On the up(per)side, think of the immune system she's going to have! No hot-house flower your girl, nuh-uh; she's developing resistance to germs and viruses unseen in decades. Outside of the thrift stores and seedier sections of Detroit, of course.
This kid has the coolest childhood.
P.S. Do I see a cape in these photos? Even better.
Jim. Jim? This name change is going to take some getting used to. For a second I didn't know who you were talking about! 
I am not nearly as dirty as my wife makes me out to be. And I never buy underwear at the thrift store. I stop at socks.
"heart air bearloon" is surprisingly fun to say (silently at my desk). I hope the creative genius behind that valentine was handsomely rewarded.
Well clearly she's going to be an immunologist/cardiologist. And do you find you're more of a germophobe now that you're pregnant? I am normally pretty chill but I am SUCH a fanatic now.
I have an odd love for Delray--maybe because some parts of the family lived there or because it just looks so timeless and untouched. It was working-class way back when and it is now. When I lived in Corktown and worked Downriver, I sometimes would cut through Delray to get to work and was fascinated by it; it just seems so different than other parts of the city.
I just spent some time today looking at your city photos and really enjoyed them. Like a typical native, I rarely explore my own city and appreciate your photo talent and fresh eyes. But that violently reddish house on Bagley? I used to mentally repaint that on many a morning run.
Here's a photo-exploring tip: the area around St. Hedwig's, at Michigan and Livernois, is a well-preserved and still quite Polish area of Detroit. The church itself was built by Polish immigrants (my father's family among them) and now is home parish to a great many Spanish-speaking people. The church bulletin is now printed in both English and Spanish. It makes for an interesting juxaposition to see how the cultures meld, or don't.
Jim? I knew that. And I know Wood's real name too. I have met you both. In fact, you've been to my house! You'd be surprised at the people who know who you really are - and who know lots of your secrets from days past! (But I'll keep mum......)
Nothing against "Jim," but can we please stick with "Dutch?"
"mangy, over-educated Dutch ex-lawyers with a thrift-store fetish"
Succinct, and hilarious, as always. Thank you.
I love that Juniper thinks the thrift store is a toy store. And the bottom photo is just fantastic.
Ay, and the smell.
I always wondered who bought the bras at thrift stores.
This post contains some excellent vocabulary. Sired? Mangy? Encroach? Mollusk? Juniper will be writing prize-winning poetry by the time she's seven and a half, you mark my words.
I always wondered what 'the hiv' looked like, but now I have a picture. Thanks!
ugh, the germs! when I was in college some housemates brought home a life size teddybear they found in the trash, and I still can't understand what they were thinking. If it doesn't fit in the washer, it's not coming home from the thrift store.
The unwashed thrift store pants really got to me.
Yeah, Jim will take some getting used to...
the minute people want to chain you down to their idea of you? that's one minute past the hour for a change.
I love this and the last post. the ground shifting under your voices. as it should be.
...and I like your fella, Jim. but spritz him down with lysol before letting him in between the sheets.
I am going to train my kids to think thrift stores and dollar stores are toy stores. That is a brilliant idea.
Using your real names makes you seem more like real people, somehow, instead of like characters in some lovely fairy tale. I'm enjoying watching your blog and your family grow and change, and I'm sure your stories will continue to entertain and enlighten, no matter what you call yourselves.
bwahaha, i don't know what made me laugh harder:
"It looks like it has HIV on it."
or:
"I am not nearly as dirty as my wife makes me out to be. And I never buy underwear at the thrift store. I stop at socks."
omg, can you imagine if the gods of the salvo ever deign you lucky enough to find a heart shaped pillow with an owl applique on it? promise me you'll post a shot if that ever happens. after you all regain consciousness. promise me.
That's one ugly bearloom. Sheesh. Don't know how she does it, but she looks pretty cute regardless.
I used to love the Salvation Army fiercely, back when I would wear old man golf pants and those sorts of T-shirts from the 1970s that are worn so thin they barely exist anymore and have to be worn in layers. I sort of miss that particular smell that they have as you pick through the racks.
At least Juniper is consistent with her love. Did you guys get her one of those heart-shaped Jello molds yet?
I agree-this "Jim" thing is hard to get used to. (And I've known what his real name was for a while--remember when you posted the picture of the cocktail napkin Logan drew the Venn-like diagram on?)
Anyways, maybe this is what it was like for people who know you "IRL," when they had to start reading about you as "Dutch". Just kind of weird, is all.
As someone with a deep, deep love of secondhand, I too am keen to teach my kid (due in April, not so long after your impending wee bundle) that the thrift store is a toy store.
Note to self: stock up on disinfecting wipes.
"Dutch" always reminded me of some character Humphrey Bogart might have played; smart, mysterious and compelling. Jim will take some getting used to, but I'm willing to give it a go.
I work part time in a relatively upscale department store in a relatively upscale mall in a Detroit suburb. Trust me when I say, WASH EVERYTHING you buy before you even think of wearing it. If you knew what the nasty women did to clothes in the fitting rooms you'd be aghast.
Thrift stores ARE toy stores. Glorious, messy, out-of-control toy stores.
Big sigh.
Loved those pictures of Delray. That Hungarian church... yeah, I know that one.
That "fuck suburban tourists" shot -- why do I get the feeling that was done by some nineteen-year-old Wayne State suburban transplant?
BTW, Detroitblog has an article on that church closing this weekend for good(the very one, if I'm not mistaken.)
Jim's abandoned building + thrift store fetish reminds me strongly of my boyfriend’s main interests, and for the sake of our not-yet-conceived-future child, I’m heartened to hear that these activities can be slightly kid-friendly. They make for excellent photos, anyway, both with or without kid (I will also plug my boyfriend’s photoblog – http://worksongs.com, which I think Jim would enjoy).
Man, I love when Wood writes. You guys are both amazing writers. But as a working mom with a SAHD husband who also likes to take our daughter to questionable places and purchase and sleep with questionable objects, I really identify with you.
Oh, and to throw my two cents into the Jim/Dutch debate: I think you should adopt a new moniker based off your initials..."My name is Judge." A la Arrested Development.
Um, ew!! Why do kids insist on becoming attached to the very things we would love to sneak into their rooms and steal away before shoving it down to the bottom of a garbage bag the day the big truck comes to haul all the other icky stuff away??? I feel your pain.
"It looks like it has HIV on it."
OMG stop already! My stomach hurts from laughing!
Fabulous post, Wood.
Our kids are grown now, but they've learned well from their dad to furnish their living spaces with garage sale finds and "curbside shopping" treasures. The 3 girls also make monthly forays to Value Village together for all their old '70's t-shirts and kitchen furnishing needs. But they wash everything really well before using.
Seriously -- my husband has probably 3 dozen polo shirts and nearly that many Dockers shorts and pants -- ALL purchased at garage sales for no more than $1.00 each (that's his garage sale limit). He builds multi-million dollar homes for all the rich oil/wall street/criminal attorney barons here on the Gulf Coast.
We find it hilarious that he shows up to work each day wearing the de-rigeur costume for all General Contractors in River Oaks, and the whole thing cost him $2.00 plus a pair of socks from the Dollar Store.
The only thing we DO spend real money on is (are?) his Birks. Oh yeah. And his Jockeys.
Junie and The Bro have a FABULOUS childhood/adolescence/adulthood to look forward to.
You guys are awesome parents.
The Jim things kinda freakin me out. can he just stick with dutch, and not hide his real name?
lung cancer and malt liquor... I love it.
she is lucky to have such a good combo of parents too cute.
Soooooo grateful you stop at socks.....and the Ann Arbor Salvation Army isn't bad, whenever you're in the neighborhood.
We saved the cost of going to the thrift store and my dad actually gave Petunia one of his old Valentine bears during our last visit home. The bear is holding a red heart that says 'Special Delivery,' and my dad mumbled something about it being from a Match.com lady that didn't go very far. Aw thanks, Dad, you shouldn't have!
At least it doesn't have HIV on it.
Wood, I just wanted you to know how entertaining this post was. Perhaps you weren't meaning it to be (nah, you were), but I laughed, and laughed, and laughed. and then laughed some more.
Great stuff.
Toy Store are many things besides just FAO Shwartz. and thank goodness.
cheers!
Chad
You should take the bridge off West Jefferson to Zug Island. They have a toy store where they sell "Mercaptan America" dolls.
I prefer Dutch, sounds mysteriously cool and tough, I vote we just stick with that. If you guys ever get to the Dallas areas, let me know in advance and I'll send you directions and reviews on the many many fab thrift stores here, Dallas is such a grotesquely consumerism oriented place, you wouldn't believe the treasures that end up donated. I have furnished my whole house (except mattresses) out of thrift stores, garage sales and craigslist.
I took my daughter to the Sally Ann this very day. She needed an 'orphan' costume for her musical theatre class. They're doing a song from Annie. I have a soft spot for thrift stores, but my daughter immediately noticed the smell. She wrinkled up her 9 year-old nose and was about to comment, but I shushed her. She drew her eyebrows together and shuddered when I asked her to try on an I *heart* N.Y. t-shirt with an old sweater a size too small for her overtop. It'll be perfect I exclaimed and told her not to be such a snob. I grabbed a 100% polyester kerchief circa 1969 for her hair and couldn't believe they wanted $1.49 for it! Wanting to say something about the price to the lady behind the till I was brought up short when she smiled at the woman in front of me who was buying a winter coat for her friend who has MS. "There's a wonderful spot for you on the other side, dear," she said. I kept my mouth shut and forked over the buck forty nine. I so look forward to Thursday Morning Wood. Jim, I think I love you. In a perfectly chaste, adoring kind of way.
awesome.
You give writing hope. Explaining the mundane in a creative way ... you're it...you're writing.
true love.
Your description of my old hometown brought back so many memories...
I grew up on the other side of 75 which is Southwest Detroit, off of Springwells, which by the way, isn't fairing any better than Delray...
Thank you Jim for validating my existence. I am a stay at home dad of twins and an almost five year old daughter who does the goodwill rounds here in Portland, Oregon weekly. Before my almost five year old was in pre-school we spent many long hours trading time in our respective departments of thrift stores. Now, on her stay home days (two days a week), If I ask her what she wants to do, going to the Goodwill is always in her top three. I even caved recently and allowed her to buy a barbie type doll from the meth barbie bin. One of my favorite most embarrassing moments is when my wife and I were drooling over the furniture we couldn't afford at Design Within Reach while trying to act like we were in our element, our daughter asked, "dad is this the goodwill?" Cover blown. It is nice to know that I am not alone in the world with my occupation and preoccupations. Our poor wives. At least I'm a good cook.
Love the idea of Salvation Army as a toy store. THAT was funny. I am drunk with power anytime I get our kid to do something. She thinks frozen blueberries are the ultimate treat - has no idea she's eating a Super Food. All thanks to my ingenuity of course.
That was my favourite post yet, and I've been reading for quite some time. You are both excellent writers.
When I was little my father used to read me 'The Tale of Two Bad Mice' by Beatrix Potter. The two rodents in question were named Tom Thumb and Hunka Munka. The name 'Hunka Munka' always brought on incontrollable laughter. The way the words 'heart-air bearloon' punctuate that story they're tapping into the same giggle.
wow. looks like hiv is now my favorite declaration of disgust.
I heart mom-repulsed reactions
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