Oh! This is such a lovely post, a little glimpse. I am totally choked up.
So lovely. And I must admit that I completely understand Junniper's love of synchronized diving. I used to be exactly the same. I loved it - and I can't for the life of me figure out what it was that I found fascinating.
Well, I cried.
Very sweet, Wood. Trust me when I say that there is just as much to love about every new person they become.
My son (2y3m) often wakes up from his nap and promptly falls asleep on me for another 30 minutes or so. I just stare at him (and take as many whiffs of the top of his head as I can) and think about how we won't have this much longer. I also have a long and lanky almost-4-year-old daughter, so I know all too well how fleeting it is.
Beautiful post.
Oh, that definitely has me choked up, too!
I think I know exactly what you mean. My baby's only nine months old and I've just weaned her from breastfeeding and already I have that exact feeling you describe. I look at her standing and walking and clapping and drinking from a cup and think, "Good God, she's so BIG!" and am simultaneously so happy and proud of her and me and us, and also so emotional. I cried to my husband, too, the other night, after our last day of nursing. They're so beautiful it makes you weep, and like you said, it's not from sadness, it's just...overwhelming and beautiful and mind-blowing. Well, you said it best. Just wanted to say, I feel you.
This is exactly how I feel about my sweet little 4-1/2-almost-5-yr-old guy. I've loved every age (well, except for maybe birth-3 weeks, when we couldn't figure out the whole nursing thing), and I've mourned the passing of every age too. It's a bit like seeing one of those big photos of the earth - I see his life stretching out behind me into his infancy and in front of me into the man he'll be. And although I love the baby he was, and the little boy he is now, and I can't wait to meet the man he's going to become, being able to see it stretch out makes me a little sad that this little boy will be gone too, one day. But I guess that's the part of parenting they don't talk about in the glossy magazines and the What to Expect books.
Now I'm crying. As I commented on another blogger's post with similar issues- we are just the temporary guardians of so much, but our children are so special as parts of ourselves. Mostly they grow invisibly until something like that happens and then we notice and it is a shock.
And- what about beach volleyball prime time- geesh! I'm exhausted waiting to watch gymnastics....
Oh dear lady -- as the mother and keeper of a two year old boy who is also all elbows and knees, I teared up just reading your post.
I just had the same episode last month with my baby. My husband came home to my sobbing. He rushed into the bedroom to find me holding our sleeping daughter, who had fallen asleep nursing. All I could tell him was "she's going to leave for college soon and probably won't call home very often." She's 4 months old. I blamed post-pregnancy hormone drop but I think it's really just motherhood.
The hand on the bosom... ahh.. yes. That gets me too.
The other night I was cuddling with Evan before bed and he took my face in his hands and he said "Mommy, you are sad sometimes." and after I peeled myself off the opposite wall with the shock of it I vowed to try and remember, every day, that it will not be long before he'll not only want to sleep by himself, but be completely embarrassed of us.
I don't think he meant 'sad'... I think he meant unengaged. Those tired days when I cheat a little, snap at him more than I should, lose patience. And he's old enough now to absorb it, remember it, build his impressions of us because of it. I hadn't really thought of it until that moment.
You can only carry so much guilt as a mother so all I can do is just vow to try and stay connected, stay present and thankful.
Gorgeous post Wood. Gorgeous.
so sweet. oh so sweet.
i feel the same way about my almost-3 (who still nurses, so i still get that part).
Watching the gymnastics at the olympics always takes me back to Nadia and to my father, who made sure I got to see every second of her glorious run of perfect tens, then went out and bought me the 45 of Nadia's Theme. And your daughter will remember the diving with you, too.
Now I'm crying, too.
Beautifully written. My eyes are smarting with tears.
Actual tears here too. My two year has been asking me for two days, "Can we watch those girls jumping into the water again!" Apparently that sport is a hit with the under-4 crowd.
You made me cry too. Who has a tissue?
Oh yes. Perfectly said.
Yup, tears here, too. It's my daughter's third birthday today. She's changed so much in the last year that I can't think about it without crying about who she was and who she's becoming and ...
Now I need a tissue.
You should read Sandra Cisernos very short story "Eleven". It might make you cry all over again, but it's a poignant essay on the exact sentiments you explain here.
My son just turned 8. Eight! And when he was blowing out his candles on his cake, all I could think was how fast these eight years have gone by, and how in just 10 more years I'll be 42 (which doesn't sound too awful) but he'll be 18 (which sounds dangerous and difficult.) I have a 6 year old and a 3 year old, too, but for some reason it just hits harder with the oldest for me. It just goes by, and each moment that I think I'll always remember is replaced by the new.
I think that's the hardest part of momming.
Thanks for making me weepy in the middle of the afternoon 
HOLD.BACK.TEARS.
When I give my 17 year old daughter a kiss in the morning (of course it's summer and she's still asleep), I have that same rush of feelings run through me.
I think the sports that are televised should follow the national trend of participation. Seriously, I know a bazillion people who play soccer which thay hardly show but dont know a single diver, gymnast, or sand volleyball player.
Lovely post. I was just remembering the other day when my daughter was a little baby, I used to rock her to sleep every night but one night while rocking, she was just staring at me and I looked into her eyes and said, "I wish I could just hold you forever." Now she's 5 and is entering kindergarten in 2 weeks. Sigh. Where did the time go?
There is a bittersweetness associated with parenting and you just hit it on the head. My oldest starts Kindergarten the end of this month and I think I will be curling up in a ball after she gets on that bus. Totally don't get the synchronized diving.
Friday Morning Wood = Friday Afternoon Tears
How did you know exactly what I was thinking when my two-year-old fell asleep in my arms last night? Great post.
Thank you. I had chills as I finished the post. You are an amazing person. Your kids are lucky to have you.
Thanks alot! I bawled with you. Wonderfully written. Now I am all red and crinkley faced.
Oh my. Thank you so much for sharing this. Now if you'll excuse me I have something in my eye.
I am not a parent, however, I have had the pleasure of having a child sleep on me that way. You articulated that emotion extremely well, it is not something that you ever forget.
If you still want to watch the gymnastics with her, it's probably up on YouTube by now . beautiful post.
Totally feel you Wood. Wiping tears and everything.
...and I'm crying. Thanks for sharing.
beautiful.
Actually, you need to blame the authoritarian executives at NBC. They 'convinced' the Chinese to alter the times of events to better fit their schedule. For example, the swimming heats are now in the evenings and the finals in the mornings (Chinese times) so that the American audience can watch the freakish Michael Phelps dominate the world. Apparently gymnastics is not that important.
This is the kind of thing that, as an American expat, I'm always confronted with as evidence of my suckiness. NBC: bite me!
One day last week my son (just turned 3) was looking at a picture on our computer of himself when he was a few months old. He looked at me and said "Do you miss that baby boy?" I still cry just thinking about it.
Ah, yes, I know! I've been feeling this a lot lately, as I'm 18 weeks pregnant and realizing my 2-year-old really isn't my baby anymore. Every age is so sweet and fleeting.
ahem, i have a little something in my eye after reading that.
Thank you for reminding me of this sweetness. Suddenly she is 18 and heading off for her first semester in college and you are not sure that after those rough teenage years that you will miss her, or that underneath are the sweet memories and you know that you are going to shrivel in to a ball of sobbing tears as you leave the dormitory parking lot
Yes, yes, yes. This is why I can't quite give up the nursing, the rocking to sleep. It's going to be gone so soon, that I am eking out each slice of evening, each little nap where he's pillowed into my arm.
And one of my favorite memories of childhood is watching the Olympics with my grandparents and eating bowls of chocolate ice cream.
This made me cry. So very sweet.
Like other commentors, I've also got one entering Kindergarten next week. I've also got a 3 and a half year old and a 5 month old (all boys), so the growing up before my eyes is all the more pronounced. I honestly can't even watch a video of my #1 as a baby because it is so depressing.
I'm weeping--but thank you for your beautiful writing. I look forward to all the posts from you and your husband.
I still feel the same way about my daughter. . and she is 28. Every time I look at her, I remember the baby I sat up with many nights, the 2 year old who used to tell me "I doobe it myself mama" and wonder where those years went and I also marvel in the wonderful woman she has become.
aw. lovely.
we watched the diving too. Cedar was enthralled by it. I think 3 is the age when they turn from your baby/toddler to an independent soul. They can argue with you and win, they can climb up places and dont need you to help. They dress themselves, feed themselves, look after their siblings and God, do they grow. As you say, all long and lean and pointy bits. I wonder at what point when i was sleeping did this all happen.
nicky (and cedar and juniper)
As everyone else has already said, I completely understand everything you posted. I, too, felt tears forming. It's amazing how quickly our world changes when children enter it and how quickly those very children change.
I have a 6 yr old daughter and a 2 1/2 year old son and I tell them every day "stop growing up so fast!" They just don't listen...
i cried this morning when New Zealand won gold in the rowing!! quite unlike me. And here i am again now crying at your post.. really well put.. my 6 year old boy fell asleep cuddling me last night while trying to watching all of Star Wars and i had exactly the same feelings surge through me.. what a teary wet day it is here in little old New Zealand!
Thank you for sharing such beautifully raw emotion and for taking the time to (once again) bring me to an appreciated and lovely pause with my son.
Pregnant...with two-year-old asleep on lap. I am crying now.
Really, synchronized diving, it seems so difficult but who knew it was a sport. Anyway, my daughter just turned seven. Just a few days ago or so it seems, she was three. Now when I carry her to bed her legs almost reach the ground. I too would not wish her to be a baby but it is unbelievable how fast she has grown.
You have so totally put into words what I've been struggling with lately...my little girl is about to turn 2 and the way she has exploded with language in the past 6 months has given me a tiny glimpse of what's to come. And while I' m not all sad, I'm incredibly touched by how fleeting it all is. sigh...
Now you have me crying on a Monday. You have captured my sentiment this past weekend when my 3 year old informed me he was sleeping in his own bed- all by himself. I snuggled my 11 month old closer fearing the day he says the same.
After following you guys for a very long time, Wood, you finally brought tears to my eyes with this post. You see, my daughter will be turning 4 this Saturday. And I feel every emotion in your words. It's almost painful to watch them grow.
I was going to write something gross about the underwater cameras catching the swimmers readjusting after the big splash moves their junk around, but suddenly I can't see for all the tears...
Yes. Beautiful.
I have no kids. I (soon will) have no wife. I'm a 24 year old man. And even I felt the love and tenderness in this post. Perhaps someday I will feel what you feel. But for now I just need to choke back the lump in my MANLY throat. Well done.
Ack! I know it. I get like this so often--when she is walking away to the classroom, when I see her from a distance, when I hear her voice on the phone, when she is sleeping.
My torture is a bit more egoistic at times. My kid now thinks I'm the shit. So, combined with knowing that someday THIS kid will be gone, this incredible kid I also realize at some point I may have a kid who does not think I am perfect, a glorious goddess to adore.
I guess everything that is beautiful is transient.
I have a 3 1/2 year old. And you couldn't have put it better...
My daughter is only 22 months, but I'm already getting glimpses of this feeling.
Beautiful!
oh dammit you made MY face crumple and now i am crying thinking about my gorgeous 2 and a half year old girl asleep in the next room, and her beautiful four month old brother asleep upstairs. it seems so crazy that sometimes I wish these oh so hard but precious days away. who would ever have thought you could love someone so much? THANK YOU for making me stop and remember!
Gah! I feel that way about Auden, and he's not even five months old yet... it's so bittersweet and achingly rewarding. Isn't it amazing that we've all been so loved?
Lovely. You captured precisely what I think every parent feels when they suddenly start realizing that time isn't going to stand still.
I know exactly what you mean - thanks for finding the right words for something I feel every day. I look forward to the next and wax nostalgic for the now at the same time. That's love.
Pregnant, emotional, crying. How do you capture the moment before they are gone?
Wood - I should be writing my brief so I can come over and help you carry boxes, but I was catching up on some blog reading and saw this post. It's really beautiful. - Buttercup
Oh, I know....
It's like, I don't want to stop time entirely. I've loved every new age. I just want to be able to rewind whenever I feel like it.
I love what sweetsaltykate said above about staying present. I try and remind myself that it's the absolute key to moving on with no unresolved issues, no regrets. The feeling that you and your little one lived that age to its fullest.
Sigh.
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