I think this is a fantastic post. I know people say that all the time about nearly everything you write. This one somehow feels more real or with more emotion or something. I'm not a parent yet so I can't relate firsthand to most of what you write but know that none of it is easy. Somehow the words you use and the eloquence with which you use them makes everything sound a bit easier to me than it really must be (like fighting off rabid dogs and fleeing from the zoo with your arms enveloping a screaming toddler). This post...I felt the weight of it.
I feel the same weight with decisions now that I have a child myself. Somehow, everything seems to be more serious and every decision more real. We just moved back to TX from NYC, and are missing our life there, but we know this is the right decision for our new family. But it's still scary as shit.
Dead birds scare the crap out of me. If I had to scoop one up with its gooey fluid, I would lose my mind... I just relocated with my fiance from San Francisco to Albany, NY. We have no kids yet, but we wanted to start out closer to family. It's hard to leave what you know and love for the unknown. I can't imagine the weight of the unknown with children.
Whoa...that is major contemplation. You can't help but look back and say "What if?" once in awhile. But you have to realize you did well. Being rich comes in more ways than monetary success. With the birds...you can buy things to stick on the windows so they won't do that, but I am sure it would take away from the beauty of your house. We had the same problem in our last house. I just dealt with it. Never had any bad things happen as a result.
If you put unobtrusive decals on your windows, the birds will see them. I had to do this out of guilt - I had a birdfeeder next to a sunroom and I couldn't stand them running into it while they were just trying to get something to eat. Sure, it'll take away from the glassness of your home, but it'll make you feel better. : )
If you and Wood truly are the people your blog has led us all to believe you are, I don't think you need worry about Juney asking you these questions. Somehow, I don't think you have/will have given her any reason to question the life you have chosen for her. And had you stayed in SanFran and become the people you suggest you might have become, you wouldn't be true to yourself, which should always be questioned.
this post felt more like a poem to me, and at the same time, like cjh said, very "real". nice job.
on the subject of birds, they don't have to always be bad omens... I'm not especially superstitious, but my mom tells the story of when she and my dad were deciding whether to have another kid (my younger sister). Every night for several weeks, a robin that lived in the tree outside their bedroom window would bang itself into the glass repeatedly. The soundtrack to their conversations was the "THUD. ...THUD." of the bird against the window. Finally, they decided that yes, they were going to try for another child. And after that night, the robin never came back again. They couldn't figure out if it had died or just left... but when my sister was born, they decided her middle name should be Robin.
sorry to hijack your blog with my story... I guess I just wanted to disperse some of the doom 
Lovely, Dutch. Scary lovely.
My thougths were similar as I flew across the country with my 8.5 month old, moving from NYC to Portland, OR--her papa somewhere below us, driving all our crap in a rented UHaul. We spent the winter out in the country, first, before setting up in PDX, and that rainy Oregon winter on the North Umpqua taught me a lot about birds, babies, and choices. I miss New York, or what it was to me, but I like how much more I can give my kid out here. Including grandparents and birding.
(Oh, please decal!)
My high school had glass-panel walls for windows, and to prevent bird collision, they cut little hawk-shapes out of black construction paper and taped them up about every other panel. Unobtrusive, and worked like a charm.
Don't sell Juney short, Dutch. At a certain point, she will become responsible for what her life is. (Well, hopefully she will. Otherwise she'll be one of those whiny victims forever.) If you give her the confidence to be her own person and the love to let her do what she wants, then she'll be in a place of power. Mindful of the choices you've made, yes, but ultimately making her own way in the world.
If you don't want to go the decal route, hanging plants or, better yet, something that flutters in the breeze a bit, hung right outside the windows can help. I love the image of your beautiful home with a giant neon windsock outside the glass.
Whenever I was around the World Trade Center, I would scope out the shrubs around it for bird corpses - invariably I'd find a few in the first couple of minutes - great for practicing specimen preparation. Later, it was hard not to think about all those dead birds.
By the way, mfk, that robin was probably thinking of reproducing, too - defending his territory against the "rival" in the window. Sounds like maybe your parents' decision coincided with the end of mating season for the robin.
If you feel that you've made good choices than that's the best thing you can do as a parent. Besides, uncertainty makes the ride fun.
I have a similar fear about my decision to give up a comfy salaried corporate job to stay at home with B and do what I really want to do (and what is best for our family IMO). Will she resent us because we didn't provide a conventional family life or will she appreciate the decisions we made in all of our best interests (or so we think). I'd like to think if we raise them right that they will understand and not force us into family therapy in the teenage years.
look at all the people above me who already gave you great ideas to prevent the birdacide on your windows- we have a huge picture window in our living room facing a birdy area and i can't tell you how much it freaks me out to hear that thud, and see the greasy birdprint for days after. we put up a few decals and suncatchers (haha, i can't picture you doing that, dutch) and it has helped.
it has taken us a while to get to a good place and some peace over our decision to move back here. we still toss the "what ifs" around but ultimately we know in our hearts this is right for right now. if it changes, we'll deal with it when it comes, without regrets, just lessons learned. our decisions do have weight- sometimes unbearable weight, but i'd be willing to bet that wood's mom is pretty damn thrilled that you guys are so close- especially now, and you are too, and juniper will benefit from being around her family as a kid. you and we are teaching our kids the value of family, which i think for us at least is more important than other things at this point. what we can control with our decisions, we do our best with- what we can't, we trust in the greater good/god/universe.
There was a dead bird in the middle of the house when I came down this morning. I just thought it was a morbid gift from the cat, not an omen of doom. But now... And I have to say the irony of the $2 off at Wal*Mart coupon in your sidebar is killing me. I know, I know, but still.
It's not just the decisions you make, but the people you are.
Besides, if teenage Juney asks those questions, I have a feeling you'll be proud of her. After all, it's better than her asking you to drive her to an audition to be the next Pussycat Doll.
It's awesome, this responsibility. I feel it acutely. But in the end there's not a lot we can do about it. We have to make our choices based on the information that's currently available to us.
Wow....
You jump and hope you made the right choice. It's part if the human condition.
We have those exact contemplations...SF/Detroit,/Making partner/Career uncertainty, a place of beauty left behind... Heading over the bay bridge I sobbed and Jon turned to me and said "We can always go back someday."
Little consolation I know, but I suppose, in some of life's decisions you can turn back and make a different choices later. Or maybe, most likely, it's just that we trick ourselves into thinking that, finality can be bitch.
Life is a grand menagerie of our decisions and if we didn't exercise choice, we wouldn't be human. Most of the time the great experiment works out and it seems you have made quite the nice life in Detroit. Juniper is benefiting from what you are doing in many seen and unseen ways I'm sure.
In the words of Dylan; "Don't think twice, it's all right."
I like how teenage Juniper speaks like the oracle at Delphi. O Father, hast thou seen mine lip gloss?
Seriously, I concur with the other people who point out that you all are going to do right by your child just by being yourselves. You're doing the right thing so long as you love each other.
Loved this post (and also the one below it, but couldn`t comment on it at the time becuase haloscan was wonky).
But I was kinda hoping this post would end with you putting some sort of tasteful modern bird repellant devices/stickers on your windows.....
I moved my daughter from California to Chicago when she was just starting elementary school and I worry about the same things you do.
I'm bringing some really nice sun catchers over on Friday. I think you'll love them.
Sometimes the awesome responsibility which is molding and sculpting my child's life and upbringing is SO heavy on me. I know a lot of people who just parent, without much thinking about it or analyzing, or making conscious decisions to do this and that. Sometimes I envy the simplicity of that. But in the end I know that being so thoughtful about choices I make as a parent will hopefully serve me well. I don't know what the future holds either, but I do know that I want to get to the end of Hootie's childhood and be able to answer honestly that I always thought about what I did, I always weighed out what would be the best overall answer for all of us (because we're just as important as people with wants and desires and needs too), and I always did the best job I possibly could. And I definitely hope to raise her to be a strong person who will take over her own destiny and not spend her life blaming herself on me and my husband. And I hope there won't be THAT much to blame us for anyway. But she's only 4, there's a LOT of time and crap to get through before we get there!
So, how was teenage Juniper's style?
I second the decals. I feel bad for those poor birds.
Another freaking beautiful post. From dead birds to choices, how do you manage to move from topic to topic so perfectly? You need to write a book, Dutch. I think you'd be an incredible, stunning novelist. Or memoirist.
You know it's funny, I am from Detroit but have transplanted to Memphis. I miss Detroit everyday because that's where my family is. It doesn't matter where you raise her, it's who you raise her to be that matters.
On another note, there is a saying in the south (at least from this part) that it's a bad omen if a bird gets in your house. Considering they have stopped short of actual entry, I'd say you're in the clear. =0)
The weight of it is so tremendous that it's better not to think of it, or only think of it a little and before you make the decision, then go with it and don't look back. You know, pillar of salt and all that.
Otherwise you go crazy.
I am fighting with such similar emotions right now, but on the other side of it. My twins just finished their first year of college and I wonder, every day, if we did enough for them to help them succeed. We raised them very simply because we were broke and they never had half the "stuff" any of their friends or cousins had, but I think we gave them all of the things they needed (and even managed to fulfill a few wants now and then).
I'm sure that Juney will question you, but only because that's what teenagers do. She'll also rant and rave and cry and whine, but eventually she'll realize just how wonderful her life is thanks to you and Wood. You are both giving her what a child needs most---involved and loving parents.
having a foot still planted on the grown-up kida and the not yet kind, i can only tell you that your relationship with them will evolve, just as they do. it's never boring! i think you'll do the right thing at the right time. you're a wise dad.
one more thing:
I'm sure Juniper will forgive everything you think you might have done wrong, but I strongly suggest you don't show the first teenage boyfriend she brings home pictures of her in the Dutch get-up or the infamous jumper. That might be seen as unforgiveable by a hormonal teenage girl and would trump moving her across country any day.
I think we're on the pre-decision side of something right now and feeling stuck. Fear, I think is keeping us complacent.
On Monday a co-worker was fired. Another co-worker and I were in the hall discussing the office future when a Canada Goose swooped in, and gently (it had slowed way down) ran into the window. 2 feet away from us, at eye level. Jarring. The bird stood up, shook it's tail feathers and walked away.
I'm about ready to do the same at my job.
I did that to my parents, harbored a little resentment for having moved from the west coast where they were both born and raised to suburban chicago. I'm over it now.
I agree with everyone, your daughter will grow up with love and thoughtfulness, which is the key. And then if she wants, she'll do what so many do when they're old enough - she'll move to where she wants to go and see what she wants to see. She'll still be young enough to do that, don't forget.
And driving toward Detroit, you considered it moving her into "uncertainty" - but remember, people don't think of their childhood home that way. If you're raised in one place for most of your childhood, that place is certainty. A certainty that some people cherish and some people flee from, depending on how they're raised in that place. But either way, it's certainty. I know you both understand that deeply because of the way you've written about Michigan and about your childhoods over the last few months.
Also have to agree, I am sad about the birds. I bet you're wishing that fewer people were commenting about the birds, but it is pathetic. This is in fact a serious problem - a lot of songbird species are being decimated by modern buildings - I read a long WWF article about this and scientists are working on glass that looks like glass to us, but like a wall to birds. Obviously Mies didn't have access to that. In the meantime, maybe hang a couple of Flensted mobiles or something good looking in the most crash-y spots?
I think sometimes that my childhood, which was difficult and far from the norman rockwell stereotype, was the biggest gift my parents ever gave me. It is not a bad thing to learn at a young age that you have the power to overcome adversity and make your own happiness.
We have a cat in our neighborhood that has been hanging out in our yard killing our birds and chipmunks this past week. It's frustrating and sad. The cat had a collar, but no tags... so this morning... we boxed him up and took him WAAAAYYYY out in the country and let him free. He'd better not find his way back either! We're rather fond of our little birds and chipmunks.
As for them flying into your windows... um... people in glass house neighborhoods shouldn't have trees?
I personally agree with the other poster... put something on the windows so that they know they're there. It's a small price to pay for the little creatures.
Ok, so when I commented earlier (and then read subsequent comments from others) I realized I said nothing about the birds. I guess I wasn't focusing on that part. Yeah, later that day, dead bird outside my back door. If it's an omen I've got one, too.
without entering the philosophical debate, i grew up in a glass house (a university on a mountain in BC). we had decals of birds in flight; one per wall was enough to save most of the other birds... they were crows and amazingly, they were also fairly attractive. no more dead warblers = better sleep?
I had the bones of the same conversation this weekend while a girlfriend and I talked about the awful decision about whether to have or not have kids. There's such an awful weight of having to make the perfect decision right now, before time runs out.
But of course there are no guarantees - no magic spells that put you on the "correct" path to bliss and ease. It's just about making the decisions that are right for your circumstances now. And as we make these choices, the other parallel universes fall away, and a range of new possibilities open up - most of which we can't control anyway.
Thanks for the thought-provoking post.
We have had a rash of dead squirrels on the corner of our front yard. i noticed three at once, and then a month later, one alone. They don't appear to have been hit by cars. They land on the ground spreadeagle, usually on their backs. The most reasonable (and least paranoid) explanation I have come up with is that there must be two electrical wires up there close enough together that occassionally the squirrles manage to touch the two of them and they fry. It's not attractive, the dead squirrels in the yard, but I am not eager to go and pick them up. You can see fleas crawling all over them, and the maggots move in quickly. I don't want to go near. I like to imagine that it also keeps the dogs and their owners away from our yard, which means less dog poop in my yard. Not too bad. I also have to admit to not being very fond of the squirrels. They dig up everything I plant. When I planted blueberry bushes they snapped them off and threw the little stems on the ground. They dig up my flower beds. They pick my tomatoes, take a few bites and throw them on the ground. They ate every single cherry on the sour cherry tree just before they were ripe enough to pick. My mother suggested that I call the power company and have them come and fix this situation, but then I told her about the cherry tree....she had her eye on those cherries too.
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