Well, not all of us can memorize Greek myths and make picture books about them using graffiti artwork.
One of my friend's proudest accomplishment is having taught her daughter to answer the question 'What does Whitney say?' with 'Crack is whack!'
You're clearly teaching Juney some important things. 8-)
At that age, my daughter's best quote (taught to her by me) was "Damn the man!" So awesome. Especially because it came out, "Damma man!"
I'm trying to teach Maggie to say "I got to get my drink on" ala Pearl the Landlord, but to no avail so far. I have a feeling she'll finally bust out with it 1)in school 2) at church 3)in front of my in-laws, who would NOT find it funny.
On the beer front: We were at Pizza Papalis with Maggie after the Winter Blast, and ordered (draft) beers with our meal because we're just that irresponsible. So, the waitress brings them and Maggie's eyes light up and she proclaims "Oh, BEER!" to the crowd at large. How she even knew what that amber foamy liquid was I do not know as we aren't generally tapping kegs around here...
My lovely daughter at 3 told the people behind us in the checkout of the grocery store "My mommy is a PORNSTAR".(I'm not, I have no clue how she learned that one.)I suspect my sister taught her that.
If Ulysses is supposed to be remembered as the story about eating cheese, then I'm going to need more supporting text with my copy of the book.
Once upon a time, in an Iowa-dream far, far away, I walked up to my mother in the midst of making Cheeseburger Macaroni Hamburger Helper and said, "Mom, you're a bitch!"
My two older sisters had told me to do it, and at the ignorant age of five I rarely questioned their authority. Point being: I learned as much from my sisters as I did 8 years of college.
Sounds like Juniper will be a well-rounded, grounded adult someday.
Moms and Dads each teach special things to their children. You are reflected in her more than you know. 
You have perfectly described the pitch of her voice - definitely how I am feeling with the three year old in my life. GOOD LORD. The loudness. My eardrums, my poor bleeding eardrums!
"You eat cheese" reminds me of a girl I went to high school with who pronounced Agamemnon as " 'Ave an eggnog".
I think it is hilarious and wonderful that Juniper's experiences and education consist of such diverse things. Beer. Eames-esque interior design. Ninjas on her wall. Photo-journalistic escapades throughout the dilapidated portions of Detroit to obtain pictures of wonderful graffiti. You Eat Cheese. Beer from a fancy grocery store. Nothing from WalMart, but the office worktable is an old bowling alley scoring table. All of that is just so colorful and awesome. And I know you're not looking for reassurance, you certainly don't need it, but it's pretty clear to me that the one thing the child needs most in her life, which is love, she's FULLY surrounded by on all sides. And there's nothing else you need to do.
I'll have to figure out how to upload a picture of my Grandpa for Dutch one of these days. He wore an eye patch the last 10 years of his life.
She's great. And it's all good. She's going to be so creative and articulate.
Still laughing about Ulysses and cheese.
Hey, a gal's got to know a lot more than Greek to get by in this world. My daughter called orange juice, "Daddy juice". She calls wine, "Mommy juice." My husband is going to run a marathon this Sunday (Mother's day). I plan to get hosed instead. (Oh, wait, is "hosed" a Canadianism? Not sure on that one.)
I'm teaching our little 2-yr-old girl to fold her arms across her little tummy and say in that same high-pitched voice when anyone questions her: "Because I SAID SO." Pearl is so inspiring. It's also my only release for that phrase, which I so want to say myself but never will. Meahwhile, my spouse teaches her how to build intricate eating machines out of legos and reads to her from Paradise Lost. Please.
My four year old is in the pirate stage too. He goes around shouting, "Arrrrrg, me matey!" and everyone. I would love to see what he does if he saw someone with an eye patch.
Ben is also the one that kept asking me about pa-dome-bees. It took forever to realize he was saying zombies.
i need a translator for 1/2 of what my kid is saying these days and i *do* spend 24/7 with her, and we *aren't* teaching her greek/roman mythology or anything that glamorous to confuse everyday requests with, so i don't even have that. she is loud, though, so very, very loud. and has no concept of shhhh, quiet! just shhooshes back at us. fantastic.
for the record, beer and stinky cheese are 2 of my most favorite consumable things in the world- 2 more reasons to postpone pnut part deux for a few more months...
I have a friend who wore an eye patch for a few years (recovering from a fireworks incident), and once was heckled by someone who shouted "fashion patch" in a mocking tone as he sped by on his hipster bike. Though the patch did seem to help him score with the ladies, it was definitely not an affectation.
Much worse than being called a pirate by a toddler, I think, except he probably gets that a lot from kids and is tired out it.
Also, I had to wear an eye patch as a small child. I have a lazy eye, and it was to try and help strengthen my "weak" eye so it would actually try and work, because one eye takes over and the other gets ignored. It didn't work, by the way...
I *hated* the patch. All the children would call me a pirate. My mother even tried drawing little pictures on it every day (it was the sticky adhesive kind) and I'd still come home with it off every afternoon.
Trasi, now that's the kind of experience that builds character.
My daughter yelled, "Pirate!!!!!" at the top of her lungs to a poor man who was obviously fresh-off the OR table, by the looks of his newly bandaged eye. We were gathered around one of those hibatchi grill tables, forced to eat a very long dinner with him and his family. Why don't pirates have a sense of humor?
Wood,
Thanks for keeping it real. I was under the impression that dinner time converation at the DWJ household entailed intricate analyses and explications and teaching Juniper Greek and Italian and speaking in iambic pentameter.
You've made me feel a little better
p.s. my friend's daughter mixed up the name of their red Swedish-made car with the name of the female anatomy. She hollered "My mom has a red vulva" more than once. That was a fun one for her to explain...
That volvo/vulva comment cracked me up - my cousin taught her daughters that the female anatomy part was called a volvo. So now that the girls are 10 and 7, and they read "volvo" on the back of the car, they snicker in the backseat about how someone could name a CAR that! She probably did that because her parents convinced her the little round brush attachment that goes on a vacuum is called a merkin. When she found out what a merkin is, she about DIED. Paying it forward, I guess...
And yes, the patch was just one of a series of "character building experiences". Prob'ly why I'm such a character now. :O)
You can to kids and and puppies to do all sorts of silly stuff. My dog does her business when I say "Drop it like it's hot, drop it like it's hot." I hope Snoop appreciates my sense of humour. I love the plasticity of young brains combined with a little Pavlovian conditioning
I don't care what you call it, just don't take my Thursday/Friday/Once in a Blue Moon Morning Wood away from me.
Saw a girl riding one of those four-seater surries (fringed) through Golden Gate Park this weekend whilst wearing an eyepatch. She had decorated it with a little bow.
so my mom wears an eyepatch and gets the pirate question from all the kids in the grocery store. she's gotten pretty used to it, although i keep telling her that it would be funnier to say that she IS a pirate, than her standard response, which is "no, i'm a grandma". much less cool.
wood's mom has one eye (the other is glass or just doesn't work or something). I wish she would get an eyepatch. "pirate grandma" would be so much better than "nana."
Pirates are cool. People mistaken for pirates should be flattered, not annoyed.
Gawd almighty, I love me some Wood. Beer and stories about cheese and etc.
Ignorance rearing its ugly head here, but what exactly is a merkin?
Safe Swedish car? Funky pickle? Spoiled dessicated meat? I'm drawing a blank.
other amy, it's a pubic hair wig. Or wiglet. Whatever.
heh...I didn't know what a merkin was either.
Google is my friend:
From Wikipedia:merkin
"A merkin (first use, according to the OED, 1617) is a pubic wig, worn by prostitutes after shaving their genitalia to eliminate lice or to disguise the marks of syphilis. There are many different ways of wearing a merkin, although most involve placing the merkin on the vulva or the scrotum."
Learn sumthin' new every day!
there was a guy with a beer belly in line behind us at a grocery store + my my daughter shouts, "that man has a baby in his tummy"
please send me your blog button/badge for my mother's day blogroll!
What is it about toddlers and beer? Ada is always angling to get her own.
Lucky for us she declared that what we needed at the store was broccoli and cake.
I love the inappropriate child yelling. Today my son yelled that the reason we were asking my mother to babysit was so mommy and daddy could go to the BAR and get DRUNK. Which actually wasn't true for once, so really it was unfair. I love, love, love the pirate story. And that she asks for Ulysses (which I couldn't tell, either). I'm going to tell my husband he needs to start reading Sartre to Boyo.
You mean we are not supposed to point and scream "Pirate!"? I'm confused now..
It is crazy that I found your blog throught my sister's site, who found it from other site, and began to read it. Only to learn that our paths have probably crossed. Small world.
Commenting by HaloScan
