A sad fact of our household is that Jon & Kate seem to do more with their 8 kids than we manage with our one. Maybe we need a film crew to spur us on.
we make me want to have kids.
that's exactly it, how it feels when the older kid is absent for a few hours.
we are about to discover what it's like when our firstborn disappears overnight, on a sleepover at a friend's house.
i anticipate exhilaration. and fear. a mixture as adrenaline-fueled, for us, as parachuting out of an airplane is said to be.
That was really sweet. Thanks for sharing.
I found your description of bottle feeding Gram really interesting. It was almost identical to my experiences breastfeeding my son..except River can get pretty brutal and pull my lips, nose and hair. Sometimes though, there are those tender moments when he pats my cheek as if to say, "Thanks Mom".
My son is nearly 9 months old and just hit 18lbs. I must have a peanut!
Woops, forgot my url
You're so right. The transition from none to one was so much more difficulty for me, emotionally and physically. And it's so lovely to see my 3-year-old and my 9-month-old playing together. And the 9-month-old? Also a wee little 19-pounder.
I love the little "joke" between you two. I'm sure someday you'll return to this post and remember the sweetness you guys shared!
Ahh, I thought I was the only one who did the fake-falling-asleep trick. But I do tend to think I'm terribly special.
This post is great, and topical for me since we are debating whether to take that plunge with the second child. It does seem terribly daunting, but you are right, going from zero to one was daunting and we adjusted to that.
I was just thinking yesterday, "Wow, my second child has never bathed alone." Never. Isn't that wild?
Wait till they go off in a separate room, not needing you to play along, and you get to eavesdrop on their conversations while they create other worlds. It's so incredible.
I've heard so many different things about what it's like when you go from one to two-- that it's much harder, that it's way easier, and everything in between. My guess is that experience varies as much as that of going from none to one. I know we'll be there one day (adding kid #2) but I'm ok with putting that off for a while...
Love the description of feeding the little one. I, too, say it seems to feel very similar to breastfeeding my son (except I often get scratches on my face in between finger nibbles).
Really well put. I was thinking about this same thing the other day when my 4 year old was at preschool and I was alone with my 5 month old strapped to me.
"You could tango with your wife with a baby bjorned between you, you feel so free."
a perfect sentence.
the simple act of carrying an infant is one of the most profound and just awesomely satisfying experiences i've ever had. ahhh i want another baby!
You put it perfectly - having two just makes you forget how hard it was to go from none to one. Indeed.
When I was pregnant with my first baby, one of the "Lost Boys" (survivors of a Sudanese refugee camp) lived with us for his first two months in the U.S.A. If watching him adjust to life in the U.S.A. taught me anything, it's that my pitiful little struggles with parenting are really no big whup in the grand scheme of things. Thanks for putting those ideas together too!
P.S. That former "Lost Boy" is now godfather to my second child.
That was beautifully written! It is even more so true when you have three. I can hardly wait for school to start, and then I only have TWO at home! Oh, how life changes. Those bottle feeding moments are sweet, savor them, because they end too soon!
Very sweet. My husband and I have been struggling with whether or not to have a 2nd child (we most often veer towards not). This is the first thing I've read in a long time that makes having 2 kids sound magical.
So sweet. I stay home with my kids - my son Graham is 1 year old, my daughter Lainey is 3. I am always grateful for the stolen moments alone with my son and your post captured exactly why.
I never "allowed" my kids to hold their own bottles. That was something I alone would give them. I wasn't able to breastfeed, but our bottle time was special and I'd drop everything, relax and enjoy it with them.
A lovely glimpse into what I hope is soon ahead for us. I keep thinking (hoping?) that going from 1 to 2 will be less difficult, given how selfish and terrifying relinquishing freedom was going from 0 to 1 for me. There doesn't seem to be much left to abandon. In a good way. Most of the time.
"The very idea of freedom has morphed into something you wouldnt recognise"
Interesting, I find that it (having several children)makes you appreciate the simple things and see the beauty in them. A few minutes reading a book or book review or sitting in the garden and hearing birds singing before they all get chased away again by the feral devils I helped bring into the world.
I have never heard that "ten times the work" phrase. Thank goodness.
When I went from none to one (at 1
my mom said the very best thing to a teenage girl scared shitless, "Honey, we'll just fold him in."
That line has stuck with me. And I knew, that when my second was born that we could just fold him in too. Sure things change, but you don't mind, because folding in the new person means that you make room, you enjoy them.
Huh, odd smiley intruding there.
That would be, at eighteen, not 1smileyface.
Such beautiful and evocative writing. Thanks for telling us about the day. The days go quickly. My son is now 18 years, not pounds. He heads to university in another week. We went shopping for new sneakers for him (size 12) and I was kneeling on the floor as he tried them on, pushing on the toe, looking up and saying, "Do you think these fit? Enough room there?" Once a parent, always a parent. That tug of love is eternal. Enjoy every moment.
I love your writing. Hold on to these days of no freedom, they will fly by too fast. I personally felt so grateful receiving a second gift only 19 months after our first gift. The freedom my husband and I lost is so dwarfed by the buckets of love and perspective that babies bring us.
This was so lovely, so true.
Beautiful. I can't wait to feel this myself.
Wow. I really needed to hear this now. We are currently trying for a second, and I've been nervous. This is a good reminder. Thanks!
Also, I had/have a similar joke with my daughter when we were breastfeeding (and now with a bottle). That little break from drinking to smile is so wonderful.
Wow. Timing is everything. I read this post before I left for a doctor's appointment. At the risk of giving you too much information I was debating having my IUD removed so my husband and I could start the process. Everything about your post was so beautiful I took it as a sign and had the device removed! Wish us luck...
I absolutely love your stories. If we could afford it, my husband would love to stay home with our daughter. Hats off to you!
Oh, so wonderful.
It is hard work being at home looking after two kids, but would I trade it for working away from them? Huh -- as if.
(And I still hold my 19-month-old on my lap to give her her milk -- still love the eye-contact and her hand playing with my hair. And I play the nibbling fingers game, too.)
I love spending time with both of my kids (who are 17 months and about to turn 4). But spending time with both of them doesn't allow me to slow down and truly enjoy the moment most of the time. I always feel rushed, pulled in 10 directions, exhausted.
That insanity really makes me appreciate 1 on 1 time with either child. The world slows down and I can focus on them, I can appreciate them, I can bask in the types of moments that you described. We try to make time each weekend to do things as a family, but also make time for each parent to have some 1 on 1 time with each child. It is wonderfully refreshing.
This is the end of my older child's first week of Kindergarten. What I hadn't fully imagined was how much his younger brother, (three-years-old) would miss him. We both miss him, but they played pretty much all day together before school started.
I have a lot planned to do with the younger boy and am looking forward to having this time to spend with him one-on-one. His older brother had all that time one-on-one before the younger was born. (Nearly three years.) I'd forgotten how much easier it is to get out of the house with one child than with two.
It is a light feeling, as you say, of freedom, neatly bounded by putting older son on the bus and being back in the afternoon to gather him back when he gets off the bus. We're all appreciating each other more. Older son is appreciating time at home more. We must have been taking each other for granted.
Great post. I know exactly that milky grin. Love it. I nursed long (2.5 years for each child) in part because it was great intimate, playful time. Built in cuddles.
I don't think that "ten times the work" is something easy or clever to say. It's what I feel every day. My first was easy: a sleeper, a smiler, never made strange. My second was premature and astonished me with the depth and frequency of his needs. Plus I had a toddler to care for while I was adjusting to this baffling infant. Now we're through that and we have, like most people, highs and lows mingled together with that 10 X workload: sibling rivalry, toddler worries and moods, moments of fraternity and occasional threats of fratricide, each child relating to the world in his own way. Every situation is different.
This is the thing I don't get: I spent the afternoons/summers of my high school and early college caring for a toddler and an infant. (Later college, they were a bit older.) I was caring for a 6 week old infant in the 9th grade. What happened to me? Why am I such a wimp now? I want another child so badly but I know I won't be able to handle it. How did I do at 17 what I can't do now?
Of course, I had horrible nostalgia for that time after I got older. I think it was the happiest time in my youth. I am more nostalgic about teaching my brother how to swim than I am about the prom or any other paradigmatic teen moment. Among the many things I like in your writing about your children is the way that you clearly savor every moment.
I could tell that Juniper would be a cool older sib. I fear for any infant I produce.
So true. There is rarely, if ever, a break in the chaos when there are two of them around. When I end up with just one or the other, I'm amazed at what a relative treat it is to be able to just focus my energy on one child instead of spending all of my energy just trying to keep each of them occupied and away from each other's throats.
oh my god- right on. sometimes i whisper in the bean's ear: "you're the only one who doesn't give me a problem."
p.s. happy belated anniversary- last year for our 5th we gave each other a cedar deck off the back of the house, with a new blender to enjoy it w/ frothy things from our honeymoon. this year i'm hoping 6= large cold kitchen appliance since we need a new fridge. so romantic.
absolutely loved this entry. The bonding you described with your son is wonderful!!!
I have a reputation to uphold around here for not being very sentimental (being a little hard hearted is a self preservation technique to ease the inevitable parenting pain that comes with loving your children like crazy.) Your description of these intimate parenting moments are stirring vivid memories...now you're going to get me being all sappy and I can't function efficiently that way.
Beautiful. I recently had some time with my two-year-old while my three-year-old was in an art class and it was such a window into what Rachel would be like if she were an only child. It was sort of a gift to have that one on one time with the kid who never got any.
I just love your writing.
I've found it easier to have a preschooler than an infant, for basically the same reasons you cited for the opposite conclusions (simpler needs/problems/etc.). I think that's funny.
I would just like to say that I love this blog and it makes me cry, oh, every other time I read it... thankyou for your sharing your lives!
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