Amen.
(I've got a 5 yr old and a 3 yr old and your post got me weepy.)
I am sending this to my wife. We have a 2.5 yo and a brother on the way and I admire her so much for putting her life on hold to be with (them) all the time.
Dude -- this IS ambition -- what you are doing. The other stuff was just killing time, waiting for the right thing. Great post!
PS -- don't knock the Nack. We Swedes know what we are doing! 
I concur. What you are doing is ambition. You find the words we stumble to locate. My oldest started high school this year and it seems like a mere yesterday that I held that pregnancy test in my hand and shook with fear and delight at the same time. Cherish these moments. Treasure the time...it is so fleeting. And keep writing...for us.
With a bit of luck, we will soon be on our way to adding a 2nd to the house...and impending plans are that MD will stay at home...like you...and accomplish another important job. As much as he is excited for this transition...I think he worries (in the same way you describe) what will happen to his career...how he will justify his existence, etc...
He never reads blogs (in fact, he is kinda anti-blog, but that is for another day)....but I just sent him this post....I really really really hope he reads it.....
well done peice on explaining the one perception of time...
Ok...so I apparently lost my ability to form sentences come the last line of that comment...what I MEANT to say....
is:
Well done piece explaining one's perception of time.
OK, now I am done, for now.
I truly believe your writing helped me to be okay with wanting a child, feelings I had always run from before. When I became pregnant, I would read these such posts and wonder (hope) if my experience would be similar in its happiness and love.
As you can guess, it is a million times better and more amazing than I could ever guess. I look at my son's 5 month old hands and look forward to all the times I'll get to hold them. I look at his knees and wonder how many times I'll get to kiss the boo-boos. The tears are never far behind.
Thank you.
You are the best dad, your kids are so lucky.
Ambition will give you cancer.
Being with your kids will give you a life.
My son has always been very close to us, and people told us to cherish the closeness because it wouldn't last. He's eleven now and still will hug and hold hands if we ask, and sometimes he asks. He'd not a dork; he's just used to closeness.
Don't spend a lot of time being wary of things going away ... they may not.
That Paul Bowles quote is STILL killing me. And "a chaotic universe still coming to terms with the infinite"? Stuff like this makes me hope to god your writing is limitless, Jim.
Sigh. Great post. Kiddos......
I'm in the same situation (minus law school) and while I may not know what I'm going to be when I "grow up", I will try to appreciate this time.We have a noble career at the moment.
I love your posts. I was going to say "I love you," but I don't want your wife to beat me up.
Oh. That was beautifully written. I agree with the others, you've verbalized what I feel. I too, am forwarding to my spouse!
I wrote you an email not too long ago asking, "Is it worth it?" Because I'm thinking of killing off my career to be home with my son.
I think this post answered my question.
Wow! From an old father to a young father,"Your headed in the right direction, God's speed."
Thank you. For putting that into lovely words and for making me feel better.
OMG, Gram is so much bigger than Juniper at that age! (Or maybe it's just how white he is in comparison to his sister...it just looks bigger.) And I love his hair!!!
Thanks for sharing.
Once again, you put into words exactly what I feel about parenthood. You help me to be the mother I want to be; these reminders put me in that place, leaving the other crap behind. I too am an attorney, one who can give a shit about the typical attorney path. I work 25 hours a week as counsel for a brewery, wearing jeans and flip flops. I lay in the grass in the afternoons, my littlest one's chubby body hovering over me as I suspend him in the air with my feet, playing Superman. Freezing the moment in time. Thank you for this post.
Beautiful line. I especially love the last line of your post. I am a recently laid off architect and have never been so happy as I've been as a SAHM these past few months. It's tough when people express wonder at how I can be happy doing something that can be so tedious, but I am also aware of how finite it is.
just lovely
So true about hand holding. My 2.5 year old daughter won't often let me hold her hand on walks, she has too many other things to do. When I do get blessed with a hand hold it's a wonderful thing.
Sounds like a perfect age to read him "Where the Wild Things Are", my wife's and my own very favorite childhood book - and a potentially really fun movie about to come out. The perfect blend of childhood adventure, fear, and excitement for the unknown.
Great post. One of my favorites that I've read on here.
i loved this post. it made me think of this poem:
"Beattie Is Three"
At the top of the stairs
I ask for her hand. O.K.
She gives it to me.
How her fist fits my palm,
A bunch of consolation.
We take our time
Down the steep carpetway
As I wish silently
That the stairs were endless.
—Adrian Mitchell
Like you, my husband left a career to stay at home with our children. It was a big adjustment and of course we had a few supporters and lots of people that thought we were crazy, he was lazy, etc. It has been such a positive thing for our kids and I only wish I could have some of the moments that they share. Every father should be so humbled and blessed to know what it's like to be that much a part of their children's lives.
How is the graffiti still there after three years? Is it a commissioned piece?
it's funny, i've been going through the same thing lately with the bean. he's about the age i was when my biomom died- and i keep thinking, did she love me the way i love him? did i love her the way he loves me? did she relish the way i toddled around and cheer for me when i'd get back up again? i don't remember her at all. he wouldn't remember me if i were to die today.
it's made me really pause these past days- i'm taking extra time to pick him up when he comes up to me and hugs my knees. kiss his hair and whisper my love to him. not get so worked up when he does all the same things that drove me nuts when the pnut did them- b/c, as you said so much better than i, it is all so finite.
i am so lucky to be my kids mama. your kids are lucky to have the two of you, as well.
Thank you for reminding me to treasure all the little moments. You have such an amazing way of expressing the magic of parenthood.
Your kids are lucky to have you.
Amazing. Just amazing. Thank you for making me pause, cry a little, and be grateful for the lovely almost-2-year-old girl that is mine. I'm privileged to be her parent and to enjoy the time that I have with her at this stage.
I love your "moonwalks into my lap." Isn't that just how it is!?
Peace my fellow parent.
VW
I love this post. Thank you.
Simply beautiful.
This is so beautiful, so accurate, so heartwrenching. Goddamn indeed.
It is still there, it just changes. Your child will come to you to share a story he has read, or will ask to borrow your clothes, or if you are really lucky he will throw an arm over your shoulder as my high school senior did Tuesday while I was chaperoning a field trip. Yes that's right, in public. Even though the joy of having your children think you are perfect is amazing (and believe me, I do miss those days), some of my favorite moments have been big kid ones. The first time you realize your kid gets the "adult" humor and she knows you know she got it, confiding in you their secret crushes, watching them learn from a mistake and pick themselves up again, turning into adults you can enjoy on an equal footing.
I read this blog to remind me of the days when they were new and life was untasted, thanks for that. The journey improves with every new stage.
Pnuts Mama, I am so sorry for your loss.
Yeah... My "baby" girl is all grown up, and this year I've been blessed with a granddaughter that the universe orbits around.
I feel every single word you wrote. I never thought I'd be the guy that tears up over stuff- but I am.
hey - been following your blog for a while now and this made me cry in a cafe today as i read it. i have just returned to a 'career' in graphic design after 7 years as a SAHM and i feel so bloody lucky (and so grateful to my hubby) to have had that time with my sons (miller is 7 and in grade 2, and bram is 5 and just started grade 1. trust me, even after 7 years, it was hard to say goodbye to that time. i'm a bit lost, scared, and more than a little intimidated to look for 'work' again so i'm 'freelancing' until i feel a little more prepared (or inclined, if ever) to have a dreaded 'job interview'. but i don't care either! your last two lines really sum it up. i haven't lost all 'ambition', but it's been put into some kind of perspective. that time was precious, man. i'm glad i gave them those years. i won't ever get them back. that's what i kept telling myself. even at 42, i have no regrets. my kids returned some things to me i'd lost - patience, a feeling of limitless optimism, the art of questioning, crazed enthusiasm, silliness and the importance of how to give (and receive) unconditional love. and then there's the bonus, right? the chance to see life through wondering eyes again, carefully, without bias (or, at times, filters haha) or pretention. some of the ways you put things are really just so perfect and break my parental heart. thanks so much for sharing and explaining those moments so exquisitely. your writing constantly reminds me that, yes, whatever happens now, i made the right decision 7 years ago. so thanks. please forgive extra long comment - i'll shut up now cheers...
beautiful post with beautiful sentiments; I've recently sent my eldest to school and am reveling in the short time with my little one still at home.
Thanks for the reminder. Sometimes I get caught up in the tedious and forget how finite this all is. So, again, thank you.
Oh, this post came at just the right time. My son started preschool this week and it is slowly breaking my heart every day to drop him off there -- I don't know which hurts more, seeing him sad that I left, or finding out how much fun he had while I was gone.
Oh tears here too. I have three sons, one is a sophomore at uni, one a high school senior and the youngest a high school sophomore. There are lots of regrets about their younger years, but one regret I don't have is cutting back on my hours, and then leaving my career in the dust to be with them. Trying to pour into them in a few short years enough of a reservoir of love to take them thru their life. Thank you for your beautiful writing, and sharing your heart for your children with us.
This? This was anti birth control.
I can only hope I'm able to be as present as you are when I have children.
This is why I'm glad we're having another. Selfish selfish parent.
.........i spent time like this with my son, and stopped to spend it again with my grandson....i learned the first time..........
I spent an hour on our lawn today stretched out on a blanket with my 8 month old. She had so much fun pulling the grass and crumbling leaves in her hand. She called out to the neighbors and their dogs as they walked by. She stared at the trees moving in the breeze. Her excitement is contagious.
Right on.
I'm nothing but lucky to get to spend this time with my kids.
Simply beautiful.
This is so wonderful. I wish we lived in a society that respected choices like yours as they should be respected. It shouldn't have to be such an either/or choice...I love that here, I get the same feeling that I was lucky to grow up with: my mom stayed home with me, and she's always told me about how much fun she had with me. Like you say, it's not without tedium, but I truly believe that there's nothing better for children than to have someone with them who *wants* to be there and who cherishes that time.
Forget the attorney. Clearly, you're a writer.
Right on, Dutch. Very nice piece. Heart-felt without being sappy.
My daughter (my youngest) started all-day kindergarten this year and I MISS HER LIKE CRAZY! Also, I'm not sure what to do with myself.
I've been reading Sweet Juniper since someone linked to your lovely post about James Kim. I love your graceful, beautiful writing. I'm a lawyer too, and while the profession could use more people with your sensibilities, I think you've found a much more important and fulfilling way to spend your days. Cheers.
This just captured everything I feel about my boy who is 21 months. Thank you.
I love that you really seem to enjoy the time you have with your kids and know that it is fleeting.
My son is almost 18 and I still get hugs and kisses. But, it depends on the child and the kids he hangs with. He isn't as huggy with his dad it seems to shift after they get in school. They are still very close but the huggy kissy stuff doesn't happen. I think I still get it because he is my only child and he knows it would kill me not to get love from my baby. (Shut up his is too my baby! haha)
Sorry that was so long! Just get all of the love you can now because they grow up way to fast!
Thank you for articulating exactly how I feel about my own life. As a parent who put her own career 'on hold' to spend as much time as I can with my 2 young children (now 4 and 22 months) I used to feel like I had to make excuses to why I stopped working to stay home with the kids. The truth is, this is where I feel fulfilled. I liked my job, but I love this more. I will likely never return to my previous profession, and that's OK. New adventures await. We're enjoying every moment.
That's my favourite SJ picture of all time. It inspired the shot we had taken of our daughter, which you can see at the Homepage link below.
Keep up the great work.
This is beautiful. So very true.
Bravo. These little humans are your legacy. This is the meaning of life, why we are here. So many times, these days, parents rejoice over the fact that their children are in school all day and out of their hair. I work full time, but my world revolves around my children. My wife stays home full time and I'm grateful. We both agree that time is too short and we need to enjoy each moment. If I could switch places with my wife I would do it in a heart beat. Keep it up Jim, your doing it right. Thanks as always.
P.S. I think you should really consider the cambulance. I do enjoy a weekend cigar and I love it when a plan comes together.
I love this post. My husband is fond of turning to me and saying "it will never be exactly like this again" - he says it to me when things are excruciatingly lovely and then again when things are excruciatingly terrible, and in each kind of moment I am comforted.
Longtime reader, never before a commenter (not even for contests).
Heather
I came here to write that this was indeed ambition, that you are clearly a writer (although I'm sure you were a fine attorney as well), and that I was sending this to my husband (who stays home with our 5 1/2 month old). THEN I see that so many have already commented on each of these things. That's a big compliment -- speaking to people's lives and doing it well in the process.
I've never done this before, but I'm actually going to save this post because it articulates the overwhelming shift I have felt since our daughter was born. My career focused goals have gone from plowing through promotions to "move closer to family / short commute / home by 5 / work from home at least one day a week". And those are my minimum requirements.
My great nephew and Gram are very close in age. My heart is SO FULL when I look at that kid.
To watch the wheels turn and watch him process something I've just said or something he's just seen is an experience that gets me through the day. To see him rub his tummy and say, "Please?" makes me want to give him the world. When he says, "Hand?" and leads me to the couch with a book makes me want to stop time.
I will admit, your post made me a little misty-eyed. Please don't go back to work as an attorney, I don't think a post about torts and briefs could ever move me like one about your kids.
Argh. You're awesome. This hit me in the solar plexus.
I am 58 and when my children were the ages of your chidren, I regularly lamented the absence of narrative around raising and being with children. It seemed that the people who wrote about children didn't actually have time to raise them and the people who raised them didn't have time to write about it (or have the language, I'm not sure which). It will take a lot of writing to move us from the 'mouths full of nasty sticky sweets' vision of children that is the British narrative to the narrative you are participating in.
(the British reference is from the caption of a Giles cartoon I remember from the 50's.)
Thank you.
This post made me cry. You are an incredible writer.
Such a beautiful post.
This is so lovely. Thank you.
This cold, wet Saturday afternoon - I am catching up after three days with no internet service. I am missing my 28 year old son who moved to LA a month ago. I am also waiting for a call from the 26 year old that she and her husband are on their way to the delivery room where I will meet them and my first grandson. I was a stay-at-home who had the privilege of moving 22 times - living 12 years of that in Spain - and making each place "home". Would I do it again? In a heart beat. Was it hard? Unbelievably so. Am I jealous of my friends who write books, have speaking tours and DO things? Yes. Do I have an rich, deep and meaningful relationship with my kids? More than anyone I know. I will do more good for the next generation by being a good parent than I ever would writing all those books I'd dreamed about writing. You are such a great example of doing something that most of your peers only dream of doing and often lack the courage to try. Thanks for forging ahead even when you doubt.
awesome.
Thanks for the inspiration. I somehow knew I would find it in your writing today. You have exemplified E.M. Forster's plea,"...only connect."
Thank you for your connection to your kids, your connection to yourself, which produces such poignant observations, and reminds us (the readers) of OUR connections to our children and selves. Ironically, it takes an internet connection to bring us all together, and I am thankful for that as well.
I am a longtime reader (but first time poster). Please keep the connection, Jim. We all thank you.
I wish I had that kind of patience.
it made me cry too...can't wait to squeeze my youngest when she gets home today.
as it was said above, you are very much a writer we all love and appreciate. WRI-TER !
Dude. Seriously. You're killin me here, and now I may never go back to work. Damn you doctorate!
god, that was beautiful.
*sniff*
New Reader/ Commenter - Thank you for this inspirational post, your thoughts have reaffirmed my own recent decision to be a stay at home dad. I have started a blog to accompany my new life and would be interested in your thoughts. You can link to my blog at www.gerardferrari.com.
damn. dude, seriously, that was awesome.
as a detroiter now living in DC and staying home with my 2.5 year old daughter and 4 month old son, i love coming here to see what you have to say - both about detroit (which i miss dearly) and about parenting.
forget that attorney stuff... just keep doin' what you're doin'. you're such a great writer.
This is beautiful. Thanks for putting into words my exact feelings about these precious early years we have with our little ones...
I can't tell you how much I enjoy reading all of this from the dad's perspective. I think most great fathers feel this way about their kids, but few are able to articulate it the way you are. Thanks for sharing!
Beautiful post. I relate so much as I have 19 month old.
They do grow up way too fast! We are so fortunate to have become our kids parents. Your sincerity is much appreciated and a reminder to cherish every moment. Thanks.
Oh how lovely. I totally agree with you. How could anything feel better than that?
This...
Kind Sir was Beautiful.
I really mean it.
Thank you for the post. My husband and I have a 9 and a half month old and we're still getting used to thus ephemeral, beautiful trip of parenthood. Thanks for lettig us have a glimpse into your journey. It helps us with ours.
I had just woken up from napping with my 1 year old when I read your post. If there was any lingering guilt over doing something so frivolous, it quickly faded when I read your blog. so beautiful ~ puts my blog to shame!
What a beautiful tribute to a nearly indescribable experience...
Glad to have found your words.
thank you for the reminder. i tend to lose sight of all this in the day-to-day with a 20 month old.
JUST what I needed to read today! I recently left my business and partners of 2 years to stay at home with my 4-month-old. The biggest issue I'm faced with every day is justifying what I'm doing -- not now, it's easy to justify with a new baby -- but in the future, when I don't go back to a "real job"
Despite being 45, kids grown up and moved out not to mention the absence of my uterus (I know, TMI), this post makes me ache for another little one.
I'm sure your wife (and someday your girl and boy) realizes just how very lucky they are to have you.
Wow - incredible post. I have three little ones four years old and under. This post hit me right between the eyes. Thanks man - I needed that.
Magnificently described, as always. I'm not sure why you would ever want to go back into law, anyway, when you can write like this.
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