Great job morning!
Dude, color me green with envy! I would die and go to Blog Heaven if Dooce ever acknowledged my existence!
Great job!
I am so glad I'm a girl after reading that..
Read your Dooce entry while I was at work and had to contain myself several times. Scathingly entertaining. Why am I SO entertained by poop stories this late in life? Don't know, but I am.
Super hilarious post at Dooce. Loved it. Coffee out the nose, all over the work monitor funny.
I thought I was the only parent who secretly didn't long for the kid to potty train because of the whole every-bathroom-in-town aspect. Even though I'm from that land of lavender, and even though he will ostensibly pee while standing up. He still likes to touch things.
Dooce has good taste.
And the best news of all: Dooce's blog doesn't make your butt look fat.
Just read it... that was hilarious!
Classic Dutch on Dooce's site! I love it!
P.S. Please don't let Juniper grow up so fast. Thanksbye.
Well, the post on Dooce was funny and all, but you as Sweaty-Phil-Collins is making me snicker silently and in great heaving bursts at my desk. Classic, JDG.
I LOVED your Dooce post...funniest thing I've read in some time! After I read it, I had to come check out your site..
That was poignant, beautiful and hilarious all at the same time. I'm glad you were a guest.
Loved your blog on Dooce! I have twin boys and so I feel like I am talking about poop all.of.the.time. It is a central theme in our house. Glad to read another perspective from a Dad to a little Girl. All I get is the excitement of a little boy when he realizes he has a pocket for toys in the front of his underwear!
I laughed so hard at your guest post, it had me wondering about my own potty-training. Which is a really bad way of saying I nearly pee-d myself laughing.
Saw your Rite of Passage entry - love it. I think I'll have to add you to my daily reads. I like your style.
Hilarious. Seriously. One of your funniest in recent memory.
I always knew Heather had excellent taste. She confirmed that in choosing you to round out the week.
Brilliant writing! Loved it, and I'm glad to have been introduced to your blog. Now I have a new addiction. Hurrah! The shine was wearing off my last one.
Your guest post was hysterical. (It also made me tear up - reminded me of my childhood with my (single) dad and the random forays into men's bathrooms with him until I was old enough to go by myself... ah - parental sacrifice!)
I have to echo those above who are glad they came over from your guest post at Dooce. Although it would have been better if you'd posted a picture of those black pumps instead of just telling us about them. 
I look forward to checking out your site.
Just read your post over at Dooce. That was so funny! I have a problem now that my 3 year old son can no longer go into the locker room with me at the YMCA. I am NOT sending him into the men's locker room alone. There is no telling what he may touch!
Excellent poo story! The best part was when Juniper asked you to smell her finger. Artfully constructed icing on Dooce's carefully mastered poo cake.
you're post on Dooce is hilarious! I may be stopping by for more.
Found you by way of your post at Heather's. Man, you are HYSTERICAL! I found myself laughing out loud almost all the way through. I've bookmarked you for future reading! Great job!
Oh and not ALL women's restrooms are sunshine, lollipops and rainbows! Where I work the bathroom is used mostly by adult (professional) women and I'm horrified at what I see in there at times. GROWN women who shat all over the lid, seat, floor, walls etc and LEAVE IT, without even a flush when they're done (much less a COURTESY flush) and then WALK AWAY, should not ever be allowed to breed!
I'm just saying...
nice job at Dooce today, and thanks for giving my husband and me a little glimpse of the future with 2 kids (baby #2 is due in 3 weeks) - we enjoy reading your posts together
LOVED your dooce post today. As two moms with two little guys I have the opposite problem - I think we're setting the bar too high and now I'm afraid to send them into the men's room alone!
another dooce visitor here - hilarious guest post! terrific writing!
Just read dooce. Every disturbing thought that I've ever had about public toilets thinking that I belong in an institution you vividly brought to life. Yeah, thanks for that. So freakn' funny.
I think your post on Heather's site was just about the BEST guest appearance on a blog...ever! If that category ever comes up for a blog award, you would certainly win!
Birds of a feather, my friend! I just read your post at Dooce. I'm pretty sure that it classifies as one of the top 3 funniest things I've ever read. It also sums up the way I felt when my sister-in-law asked me to take my 2-year-old niece into a public bathroom while she had no shoes on. Talk about the gag reflex kicking in! There's not enough Purell in the world to fix that situation. I'm definitely adding your blog to my Reader.
I'm new around here. Who's Dooce? Should I be sucking up to Dooce?
I loved that post over at Dooce. And it just made me think. Probably very soon, sooner then I'd like, I'll have to send my son into the men's room - by himself. And now, I'm scared even more than I was before.
You just gained a new reader. By the way...are you me? Everything you wrote about public bathrooms I've experienced with my two daughters. Very funny.
another new reader. so glad to see a detroit blogger; i've been in metro detroit my whole life and love the pictures of the city. looking forward to reading more.
Figures - I move away from listening area for Detroit Today and you are on. Can't wait to hear it!
And, in today's Cleveland Plain Dealer was a story on the areas greatest bathrooms. Here's an excerpt: "Rose petals are sprinkled liberally throughout the roomy loo and there is a single live rose in each stall." I guess it goes without saying that this is a woman's restroom!
Polychromatic pubes! Priceless, Jim! Consider printing that on a t-shirt and adding it to your Etsy shop.
That Dooce, she's a smart one, picking you to guest post! Loved It. Bookmarking your site.....now!
So I'm at Borders the other day with my 5 year old son, who insisted on going to the men's room because he's a "big boy". While I'm waiting for him, an older gentleman comes out of the restroom and asks me if that's my son in there. I respond "yes", and he says I should make sure my son washed his hands because he was crawling around on all fours under the sink. WTF.
P.S. The ladies room isn't always a luxurious spa.
aww...that reminds me of myself and my papa.
But being that I had two older brothers, I wanted to pee standing up-forever...
Love your story over at Dooce. I am now hooked on your writing and will come back to visit daily.
By the way, I have had the misfortune of visiting some rather foul "ladies" rooms with blood on the seats and pee on the floor, not all women are pink winged fairies with flower scented farts. Sorry to ruin the illusion.
I have been away from your blog for quite a while, and the last time I commented was to thank you for the happy post about Pittsburgh.
I'm sorry I forgot to check in! I missed the whole new baby thing - congratulations!!!
Thank you for the great post at dooce.com, I was wiping tears away by the end.
Thanks for the great writing, too.
I won't stay away so long again.
Wow. Loved your blog on Dooce. First time reader. My husband (who was raised by an old woman) will go to great lengths not to use public restrooms. We would be in the middle of Walmart and he would tell me that we needed to go home soon. I was like "Home is thirty minutes away." One time we were in a Casino and I didn't want to go back to the room..and he gave me a lecture about men's bathrooms I couldn't forget. So I laugh at your blog as it is very similar to his tale.
I have been a dooce reader for about 2 years. Loved your guest post! Glad Heather introduced me to your site. I am a metro Detroiter and have your site bookmarked now. I am a bathroom germaphobic and as another commented many woman's bathrooms are nasty too. I have 3 boys and I shutter now that they have it worse than I ever imagined. Thanks for the laughs!
Best blog entry all week!
I'm a dooce.com ready and I LOVED your post. Hilarious! I loved the imagery!
Just jumped over from Dooce and have to say, "Great Job"!!! I, for one, will be bookmarking your site for sure. I have 2 little girls and one just turned 3 and I could relate so well to your poop story. Hilarious! Also, I am not in Detroit as my email states but have spent time in Mt. Clemens, Livonia, Brighton, Mt. Morris, and Manchester on my LDS mission. I miss Detroit 
I've been following Heather's blog for a while now, and yours for a few months now. I've very glad you were a guest writer. Fantastic work.
And like all the other women that read your post... I'm thanking the gods that I'm a female. 
just read your post on dooce and loved every word.
especially "ass trumpet".
i must be a 10 year old, because pooty jokes get me every time.
and it has made me a permanent fan of sweet juniper.
You are hilarious! :D
Loved that post @ Dooce. I'm in the middle of the cross-gender bathroom trap myself, only in reverse. My 3 year old looked at the signs last week and announced he would be not be going into the ladies room. "That is is Woe-Men, and I'm a Men" he told me. I can't (won't) send him into the men's room alone, so if I can't hustle past the signs quickly enough I have to venture into the men's room too. I knock, open the door a little, and shout inside "I have a 3 year old that needs to pee and I'm coming in."
Another visitor from Dooce. Great post there!
And here too :p
Great post at Dooce. My husband tells me the same thing about men's restrooms.
He took our 3-year old triplets and 11-month old to the YMCA last week for swimming lessons and then, had to take them in to the locker room to get dressed. One of the kids wandered over and picked up some abandoned WET garment from the floor - held it up to her nose and yelled "ICK! It smells like pee-pee!" and my poor husband almost dropped dead of a heart attack.
I'd like to say I laughed my ass off but unfortunately It is still there. Thank you for making my day and THANK GOD i am a girl. This is probably why men and women have separate bathrooms, not cause we might realize the other one had different reproductive organs then ourselves.
Great post at Dooce! I love the
humor of the article, delicate
yet raunchy at the same time
and all so hilarious! I'm a fan!
and also glad I'm a girl!
the "Is that the WARTHOG from the zoo? Not the WARTHOG!" line absolutely KILLED me.
I'm surprised nobody else has commented about it yet. Or my search might just be broken.
Loved the Dooce post!!
Absolutely HYSTERICAL! Thank you for the laughs. And good luck!
So glad you dooced it up today! You are the man makin me laugh! Just had to come over and say thanks! I'll be at the radio station door with my trusty autograph book...
ok so I lie... Im in Australia!
but I still love you!
Lib x
Sooo funny. I remember the SUPER SCARY moment when my then 4 year old refused to go into the ladies room anymore. I still post myself right outside the mens room, listening for any suspicious sounds...and he's 12!
I, too, must admit to discouraging potty training. He decided to be potty trained at DISNEYLAND! The themed bathrooms were SO exciting...way more so than any of the rides. We spent more time in the bathrooms that visit than anywhere else....despite my begging "just go in your pull-up, okay? Just this once?" Of course i was "caught" and lectured by an older woman who had CLEARLY forgotten everything
your post on dooce today was wonderful. long time reader of your blog. well done sir!
dutch, oh god. so funny. I also can't believe the lack of warthog comments... best line EVER.
Im with the warthog crew.
Too funny.
Thanks for making me laugh at the end of a really hard parent day.
having a laugh. thanks!
Great guest post.
It is true. Womens washrooms are cleaner, decorated with more thought and bare of grunting and outward farts. They are cleaner and if a bowel movement is made it is made with the utmost dignity and silence. And speed.
No pooping readers in our stalls. No siree. I think must be a genetic thing; women poop quick, quietly flush instantaneously to prevent smell.
Encourage daughter to use the ladies room from here on in. She deserves it!
Oh wait. Forget I said that.
Thinking Dooce has a history of NOT pooping quick, sometimes noisily, with assistance but I am thinking rarely in public. True Heather?
Brilliant. I totally laughed at the warthog line.
Just stopped over from Dooce to let you know that I don't think I've EVER laughed so hard at something so hysterical in my life! I had tears rolling down my face!
BRAVO!! I'll be back to read more of you!
Thanks for a great post!
Seriously dude, you had me at "Kublai Khan's pleasure dome." Absolutely hysterical!
It appears I'm one of the few newcomers that came here from Detroit Today, not the Dooce. Spent some time in your world today, and I have to say, great writing and a great site. Its nice to hear the ramblings of another eastside dad.
See you at the Market.
I love your post on Dooce. I'm a little traumatized by it though. Occasionally, the Dooce herself traumatizes me with her description of bathroom functions and so I felt right at home.
Very appropriate, in fact.
Also, great story about the grandpa thing. Goddamn, I'm an old mom. Yes, it's strange to meet grandparents my age. You kind of have to reorient yourself to what the body can do in producing children to what your bourgeois career aspirations would support. But I wasn't doing that, only. I would have loved to start at 27. I was ready at 24! But it would have been a sperm bank situation then and I'm not sure what my boyfriend would have said--he was only 22 and didn't quite come around for 10 years or so.
He'll be glad for your post on Dooce, though. I'll never say: "Won't YOU take her?" ever again. Ever, ever. He's told me the stories and you have confirmed them.
You're a better writer than Dooce (or maybe I am just too used to her style now...). I just added you to favorites, but I am thankful for her website that she has led me to other great writers.
Great post on Dooce, I'll be joining the crowd and bookmarking you too! Never even considered that aspect of Stay at Home Dadding (I'll let my husband know next time he is bewailing the drawbacks of working).
Thank Dooce for using you so shamelessly. You make me laugh long time. =)
Your post on Dooce popped in up my google reader right as I was sitting down with my lunch. Taking a bite of salad at the same time I was reading your description of the men's toilets...I paused, closed my browser, and decided that a nice crisp salad and polychromatic pubic hair didn't really go together.
Did, however, return later in the day. Definitely one of your best stories yet.
Just read your post on Dooce. Loved it!
I've been a fan of Heather's for years, and after reading your guest post on her site I'm a fan of yours as well...that was hilarious!! lol
That was hilarious and sweet Dutch.
Throughly enjoyed every word falling from your brain to your fingertips. You are now permanently and forever saved to my favorites along wtih Dooce and The Pioneer Woman.Good GAWD....I'm a 58 yr old groupie! Scared yet??
Marvelous guest post over at dooce. Kids certainly do change perspective of a lot of things in life.
This is my very first time at your site. I'll be back, for sure.
DAMN you're good! Love it!
I'm so glad you were a guest on dooce! Now I have more blogs to read in my off time. Keep it up, daddy-o.
I really enjoyed your post on Dooce. I have two boys and there's nothing like one coming out of the bathroom and you just know to ask, "did you put paper on the seat first?"
"No?"
"Son, you must disinfect your butt when we get home!"
The 13 year old takes the 3 year old into the bathroom and comes out announcing that 3 yrs old picked up the urinal cake before 13 year old could stop him. Vomit. "Did you wash his hands?"
"No?"
"Into the women's bathroom now!"
If my boys grow up without disease it will be because some guardian angel braved the men's bathroom.
jim,
loved the post and love your whole family. i also just wanted to say how much i appreciate you and your wife's honesty in writing about life and parenting.
there's some sort of beauty in the ashes thing happening for you guys in a lot of these posts and it just feels like it makes sense with your photography of all the amazing art in abandoned buildings. i guess i'm saying that there's something meaningful and soulful in the juxtaposition and you are developing quite a mastery of it.
longtime fan,
samantha wedelich (aka dwelldeep)
I almost wet my proverbial pants reading your potty article on Dooce (Not the Warthog!!)
Thanks for the laugh!(Now I will go listen for the faint braying of unicorns...)
Just read the post on Dooce. . . My advise, take your kids into the women's room! I am still traumatized by trips into the men's room with my dad when I was a little girl. I think most women will NOT be creeped out by a guy with kids in the women's room; I think the response will be supportive and emphathic. I have every intention to continue bringing my son into the women's room with me until he's like 10 or something and starts to protest on his own.
i read you post on dooce and could not stop laughing. you have a great voice. (love the epaulette visual)
husband tells a story about taking my daughter to a mets game and having to bring her to the men's room. he turned around for a second and when he turned back she was holding the urinal cake in her hand asking, "daddy, what's this?" i still cringe at the thought and feel like going upstairs and dipping her 19 year old hand in bleach 16 years after the incident.
i've been reading all the guest posts and was wondering when you'd show up! great job as always.
I loved the post on Dooce. I laughed outloud several times. Thanks, Dutch!
happy fathers day, jim!
great post over at dooce- honestly, you continue to amaze me with your consistent ability for excellence. and your courage letting juney go in the big-girls room alone!
I loved the post over on dooce.com. The comments for that blog were closed so I couldn't share, however I wanted to tell you how great your post was. I have been debating on writing a mens room post over on my blog for sometime, simply because I have concluded that my workplace is full of Neanderthals. Your post inspired me enough that I think I may go ahead and write it.
learning to crap in public restrooms was the only worthwhile lesson i learned in college. there's no telling what kind of employee i'd be today if i still "held it" all day like i did from K-12th grade.
I was going to comment that you should just holler in to the ladies, go in there and announce you are just helping your daughter, and let the ladies suck it.
No?
My husband never would either.
He hated that phase of helping with the potty in public places, he eventually came to know every toy store and museum and library "kids" bathroom in town.
Kudos to you for all the effort and love.
(response to the dooce post)
Thanks...now I have that stupid song in my head!
I don't read many blogs. I read Dooce because of my wife. Today I read your guest post
I wanted to thank you for your short story of Triumph that fit so perfectly opposite my Monday morning.
I just wanted to say I found you from Dooce a long ago, when she used to have daily links and she linked your elegy to James Kim. I have been a faithful reader ever since.
I wonder sometimes if you park Juniper in front of the tv now while you have your hands full with Gram?
That was indeed a great post, so very true, and it actually made my say "Aw" at the end in spite of myself. Thanks a lot for breaking my shell, man, I'll never live it down.
Warthog...I laughed so hard, because I have had those moments with my kids and I am a Mom.
People came over to my cube and asked me if I was ok because I was laughing so hard. Thanks I needed that.
By the way, your kiddos are adorable and your blogs are hilarious!!!
You say Dooce readers dont wnat to hear what you have to say about poop? Psh.
Well, you totally kept me entertained today. So much in fact that I wandered over to your site (first time viewer) and added you to my favorites.
Loved your post today! I'm with you on the potty training thing, sometimes it just wasn't worth it.
When my girls were smaller, and the bathrooms were just too dirty to deal with, we would find a nice clean bush or some strategically placed cars!
Delightful post. I live 2 miles from work and will drive home to poo if the need arises. I do not sit on those seats wondering what type of anal bacteria is multiplying and readying itself for an attack on my ass.
I also find no time to sit in a public restroom and read and barely find myself reading on the throne at home. Eat a little extra fiber and there is never a need to be on the pot for more than a few minutes, however, I've known people that can spend 45 minutes to an hour marinating in their own stink. I'll pass on that every time.
Dude- I totally loved your post on Dooce. I had everyone in my cube zoo laughing with me - keep up the great work!
Well, since the comments section on your Dooce post is closed (curses!), I opened my trusty road map, crinkled with age and littered with various penciled-in routes, and managed to find my way on over here.
Truth be told, my girlfriend sent me a link to all the Detroit photographs, which I enjoy immensely, but somehow the main site eluded me.
Regardless, I, just like the 100 before me, thoroughly enjoyed your guest post on Dooce. Expertly told with just the appropriate amount of sensory description.
I'll certainly be back by! If I can discern this penciled route from the others on the map, that is...
-The Rev.
I know you and I haven't spoken for a while. But I thought you'd like to know about the Eames stamps, if nobody's linked you yet:
https://shop.usps.com/webapp/wcs/
...nt_category_rn=
I thoroughly enjoyed your addition to Dooce! I have been an avid reader of Dooce for 4 years now, and your site has now been added to my favorites! My husband and I have a 3 year old boy, and public bathrooms are indeed an ordeal. Great post!
Hello! I read your guest blog on Dooce's site, and I gotta tell ya, it was one of the most hysterically brilliant things I have read in a long time!! THANK YOU so much for that! I desperately needed the kind of uncontrollable belly laugh where your eyes well up with tears and people look at you like you are nuts. I'm looking forward to reading more of your stuff! I hope the radio show went well.
New from Dooce. Now a lover of all things Dutch, Wood, Junebug and Gram. Love the posts, love the style, have laughed myself sick several times. I was going to pick up a good summer read but now I will be going thru and reading archives to get caught up. Great Blog!
LOVED your post on Dooce!!! Am now fully addicted to your site. Keep up the wonderful blogging! You're a terrific writer.
Ditto to what Brooke said! Also, the Metallica kids' book -- my husband and I died laughing over that and your guest post on Dooce. Thanks for the laughs!
That made me laugh so hard!
Any progress on the online replay of your WDET appearance? For some reason, they haven't put up a link for that day.
Your men's bathroom post gave me an all-too-vivid idea of what my husband was dealing with during our twins' infancy. What a hero!
I have been behind in my blog reading and am so glad I read your entry on Dooce. I was laughing out loud in my office and had to forward it to my husband so he too could have a good laugh. I am definitely adding your blog to my list!
Tabitha
"Is that the WARTHOG from the zoo? Not the WARTHOG!"
Classic. I love Dooce even more for introducing me to your writing.
-Katy
great post at dooce, I will be spending even more time checking blogs now that you also belong to my list.
I loved your entry on Dooce. I read her blog all the time and it was refreshing to get a different voice, especially a man's. Now I'm starting to read yours... Thanks!
I thought of your post on Dooce, yesterday, as I was crouching above a toilet stall and begging my 20 month old daughter to PLEASE-FOR-THE-LOVE-OF-GOD-DON'T-TOUCH-ANYTHING!
Girls can be disgusting too. Of course, during my brief stint as a janitor, I cleaned out the boy's bathrooms in a Middle School. Yeah. Nobody was even trying to aim in there. - Loved the post - good luck to Juniper on her future bathroom adventures.
Excuse me...a toilet SEAT. I'm not quite that talented...
Dutch,
If she decides to go back in the men's washroom, get her a freshette. Then she can pee standing up.
James
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