My kind of post!
Oh yes, Dutch, I come from a family who used the verbage "toot" as well. Ah, the shame.
My parents also referred to bowel movements as doing a "job." This caused great confusion for me when my Sunday school class started studying the books in the bible. I mispronounced the book "Job" and no one understood why I was completely horrified by my mistake.
I am old enough to have called them "air biscuits."
Gad.
I would like to meet the woman who was able to quell the innate desire that boys/men have to constantly talk of, produce massive amounts of, brag of, and compete in fart contest so vile that I nary have eyebrows anymore!
How did she do it? I was informed (by my biggest kid of all, hubby) that it just is. Farting, for kids (and seemingly half of the adults in my household) is our most talked about subject...ever...period.
Nicknames range from:
Farty McFart Pants
Chocolate Thunder
Rumble Butt
Sir Stinks-a-lot
Dookie dad and Donniker Lad (I don't know how/why donniker refers to farting or poop........that one was make famous by my father in law).
El Dookay Grande De La Pew
Mushroom Cloud
and the list goes on and on.
Who know some families didn't discuss this subjuct TOO DEATH.
Can I go live with your mom??
The following is a recent post on my blog, mostly about this subject:
http://unleashingtheinnermonolog...thirteen-
2.html
Chelle
PS Junipers fart commentary is too funny.
I use toot, and only started using the word when my daugther was born. I thought it sounded a little more feminine than fart. My husband and the rest of his family ( inlcuding my 3 year old niece) employ the use of fart. It is only a matter of time until she picks up the use of fart from them. Why this is a concern, I don't know. My family used to walk by the bathroom and exclaim "What died in there?!" So it's not like we were the picture of restraint when it came to bodily functions.
My mother used "toot" too. As a noun. And a verb. And for onomatopoeic effect. Now that I'm a mom? It's totally a fart.
whenever someone farts here, pnut has just started to notice- she will look at me, eyes wide open and say "boop" or "poot" which i think is so cute i say yes! poot! and think- isn't she clever. thanks for giving us the heads up on maybe not encouraging this so much.
on another note- being dutch (nationality, not you the person), are you offended by the term "dutch oven?" because that was literally pnuts daddy's favorite thing to 'surprise me' with when we were in college. and now. yep, he's a real romantic. i love couples who don't poop or fart in front of each other, and sometimes i wish we were one of them.
this has never been revealed to the internet before, but my mom made us call them "bottom burps"-- as if this is milder than the "f-word"!
We call them AP's( which is short for "air poop") in our house- not sure why--it started as a joke and stuck. My immaturity shines through everytime I have to stifle a snicker when I read something from the "AP News". I think its kind of funny when my 18 month old son says AP! tthhhhpppppp! - It is less funny when he screams "boobies!" and grabs at my shirt in a crowdwed grocery store. There are times when you wish you went with more delicate or obscure terminology.
My mom always said "poocker" (the "oo" is soft-- not like as in "poo", it has more of a "ah" sound. I debated about whether to spell it with a "u", but that would have always led to mispronuciations). Actually, we (I am not sure where this came from-- probably me)) said "boys fart, girls poocker")
At least she doesn't know about sharts yet.
Air bagels .. that is precious. I think I'll use that one on my husband, who often calls our girl - and I quote - a raunchy farter.
I admit I'm more of a delicate flower and prefer if the baby says "pass gas." But I'm afraid she has her own mind.
Flatulence is always funny.
This post is hilarious!
Go Juney with the language skilz! Also, while we're on the topic, have you seen the fart-proof underwear?
http://www.under-tec.com/index.php
Marcia: who says she doesn't know about sharts yet? She may not know the name for them, but she's definitely already an accomplished sharter.
"the bottom line"?
yes, I'm just that juvenile.
I, too, was from a household that did not use 'fart.' I, in fact, will now say 'I tooted' like a little kid, because I think it's funny. Or 'pooted.' The word 'fart' is so blase these days...toot is vintage!
I swear my family didn't fart in front of each other. I can't remember what we did if the time came, but perhaps we simply blamed the dog. It wasn't until I got married that I would do so in front of my husband. Now I'm pregnant, and farting and burping are just part of life. I can out burp anyone, simply by breathing.
The other day I was with my goddaughter, and my heel scraped the pavement with a funny sound. "Sam, you farted!" she proclaimed. It was awesome.
Our English friends call them "botty burps," which is slightly precious.
I say, let the kid rip and tell. It's part of learning about all the weird things their bodies can do, and the social grace to fart privately and quietly will come in due time. Of course, my husband never figured that one out, and is notorious around our friends ...
Pugawug loves to go on the potty and make "just farts." Yesterday in Banana Republic, she announced at high volume, "I'm Poopy! I'm poopy! Smelly one!" We figure she'll grow out of it before, oh, 8th grade.
my mom used to call it "making a noise," as in "oh, you made a noise". How's that for euphemistic? By the way, Juney seems to be all over the talking these days!! "It's a stinky one, too, I think".... that is some damn fine grammar.
My three-year old daughter calls it gas -- probably because we didn't want to hear her use some disgusting term for it -- and she tells me, "I'm just gassin'."
Maybe plain 'ol FART would have been better.
When I grew up, the euphamisms were abundant - "you stepped on an ass rat" was the most common. Or blaming it on the dog, that was classic too. Fart was used.
I'm married to a wonderful guy, but he rarely will call any attention to it, or has been known to blame the dog. But he does not under any circumstances want the bathroom door open when he goes to the bathroom - either variation (1 or 2). And he wants me to close the door when I go also. We leave the door open for Hootie to go to the bathroom, and she's come to call her farts "toots" also, due to preschool, I think.
I don't fart but once in a blue moon, and when I do, nobody notices, other than, 'ooh, it smells like roses." 
But I can outburp anyone given a diet coke or a nice foamy beer. Heh.
When I was growing up farting could have been considered a family pastime. My brother would tell you there were competitions (although there really weren't, I swear!). All generations right up to the champion, my great grandfather, were involved. My great grandmother used to scold us all. Our family was almost always laughing. Now that I'm married with an almost 2 year old my husband and I are not as "loud" about the topic (literally and verbally) but my daughter has found the humor on her own. As the tub empties she just about forces herself to fart because the echo and vibration is rather impressive... and boy does it cause her and everyone around to laugh!!! How do you get a 2 year old to realize what is funny in your house may not be as funny in front of others???
I have to add a term I didn't see on your comments at all. My aunt (who is just too perfect for words) didn't want her daughter saying fart, or toot, or any such word. She decided to use the term "flappy cheeks". Boy did that cause embarrassment when she actually had to explain it to the pediatrician one day!!!
My brother is an expert at making up creative terms. I think the last one of his I heard was something like "if you listen closely, you may hear the mating call of the rare African brown tree squirrel"
My niece, who is now 4, created her own word out of pure toddler misspronunciation. One day my brother farted (loudly as usual) and my niece exclamed "uh oh foits!!!" That word has now stuck with all of us.
Oh, and people I was a nanny for used the term "poopy gas".
This topic could just go on for ages!
Laughing so hard (while trying to hold it in so as not to disturb anyone around me) that I have tears in my eyes.
This is what I have to look forward to in just a few months.
At least your in-laws aren't vegetarians.
My family called them poom-pooms (rhymes with boom-booms). Just TRY and call them poom-pooms now--I can't fathom how my parents brought themselves to SAY that. It gives me the heebie-jeebies! So we say toot now with the kids, and compared to poom-poom, TOOT is a breath of fresh air!
Yeah we were a "toots" family too. And since my mom is our babysitter, Teddy says "toots" too. It may be quaint, but I agree that fart has become a little pedestrian. So, whatever.
Spider barks. I have no idea why that was used or where it came from.
My almost 3 yr old does the same thing! She will say, "Mama, did you fart? Daddy, did you fart? No, I think it was Khloe!" when we are out in public. She also points out that when something smells - it definitely came from a fart, like when we're in the middle of Target waiting in a long line of people.
Gotta love it!
My family called them "shooting bunnies"
My aunt, who watched my sister and I growing up, made us call them "candies." She would say, "boys toot, girls candy." Nice, huh?
I overheard a friend tell her child last week that they don't use the word 'boogers' in their home.
??
?
I didn't know people still lived this way. I am hoping they are the anomaly and not me.
---
post 9.11 my friend in the airline industry was sad to realize during work he could no longer use the verbiage 'dropping bombs' in reference to needing to take a crap. this always makes me laugh.
Note to self: Do not drink water while reading one of Dutch's posts. Also, do not try to resume drinking water when reading comments to said post, as things like "ass rat" "shooting bunnies" and "spider barks" will make you ask whether you have to call IT to get a new keyboard or if you should just try to air it out and hope for the best.
We weren't allowed to use the f-word either, but I can't remember what we said. I know we had to use "do a job" or "have a B.M." for pooping with my grammy, and when my dad said he was "takin' a crap" one time, I thought he would be given a whuppin'.
My son "has gaaaaas." We obviously need to approach this particular linguistic gem with a bit more creativity.
We called them windies. As in "Dad just did a windy." That might be more embarrassing than "toot," I'm not sure, but it was pretty funny when we moved to the States and my sister had a friend in her second-grade class called Windy Jacobs. There was also "blow off" (I blow off, you blow off, he/she/it blows off) and that too became about a thousand times funnier when our little British family discovered that staple of all Home Depots, Circuit Cities, and art supply stores -- the Blow Off compressed air in a can. Even the logo looks like a fart! (Excuse me, a windy.)
When I was very little (young enough to still be going to the bathroom with my mom's supervision) my mother told me that farts should only be called "passing gas" and that you should "only talk about them with your doctor." For years, I was convinced that farts were the first harbinger of some horrible, gaseous death.
My mother claims this never happened. But she's not the one who held in all her farts until puberty.
First, I love that you now can label posts "poo". That's awesome. As parents, you need to be able to find a wealth of poo posts. Second, maybe she'll grow out of it? I don't know. My son is into farts, too, he thinks they're hilarious, but luckily he's calmed down a bit on the whole announcing thing.
Stepped on a frog. Haven't seen that one yet!
One term I picked up is "an attack of the vapors," as in: I'm sorry! I seem to have (had) an attack of the vapors! Vapors, contrary to popular interpretation, are not fainting spells, but wind from either end. haha This makes me laugh to even explain it.
lol I am so starting a list on this one.
"Fluff." That's what my stepdad wanted us to call them - but we could never bring ourselves to do it. "Fluff" sounds so fey.
I agree with Katie - "toot" is vintage! That's what my girls say, except for when they're on an airplane, then Hazel says - really, really, really loudly - "excuse me... for FARTING!!!"
I like to fart. How about you? It lets me know I'm alive. How many sounds can you make with your ass? I can surely make at least 5!!
We grew up having to say poot but at Grandma's it was "stepped on a frog" or she would say were were shooting at her. She would laugh. It would make me happy to her her laugh about it right now. She also said "booop" in a funny way. If it was praticulary stinky she said it was "straight off the turd."
As grown ups we can now say fart and my mom said it the other day and I felt funny. It just didn't sound acceptable.
Our new way to refer to it, thanks to Sponge Bob is "I ripped my pants" and one day my bf said it sounded like I "shot a bean." FOr a while I said "passed a gas". But I find myself saying the good ole standby "poot" to my 5 month old. Laugh all you want as long as you say "scoose me"
My mom said when I was very little we were in church and I pooted and I said excuse me. No one acknowledged so I said it again really loud, "I said excuse me!"
And btw, the gurgling you hear in your gut before a explosion of dire rear is called the bubblies.
We used to call them fluffies. My poor dad--had three girls and had to go along with it! Can be a noun ("Did you let a fluffy?") or a verb ("Did you fluffy?").
Oh I forgot my ex's would say "I hear a distant bomb" in almost a robot voice. Then I have a more recent ex who I liked to gross out by first saying, "Did you hear that?" When he said , "no, what was it?" I would let rip.
In an office job, a male co worker and I would just say "pass the fabreze please" but he would turn bright red and actually giggle.
Ok enough from me...
My Mom tooted as well. But dad always just 'let one creep'.
I'm kind of found of Frapper...
in my in-laws, rather Scandinavian family, they say "Uffda Poofda"
Then there's always the Silent But Deadly - SBD's.
Years ago, at family reunions on Crystal Lake outside of A2 somewhere, the "elder males" of the family would always retreat to a little barn-type building at one point in the day, to listen to an entire LP (33 rpm) full of guys (I presumed there were no ladies involved) making various and sundry, quite creative, farting noises. Every YEAR they'd listen to that thing and find it hilarious.
The children were not allowed anywhere near that barn. Ever.
We called them windstinkies. Then when my parents bought a Ford Windstar, we called it the Windstinky.
My father is totally unrestrained, especially at the dinner table. He rips one and then looks over and goes "KITTY!" After 27 years of this, I'm surprised my mother hasn't stabbed him with a fork.
Toots and fluffs. Sometimes, if someone was feeling really naughty, they might say 'made a stinky.' Yes, we were an excessively delicate household. One tooted and fluffed; one did not fart, rip, drop bombs or (how did that commenter above put it?) toss air biscuits. (I am sad, so sad, to say that I just don't get that last one.)
The result of which has been this: I loooove all things fart. I love the rhetoric of farts. I am an aficionado of fartology, fartonography, and fartalectic. So much so that my husband is convinced that I am possessed of the soul of a nine-year old boy. Which perhaps does not bode well for the upbringing of our spirited and flatulent young lady, but we'll cross that bridge when we come to it.
My in-laws, who I otherwise adore, all use the term "make a fluffy."
As if making a bubble gum scented pink cloud. As if wanting to hug a fart while drifting off to sleep. As if unicorns and fairy dust fly out of one's ass.
In my family, you held it in. If you couldn't, we had the worst euphemism of all time, which I have not seen on any of the lists of fart euphemisms I just compulsively consulted to jog my memory. In our house, the word was "fluff." As in, "Who fluffed?" For some reason the word still disgusts me.
I still remember the first friend I had whose family did things differently. His parents would let it rip and nobody would say anything. You were supposed to let the gas pass without comment. I found that very odd. Like people would be sitting around reading magazines and you weren't even supposed to look up.
Among friends, oh yes, there was great joy in farting. Some people were good the group to continue to blame theat farting loudly and joyfully, and were granted the same admiration as the rare individual who could burp out the alphabet or turn their eyelids inside out. Others took pride in "silent but deadly" farts. Both groups had great fun at sleepovers, and if the fart was a silent one, there was a standard retort if you were blamed for the offense: "Whoever smelt it dealt it." Of course, after you had played that out you would admit to it, unless there was someone in the group who was unjustly accused, in which case you might let it go and relish that instead.
Thanks for dredging up these memories.
Wow, now that I read through there are a lot of fluff variants. We never had the "y" at the end. Just "Did you fluff?" "You fluffed!"
My absurdly weird family would say, "Someone stepped on a duck!" Or, "How did that duck get in here??" I never really thought farts sounded like ducks quacking, but I still thought it was an incredibly funny mental image. 
fart was definitely uncouth, and "stinker" was the family word UNTIL we were old enough to realize no one else seemed to use that terminology!
uffda poofda... ahhh i love it!!
Sometimes Hubby's farts sound like a duck quacking. Especially in the shower - something about the acoustics of the tile...
if ignited, blue dart. as in a blue, darting flame.
We were allowed to say "foof". Who knows where the hell that came from. Funny though, my mom would never let us fart in front of each other and now, she is 55 years old and let's them rip all the time!
In my husband's family, if you don't fart in front of everyone they think there is really something wrong with you.
"Papa has a motorboat in his butt!"
Diane- When I farted (loudly) at breakfast yesterday my 3 year old looked up from her cereal and said "A duck?!" Then laughed and laughed.
But seriously, Fluffy? Just what part of farting is fluffy? - unicorns and fairy dust, indeed!
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