Interoffice romances definitely was my favorite way to waste time before the net. Then when email came around I used it to have interoffice romances. Then I married my last interoffice romance. Now I waste time at home surfing the net.
It makes me feel rather old knowing what work life was like before the World Wide Web.
I know both the thirst and the drowning intimately, and both are so, so hard. I wish all parents and all families could find the perfect balance.
I missed dicking around on the internet when I was home. Now that I'm working again, I miss my babies (well...6 and 2...still my babies). Grass is always greener, but I am working part-time and it feels closer to balance.
Good luck to both of you as you enjoy this time home together and as you face your respective thirst and drowning.
I fully admire people with more than one child. Oh, someday you will have children who (more or less) entertain each other so you can dick around on the internet unfettered for maybe a whole 45 minutes! And eventually Juney will go to school and you'll get to experience 1x1 time with Gram like you did with Juney in the early days. So the difficulty of having two to take care of simultaneously (with vastly differing needs and interests) will be, luckily, for a short time. As will Wood's need to lock her door and extract milk. Those days will pass and you'll maniacally laugh your ass off at those of us with one who are their child's primary playmate, who only get maybe 10 minutes of unfettered dicking around on the internet time (or painting, or drawing, or whatever else we do). Yes, it is hard. So hard I was too intimidated by the looming thought of myself becoming a whack-job with two kids to go through with having another. But I know it's just because I'm a wuss. You guys... NOT wusses. 
May the force be with you, my friend. I wish you the best of luck. I don't know how anyone can manage a newborn and a toddler for 10 hours a day by themselves. When they're older---sure, I could see it being easier. But I'm sure it's going to be a tough transition.
However, I have no doubt that you will prove your mettle and come through with shining colors. Good luck!
You guys rock so much--thanks for sharing your experiences and thoughts so openly. When our first child is born, I'm sure we'll take some pages from your playbook ...
Ummm...isn't that why I go to work? Free internet access? Hmm. Maybe I missed something. Kidding-but seriously, I'm running at about a 25% efficiency rating thanks to the internet. But at least I know that Kate Hudson and Owen Wilson are almost shacking up-that's much more important!
Oh, Jim, I am feeling for you. I'm almost 2 years in to my days of caring for two kids, and I just want to assure you that it does get easier. To continue your metaphor, it probably took a year of near-drowning before I felt like I was treading water. Now, most days, the three of us are swimming pleasantly along. Best of luck to you and Wood. I love that you can appreciate her hardship too. Try to remember that in the coming days. It can become all too easy to feel like you're the only one doing any work (albeit unpaid) in the family.
Anyway, good luck.
You've had such a luxury having the two of you at home for the past couple of months. It may be tough at first going solo, but you'll do fine! (although I was on my own with 2 under 2 for my maternity leave and was pretty relieved to get back to work)
My husband stayed home with #1 (age 3) and #2 (age 4 months) when I went back to work (also as a lawyer). I was lucky enough that work was close and he could bring baby #2 to the office everyday for lunch so I could nurse, and the boss was very flexible with pumping/nursing.
Maybe you and Wood and Gram can have some lunch dates to quench her thirst (and Gram's!)
Heather
If the Internet and blogging had have been this tempting when I was working in an office, I would have been SO FIRED.
Unless you're an alien in a Jim-costume you must have felt similarly with Juney as a baby, right? Scared to be caregiving, unsure of how you'd react to the clocks ticking one minute forward and two minutes backwards all day. But you figured it out, found your groove and routine. You'll do the same with two.
If anything, two kids makes you realize just how easy one is. But you really will figure out what works. You may have relent a little on the big black box (vintage sesame street on DVD rocks).. otherwise, getting the baby down for naptimes can be a challenge. You'll totally figure it out. You'll surprise yourself.
Love to you both, especially Wood - it can't be easy to leave those grins at home to go to the office, even with him being in the hands of such a great dad.
that last line says it all (it's a really nice last line). maybe you guys should move to canada.
oh my.
some days i just re-play the line from finding nemo (shut up) "just keep swimming, just keep swimming..."
have wondered about these days coming up for you both- wishing we had the option of both being home for 2+ months, wondering how wood was handling the upcoming transition, just thinking about you guys in general. love and all good things to you 4.
I do believe that you will kick some serious ass at proving your stay-at-home-dad mettle.
Not to sound like a broken record, but while staying home to care for a baby and a toddler is indeed quite a herculean challenge, it really, really does get easier, no matter how hard it gets before that.
My daughter required holding to sleep, and she screamed constantly the rest of the time, both to let us know when something wasn't exactly right and when everything was perfect. But I'm still here, getting a lot more rest and enough free time to blog AND take the kids to the park etc. etc.
Someone else suggested lunch dates to help both of you along, and I think that's a great idea, assuming it's feasible.
Whatever you do, DON'T give in to the TV temptation! It's a double-edged sword, and that other edge will be cutting you for the rest of your life.
You can get yourself one of those AA bumper stickers as a reminder: One Day at a Time. Sometimes I must take it one ten minute increment at a time. Or ten minute excrement.
One day you'll hit your rhythm and you'll feel like you're on top of the world!
Year 1 is the hardest. It's cakelike after that, comparatively. So what? Only 10 months or less left?
Heeheehee... 10-minute excrement
Good one, Alishia
Your phrasing amuses me and I wish to subscribe to your newsletter
I'm about to have my second and after the first 2 weeks, I'll be on my own again.
Here's to hoping we don't drown.
I really can't take how well you write. Thanks for sharing with us.
Dont have another one. i tell you, 3 is a killer !
nicky
My best friend, a mother of four, warned me that the hardest transition is going from 1 to 2 kids. After two, you either have your schedule down pat, or know every drive thru liquor store in the county.
I prefer the latter.
Just popping in to say this post is yet another reason why I heart your blog... yet again, you've captured another complex emotion so well. Pithy observations served up with extreme wit...
Ack! This morning they blocked about 80% of the mommy/daddy blogs I read daily--Personal/networking sites?? Bummer. I couldnt even look at flickr. I spend WAY too much time online, my job is deadly dull and I need to break it up.
Anyway, good luck to you all. I have just one 2 year old, and I remember the discomfort and uneasiness I felt as the days ticked down to my return to work after a 13 week maternity leave.
I don't think you've mentioned, but are there plans to put Juniper in school, even a couple of days a week?
that's why paralegals like me were invented. I flip through huge stacks of medical records while my boss checks out Owen Wilson's ass. I should've gone to law school.
kathy if they ever ask you to get them a coffee, spit in it.
My husband stays at home w/ 3 ~ ages 7, 5 and 2.5 yrs and he has been the one at home during the day for all 7 of our parenting years. Right now, one is in school full-time, but the summers are rough.
He could tell you horror stories about 2 summers ago when he had a baby, a toddler and a preschooler. Honestly, I'm more than impressed he made it out alive.
Dutch, rest assured there will be a wee bit of fear in the days preceeding Wood's departure, so to speak. And that first day, it might seem like a never-ending bad interview or something. But suddenly, before you know it, you'll find yourself 'just doing it,' and you'll have your routine, and you will be just great. I have three under the age of 4, and at first, (mostly when my 2nd arrived on the scene), it was scary. Totally. But then it became a piece of cake. Minus the frosting, but cake nonetheless 
.
I don't know what your feeling is on babysitters to give you a bit of time off during the week, but I do suggest this. Two kids can be a lot more work, especially when the second one gets a voice. Perhaps down the road, a person to help you out for an afternoon a week, watch the kiddos for you while you go out and take your awe-inspiring photos whilst drinking a cup of coffee, without fear of spillage, would be 'helpful.' I, personally, couldn't do this 'job' happily without it. (I do work PT from home as well, so I do have that as an excuse). But you, too, write this weblog, so you've got it as well.
Best of luck to Wood as she heads on back to work. You'll do great, and so will she - as long as she keeps a bottle of water on her desk .
On another note, is the Beta fish all right? Did you change that shrinking water?
yeah, I had a sense of foreboding about the beta fish, too.
I think you and wood are amazing.
"...but each time has been filled with chaos and foreboding."
Don't worry...rehearsals are always rough. You'll do it on the night.
Such good writing! You guys are going to be just fine.
It gets easier.
What did people in cubicles do before the internet? They wrote novels. But obviously you don't need a cubicle to write well.
You'll be awesome.
Well that was just like taking a trip home, thank you very much... Russ'.
I have a feeling you'll do fine at home with 2.
I've died of thirst and I've drowned. Perfect metaphors for the selfless act of parenting. And I'm not saying anything new, but yes, it gets easier.
I do remember the Sunday I decided I WOULD take my 2.5 yr old and my newborn to church, alone. After an hour of struggling and coordinating and diaper changing, I finally got to the car door - when Helena saw her friend down the street, and I just. couldn't. fight. anymore. I gave up. When we finally got back into the house, all three of us were crying.
I went to a private function a few months ago and one of the caterers was a mother of five, including three under the age of three (adopted twins in there somewhere). I asked her how she did it, to which she replied, "you grow muscles". And I think about that a lot now - how many muscles I have and how much easier it gets. Or maybe the weight just SEEMS lighter when competing with your amazing, glistening biceps.
Ah let me chime in too -- another duck billed platitudinous.
I say.. Having one is like being the head of a corporation and the two? That's like being a head of state. All the special interests and balance of power politics.
Did I say politics? Oh you're up to that.
But the other side of me is a sexist Canuck Chick who can't imagine how this gets done without boobs. Can you make that a label? "Done without boobs" -- I think that will be a tale and a half on its own.
ps. I always hate calling it work. I sort of blame lyrical bloggers who parent differently for that, you know. But the work tag is a sort of inescapable on a lot of levels.
Hang on -- you have kept a fish alive under your care for a almost 18 months???
No flies on you.
Hmm. To be a tribal member where you do a couple of hours work a day then spend the rest of your time hanging out with your family and friends.
Whoever locked up all the food and then eventually convinced us we need all the crap that surrounds us, in place of spending time with family......
you are making so wistful for the days we lived in portland and j. worked from home for 16 whole months beginning 2 weeks before wallie was born. i would say how lucky for me, but really how lucky the girls were and how lucky wallie was to have her pops there for the first 16mo of her life. the fact that wood was for for 2 months is time you will always treasure.
i hardly went anywhere with both kids until wallie was 6mo. i don't know if I was just being a wimp or what. in any case, be gentle with yourself and don't feel too badly if some days you just can't get your shit together. it's normal. it's hard then suddenly much easier. you can do it with two. i know you can.
Her maternity leave went by so quickly!
You will both manage. Transition is always hard, but then you'll fall into a routine. Give yourself some credit! You're a great dad.
I understand what you both are feeling. I wish I could stay home, but I make so much more than my husband that it will likely never happen. So I do get the uninterrupted time at the computer, but I miss my babies (2 1/2 and 3 mos) so much. I am lucky to be able to see the baby at lunchtime.
Great blog! Please take good care of the fish. A bigger bowl might be in order - those little ones they are sold in are just way too small.
I love the last two sentences. Beautiful. And the new photos of Gram are killer.
Wishing you the best, as always, from here in the last throes of 2L year in the Bay Area!
If only you and Wood could share a job, maybe then you would have some blessed balance.
just wanted to stop in to say that your photo skills (or skillz?) have really improved over the years (has it been that long??) since i started reading your blog. really stunning.
good luck with the transition. sometimes it really stinks that you can't just pause life when it's going well. a new balance will emerge though...
Wow, I knew maternity leave in the States was short, but I didn't realise it was that short, I'm really feeling for you both.
I give out about Irish policies the whole time, but at least here you can avail of 26 weeks paid maternity leave plus holidays etc., and another 16 weeks unpaid if you can afford to take it. Good luck to both of you, it must be incredibly hard.
there are many options for maternity leave in the U.S. that would allow for more time off, both paid and unpaid. my wife's current position is a two-year position, at the end of which she will start another job. the current position ends in september, so she didn't want to take too much time off. she may take some more time after her current position ends and before her new one begins.
that said, the U.S. could certainly do a lot more. the U.S. could do a lot of things. It's hard to complain when we feel extraordinarily fortunate despite how hard it is. I am very lucky to be able to stay home.
Good luck. My husband stayed at home with our two kids until they started school - I worked M-F daylight, and he worked 32 hours over the weekend and went to night school for his master's.
I won't lie - it was rough as hell. He developed a severe drinking issue and it almost cost us our marriage. I guess it finally hit home that I was taking the kids and leaving unless he got his head out of his ass, so after counseling, graudating, moving 600 miles and getting a job with the same shift as me, things couldn't be better.
I don't mean to scare you with all that. Just make sure you make some time to spend with your wife. My kids adore their father and so do I. So in our 26 year history, we had a REALLY rough two year stretch, but things have a way of working out.
Dude,
get the fish a tank--a cheap takn with an airstone, but geeze. The fact that they sell them in tiny bowls is misleading and awful. Enough of my rant.
I've been treading water with my two year old and two month old solo for about a month now. Some days almost kill me, but luckily those are in the minority. Keep your expectations low. If I can get outside, keep the kids fed and in dry diapers, and do laundry somewhat regularly then I feel like a huge success. If I do dishes, then I'm freaking Super Mom.
You're going to be fantastic, I just know it.
I have panic attacks for you both Although my husband is full-time, he works from home. That has made all the difference. There have been a couple of times where he would just take a 20 minute break so I could close my eyes...any chances of a couple days a week telecommuting?
I read your entry yesterday while myself hooked up to that damn machine(cruising the internet as usual) and again last night with my husband who has managed to stay afloat with our two boys (2.5 and 8 months) since I went back to work in December. I have been thinking about it a lot. And, if it helps, we who leave each day do our share of drowning too- though as eveeryone else has said, it does get better with time. For me, and other moms like Wood, the drowning consists of deadlines, phone calls, time wasting chit chat, mid commute panic that my shoes match and the last drool on my shoulder has dried clear. We pump away at stolen scheduled minutes during the day, praying people will see the closed door and leave us to our less than delicate task. We work on a minuscule amount of sleep, and then race home in hopes of spending as much time as we can with our babes before being overpowered by sleep and the tower of laundry on the bed that has been blessedly cleaned in our absence. For we who are free to surf with both hands, eat lunch while actually seated and have at least one adult conversation in the day, we also miss the laughs, the “aha” moments, the afternoon nap under the hum of the ceiling fan with a little one under each arm. Each morning I pull myself, literally, from the boys who slumber away, and begin my day already sore from the work it took to survive the day before and hoping I’ve drunk in enough of them to get me through another day.
wow--that last sentence got me.
Ha- pumpin ain't eazy! I know it is scary to be home with more than one but at least it is almost summer and you can take them for walks. Strollers and wagons have preserved what's left of my sanity.
Hey, when I saw you at the Kulick Center you were doing about 900 percent better than I was. Of course Juney wasn't beating up on other kids...You'll do fine. It was hard enough for me to fly solo and my husband was only home full-time for two weeks and half-time for two more, but it gets much easier much faster than it did with the first. There are moments, but it doesn't suck half as much as I feared. Not a damn thing is getting done but I'm at least nice to both kids and my husband most of the time.
OK, I feel your fear. I feel her fear. But it's the strangest thing. I spent every summer of my teen years taking care of my three younger siblings. Each and every day, all day long. And I made dinner at the end of the day. (My parents used to complain sometimes that dinner was late. And I actually used to wonder why it was so hard to get dinner done on time.)
How did I do that? I was 16 years old! I kind of doubt if I could do it now. And I was good at it! I never once lost my temper. Not a single time. I was actually pretty happy and I think this might be the period of my youth I am most nostalgic about. It would kill me now, although I am desperately trying to have another kid and I will have that maternity leave period with two kids. I wish I could go back and time and get my 16 year old self to come help me.
Wow, that's a powerful post. I have to say I wouldn't want to be in Wood's shoes. You definitely got the better end of the deal. Because for you, it will be hard, but at the end of the day you get to see all of your efforts reflected in your family.
BTW I love those bettas, we just got two (follow the link to see their lovely selves), the best is that they are so easy to take care of. Which is, of course, priority.
Write a book. Then tell me where to buy it.
My son is a few weeks younger than Gram and I was terrified when my husband left me after his 1 week off to get to know the new baby. It was like someone ripping duct tape off my skin when he walked out the door and I was left with the 3.5 year-old and 2 week old. That being said, it got a lot easier. Now we're in a groove, and I even venture out to playdates with both kids in tow. wearing the baby in a sling at the park is a must since the 3.5 yo likes to run away from me as fast as she can laughing her ass off. And she also has a tendency to try out the equipment that is much too big for her. However, I look forward to the reflections on your experiences, as I do with most of your musings.
When I worked in an office, surrounded by flimsy grey walls, trapped between desk, papers, and computer screen....They didn't allow internet usage-all sites were blocked, EXCEPT!!! Wikipedia. So you bet that I was there looking up any imaginable thing to read about--because that's the only thing they couldn't take away from me.
I believe that you will do just fine in this hard time--and that it will be more difficult for momma to be away while you're stealing all the play time, nap time, and tantrums...
The number one reason for leaving my last job is that I had nothing to do and I wanted more out of life than knowing what Britney Spears did on a daily basis. I seriously had too much down time and unlimited internet access.
"He might cry while you brudh your teeth ....etc" so true. I find myself leaving the room and coming back just to get a smile from our two.
Great, great post.
I tell that to my kidless friends -- the feeling of drowning, treading water. I stay at home with two boys: a 3-year-old who is extremely belligerent, wild, silly, and loud and a 1-year-old who is chill, sweet, and still such a little guy.
I worry constantly that I waste our days yelling, growling, screeching, that that's all they might remember. It's hard, taking care of two who are both so needy, yet in very different ways. But yet there's love. Tired, exasperated, yes. But love.
Its a balancing act that I haven't learned yet -- you're putting out fires left and right and have no time to breathe. I have no real advice except try to remember your sense of humor. The three of you dancing wildly to the Sugar Hill Gang's "Apache" also might help, when things get bad. It works in my house.
But it'll be okay.
Thank you for vindicating us "stay-at-home's"...if everyone could understand both sides of the coin, I think SAH parents would get a lot more respect!
Good luck and keep us posted. I'll be right there with you in a few months and I just keep telling people, "Please wish me sanity."
Hopefully it helps knowing that there are others doing exactly the same thing. I have now completed 2 whole weeks of stat-at-homeness with an almost 2 year old and a newly 1 month old and I have not spontaneously combusted (wished a few times maybe) yet. A good sling, a good double stroller and we are out every day for some activity. The things I thought would be impossibly difficult somehow aren't and those I thought would be so easy are slaying me (like pumping...I DREAD it...why?). It helps having just a bit of time out of the house (for me a class and evening hours of work starting....tomorrow, holy crap). With tons of trepidation I hired a sitter...she's blonde and cute and sweet and knows Jasper from his daycare. But will she go through my underwear? Who knows really. I think about that to prevent thinking about her shaking my baby, I just can't go there.
ramble...best of luck and something about the force...
tory
Best of luck to you both, here's to you finding the balance you all need. Your writing is beautiful, so refreshingly GOOD.
And oh, I can't help myself: the poor Beta. While they do indeed survive in rice patties or tiny amounts of water, they don't actually thrive that way. Yes, they can be found in footprint sized amounts of water in their "natural" environment, but vets are pretty united in saying it isn't ideal for them. A bigger bowl and lots of water is a much, much happier and healthier place to be .
Again, all the best to you and your beautiful family.
Well said.
I want to see some baby pics!
I'll second the comment on getting the fish a tank. A two gallon one is perfect for a betta, and they have room to swim.
my emergency 7 step formula for use when experiencing distress while parenting 2 children under 5 years old
1. sit down, way down, on the floor, grass, dirt, snow, sand
2. gather 1 child to each side of you (preferably 1 on each knee - if children are unhappy with each other face them outwards)
3. speak in a calm low very quiet voice
4. think of mr. rogers
5. tell them how much you love them, tell them how you like to take care of them, tell them everyone is going to be fine, mean it, (don't care if they are listening or not you are saying it for yourself)
6. do something funny (may include putting childsize pants on head, but that seems to be dad-specific)
7. allow house to become irretrievably messy
that's what works for me
good luck!
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