Somehow you post on pacific time despite the move? All the ninja talk reminds me I must recommend these guys for kids t-shirts..
http://www.thrillershop.com/grub...bys/
grubbys.htm
Unfortunately they don't have any images of the baby/kids shirts there, but...
We have the one seen in the first pic here from them AND... they have a series with the phrase "part time ninja on them." You need one of those right?
Tragic. Hauntingly beautiful post.
Now I'm really sad.
I still havn't read the entire post yet. I just wanted to let you know how close I came to losing it in front of everyone here at work, after reading "mournful whistle of a fart".
Thanks for the laugh!
Like GGC said. Now I need to go home and hug my baby girl for hours.
Scenes like the one you described break my heart. There are bright spots, though: I took my 18-month-old to buy flowers for her Oma's (granny's) birthday yesterday. The florist seemed to totally ignore us while the buglet chattered on and on about "Oma, oma, oma!" The florist never cracked a smile or even looked in our direction. After the clerk gave us our flowers and rang us up, the florist handed the bug a rose and said, "That's a special flower for you to give your Oma." I nearly fell over.
It's not all bad.
Growing up, I loved to go grocery shopping with my Mom. The butchers, the cashiers, and the baggers all knew us by name--all six kids. We would run into our neighbors in the store and spend too much time talking to them. Now, the only pseudopersonal moment is when the cashier reads my name off the receipt to insert it in the phrase, "Have a nice day [customer]." I hadn't thought of all this until I read your post, and so I hadn't thought that perhaps it is all this that has led me to avoid grocery shopping in a store at all costs. I'd rather do my shopping on Peapod, from my living room, where everyone knows my name.
Thank you, Dutch. I needed to hear that not everyone looks past the joy of an old man buying heart-shaped mylar balloons for his wife in a nursing home. As upsetting as this world of strip malls has become, your account of this man's gesture acknowledged something deeply human, and very, very touching.
I can't tell you how much this post affected me.
We had this talk about the difference between the hardware store and Home Depot. At the hardware store a boy of 15 can tell us exactly what we need to install our sink and rig up our kitchen faucet. At Home Depot they sell us shitty non-grout and have no idea they're doing it.
I know this isn't your point but we bought non themed crap from that exact store for little pinatas we made for New Year's Eve. Bouncing balls, candy necklaces, plain gold coins. But yes, there's no denying the demand is there with the amount of 'themed' offerings.
I had to make my own party hats for Max's 1st bday to avoid characters.
Finally, we're taking you to that "irish" bar in the strip mall, right after we drag you to Duggan's "Irish" pub down the street.
We went to buy our kid a toothbrush at the supermarket the other day, and the same thing happened: not a one to be had that was not some character! Not even a generic Meijer version...even though they have those for adults.
I ended up getting a German boar bristle one at the health food store.
We call that land-o-strip-mall stuff "generica". We live in the old part of the middle of Austin in a small house, without much space, so that we can be surrounded by NOT generica, and feel the last bit of that home-towny-ness that does still exist out there. Hard to find in Generica, but still around when you shop mom and pop places, as I know you do.
As for the wages-for-giving-a-shit concept, I politely disagree. As we all know, you're either a polite person who gives a shit, or you aren't. Even when you get a raise at work, slowly you adjust and go back to whatever you did before, either good work or not. Kindness and caring doesn't take that much effort and a minimum wager can (and does in many cases) do that just as easily as if s/he were paid $20/hour. Because that's who they are as a person and it carries over into all aspects of their life.
I'm glad you noticed the old guy. The older generations have so much to teach us if we just listen.
Sigh...the preponderance of big box stores and (often) anonymous service makes me sad too. Yet, I shop there because they've eliminated many of the choices I WOULD have had in the past(try to find a mom and pop hardware store for example and your shit out of luck around here).
Anyway, the story of Juniper and the toilet made me laugh out loud ('hondo? who the fuck is hondo?') and makes me want to run screaming from my own impending potty training experience 
.
Perhaps if he had been earning a $20 wage, he still would have treated that guy the same way. But he might not have if he was the son of the store's owner and still making $6 an hour. In that case, wouldn't he at least have an incentive to treat his customes with dignity? Even if he wasn't the son of the store owner, what if he had developed a relationship with an owner who lived in town and wasn't some LLC based on some other town or state? What if the money from the mylar balloons was going back into the community in some form other than minimum wages?
I think the treatment of workers---the result of absentee store owners or foreign corporations---directly results in this kind of "who gives a shit" retail atmosphere. When I was a kid I knew men who supported their families selling suits in downtown Kalamazoo. Such a man sold me my first suit. He made an art of it. Now try to find me more than a handful of such people in any community.
It isn't that I disagree with your point - mom and pop shops are the dying art of America, and everything you say is true - a store owner could impact a neglected kid and inspire him to be a better person. That stuff still exists, and I for one am looking for a way to try and keep that experience in my life by choosing to spend my money and time in those kinds of establishments. By being friendly to other people when I'm in generica for whatever reason. I wish it were like it was in my Great Grandpa Tretsven's day also; it was a more wholesome time. But we live now, and all we can do is MAKE the best of what we have. It doesn't take the shop owner to make a difference. The patrons can, too.
dutch, I think you've said it better just now. It's not necessarily the wage (I have encountered disinterested, unhelpful clerks at expensive stores); it's the connection to the community. The family-owned business cannot stand for poor customer service. Because if the family-owned business goes south, then all they can do is open another business in the same city and hope the community forgot their failed venture OR move the family to another town to try a new business. If the business venture of Conhugeco fails, then it says, 'Meh' and just tries the next city without any level of personal sacrifice.
It's why we always choose locally owned restaurants over big chains. The owners are almost always there somewhere, and they are making sure that you're happy, that you have a good experience all around. They're trying really hard to get a good reputation because it's their personal success (possibly their savings, too) that's on the line.
Out of curiosity, being the avowed cheap dutchman you are, if you had been the old man looking for a balloon for Wood, would you have gone into the impersonal store that sold it for $3 or the touchy-feely store where the owner knew your name and charged $7? Would your answer change if you were buying a more expensive present and the cost differential was a couple hundred bucks instead of a couple bucks?
(This could be a new game...WWDD?)
This post really struck a cord with me. This line:
Sometimes it feels like we have exchanged some of our humanity to save a few lousy dollars.
I was just thinking about that last night. So sad.
"Finally, we're taking you to that "irish" bar in the strip mall, right after we drag you to Duggan's "Irish" pub down the street"
sigh, I miss eating at BOTH of those places. We used to go there for lunch when I worked at the big building next to the strip mall.
Great post Dutch. I got alittle teary about the older gentleman asking if the nursing home would allow balloons. It sucks that the kid helping him had the compassion of a doorstop.
I don't want to make it seem like I'm sitting around the old cracker barrel wistfully reminiscin' about them good old days of mom-n-pop stores. I know that shit is the past. but what the old guy showed me was that what I have grown accustomed to wasn't always the way it was, and maybe shouldn't be how it is.
as for my own purchasing habits, I do my best to avoid the suburbs. I buy from places in detroit, some chain, mostly not, but I figure any business with the balls to open doors within this city deserves my support. we did get her birthday cake from a local non-chain bakery and her balloons and shit at a non-chain grocery store. in San Francisco, it was a non-issue, because there you almost had to go out of your way to shop at chain stores.
Beautiful post- I am reminded of my grandparents who celebrated their 68th wedding anniversary in the nursing home together this year before my grandmother passed away. Your post reminded me to send him a Valentine to cheer him up- thank you Dutch.
I think Trasi has a point. It's amazing how much we can impact our world by being cheerful with other people and trying to connect to them. It's hard to stay cheerful after you've encountered 100 people in a row who completely ignored you, who are yelling at their kids, or talking on their cell phones. We the customers are just as much to blame for their attitudes. Poor pay is just icing on the cake.
I cant believe someone could resist a sweet old man buying a balloon for his wife on their 60th, some people just dont care. Ive been working customer service for about 14 years now and never have I let my lack of pay allow me to treat anyone with anything less then respect, people are people and to many of them forget that its not their fault (the customer) what we get paid and we shouldnt treat people as if it were.
That reminds me of an old man who shuffled up to me with his wife in the grocery store one day. He told me all about how they had fallen in love in high school, got married, took high school students to France (all before World War II), and raised a family. After a few minutes, it became clear that she didn't remember a thing, as she looked at him in awe while he told the story. He then told me that he loved her more than ever and would never put her in a nursing home unless he had to go too. She then kissed him on the cheek, and said "I love you, too" and asked me why I was crying.
ok before i read the rest of the comments or respond to the things that make me laugh my ass off (bea arthur vanity plates, oh jesus christ!) i'm reading what you are saying about minimum wage workers and i wonder if some of the humanity that is lost in those transactions is often from the consumers who deal with these "peons" as if they are a nuisance more than anything. and part of it is adolescence, when you are a 17 year old working for crappy wages to throw some gas in your car and buy a couple of forties on the weekend (or a bag of weed, whatever) i mean, really, how inspired can you possibly be to interact with people whom you view as ancient. it's the naval gazing mentality of being a teenager (not a bad thing, just a developmental phase) of thinking that you are the only important thing in the world. there are some exceptions, mostly due to excellent parenting and modeling of sympathy and empathy and social consciousness, but those mindsets are usually learned from life experience and take a while to develop.
pnuts daddy started working in a supermarket when he was 16- was a cart boy, bottle boy, then finally settled into the produce department and had a wonderful old italian guy named albert mentor him in the art of handling and selling produce. it was that man who taught him to love and cherish and respect the work he was doing- not the assholes that would give him a hard time over marking down two bananas for 15 cents. i mean oh my god it was the exception to have a decent customer- and he all social classes shopping at his stores. i think anyone who has worked retail could hsare their horror stories. but i would be lying to you if i implied that he and most of the kids he worked with weren't under the influence of something most of the day just to get through the mundanity of the experience that working retail is.
from his experience, my husband makes it a rule to always speak to whomever we deal with by their first name if they are wearing a nametag. i think for him, it reminds him of when people used to acknowledge his existence in the supermarket and acknowledged him as a human and not just a replaceable nothing. it's just as easy to treat people with dignity and respect- that's what that man showed jason yesterday and it's what albert showed my husband more than ten years ago. it can be difficult in this de-humanized world we live in, but it's something we'll try and show pnut as well.
The other day I wanted a quiet place outside my home to study, write and read. I ended up at Starbucks because I live in the suburbs, and if any non-chain coffee shops exist out here, I have yet to stumble upon them (even when I go looking). That's something I miss a lot about living in a city, which was more like "the good old days" than where I am now in many ways. But I agree that treating people with genuine human kindness goes a long way to alleviate some of that "generica" attitude.
Hauntingly beautiful post. I'm sitting here at work tearing up thinking about that old man and the balloons. *sigh*
On a different note, there is a Secretary of State office on 9 mile, just east of Woodward that would let you avoid the strip mall entirely and one on Livernois & 7-ish that would allow you to combine motor vehicle registration with another 8 ball gift for your Dad in one trip. Just trying to be helpful.
I'd say a lot more of that generic feeling echoes through the suburbs. Having lived in both the city and the outlying communities around here, I generally find that the personality gets more evident closer into the core of the city. It's almost as though the suburban folks like it safer and more anonymous, which is generally the opposite of what people imagine they're getting when they move out of the city.
And I worked at a Starbucks for next to nothing and found a way to inject fun into my job. I think no matter what you're making, you have to make a choice about how you're going to work, and what you're going to put into it.
We have so many excuses for leaving our humanity behind, but we're really hurting ourselves when we make the choice to let that happen.
and now back to my regularly scheduled comments:
OH MY GOD ARE YOU FINALLY GETTING A DOG? is it for your birthday? i would so love a dog for my birthday, i'm sure it would take away some of the pain of turning *that number* but i'm pretty sure pnuts daddy is not going to budge on that issue. plus it is freakin cold out to walk a dog.
along the lines of what melissaS said, you can find more generic party favors/decorations around, mostly online, and craft your own non-licensed theme party. we did a rubber ducky party for pnuts 1st and it was pretty fabulous. we made lots of the stuff ourselves cause we are nuts like that.
Several commenters already made some of the points I wanted to make. This post was really great on several levels, from the funny parenting moments (I remember those trips to the bathroom all too well) to the glimpses inside someone's life if we pay attention.
Jason is a teenager working at a job he probably doesn't like, but even if it were the best job in the world, he's still a teenager. And most of them are at best awkward and sometimes surly. So I'm of a mind to cut him some slack.
HOWEVER, I do see fewer and fewer instances of real, personal, great customer service in general, but definitely more so in the 'burbs than in certain parts of the city. I prefer the mom & pop places as well, but there's a tradeoff in price and selection that results in our doing some shopping at big boxes or on the internet, and some (especially holiday gifts) at the local places and in museum gift shops.
But Wal-Mart? Nope. Won't do it.
Oh, *please* tell me you went over and wished the man a happy 60th anniversary? If you did, it will at least slightly alleviate this leaden feeling I now have.
Otherwise, I'm going to have to go around hugging every elderly person I see today just to make up for the sullen teenage clerks of the world.
That's what I'm loving about San Francisco so far, that one CAN'T find a Home Depot to save one's life and so must walk the two blocks down to Brownie's Hardware Store instead, where everyone is gracious and friendly and looks like Tim Allen. It's all kind of new to me, this sense of community, this sense of people HELPING people in stores. I guess it shocks me to realize that when they say it, they actually WANT you to have a nice day.
bluuuuuuuuu
bluuuuuuuu
blockers
First off, I LOVE that you have a Bea Arthur vanity polate. That is priceless!?!
Otherwise, this post completely broke my heart. My husband and I try to buy at local stores where it is Moms and Pops making the bread we eat or helping up buy a new ratchet. I hate not knowing the people who share my community and how we have become so jaded and rude to one another. I completely broke down in recounting this post to my administrative assistant. The simple beauty of this elderly man buying balloons for his wife on their 60th wedding anniversary is poignant and sweet. The mere fact they have survived marriage for 60 years and he still thinks of such a sweet gesture is an indication of how far away from that type of caring we are. We are a nation where nobody says hello or knows each others names and it is heartbreaking.
Thanks for making me sad.
Also, this kind of reminds me of how I sometimes act at my own shitty job. Yikes, perhaps I need to grow up a little and stop being an ass!
Okay, the Bea Arthur license place was something of a happy accident. It is actually something like Bea R2UR. When he handed it to me though, I was like SWEET.
I was thinking the cheap vs. small shops thing about you too dutch.
One thing Logan and I noted. We bought our bathroom faucet at the big box store and it was $75. The trap pipe was plastic though, so we had to go to a locally owned plumbing supply store to get a chrome one (since it shows).
We paid $20 extra for that part. Guess what? That same faucet (with chrome trap pipe) was just $5 more at their store.
Sometimes the savings are an illusion.
I just wish that kid would get off his "entitlement horse" ("I'm too good for THIS job") and show some excitement about a man buying his wife something to commemorate their 60th wedding anniversary. No need to jump up and down or anything, but for god's sake, say something like "wow, 60 years! Congratulations!"
I would have felt the urge to go and slap that kid upside the head. At least he said "have a nice day"....
RE: the branded things EVERYWHERE. We're struggling with that because P's at the age where she's starting to get smart about branded toys. I can't say that I mind Spongebob all that much, he reminds me of Ren & Stimpy. But we refuse to let her have those branded toys - whenever she is given one, we put it aside for Toys for Tots or something. Until our children are old enough to understand the power that advertisers have over them, I feel that it's the responsible thing to restrict the exposure... P doesn't watch television, just movies, and we refuse to buy things that have any association with Disney or Elmo or any of that crap. And I really hate that their characters are on diapers. PLEASE!!!
I just wish I had time to potty train the girl!
Just wanted to enter one more thought in this (really interesting) conversation. In England, a place that was an empire forever because it was so self-sufficient, all of the farming is now being outsourced. It's cheaper to ship Czech vegetables to the UK than it is to take care of their own citizens. Farmers have recently reached #1 in UK suicide statistics. Can you imagine, not just losing your store to a big chain, but losing everything you know? Most of these farmers (and you must know, having worked as one in Ireland) have never left the hills. All of their friends are farmers. Their kids are farmers. The land came down the generations. Then the bank buys it and they don't know anything except that dying would be easier than living.
My best friend just moved to Michigan (but not Detroit) from the east coast. She is thrilled that all the clerks are super friendly. She couldn't get a word out of any of them out there. She's loving the midwest! And what you say about the big box stores is not necessarily true. A lowly clerk in Wal-Mart offered to carry her water because it looked heavy and she's pregnant. People have fallen all over themselves to help her out.
I used to work in a family-owned hardware store in a small town, the kind of place all of you are so wistful about. The owner of the place was the grumpiest, crankiest, meanest son-of-a-bitch you ever met. The people had no other place to get their plumbing and hardware, however, so they all had to spend their money there, or drive 30 miles to the city. Small and privately owned does not automatically mean dreamy.
Oh how sad.
Consumers receive worse and worse customer service, but they also treat clerks and reps worse and worse. The humanity slides on both sides as they expect the worst and operate like robots. It's chicken and egg. Both the growth of impersonal shopping spaces and poor interpersonal skills seem to be rooted in our convenience-oriented selfish society, rather than a reaction of one to the other.
But! I had a very awesome experience at that very same SOS (why the hell isn't it DMV here? why the hell don't they have appts like the CA DMV?) when changing my license and plates from CA to MI. Some lady did a random of attack of kindness and gave me and my newborn her numbered ticket (which was much closer to being called) so we would be served that day, instead of being sent home empty-handed at Close of Business after waiting for 3+ hours.
Oh, and my husband would be soooo jealous of your plate. He is half-jokingly obsessed with Bea.
I don't think every big-box employee is an unfriendly jerk. I don't think every mom or pop is a saint. I worked enough minimum wage jobs to know that sometimes it is the customers who create this attitude of indifference as much as those employed in the service industry. My sister was a checkout clerk at Menards for years. I know the stories.
This post is a failure, because it attempts to paint a very fine point with a broad brush: what I think was interesting was my surprise that the man even bothered to talk to the clerk about his story, and my own realization that these consumer interactions are among the few instances where many of us get to interact on a real human level with perfect strangers, but for one reason or another, a lot of the humanity, a lot of the potential for grasping a rare chance to connect however superficially with a stranger has gone missing. It's not just the cashier's fault. It's not just the customer's fault. It's not just the bog box corporation's fault. I think it's everybody's fault.
What can I add, really? You said it well. Communities are nothing more than traffic lights, strip malls and outback steakhouses. We describe our towns by their general proximity to the closest Mall. Meanwhile, the residents are burrowed in their homes, making "friends" online and to emerge to stop off at the food court or the fast food drive thru to pick up their family dinner. I support local small business with pride, every day. I even make buttons for the cause (not to spam at all, seriously), http://www.supportlocalsmallbusiness.com
I give them out to local merchants and let them know that I love and respect what they do for the community.
When I was in school I worked for a couple owner-operated places, and a couple big chains. The chains were shitty, no question. But the owner-operated places weren't much better. As far as thinking the son of the owner would behave so much more caringly--the children of the owners worked where I did and would do things like show up visibily stoned out of their minds (like "I watched them them the whole shift in case they keeled over or burned themselves" stoned, not "bong hit before work" stoned). Why? Because they CAN'T GET FIRED.
I think the humanity of the experience is to be found not in who owns the store, but how we treat one another no matter where we go. For example, the people at Trader Joe's now recognize us because we're there so often and Maggie rarely leaves without a balloon or a sticker and some fussing-over. It's a chain; the people at a certain independently-owned supermarket in downtown Royal Oak exhibit pretty snotty behavior (and that includes at least one of the owners, who sighed and rolled his eyes when I asked for advice on purchasing an under-$20 bottle of wine as if he JUST could not be bothered). Guess where I shop most often? I don't like chains but I REALLY don't like getting treated like a moron.
I agree with many points already addressed. With pnutsmom and jennifer that the depressingly savage behavior of consumers makes it impossible to sustain good service, because you can't get punching bags willing to take the abuse (I supervise customer service staff now). But I also agree that either you're a kind person or you're not. I started work at the mall at $3.85/hr and I worked with kind people and rude, unkind people.
I think any post that can get people talking about how we treat one another is not a failure.
And please, please tell me you wished him a Happy Anniversary. Lie if you must. I need to believe it.
Got the message, it is interesting that the old guy isn't hardened, jaded, and cranky with the way things have evolved since his day, when things were different. Perhaps it is because he became who he is (the kind of guy who would share his story) and he's not had an abundance of exposure to the "new" world as it is today. Perhaps he has, but it hasn't changed him because he is set in his ways. Perhaps he just goes through life oblivious, sharing his little stories and spreading his humanity around, and the world is a better place in his sphere because of it. I think this is a good place to note that there's always the exception to the rule, the generalization doesn't always fit, and if you tell a story with various parts to it, 10 different people will connect with 10 different parts of it. Just because people didn't scream out your intended point doesn't mean you didn't make other valid points to each of us, based on where we are. I don't get why you think this post was a failure.
I stopped going to Portillos for a similar reason. When I was a kid, Portillos was a couple of small hot dog joints. Now it is this huge chain. When you order, they give you a number to pick up your order (they always have). One day when I was there the woman called 435 (ok, I don't actually remember the number) and this little boy (all proud to be so responsible) brings the number to the lady. She doesn't look down to see his little self standing there holding the slip (he barely reached the counter) and continues to call the number over his head. I decided I didn't want to eat at a place that doesn't notice a little "big boy" handing in a number (Plus they don't serve Vienna Beef).
hmm...dutch, i don't think the post was a failure in the sense that it has sparked a discussion (that is extrememly interesting to me, btw). i too want to clarify that i don't think the problem is city vs. suburb or chain vs. owner-operated. not in the least. i agree that as a society we are slowly becoming more and more detached from each other yet can't seem to connect this to the feelings of loneliness and disconnect that as individuals we have- and then don't understand why we can't look in each others eyes and see the human looking back at us.
it does not surprise me that that gentleman yesterday was willing to engage on a very personal level with that kid. first, on a very basic level, i think the man is probably very lonely and like all of us craves human contact. but i'm fairly certain he's not getting it online like we do, or in person as his social circle has probably dimished with his age. but second, on a much deeper level, you can look at members of that generation and compare them to boomers and then to our generation and on a sociological level see how very different we are in the way we engage with one another, for a variety of reasons: technology, disintegration of the community, families not living in the same area, promotion of competition between groups that really aren't different. just the way we organize ourselves is so very different from his generation- how many of us have grandparents that belonged to a variety of social groups for church, ethnic groups, civic groups, etc. our generation really doesn't gather that way anymore, for better or worse, but i would say it has changed how we relate to each other as a society.
of course in a post-modern western world so much can be connected to the media and advertsing, and i don't mean that as an excuse or to play the blame-game, but just to show the difference between a generation that doesn't make up it's mind about things or people based on what they see on tv/the internet and isn't used to instant access to anything versus a generation that has the media so ingrained into their everyday life that they can't help it. that guy is used to talking to people in real life and in real time. i could take four hours (i wish) and write this comment 17 ways to get it to sound exactly the way i want it to. but that allows me (and all of us) to craft a virtual reality that is very different from his real-time real-life reality.
I think that as a generation we don't interact in person the way that man did is because, in many ways, we don't have enough practice to develop those social skills and we truly aren't encouraged to by marketers and advertisers and a society that profits more from our disconnect and competition with one another (again, really broad generalization, but I hope you get my idea) than if we were the same society that that guy grew up in (and I am not naively seeing his generation as a nostaligic utopia, either, just commenting on the difference in the way they gathered and connected- real people, face to face, in groups).
what is also interesting is how jason's generation is even more disconnected from each other as he has grown up in a world where communities are even more loosely connected- text messaging has replaced conversation, everyone having their own tv/computer/telephone etc. and when you extrapolate what that will mean for their generation (and read what is currently being studied about the way they experience community and connectedness) it is really interesting and, some sociologists would say, quite disturbing in it's implications. some predict we are destined to become a society of individuals who have lost their sense of collective unconscious, or at the very least their understanding of what connects us on the deepest of levels. others say that once our generation (and theirs) gets older and has more "adult" life experiences, we'll re-connect the way generations in the past have. I don't know. we'll have to wait and see the influence that technology, etc. plays on the society of our generations.
the only reason i don't share your surprise over what happened is because it's something I think about a lot (clearly). i should go off and work some of this out on paper, but I hear that naptime is over, so there's that. thanks for inspiring some more thought on the topic, and sorry i went off on a tangent there. i just didn't like to think that this was a failure, because for me, it was not. and you never told me if you were getting a dog. or is that tomorrow's post?
see how much better trasi said what i just said in just one paragraph? thank god my kid is up now so i have a reason to pull my head out of my ass. sigh.
I am going to be that old man. I already am now, since I can't help myself from talking to disinterested salespeople even as I recognize they don't give a shit. And to be fair, Dutch, I see these people at the hipster /indie stores as well as at big box places.
thats one thing that completely shocked me when i married & moved to the u.s from pakistan a few years ago..complete culture shock... how you could pass out in an albertsons pet food isle and no one would know or be terribly bothered... and the chirpy meaningless have a nice day! or alternately, the sullen, almost rude checkout... for a while i believed it was my color but nope, thats just how it IS over here..
however, having moved from picture perfect (also boring, exclusively white, republican and affluent)Orange County to Houston, things have gotten so much better- and i completely get your feelings about the move..
this is a great blog
Cheesoo, welcome to Houston. Dutch, I would also like to know if you wished him a happy anniversary. If not, you missed out on the small human connection, too. I talk to strangers a lot. I'm probably part of a whole different problem...
Your post really struck me - in my experience, some of it is the culture of the big chain stoes, but some of the attitude seems to come from the fact that the "kids today," who are providing customer service, aren't taught by their parents, society, whomever to care about people's backstories. Also, their version of being polite is not to ask about the stories and feels different than "my generation" (and I'm only 36).
nonlineargirl- the employees at hipster/indie stores are often the WORST.
I own a "mom and pop" store in our city's "historic" downtown area. It is a very specialized "niche" store, specializing in Scandinavian items. I know lots of people shop with us because we go out of our way to provide that outstanding service, greet everyone that comes into the store, listen to their stories -- some customers stay for hours wanting to tell us all about their grandparents, family traditions, etc. And they come back because we listen to them.
That said, I have lots of people that walk into our store and respond to a simple "good morning" with a snappy comment like "I'm just looking" or "I didn't bring my purse" (someone really said that to me the other day -- first thing) Like I am trying to hijack their money. I think it really works both ways.
But you can bet if that old man came into my store, he would have gotten the customer service he deserved -- we love a good story like that.
I hate people (I'm from New England) and feel very uncomfortable when shop girls or guys ask me what I'm up to, today--I live in the Northwest--am I supposed to tell them? Am I supposed to chat? How? For the love of god, how?
But what struck me about your post is the connection between loneliness and capitalism. The real fear, for me, in a capitalist society, may be that someday I'll be that old man, in which my own loneliness and isolation will no longer be ameliorated by my position as a consumer because my position as a consumer will no longer hold any power--when there'll be almost nothing I can do to affect a store clerk, because I need him too much and can't afford him.
And maybe I'm worried about that being all right with me, then. It frightens me to think that someday I might be ok with being ignored by the people whose crap I'm trying to buy and that I won't find it shameful that I'm trying to tell a shop girl something and she isn't listening to me. From here, from this moment of having a cuddly if difficult little two year old and a sweet if annoying partner, that loss of ? what is that? or that change in perspective seems unbearable.
Your post just made a pregnant lady cry. Beautiful and sad...
This broke my heart.
I wish I could believe that the cashier's disinterest in this elderly man's touching story was the result of working for minimum wage. But I think it goes much deeper than that. Maybe age has given me some persepctive. Or having a child. But it's hard to believe that I was ever as disconnected and bored about life as I see young people today. Sigh.
This is exactly why I try not to go to Wal-Mart and that sort of store if I can help. The desperate sadness I feel all around me in those places breaks my heart. I love that old man for still keeping his faith in humanity - let that be a lesson to me to continue to try to do the same and not to be rude and short with people, to always tell them to have a nice day and at least feign interest in their words. It's such a small act of human kindness that doesn't take much from me and will actually make me feel better all day, I don't know why I don't put the effort forth more often. Thanks, Dutch, for reminding me to do this and for reinforcing my love affair with mom'n'pop stores.
I agree with your point, I love the discussion but I have to ask: did you wish the old man a happy anniversary?
I dunno, I have to disagree. I lived in brooklyn for 7 years and the mom&pop stores were definitely not friendly and never had what I really wanted, if they did it was expired.
Maybe SF is unique that way- the urban scene there seem unique to many other urban areas I have heard about. or maybe it's brooklyn that is unique and all other urban areas are friendly. I have not lived in other urban areas as you have to really have a true collection of experiences to compare.
Perhaps there is a bigger-picture corrolation less related to the store itself (corporation vs. mom and pop) and more to the work force population available for such jobs and personaliy traits of such people (common of a certain class in a certain area). Somewhat of a humanities study if you will- one I don't have enough interest to really battle and research my thoughts, just a different angle on it.
It seems for the larger corporate chains the level of friendliness is almost over the top and too genuine- something that was hard to get used to coming from NY to CA. I went from bagging my own groceries and getting a scowl if I wasn't fast enough to a teenager walking my bags to my car and making honest small talk.
I do agree that it takes balls to run your own business in an urban area- it freaking takes balls and too much money just to RENT A SMALL APT, let alone run a business. I admire that about them, even if they spit in my sandwich because I didn't order it fast enough.
my daughter (almost 7 now, it goes FAST) and i regularly buy lunch, dinner whatever, for any elderly folks we see dining alone.... incognito, of course... she loves it. i am a nurse, and know all to well what some of these people have to deal with on a day to day basis. nursing homes, choosing between meds and food, dying spouses, etc.... we started this tradition when she was still in her snugli. at first we stayed to watch the reaction, (varying) now we just pay, and go. it is a nice feeling. sometimes they only order soup and coffee even though you can tell they are thinking about adding the tuna sandwich.
on a lighter note, there is a "secretary of state" (get with it mister, we don't have the DMV here in the frozen midwest
just across the "border" (8 mile) on nine mile road in ferndale. across the street from the most pathetic library in the world.
i do not enjoy having to travel to the strip mall. not at all!!!! scary, scary place.
take care, great job with the potty training. it gets better, i swear.
rachel
Melissa's comment at 9:53 am has been right on the mark with my experience in Atlantic Canada of chain stores (yes, we do have them, even in small town Canada) versus Local Buying. I've found that the price difference is actually almost negligeable...with a few exceptions, of course. Where I see a huge difference however is in selection....there are a million different varieties of the same crap at the local Walmart Store while there are perhaps only 3 or 4 variations at the local hardware store. Sometimes less selection is easier..especially when it comes to everyday stuff, at least from my perspective. Just an observation.
PS - The story about the gentlemen buying balloons for his sweetheart made me cry pretty audibly...then again, I'm pretty hormonal these days!
Potty training eventually gets better. Eventually. Love the story about the old man. Almost cried when I read it. How sweet and how wonderful to make it to 60 year anniversary. Amazing in this crazy world!
hmm. Things to ponder.
My thoughts are that we have a generation of people/kids out there that really just don't give a rat's ass about anything other than themselves anymore. Gimme, gimme, gimme. We have catered to them and indulged them to the point of indifference.
It isn't just the chain stores. Phone etiquette is lacking, common courtesy has all but been replaced by rudeness, and respect for each other is falling by the way side. It is really unreal.
In a world where family values have been replaced by the need to have more money to buy bigger better crap, I am so not surprised that that kid could have cared the less about the miracle of someone celebrating their 60th anniversary and still loving the other enough to acknowledge it. He was probably mentally calculating how much more $ he needs to buy that 60gig IPOD video.
I honestly don't think it has anything to do with the wage. I have been treated the same way by a doctor who makes more than 200K a year and a McDonalds cashier making minimum wage.
I think it is more terrible than that.
I think people are indifferent now.
"The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. The opposite of art is not ugliness, it's indifference. The opposite of faith is not heresy, it's indifference. And the opposite of life is not death, it's indifference." Elie Wiesel
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