"The report said we should get a damp-proof course put in and some woodworm treatment...fair enough. "

It's not fair enough, it's a lousy rotten scam. Such things are hardly ever necessary, and the guarantees they give you are not worth the paper they're printed on.

The timber treatment companies and the surveyors are all in cahoots. Don't get ripped off, resist if you possibly can.

And, btw, did you know the best of it? If you accepted that deal, the "retention" would actually be paid, with rest of the money, to your solicitor! HE gets to "retain" it, you get to pay the interest. Don't fall for this one either.

Glad to hear you got it all sorted out in the end. A good bank is worth staying with. I've been with Clydesdale for absolutely ages (free plug, guys, how about some tickets for the Rugby?) because they did the needful on loans when I was a self builder, honestly, quickly, and without any of that nonsense you had.

I think I alluded to that in my post, Andrew, but, like I said, that's another story. It is fair enough for the bank to go by what's in a builder's report. The fact that, yes, it was a scam, was a problem between me and the builder, not between me and the bank. But we found a great builder in the end, so no worries.

Our solicitor wasn't going near that "retention". He thought the bank were stupid and unreasonable, and did a great job of getting them to back down over some things.

I'm surprised you're happy with Clydesdale. As a general rule, they're dreadful. I used to work in direct debits, which largely involves sorting out problems for customers with incompetent banks. On the basis of about two years of dealing with incompetent fuck-ups and petty vindictiveness, the only banks I could recommend are First Direct and the Co-operative. Mind you, I used to be with the Co-operative, and, at least when it came to my account, they were annoyingly incompetent. High charges, too. But Clydesdale, even by the standards of banks, stuck in my mind as having one of the worst attitudes to their customers. They're probably one of those banks whose service varies drastically from branch to branch.

I have a feeling that First Trust may be the bank with whom I still have an account from 10 years ago which I never closed because -
1.) There was 2 quid in it last time I checked (erm... 9 or 10 years ago)
2.) The bank wanted me to pay 5 quid to close the account.
Or is it Ulster Bank?
Either way, I'm hoping for a "Dave Lister returns to Earth moment" one day....