parenting is the most important + valuable job in the world + rewarding. my daughter called the moon ball too. the first time it was an enormous yellow full moon that looked like it was extra close up. she'd call the traffic lights ball too. my daughter never had a babysitter or daycare too becuse i didn't want to miss her developments. please send me your blog button/badge or a picture if you don't have a button, + i'll size it for you for my father's day blogroll.
We should all be such good fathers as you. Thanks, and happy early Father's Day.
Apropos of nothing, I watched the movie "Little Children" last night, and I wanted to mention how much Jennifer Connelly looked like Wood. It was eerie. The movie family she was in had some strange similarities, too. She was a working mom and had a stay-at-home husband who was trying to pass the bar. But that seems to be about where the similarities end. The characters in the movie were sad and lacking. I don't get that impression of you from your blog - in contrast, your lives seem very fulfilling.
Your lives do seem very fulfilling, and I always wonder if they really are that completely fulfilling and wonderful or if they really are most fulfilling and you leave the rest out. I think more likely the latter, which probably makes them all the more fulfilling and wonderful.
Enjoy it.
You and Juniper are lucky. My Dad worked a lot when I was a kid, because he had to. I don't feel as if he was never there, but I know he feels sad for not being around more.
Your writing makes me smile - and want to have children right away. I know that I have no idea of how much it'll turn upside down, but I know my boyfriend will be there every step of the way - smiling.
Dutch, thank you for reminding me that my own time at home building sandcastles is a privilege.
You know, I read all the time and don't comment nearly as often as I should, and for that I apologize.
I read your posts with envy, not just because you're raising Juniper in Detroit (I grew up just outside there and miss it terribly sometimes) but also because you're fortunate enough to be a SAHD (and realize you're fortunate).
I just wanted to thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate being given the opportunity to read them.
Yesterday I saw a man jog by our house with his young toddler in a jogging stroller. My first thought was "How nice to see a Dad spending time with his son" and then I noticed that the kid was wearing headphones and watching a portable DVD player. It made it a lot less impressive.
Wow. As usual, I am floored by this.
Lovely. And is J. ever lucky to have a dad like you.
I feel a little bereft right now. My parents separated before I was one. I never lived with my dad.
She's a lucky girl, your girl.
My Haleigh is the same age (within days) of your Juniper, and though I've been reading for a while, I haven't commented but maybe once.
I just wanted to tell you how wonderful your life sounds and that little Juney is a very lucky girl.
Thank you for posting your thoughts :o)
Laurie
in Toledo
I am in love with your daughter.
And I think you're the best dad on the whole wide ball, made just as you are, perfectly for her and for Wood, daddy-pipes and all. Everything is exactly as it should be, that you're sandcastling together.
My husband is getting a lot more time with Max than I am lately, since I went back to work almost a year ago. He's a teacher, and home by 3 every day, while I work for a non-profit where committment to your job is demonstrated by working eighty-hour weeks. I am jealous of how much time my boys spend together; but at the same time, I'm grateful that he's willing and glad that they have the opportunity.
I am sure my husband would love to be in your position but I'm not ready to let go yet. We have discussed him staying hom with the triplets when they turn three but we fear it would be worse for his career to take a few years off than mine. Employers seem to understand SAHM's more than SAHD's. I feel very lucky that I'm home yet sometimes I still stoop to complaining. I need to remember to knock it off and be grateful.
I think it is fortunate in any family that one person, be it mother or father, is able to stay at home, and the other earns enough money to provide for the rest of the family, without the other person working too. My husband and I are lucky in the same way that you are, that we both have career capacity to do that. It can create a resentful dynamic sometimes between spouses when only one is able to be sole breadwinner, and the other one, perhaps at home, feels they don't have a choice. By the same token, the working one feels they don't have much choice either. I think it takes some pressure off my husband to know that if needed, I could go back to work and he could stay home. I'm sure there are so many parents who wish they had the ability/opportunity to do what you and I and other stay at home parents do every day. It makes me appreciate it all the more.
Thank you so much for sharing how you feel about it, Dutch.
Thank you so much for this post. I'm sitting here at work misty-eyed at what I'm missing, but so thankful that my husband is at home living the life that you just described. I'm sending this to him as a reminder of what a great Dad he is.
My 10-week stint of doing what you do starts on June 18. I'm counting the days.
What a lovely, lovely post. She's one lucky girl.
I've mostly been home with A, but these last few weeks, and a few weeks more, I'm at work doing a short term contract and Kevin is the SAHD. He's loving it, I'm loving it, and most importantly, A is loving it. I'm thrilled that Kevin gets to have so much one-on-one time with A.
Beautiful. Thank you.
Beautiful post. You are all very lucky.
This is a beautiful post-- love the description of dancing with her and I got teary eyedabout the owl story. And I am really impressed that you keep a bright, curious two year old amused all day long without resorting to TV.
I have my moments where I am just bored to DEATH at home and wonder if I am really cut out for this work at home parent thing. Then, I have days where I think I will buy my clothes at Target and pinch pennies forever just to have the moments with her that I get to enjoy. It's really a priveledge to have so much unhurried time with your child. It goes so fast and I feel so blessed to be ale to be here with her when she's so young.
(hey, is Friends School the one you pass? Seriously considering that for Maggie).
I love the Dutch perspective on fatherhood and parenthood. Love it not only because it is beautifully conveyed, but also because it is similar to mine. If you're taking requests of the intimate portions of your life that we'd like to hear about, my wife and I would value hearing more from Wood on the matter. How does she feel about working? About you not working? About how it was decided who stays home and who works?
I hope you're remembering to switch arms when you carry her. Wouldn't want one enormous bicep on the left and a normal-sized one on the right.
I'm a regular reader but first time commenter. This post made me all warm and fuzzy inside. I had a SAHD for a while (my parents switched off) and it is so wonderful to have a close relationship with my father. I remember going on walks in the neighborhood before bedtime with my dad and knowing that he could tell me anything in the world I wanted to know. What you are doing is so worthwhile, so good for your daughter and so good for the world (we need more happy people). Thanks for sharing with us all.
I'd give my left nut to stay at home every day with my daughter (any takers?) You're a lucky man. But you're even more special for realizing it.
This is beautiful. I feel like I should thank you for letting me read it.
I'm de-lurking to say, finally, how much I truly enjoy your writing. Every time. You are so fortunate to do what you do, and it's clever and contagious the way you write about it. Thank you!
My dad used to walk with me in the crook of his arm too. Biceps and gray hairs--one impression making up for the other.
You said it perfectly.
Sometimes all it takes it to remember what a privilage it is to stay home with my girl for me to smile through countless loads of laundry and food stuck on the wall, etc. It's the best job ever.
P.S. Juniper's a peanut! 
So cute.
I wish I felt like you do, more of the time. You and Juniper are truly living in the moment, and it is inspiring.
BTW, was Wood in Baltimore over the weekend?
Oh man, that was just wonderful. I love when great writing gives me chills. Thank you!
You know what I like best about you, Dutch? Well, as a parent, at least...
That you're going out of your way to use the time you spend with Juniper WELL... you go places, you do things, you see things, you try things, you experience things. You talk to her. You teach her. You LISTEN to her. It's amazing.
That's why your words inspire me so much. You are consistently striving to do at least a little more than the average. That's going to make for amazing memories for your little girl, and amazing memories for you.
Thanks for being that dad.
I have been reading your site for a long time now and everytime you do a SAHD post, I get very jealous and also I just have lots of questions. What is your wife's perspective? Does she feel happy to be working and letting you stay home? Is there resentment? How did you come to this decision? My husband and I are always debating this very issue. We both would love to stay home with our lovely daughter, but neither of us are doing it now because we need $. What is Wood's perspective on this?
Thanks.
oh dutch, you always make me pause and be filled up with gratitude. i wonder if men are better at staying home with toddlers b/c it is easier for dads and 2 yr olds to have fun together- i know my husband is so much better at this than me sometimes, at least the fun stuff, and he has way more tolerance for the whining and crying than i do.
i'm not adding to your 'request' list here, but more rhetorically wondering if SAH dads do all stuff that SAH moms do? cause i can't wrap my mind around your free time! or are women and men wired differently when it comes to priorities? i have a lot to learn still, and it is refreshing to read your point of view.
i feel like so much of my SAH time is filled up with "no" and rules and "to-do" lists and cleaning and folding and wrestling a strongwilled kid into the supermarket to buy the food that i have to keep her away from the hot stove from later on that day, or talking her down from a tantrum or freakout or whatever. as blessed as i am to be able to be home with her, i feel worn out, and i wish i had more energy and will to have fun and tell her stories build sandcastles and not get annoyed that she is climbing on me all day long when i really need to get ___ done. gah. thank you for reminding me to acquire the attitude of gratitude and quit complaining already.
i re-read my comment and i didn't mean to sound so negative. some weeks parenting kicks my ass pretty hard (and today is monday!! whee!!) my life isn't as overwhelming as i imagine folks assume yours is completely charmed.
what i was really working out in that comment is that i am glad to be able to come here and get reminded of the importance of imagination and play as much as laundry, etc. dutch, you do me a personal favor when you write about your time with juniper. i can see what we'll be up to in 6 months or so, and i realize that it's ok for me to relax and have fun, and that having fun with my kid is (at least partly) my job, now. so thanks.
As usual, I can`t relate to how you feel, since I count my years as a SAHM among the worst of my life. And also as usual, I`m glad you took the time to write such a beautiful post, to remind me that my own experience was far from universal.
Moms have been saying for years - it's the hardest job, but the most rewarding job. And damn, it can be so much fun to sit back and realize that you spent your whole day at the beach or the park or whatever and nothing further is expected of you - no phones to answer or shit to type up or anything. This is IT, baby. I love getting to do that on my days off.
Posts like this warm my heart and convince me that you are one of the world's best men. Your daughter is blessed. Living in the present and drinking in these unhurried pleasures is a treasure. I am trying to do this more consciously with my own kids.
Dutch, I loved this post, as I love so much of what you write b/c your love for Juniper is so clear. She is so incredibly lucky to have you (and Wood). You are a wonderful father and you should be very proud of yourself.
What a beautiful post. Makes me wonder why I ever returned to the work force after my stint as a SAHD. Keep it up, your family is lucky to have you.
I relocated from Tokyo to Okinawa last year to dodge the overtime and 2 hour commute.
Now I'm fortunate enough to ride my bicycle home from the office to have lunch with my wife and daughter. Everyday.
I do miss my Tokyo income, but I would miss my family (and hair) more.
But I agree, you are indeed a lucky dude. I sometimes wish my wife could take the reigns after reading your posts.
Oh, hooray. It is strange what having a child will do. Now I think I have to be a PROVIDER. Papa turned out to be the one who knows why the baby is crying and mama turned out to be the one who will do whatever it takes to be the provider. (This is only going moderately well but nevertheless.) If you knew us, you would know how weird that would have seemed a few years ago.
Favorite post ever. Really.
I just think of this time you're spending with Juniper as something that will be, to quote a song lyric, "the strength in her legs" - to have this very aware parenting, this commitment to her well being, and the utter love. What a blessed child. Her capacity to love and be something good in this world - there's no limit on what she can and will do!
I don't know what I enjoy more. Your writing or your pictures. They both draw me in.
I wish I made enough money for my husband to stay at home. I think he would make a far better SAHD then I would a SAHM.
Best wishes to you and your family.
Jackie
My uncle (who lives in Kalamazoo, by the way) reminded me recently that studies have shown that a SAHM's job is worth an annual salary of $136,000.
What a wonderful world it would be if our culture/government realized the vast importance of having one stay at home parent raising the kids, AND earning an appropriate salary for doing so.
When we realized in 1982 while pregnant with our first, that there was no way in the world I could possibly return to work and let other people raise our child without having a nervous breakdown -- we felt that we were taking on a vow of poverty to do so. That shouldn't have to be the case.
I've been reading for so long, but never commented until now. I just want to let you know that Juniper will remember this, and it will mean so much to her. My most poignant and vivid memories of my childhood are those of me tagging along with my Dad. Not that I didn't have a great relationship with my Mom - I did and do...to this day she's one of my best friends. But there is something different, something special about Daddy daughter love. He instilled such confidence in me, by making me do it (whatever "it" was at the time) instead of doing it next to me. Helping him build things, staining the deck, making me mow our 45 degree hill in the front yard, making me change the oil in my truck before he'd let me drive it. Many hours fishing and talking in our canoe. That stuff will never leave me. He never accepted "I can't" or "I don't know." And I am forever different because of it.
Thanks for sharing your relationship with your daughter. She is forever better because you care and are there.
Someday she will, Dutch - treasure these moments because they, too, fly away too quickly. You are a blessed man.
The other night for the very first time in his life, D said "Daddy put me to bed." whereupon he turned to me and said "Night night, mama." Or at least I think that's what he said--I could barely hear over the tinkling shards of my breaking heart.
But I realized that this is a natural byproduct of Daddymatic's being the primary parent these days (Molly Wade Chase, we are living parallel lives). And that made the shards seem less sharp.
Nice post, Dutch, as always.
Very well put. Great post.
This is beautiful. I see my daughter in it, who's just starting to hit that independence phase with repeated refrains of "self? Self?" when I try to help her with anything.
You are lucky that you recognize you're lucky. It's a wonderful trait.
I've been home w/my twin babies and 3 yr old and lately I've felt the stress and forgotten how important it is to just be PRESENT and play with the kids. I do feel that it's easier for men (who don't seem to feel the pull of the messy kitchen or undone laundry the way women do). That said, I think today I would have rather been Juney than one of my three. Tomorrow I'll be better.
A dear friend of mine has a daughter named Juniper. I had never heard anyone else with it before.
Stumbled upon your blog from a link at Her Bad Mother. I've bookmarked you and will be back.
Thanks for some good readin'
It's corny, but reading that inspired me to be a better mother. Thanks Dutch.
P.S.
I TAGGED WOOD.
You are so lucky that you get to stay at home with Juniper and enjoy it so much. My dad became a SAHD when I was in 2nd or 3rd grade and I loved it. Even now that I'm 22 and semi-moved out of the house we still have a special bond because of all the time we've spent together.
Upon the arrival of our first child, my wife and I have decided that I'll be a SAHD.
Too bad it's taking us for freaking ever to conceive, cuz I'm ready to leave my 9-5 life behind for something more special.
I'm so glad you realize how lucky you are.
Let me also say that you doing one of the most important things a man can do for his daughter, something my dad did spectacularly well without ever saying a word about it: teaching her what to look for in a partner. She'll automatically be looking for respect, curiosity, passion, wit, and kindness (all mixed with a good, grounding spritz of cynicism).
My husband and my father are very different people but they are both fundamentally kind, devoted, hardworking, quietly funny, sincere people. Those of us with great dads have a little easier row to hoe on that score, because we were raised to expect that kind of behavior from those around us - we saw it in action.
It's the one thing people think they have no control over - who their children choose as partners. But you do - just not when she's 20. The time is now. So, kudos.
Dutch, thanks for this. What a beautiful picture and a beautiful post. Your love for your daughter is palpable here (moreso than usual, because it's always quite clear), and it is just really touching in a profound, resonating way. Maybe in what we strive to be ourselves, maybe in what we remember or wish we could remember from our own pasts. I can't articulate how exactly this makes me love the world more today, but it does. Thanks. You are a beautiful family.
I just love your family so much.
You are just so cool. I love that your accomplishments for the day are jogs and sand castles. That's the stuff the "ambitious" men lust for on their deathbeds. You're living it right.
i think i have a crush on you.
Just wanted to say that I really loved this post. Thanks for the beautiful read.
you're a mensch, dutch.
Wow... thanks for that.
I feel blessed that we are in a position that my wife can stay home with our (going on two) son. I am also incredibly jealous at times.
I enjoy the long weekends and other times that I get to spend extra time with him. Learning who he is has been such a treat despite tantrums and other difficult times that I assume are a part of growing up.
My wife gave me one of the most precious gifts I have ever received by setting up a routine for his bed time and putting me in charge of it. For almost every day of his life, I have put my son to bed and it is the best part of my day. Sometimes there's a bath, but there's always singing, and reading (Greek Myths for Children at the moment, having just finished the Real Mother Goose) which he "toddler talks" through as he is experimenting with language and talking while we review the words that he currently has to explain his world. I am always amazed by his new words.
And every night I tell him I will see him tomorrow and I am happy to be his father.
Thanks, Dutch.
I'm not quite a SAHD, but I only work 2 days for 10 hours every week, and I treasure every moment I spend with my girls Clara & Faith. I can't imagine on missing out, even on the little things like the first time Clara splashed in the puddles...
LIfe is for living. That's all there is. When a child has a parent present who can teach them this, whether Mama or Dada, our world becomes a better place, one kid at a time. I shall not say it is you who is blessed - or Juniper, or Wood. Your etire family is blessed and reaping the rewards of working together as a team, as it should be always, to serve the greater good of your family as a whole. You and you wife should be proud of the sacrifices you have both made for your children, and how much good karma you'll be cashing in on for it all. I'm so happy to know there are people who can find something good to live for every day, right here in this place most people think is a shithole. There is beauty everywhere - you just have to live with your eyes open.
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