and yet never considers the possibility that this is NOT "God's Plan" or even our husband's but hers directed by her husband. If she had called this Debi Pearl's Practical Guide for Being A Help Meet that would be fine. But she calls this God's plan.
Mchael's refusal to answer his daughter is because "She has another head". That is the reason he gave. Any woman who is married also has a husband that must be considered FIRST. Yet Michael NEVER suggests we consult our husbnad BEFORE considering HIS wife's or HIS advice. Nor does Debi.
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Spunky,
You say that "Any woman who is married also has a husband that must be considered FIRST."
Their inconsistency is also your inconsistency. Should we listen to you, or should we FIRST go and consult our husbands? Oops, it's too late, my husband is not here right now and I have already read this. Does this mean that I can not read this blog when my husband is not here to tell me what to think? I know what my husband's opinions are and where he stands on various issues concerning doctrine. I have been living with him for 17 years. I am not afraid of discussing these things with others, and I align my views with those of my husband. I respect my husband's view, and would never criticize them or expose him to ridicule with other people. When I am convinced that he is wrong I pray that God will give him wisdom, and remind myself that it was Eve that was deceived by the serpent and not Adam. I have seen self-righteous wives smirking condescendingly at their husbands as they submit to what they would call his "stupidity". These women consider themselves to be wise, but the Bible says otherwise. Do you not think that this kind of self-righteous belittling attitude would not stir a man's wrath? A man would have to be a saint. Many of these husbands are not even saved.
When the Pearls say that this is "God's plan" they are not saying that every woman should do exactly what they say like a bunch of little puppets. They are saying that it is a woman's duty to honor or reverence her man, even though he may be less than perfect, or even if he is perfectly awful. This IS "God's plan". It is all over the Bible on every page. This did not come from the Pearls, it was around before they were ever born.
The idea of suffering for righteousness sake comes from the
Their inconsistency is also your inconsistency
I am not inconsistent at all. I offered my thoughts simply to establish that my attitude toward this book was not a "personal" grudge against REAL authority. it was OUR problems with the teaching and doctrine in the book. THTAT"S ALL. In fact we are in agreement with each other about how we approach what we read.
BUT Michael and Debi Pearl stated that they believe a woman ought to do when she has a dcoctrianal question or issue and that was to go to her head and NOT be tempted to consider the advice of another head that is not her own. (They offered Rebekah as their example of the proper way to do this.) It is the Pearl standard (and their failure to apply) that was established by them. I do not agree with this standard (and obviously by your comments you don't either.)
But Debi has to because her head says she must. And this is not when of the situations that Debi gives for NOT to obey her husband. It is Debi's inconsistency in following her husband's standard that is the issue. It is Debi's directed from her head and therfore that is the one she should apply. And she does not.
So if you admit that Debi is inconsistent as you beieve I am. Then would Debi be guilty of not reverencing her husband (according to her own teaching?), and thus blaspheming the Word of God?
When the Pearls say that this is "God's plan" they are not saying that every woman should do exactly what they say like a bunch of little puppets.
I find it amazing that people are willing to accomodate what they "think" the Pearls aare saying or not saying. They tell a woman who sins against husband things like "she has blasphemed" or "never make it into the "hall of Fame". These are strong words of the imply that NOT doing these things will result in a penalty from God.
That is smply not the case. A woman who always has hope in Christ. If we confess our sin he is faithful and just to forgivne us our sin and cleanse us from all unrighteousness.
You are exactly right reverencing our husband is God's Plan. Unfortunately, what reverence is and is not is not spelled out in the Word of God. That is what a relationship with Jesus and with our husband's is for. We are to ask the Lord for wisdom and seek our husband's advice on what God's Plan is for us. Debi presents her plan of "reverence" as God's plan. And any plan of "reverence" that does not include a relationship with Christ is NOT God's Plan. No matter how the "pracitcal advice" may be used.
Debi's book teaches us how to be 'good' and for some that is enough, but I don't seek to be 'good'. I seek to glorify God and that begins with a relationship with the Savior.
Spunky, you said,
"I find it amazing that people are willing to accomodate what they "think" the Pearls aare saying or not saying."
------------------------------
What makes you think that you understand what the Pearls are saying better than any of the rest of us? How do we know that what you say is true without looking at their materials for ourselves? Do you think that we all are too stupid to decide for ourselves? How condescending of you.
How much do you really know about them? You read a few of their books? I have been following them for 11 years, have seen the video, read many of their books, read every one of their newsletters from the very beginning, and have had some limited correspondence with them. Not only that but I have been trying their child training recipes for years and have found that the proof IS in the pudding. Tastes Great! Life has never been so good.
You THINK you know what they are saying, but to me obviously you do not. It is very convenient for you to tell everyone here what they are saying, while you do not invite the Pearls to defend the charges you are directing at them. I think that you are grossly misrepresenting and slandering them, which is a shame because they have much to offer to discerning Christians,
That comment was made in reference to the myriad of comments around my blog and in the "official review of my review" endorsed by the Pearls which usually being with "I think what Debi Pearl meant was...." or "What Mrs. Pearl was trying to say was..." NOT to claim that I know what she has said. You are absolutely right that would be very arrongant for me to assume what Mrs. Pearl meant. And so it is with those who begin comments that way. I was expressing my amazement with them just as you are with me. We are in agreement that no one should think that they can speak for the Pearls or know what they mean.
As far as knowing the Pearls. I have met Michael Pearl personally I have been reading their materials since 95 or early 96. I have also watched a few of their videos and attended a conference which hosted Michael Pearl. There I was able to speak with one of their daughters. Another daughter, Rebekah Pearl also came and spoke at our church. (Athough I was personally unable to attend.) So like you I have had considerable amount of exposure to the Pearls. Further, as recently as June I posted a comlimentary article on an article in their newsletter. It was because I had in the past encouraged support for them that I chose to speak. I ddidn't want any past endorsement to be transferred to support of this book as well.
Saying all of that....No I don't think I know what they are saying. In fact it is quite to opposite. I don't know what they are saying. It is clarity on the important doctrinal issues and practical issues that would help. I don't claim to assume what they are saying. I am willing to admit that so there is no mistake about it and willing to stake my name to that claim.
Leaving anonymous comments is a poor way of making your case. It would be better to own up to your opinions and I am to mine. Then atleast it will be clearly understonnd where both are coming from and we would both have accountability for what we say.
Further Anonymous
I have answered every one of your assertions and you seem to desire to make me the issue. I am not the issue. This book is the issue so please keep to the topic of discussing the book and my review.
If you want to make statements about my character or my "condescending tone" please begin a blog and post them there. I will even link to you and let others know you are out there. I am not afraid of dissenting views. That is the beauty of blogging NO ONE is censored from sharing their opinion.
But it would be helpful to all to know who is sharing their opinion and allow commentary accordingly.
This post is about Debi Pearl's book and my review. Let's keep to the subject at hand.
Thank you.
Lastly, the Pearls have read all of my reviews. They are free to comment here just as you were. They chose instead to comment on a rebuttal of my review done by The Old Schoolhouse. My comments box has been open. I do not have to invite them to speak on my blog. They are free to comment just as you did. They also have a newsletter, a website, and a blog by Kathy Slayman that they are also free to post on. I have linked to all of them and would be willing to link to any other that would be helpful to the discussion. I am not afraid of finding out I am wrong. I don't seek to be right but seek the truth. No more no less. And when someone presents a book as God's Plan but leaves out a way for a women to remedy her errors through confession and repentance in Christ but instead begins with a merry heart as the first step. That is not the truth. It may lead to a good marriage but not a Godly one.
Spunky,
I did not mean to attack you personally, but just wanted to ask a serious question about why we should all believe what you are telling us. It seems that you should be encouraging us to look into it for ourselves to see if it is really true. Instead you seem to be telling us to stay away from their books.
It seems to me that you are throwing out many of the Pearls valuable ideas and advice simply because it was the Pearls that said it (who admittedly have many unsound doctrines). If you have studied informal logic, you will know that this is called a genetic fallacy, in which a premise is considered invalid because of where it came from or where it originated. Instead of demonstrating that the argument itself is faulty, the source of the idea is attacked. Overall I find that their books on child training and the book Created to Be His Helpmeet contain much wisdom that can be mined by anyone who has eyes to see the difference between gravel and gold. Gold is still gold, no matter where it comes from.
The reason I wrote anonymously was because I did not think it mattered who I was. I am just a homeschool mom who likes to study reformed theology and logic and has just discovered the blogosphere. I don't have a ministry, and I don't work for anyone else's ministry. I don't have any hidden agenda to push. If you want to give me a name, call me Rebekah (not Pearl, I am not related) You know about me from what I have written and that means more than any name. I am not here to antagonize you, but to test what you are saying for my own benefit and also for the benefit of others. I will not hang out here for long, and I may eventually have time for my own web site with a blog. Right now I am too busy training my children.
Previously called anonymous, now called Rebekah
(edited by Spunky back to anonymous to avoid confusion about who is speaking.)
I have changed your name back to anonymous. You clearly want to remain so and I don't want confusion with Rebekah Pearl.
Anonymous you said
I did not mean to attack you personally, but just wanted to ask a serious question about why we should all believe what you are telling us. It seems that you should be encouraging us to look into it for ourselves to see if it is really true. Instead you seem to be telling us to stay away from their books.
I have never asked anyone to believe what I have written. All are free to check out exactly what I have written and many have. You are asking me about something I have not done. I have no answer for you. If people find my opinion credible and my review compelling enough to be moved to action that is their choice. That is the very nature of a review. Those that don't won't. I am fine with that.
It seems to me that you are throwing out many of the Pearls valuable ideas and advice simply because it was the Pearls that said it
Again you are saying I am doing something that I have not. I have in the past encouraged support of the Pearls. That will continue as I feel necessary. But again I didn't want past support of their ministry to be transalted into and endorsement of this book. Further, in the course of the discussion with Rebekah Pearl about my review, she made statements about the sinful nature of man that I find troubling. Until I have clarity on their theology I am free to withhold my support. That is my choice. This is not a genetic fallacy. I have not thrown out the Pearls advice simply because they are the Pearls but based on serious doctrinal questions. Until I have sufficient clarity about this matter I will be cautious about recommending them.
If an atheist offered me advice I would not expect it to be biblical and I would not hold him to that standard.
Debi Pearl is a woman of God. She declared herself a Titus 2 woman seeking to teach younger woman. One of the requirements of Titus 2 is that she teach according to sound doctrine. In the book Debi Pearl holds us to a high standard as wives. I am merely examining what she wrote to see if it meets the criterion of sound doctrine. I found it wanting in some very critical areas.
If she were just another book on the shelf offering "valuable advice" I would have not justification for examing her book this way. But she is a Christian who seeks to tell us what "God's Plan" is for a heavenly marraige. I will examine her writing in light of what I belive is the scripture shows us is a Godly marriage.
Instead of demonstrating that the argument itself is faulty, the source of the idea is attacked.
I would ask you to support where I have attacked the Pearls personally to support my argument. Reviewing a book negatively is not an attack. I didn't reject the book because it was written by Debi Pearl. If that were true I never would have ordered it. I reviewed it on its merits.
Lastly, I am a busy homeschool mother myself. I have to the best of my ability tried to asnwer all of your assertions about what i have written. I would ask that all future commentary be about the review itself and NOT about why I am doing what I am doing. You have consistently switched the reason for your dismay at my review but never expressed where the review itself is flawed.
True that one can mine for gold and find it. But if in the process of mining a greater damage can be done than the small value the nugget of gold contains. I would consider that a net loss not gain. Others are free to think differently. And are free to tell any who would listen why they think that.
I have no agenda except to please the Lord and my husband. We wrote these reveiews together in obedience to what we felt God wanted us to do. The same is true of Debi Pearl. She wrote what she considered her best example of what "God's Plan" for marriage is. A public review is not an attack. Further, I am content to have my reveiw examined as well. But I cannot convince others of my motives.
They will believe what they want no matter what I write. So I think it best to leave any further discussion to the review itself.
Anonymous,
One final note,
You said I should enocurage others to examine this for ourselves. I did that in my opening paragraphs where I stated,
Our family has benefitted from the ministry of Micheal and Debi Pearl. Their ideas on tying strings of fellowship and training are helpful as we parent our children. Their writing is direct and, whether you agree or disagree with their ideas, at least you know where they are coming from.
I read the excerpt for Debi's newest book, Created to Be His Help Meet, in their newsletter and thought that it would be equally helpful in my desire to be a better wife. Indeed, she provides many helpful reminders that are easy to forget in the day-to-day life of a busy household. Obedience, submission, and reverence are things that you can never hear too often. I am grateful that Debi is bold enough to attack these issues head on without regard to "trendy wisdom" or pop theology.
But those feelings were over-shadowed by a growing concern that in her zeal to present her case she may have moved into areas unsupported by Scriptutre. These areas need to be examined to determine whether they are indeed Scriptural.
This is clearly not an attack. And I do encourage an examination of the scriptures to see if it is true. I then begin my review itself.
I hope now we can move past any personal issues about me and consider the review itself.
I'd end up writing a book of my own to back up what I'm saying with personal experiences, so suffice it to say that I definitely agree with you. What a mess...
Thanks Alyx. You won't get me to disagree with you.
Thank you!!! I have been considering doing a book study with the young women in our church on Created to Be His Helpmeet but haven't read it yet. I receive their newsletter and agree with some ideas, but I have always had a nagging feeling that something wasn't right doctrinally. I have only read 3 parts of your review, but I feel so grateful that I stumbled onto your blog! Again, thank you for being watchmen!
Emily
Spunky,
I've been considering getting a few of the Pearl's publications. I have a few friends who have been pushing "Created to be his Helpmeet" on me. Interestingly, I resisted on a gut level for the reasons you documented in your review. I recently viewed the Pearl's video "The Joy of Training." I agreed with many concepts (train vs discipline, as well as swats when needed). His theology seemed off. I was just getting ready to listen to his whole Romans study but after reading yours and other comments I'm more likely to look for other works that don't require quite so much winnowing to gather the wheat. Thank-you to both you and your husband (especially his leading to review the theology) for the time and effort you put into this.
I rarely read Christian behavioral books. After some parenting books caused havoc in our wonderful family 15 years ago, I gave up that practice and usually stick to the Bible. But a friend who is a younger Christian asked me to read this book and comment to her. A friend of hers had read it and it saved her marriage, she said. Well...two days ago I started it. Today my husband asked several times if I were upset or depreseed or what was was wrong. When I finally blurted out that I was trying ot figure out how to be a godly wife he asked: "Should I burn that book?" Debi's book has, as you said, some good and timely reminders from the scriptures. However, the applications are all her own interpretation and do not allow for the fact that we all have different personalities and the helper meet for one man might not be meet for another. If I tried some of Debi's practical applications, it would not be a pretty sight in our home, and my husband would not be laughing.
We were recently separated from one of our 5 children thru death, a sudden violent happening. We still work very hard at meeting each other's needs, but both our needs are different right now, and his way of protecting and caring for me and my way of meeting his needs are different than they were several years ago. At this stage of my life, Debi's recommendations seem rather silly and superficial. While someone might be able to act out a merry heart for awhile, I know I can't fake it. I have to always have God change me from the inside out, not from the outside in. A merry face and voice is not the same as a merry heart, and only a work of God gives that. I agree that right actions are always right, but they won't usually bring about a right heart. Allthings2all's site was very helpful in pinpointing what doctine that idea violates.
The doctrinal issues are quite alarming. There are other, much more sound, books out there that would be just as helpful to recommend if someone feels they need some help besides scripture.
One question: was anyone out there troubled by the comments that divorced women always have to take low paying low skill jobs, and another that said if we don't look after our men we won't have anyone to care for us and protect us when we are old? I have a friend who thinks along the lines Debi does, and they don't think a woman should get a formal education except to work as a church secretary or teach in a christian school. Actually those comments were the first sign that my troubled heart might be a problem with the book and not with my marriage!
Thanks for this blog. It helped me clear my head!
God bless.
Tereasa, missionary/homeschool wife of Doug and mom to Amanda (a first year med student), Christiana (singing praises to Jesus face to face), Juliana (political science major), Stephen, and Andrew.
I find this amazing: "...but I discovered something amazing about her, Sunny really wanted God's will in her life. She had grasped an eternal vision about life, and she now believed God could save her man."
Um, from everything I've read on abusive situations, leaving is more frightening than the beatings. Many women feel they can change their man...that the beatings are their fault. That if they only could be better wives, he would be a better husband.
Their position stems from a severe attachment disorder (I believe disorganized attachment style, but I'm unsure at the moment) that essentially will lead them to these relationships and oftentimes even behave in such a way to insight abuse.
There was nothing amazing about Sunny's response...only a deep indication of the kind of support a women who is truly in an abusive situation needs in order to have the courage to leave.
I agree Dana. Another thing about this story. There were factual errors in the story. Rebekah Pearl aadmitted when questioned about the story that Sunny only has two children and she was never pregnant with the third as the book indicated. She then would not answer any more questions about the story which I found odd.
It is this story that makes it difficult for me to recommend this book.
Spunky,
Still reading on...and am reminded of a few other things. At the beginning of Part III you got me thinking. i've told many women that i couldn't recommend the book simply because there were too many dangerous teachings. i would certainly go through it with someone (to glean the good), but is it enough to do that without also digging through and shedding light on the bad? Debi's perspectives on sex scared me almost as much as those on domestic violence. Have sex with your husband whenever he wants it or you might as well give him the number of the local brothel? How's that for having a heart motivated by the fear of the Lord, honoring God or blessing your husband? Keep up the good work! If only there were some way to write a companion/balancing book to CTBHHM without it being a big mess!
Does anyone ever write to critique the critics? Are we making the world safer for the unsuspecting? Is this heresy? Is anyone attempting to draw close to the Pearls to change their mind where they are wrong? Are our prayers going up that they might be converted to the truth? I have read that Knowledge puffs up. Surely we are not guilty of any of that are we? Paul seemed to give the Corinthians the benefit of the doubt. "He that is not against us is".....a tool of the devil?
Actually my review has been critiqued. The Pearls themselves have responded. I've linked to those posts. They believe that I have a doctrinal error. I have the "mistaken belief that we are born with a sin nature".
I have made my review public for the express purpose of dialoging on this issue. If my review has errored in any way, I am open to looking at what is said. So far, I have not read anything that compells my husband or I to change our review in a significant way.
It isn't about giving them the benefit of the doubt. The wife is not responsible for the "complete santicifaction and deliverance from temptation". That is false teaching. The teaching in this book is built around that premise. Further, the doctrine of "suffering in silence" is false. Further, there is not submission to the local eldership when a husband is in gross error. The woman cited in the book, whose husband attempted murder should have at least gone to the elders of the church. Debi's counsel did not advise that. To a woman suffering in these situations, she needs complete Truth. Not a partial truth. Debi's book is partial truth.
Spunky, could you provide the links to where they review your reviews? (Could you email them to me? I assume you can see my email from the comment?) I would like to have documentation that you are in doctrinal error for believing we are born with a sin nature, as people ask about this in regard to their child rearing books, ire immwhich do assume an absence of total depravity and the neutrality of an animal.
I haven't read through all the comments, and I see this post is over a year old but one thing I did notice in the book, this review, and the comments I read is that nobody thought of the woman addressing her complaints to the elders in her church and providing the situation with some oversight before calling the cops (though if the husband has knife in hand etc., then yes please call the cops). I am a product of a home where submission was valued too much in a situation of physical abuse. It all could have been so simply taken care of in the beginning if my mom had addressed the situation to church oversight, as my dad was really a very tender hearted man and one who could have kept his temper had he known that we were not all keeping silent about it. He has changed very much in the past years. But it should have happened when we were little: the abuse was not my mom's fault, but the lack of response to it is something I would never repeat in my own family.
K. Here is the link to the comment about the doctrine
http://www.homeschoolblogger.com...h/26344/
#c38387
Listening to the tapes by Michael Pearl will clarify what they believe about the sin nature of man.
I have been reading through Debi's book on being a help meet. I have also read the posts that have been made here reviewing the book. All of which are very valid points to be of concern. However, I think one point is very critical in evaluating not only the abusive husband situation but really anything when it comes to marriage. And that is that submission is not forced. It is a gift of sacrifice. Sacrifice is individual and is something we choose to do based on a conviction God has laid on our individual hearts. The standard is that we know God put marriage together and it hurts Him for us to tear it apart. Based on this truth in God's Word - at what price do we as individual women see fit to sacrifice to honor that truth to our God? It is totally individual. If an individual woman sees fit to submit herself to her husband even to the point of physical abuse or ,in some cases, death (as Christ chose to do for the Higher calling He had been created for) that should be a women's individual decision and sacrifice. However I don't think anyone would fault a woman who left either. The fact is it has to be individual. Submission is a gift that can not be taken and is a reflection of worship. God does not call everyone to the same degree of sacrifice. I think this issue is very dangerous to tread on. For one woman to look at another woman's circumstances and say "she is a fool I would leave" is ludicrous. Just as much so is it ridiculous for a woman to tell another woman she must stay. I will say that when doing this study on my own, strictly speaking scripturally, I have NEVER found anything that removes the responsibility of the wife to obey her husband on the grounds of abuse. The only thing I have found as an "excuse" for divorce is found in the gospels based on the grounds of adultery. That being said, don't we, as wives , have the choice to even submit ourselves to this by choosing NOT to leave if our husband is found in adultery? I don't even think this subject should be approached by anyone on a general level with the attitude of "well the answer is..." maybe the reason the Pearl's advice is contradictory is because they truly don't know. It isn't addressed in scripture and therefore their inconsistencies make sense I think. Apart from this specific subject, i think it is important to approach any teaching on our roles as wives with caution. Understanding that we have a responsibility to our God not our husband and that the only promised outcome of our obedience to His teachings is the peace in our hearts knowing we can stand before our Heavenly Father and have served Him the best we could. Other than this there are no guarantees. God can definitely use a women who is being obedient and loving and submissive more so than one that is not, but our husbands still have the choice and the will to rebel and disobey. We alone can not make a heavenly marriage - but we can choose to be happy with the marriage we h
Tina you said, "maybe the reason the Pearl's advice is contradictory is because they truly don't know. It isn't addressed in scripture and therefore their inconsistencies make sense I think."
I try when I read a book not to make any assumptions about WHY an author is inconsistent. If the Pearls truly didn't know they should have left out ANY advice to the woman, but in giving inconsistent advice, they needlessly confuse a woman who desperately needs to hear sound wisdom. At the very least that should include, going to your elders for counsel. That advice isn't contained in her "wisdom."
Further, I am NOT saying that a woman MUST do anything let alone divorce if her husband is abusive. But if he has broken the law and attempted murder, some sort of intervention is certainly advisable. Again, we don't get that from the Pearls in this book.
An issue as serious and widespread as abuse should be covered with clarity and avoid needless confusion. This book fails in that regard.
The book totally misses the meaning of, and misrepresents marriage. Marriage is patterned after Christs covenant relationship to the church. Marriage is to put Christ and His bride on display. That is why marriage exist according to Eph.5:32 Marriage is the display of God, it is His doing, and for his glory. Christ will never leave nor forsake, nor abuse His bride. The heart of marriage is a one flesh union. The man is to cleave unto his wife. The wonder of marriage is woven into the wonder of the cross and the gospel that Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. Mrs. Pearl has flip flopped the whole gospel message. She has the wife courting and initiating and pursuing. Christ initiated.Christ pursued. Christ does not respond to the church- He planned for her salvation and sanctification. He was a servant leader. He suffered for loves sake. Leadership is a burden and responsibility, not the "right" to control,neglect or abuse another human being.
Blessings, Debbie
A friend suggested the book to me. While reading it I felt in my spirit something was not right, when I got to the part about the abused woman "Sunny"I new the holy spirit had been showing me all along the book was biblically off! God would never want any of his children to stay in a abusive situation. That is called foolishness
My concern is how many women read the book and are dead from staying with a physically abusive man because they thought his sins were somehow her fault.
Debbi gave Sunny horrible advice. How many books did you say were sold?
Angie K.
WHEN DEBI IS GIVING SUNNY ADVICE TO STAY WITH HER ABUSER, WHAT MESSAGE ARE WE SENDING TO OUR YOUNG PEOPLE??
WHAT IF A YOUNG GIRL WHO READS THIS BOOK STAYS WITH HER ABUSER AND ENDS UP DEAD BECAUSE SHE TOOK THIS ADVISE?
I KNOW IF I WAS THE MOTHER OF THAT CHILD, I WOULD MAKE SURE LEGALLY ANOTHER BOOK WAS NOT SOLD.
ARE WE AS WOMEN NOT MORE VALUBLE TO GOD THAN THAT?
When you are trusting in the Lord, seeking Him in His Word and listening for His guidance, you will know when to leave and when to stay. It will be clear to that individual.
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