simply AMAZING. Better than the Beastie's Paul R. book. I laughed so hard I had to wipe away tears, especially the last one with I believe that be Richard Simmons? So good.
Ha!! Fantastic. I have to say, good job with making it kind of creepy yet funny at the same time. An instant classic.
"And of things that will bite" made me laugh out loud.
hilarious.
I love that Precious Moments were featured. Awesome, as always.
utterly twisted.
the precious moments kids creep me out more than anything else. yes, even darth cheney.
dying laughing....great job.
I'd recognize that Peter Pan in the last picture ANYWHERE!
http://www.pixyland.org/peterpan/
Maaaaan!! Fucking amazing!
You are a closet Precious Moments collector. I knew it.
Hilarious.
However, I think the Jamie Lee Curtis book sounds more twisted and scarier.
HA! I'm going to send this one off to my WHOLE gen-x parent address book, Jim.
You just wrote it for him, you better copyright that thing right now so he doesn't steal it from you!
LOVED IT!
That was FREAKIN' AWESOME! The use of Precious Moments figurines, now that was pure genius. And I think the image of a Precious Moments figurine having its soul ripped from its body is one of the creepiest things I've ever seen.
The picture for the "beast under your bed" page has made my day complete. I think I'll be happy all weekend, just for having seen that.
I would totally buy this book. Fabulous!
Haven't laughed that hard in a very long time. I will be chuckling on it all weekend. I will bookmark this for days I feel blue. Thank you!
Remembering the ex-boyfriend who was SO! VERY! SERIOUS! about this song every time he heard it. HA! Wish I knew his email. Those were good times.
On another note, I don't think I can ever forget the Precious Moments soul going to Jesus. But... is there no Precious Moments Jesus? This surprises me.
I'm shopping for new bedroom furniture and ended up in DesignQuest this week. The first I saw when I walked in was display of dogs just like Juniper's green one. It cracked me up, and it made me want one even more.
Oh, my goodness... truly ROTFLMAO... they did have that "old man" stage at that time... the pictures of Lars are just hysterically frightening... especially the Peter Pan photoshop... as always, truly inspired.
Yes, great use of GWAR under the bed, and "things that bite" was genius.
Also, nice observation with respect to the Black Album being the turning point from folks accusing the listeners of Satanism to general jock usage.
Well played, sir.
I'm also surprised there's no Precious Moments Jesus.
This storybook is so awesome you should see if Precious Moments and Metallica will allow you to publish this. Insist if you must. It would be even better than "It's Just a Plant: A Children's Story of Marijuana". The world beyond your blog needs to read this.
I love your children's books! Will you do a Counting With the Violent Femmes book based on their song "Kiss Off" ??
Deliciously WRONG! (I'm holding up my lighter here...)
Holy shit, you are a genius. If you don't hear from Lars by the end of the weekend asking you to co-author the new children's book, I'll be so pissed.
This is great! Made my entire day.
Fanfreakintastic!
Go to Blurb.com and make your own book - it'll put your kids through college!
I agree, you are a genius.
If you don't hear from Lars by the end of the weekend threatening to sue, I'll be amazed.
HI_LARIOUS!
That was hilarious and really kind of frightening at the same time.
Fabulous!! Have you sent off the book proposal yet? Because how would that NOT sell?
That made my day!
Suggestion: Toto's Africa. Featuring Lion King figurines.
Never before have I seen Precious Moments figurines put to better use.
Next, "One" with all of those f'ed up shots from the movie. Timely, too. Seriously, say what you will about Metallica, but they have some pretty intense shit going on.
I'm going to go hide under my bed now.
Awesome. But be careful...Lars is one litigious dude.
(And have you seen the Metallica doc about them going through therapy. It's really good.)
Priceless! This reminds me of that graphic novel The Lost Girls that came out a few years ago. It was all these twisted takes on Peter Pan and Alice and Wonderland, with gorgeous illustrations.
HILARIOUS! also, creepy. but mostly hilarious.
oooh, do a Nine Inch Nails one.
HA! F*cking brilliant.
The little one-eye-open Precious Moments kid was *almost* my favorite part...second only to Jesus taking his soul and the deeply disturbing Peter Pan.
Wow. So disturbing and funny. I love the 3rd page (not counting cover), after the first two with the little Precious Moments kid... nice.
Tremendous!
the picture of the soul going to jesus made me snot on myself. thanks.
Oh my - genius. Just...genius.
Very funny...and twisted all at the same time. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one who cries every time I read that Will Smith book! I guess I don't feel as lame now.
Twisted.
I too love the featured "biter."
Now fess up: Juney has a whole collection of Precious Moments dolls in a little lit cabinet, doesn't she?
Yikes! Mike Tyson! You shouldn't scare a grown-up woman like me that way!
LOL and snorting frequently.
Just read "Carnival of the Animals" by Lithgow to my 3 year old last night. She gets a good deal of twisted humor out of it. It's really not bad!
Ok, that was beautiful
ho. ly. cow.
hilarious. i can't wait to get my copy!
Perfect. I hope he sends you the royalties!
I have no words.
Seriously fantastic!
GWAR fucking ROCKS!
So Frickin' Funny.
Absolutely brilliant. It comes on the heels of me attending a church picnic on Memorial Day, and my bishop plugged in his personal ipod with this song playing first.
you're a genius
My LANDS was that funny. Going to go read it again.
Wow. That is just wrong. In a good way, but still.
YESSSSSS!
Also wiping away tears!
Great job on the "soul"!
very good. x *sends link to select group of friends!*
De-lurking to say, fucking hilarious! Talk about nightmares.
awesome...
i wish my brother and sister in law had a kid so i could send them the link- they had "nothing else matters" as the first song they danced to at their wedding. most bizarre wedding experience (for me) ever.
wood's mom is such good people.
Great idea, I think my son would put that book on his Christmas List.
http://formerlyfun.blogspot.com/...y-
humbling.html
For years, I thought the `dreams of war' line was "Ginger walks, Ginger talks" and wss convinced it was dedicated to my friend's freakishly large cat.
Hilarious, btw
The young girls in most Hindi movies evoke this same sort of creepy with their long hair and adult expressions. Brrrr!
Oh wow, that is too funny. So THAT'S what you've been spending those precious few spare minutes on? Nice.
A friend sent me this entry and I just had to comment! This is PERFECT. As an old-school metalhead, I am very NOT a fan of this Metallica period, but I have very ever so quietly sung this to my daughter more than once, internally noting the kinda creepy and dramarific lyrics and trying to keep it sweet sounding at the same time. Shit, it's better than singing her Lugubrum and Darkthrone lyrics. Perfect board book look, though, and that made me LMFAO. Thanks!
This is great! Love "Enter Sandman". They play it before the team enters the field for every Virginia Tech football game and it gets everyone in a total wild-ass frenzy!
I needed that. Whew.
Damn you! You've done it again.
I have TEARS and i nearly peed a little.
Stop making me want to have kids!
Heart.
That's so funny! My husband said you should add a picture of Michael Jackson's Neverland Ranch in Frame 6...that's a nightmare place!
I actually just peed my pants a little bit. That was hysterical. Sign me up for my copy. And, Lars really does look that frightening now.
you are sick. i love you.
Oh, darlin'. Heretofore, I have really liked your blog. Now I love it.
Things that bite, indeed.
Sweet buttery Jesus, this is one of the most awesome things I've seen in a while. Sending it on to my Metallica pals (from back in the day) who are now dads and uncles.
I just clicked on over here from dooce, and you are now at the top of my favorites list. Not because you're both good, funny writers, not because you live in metro Detroit (as do I) and went for the ABC with Gram (whereas I passed the Southfield ABC, shuddering wussily, on the way to Labor & Delivery, two months before you were there), but because of this incredible book. It might have actually changed my life. Freaking awesome.
Oh man, my tummy hurts and I've got tears rolling down my face -- no, it's not food poisoning, that was HILARIOUS!! LOVE IT! and in my best street urchin accent, "More, please..."
that, was fantastic!
genius!
A friend of mine used to nanny for James Hetfield. I'll have to show this to her.
Oh this was awesome. Please publish this.
Oh wait. We're talking about Metallica. Nevermind.
And whomever said that Precious Moments are freaky is apparently meant to be my soulmate.
wow. i have to admit i am not a regular at your blog, however... im in a library right now on the computer and everyone is staring at me because i couldn't stop laughing and theres nothing worse than trying to hold back laughter...i'd definety buy it.
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