Just like something out of 1957; The fathers are apparently supposed to wait out the birth in the bar across the street. Despite my obsession with mid-century modern architecture and design, that's one aspect of the 50s and 60s that I'm glad we've evolved from (well, most hospitals, anyway).
This is the most absurd thing I have heard in a long time. At least, after the birth of Juniper, you know what the experience should be like, and can look for a better environement in which to bring your next child into the world.
That sounds sad. You guys will figure it out. I remember reading a 2 part post about Juniper's birth awhile back and it seemed like even then - first time around as newbie parents - your instincts were 100 percent right on.
These types of places and attitude towards the birthing FAMILY is the very reason we birthed our first at home with a midwife. Is that an option for you? Maybe a birthing center? I hope you find a place that will allow to birth as a family.
yeah, it was really just overwhelmingly sad. It's all fucked up too with issues of gender and class and race and I'm sure the nurses and doctors there are just trying to do what they have to do to get as many babies and mothers out of there as healthy and safe as they can, and any father who seems too interested is immediately pegged as a meddler. It should have been a red flag when she bristled right away at the very idea of a doula (I asked if doulas were allowed in the initial exam room).
we're spoiled and privileged enough to want to make this a beautiful experience instead of just a safe one. and we think we've already found another hospital where we can do that.
I'm glad you have options. This was just so striking a portrait of place/race/class and the expectations that can shape this universal life experience. (which, to people lucky enough to be among the privileged and spoiled)should be a "blessed event" or some similar characterization.) This post is as striking as your pictures of Detroit. I do hope you find a workable place without having to alter your plans too much. Poor Wood - I would have cried for those mothers and babies too (and imagining my husband pulled away from his newborn... ).
oh, i hope you find someplace else...a place where you feel comfortable bringing your baby into the world. this post brought me to tears because i recently had a baby and had the most wonderful hospital experience. i can't imagine what it would have been like in the sort of hospital you describe.
i'm glad to hear you may have already found somewhere else (above comment). wow. what a horrible experience, i'm so sorry for you guys.
thanks to pre-e i did have a c-section. dad (my husband) was with me the entire time (well, he did have to wait while they gave me my spinal). once evie was born and they gave the ok (a whole 3 minutes), they got dad over to the warmer next to her. they had him carry her over to me (still in the OR). i was pretty out of it thanks to the mag sulfate, pre-e and everything, and after a few minutes a nurse walked dad and baby (dad still holding her) down to the nursery. they cleaned her up, while he was right there the whole time, and then he brought her to me in recovery. 5 minutes! ha! what a joke.
juniper's birth story was amazing. i'm glad you are working to recreate it with baby #2, and i know you can. good luck!
absof'in lutely!
Imagine not having a choice... very sad!
OMG, WHAT nightmarish hospital was this?? I have to know. Sounds like Detroit Receiving or something??(Which is apparently a well-respected place to do your ER residency b/c of how busy they are with trauma.)
That just made me so sad 
As someone who had an unplanned C-section, I would have been heartbroken to have been separated from our newborn for so many hours. I had him in my arms almost immediately and he never left my side the entire 3 days I was in the hospital. I hope you guys find the right birthing environment that will suit everyone's best interests.
I know a super experienced midwife in your area if you are interested.
When Thing 1 was born in Seattle it was a dream situation. Not only did the hospital provide state of the art everything, the staff was incredible. The births take place in the same room that the mother stays in, and partners are encouraged to stay the entire time as well. They provided a daybed in each room.
We had Thing 2 in L.A. and had to go to two hospitals before we found one that would allow me to stay overnight with my wife. The place was a dump and their 'allowing' me to stay was treated like some HUGE deal. WTF?
OMG I am so glad that I loved the hospital that I went to. I would be devastated if something like that happened. Is that the only place your delivery doctor delivers? I hope not.
I hate to say this, but I am Not Surprised (Wood told me where you were going to deliver). And horribly sad that the hospital that delivers most of the city's babies sucks SO MUCH and is so anti-father, at exactly a time the fathers (those that are involved) should be encouraged to be a part of the team.
I had an unplanned C-section with Maggie at Beaumont and Paul was able to carry her in arms to, well, wherever she went after that. It felt like forever until I could hold her, but it wasn't any four to six hours, I know that. I'm so grateful he was able to do that, to be there for our little girl from the beginning. In a lot of ways it's set the tone for their relationship.
Our experience at Beaumont was mostly good, although I know a bit of a haul for you. I have a couple friends who gave birth and liked it at the birthing center at Providence, which is more crunchy overall and closer to you. I'd be glad to put you in touch with them. One of them reads this blog, so speak up if you're reading this, missy!! I know one used a midwife, possibly all three, if you also have to change care providers.
I'm so sorry, you guys. To have to change this late in pregnancy would SUCK. There have been some changes at my OB's office I do not love, but I still really like him so I am staying put.
HEY, also, the nurse practioner I love from my OBs office just left for the same hospital system you're leaving. If I can find contact info for her I'll pss it along. She is wonderful and may be of some help.
I had my son at Troy Beaumont and couldn't have been happier. Best labor of all three.
p.s. My oldest was probably born at the hospital you just toured and it was just as dismal in '98.
As someone else said, I had my c-section at Beaumont. I had my baby in my arms with in an hour. Anything longer than that is just BS if you ask me.
I too had a good experience at Beaumont, but I do think the family birth center at Providence is more what you're looking for.
I think there is a free standing birth center downriver, but I don't know much about it.
My parents chose the hospital (and doctor) for my birth based almost entirely on how soon they would be allowed to bring me home. After a bad prior hospital experience, they wanted to spend as little time there as possible. They stuck to their guns and I was born in a tiny hospital in upstate NY with my father, sister and paternal grandmother in the room. Only a few hours later they drove me home in the middle of the night and as the story goes, the sky was filled with shooting stars and they saw more deer than they had before or since. That morning I was taken to a picnic at the lake on which we have our family cabin and an elderly woman held me and started crying. She explained that though she had several children of her own, I was the youngest baby she had ever held. She was knocked out for the deliveries and the children were immediately taken away and not brought to her until much later. My parents tell me the story of my birth every year and honestly I just can't imagine coming into this world any other way. Stick to your guns and do this your way- you guys know what is right for you and your family.
I am so sorry you both had such an awful experience with your hospital visit! That sounded truly terrible. I'm glad you have options and will go somewhere else. Best of luck!
It broke my heart just to read this.. I can imagine how it felt for you to be there, with a personal stake.
I'm sure everyone else has said everything that's coursing through my head right now, reduced to:
1. yikes.
2. the right place and people are out there for you.. I know you'll both find it.
It sounds awful overall, and good luck finding the better place I know is out there.
(Though I admit I don't understand what's so heartbreaking about keeping c-section babies apart from their mothers for a few hours.)
Oy, five minutes? I've had 4 c-sections, and I always had a special recovery room that was on L&D, my babies stayed with me for about 45 minutes or so, then my husband went with them off to the nursery to do whatever it was they did. He brought them back to me once I was transferred to a room, which was usually within an hour or so. He stayed with them the whole time. I would have jumped up off the table, I think, much to the detriment of my stitches, if I hadn't had the security of knowing he was watching over them.
Glad you have other options, that place would terrify me.
(though, I have to say, I think most places are pulling mothers aside and asking about abuse at some point or another, thanks to some startling statistics about abuse and pregnant women - it was done to us the last three of the four, during the preop consult)
c-section: my girlfriend ha=d a c-section recently and was not in a frame of mind to notice the time that lapsed after birth until seeing the baby, she said she needed more hrs of recovery than she had post operation. for what that's worth. But I would love to know the baby daddy (as they seem to view that title of dad) could replace me during those first hours of our child's life.
--
I had the opposite- first birth in NY with old grumpy nurses and no feelings. Then my second was here with young happy, sweet nurses and it does make a big difference, but it bouls down to making sure you have a doctor that can handle emergencies well and that's the most important thing to me in the process. the second time around I didn't need to lean on nurses as much or even my husband for that matter. I didn't know that, of course, until after the birth and if this is where you need to have the baby, think of where Mary had Jesus- cheesy but timely.
best of luck!
Oh my heart is breaking, and I'm not pregnant! I'm so glad you will have another option! That place is clearly not for you!!!
I'm crying now too. You poor things! I'm so glad you are looking into your options and that you may have already found another place. Best of luck and I hope this birth is everything you want it to be!
(I hope Wood had a tasty cookie or something to help with the emotional trauma. Cookies always help me when I get hormonal and cry)
Fuck that. We didn't get a good vibe on our pre-birth tour either, but we stuck with the hospital because the OB was there. We had a tough time dealing with and fighting against hospital protocol. And nurse's protocol, which seemed to take priority over the Doctor's orders. I wish we had found someplace else.
i wish this were the only place that was like this. i am glad, however, that you knew that you had to find another option. i have too many friends and family members that just think 'well, we'll take what we can get. what do we know, anyhow?'. and that makes me feel uncomfortable about the whole experience of birthing.
give me your address, dammit. i'll help you catch that boy of yours, jim. hardy har har. but really, i am glad you have found another option.
Oh my God, I'm so sorry! What a horrible experience. I'm just glad you had the foresight to visit the hospital ahead of time.
oh, that brought tears to my eyes as well- after i had the pnut, when they finally put me into a "high risk but just c-section high" (even though she wasn't a section, we also had the pre-e) the sweetest woman joined me in my room a few hours later- her baby had been an emergency c and was battling in the NICU and she hadn't even SEEN her baby yet- she asked me in the most hurt voice if she could just have a look at the pnut- jesus christ i'm crying all over again now, damnit. i'm glad my husband was there to be with pnut while she was off getting checked out- my sister stayed with me so i wasn't alone, either.
we're lucky to have delivered in one of the best l&d hospitals around- and our dr. whom we loooove is also the chief of residents- which served us well when all of her students realized we were her patient. although we are thrilled that this time our bean will be born just as the latest crop of newbie res' are finishing up their 1st year- not like last time, when we had too many freshly minted 1st years (on the job two weeks! agh!) who didn't know their way around a hoo-ha inspecting me and scaring the shit out of my husband- jim, imagine that triage room with a young 26 year old whippersnapper md inserting a speculum and then walking away cause she forget the other thing and doesn't know where anything is in the room- now imagine the look on your face (and the fear in your heart) when said speculum goes crashing to the floor- mm-hmm, yes, you can bet we requested a 3rd year from that moment forward til our own dr got there. yeesh.
glad you two have the good sense to keep on searching til you find what's right for you. if only more people stood up for themselves and their healthcare, we'd be in a better place. unfortunately too many people aren't even aware that they have the choice.
As much as I love Detroit, I'm sure the nurses and personal are desensitized as a means of mental survival. They see things in a week that we, hopefully, won't see in a lifetime.
I concur with many, Beaumont was a pleasant experience.
Midwife? That may be a better option too.
L: When I had a c section they kept my son away from me for almost 4 hours. They claimed it was some body temperature regulation issue but I truly believe they were just too busy to get him to me.
It was truly heartbreaking laying there, thinking "I just had a baby and I haven't even got to hold him yet...."
That's the heartbreaking part I think.
Wow, my own heart was breaking while reading this. So sad. Much luck in finding a better place. I do hope you get to duplicate the beautiful experience you had with Juniper. You both know this already, but stick with your instincts. 
It makes me so sad that so many families give birth in places like that. Seriously, though-- have you considered homebirth? It is the most amazing thing to get acquainted with the new baby and rest after such an intense experience in your own bed, on your own terms. Childbirth does not have to be a medical event.
Actually, Amy, childbirth DOES have to be a medical event for some people.
I had three c-sections (one unplanned, two elective), and the hours of separation didn't matter to me -- or, as far as I could tell, to the babies, or to our bonding.
But I think that was the only part of this post that I didn't relate to. I was appalled by everything else, including the story in pnuts mama's comment above about the baby battling in the NICU and the mother unable to see him -- that brought tears to my eyes, too.
The place described in this post sounds even less flexible than the hospital in Tokyo where I had my last delivery -- and that's really saying something.
I'm sorry. It sounds a lot like the university hospital here where you are not allowed to walk around during labor and are treated high risk as soon as you walk in the door.
if we could find a nice hospital in little rock Arkansas, you can too.
best wishes.
i had a wonderful experience last year at beaumont royal oak. the nurses were awesome and very helpful and supportive of my natural birth objectives. and when i had to have an emergency c-section (not at all the result of interventions), it was as non-harried and calm as i can imagine possible. my husband was only away from me for a moment or two while they prepped me. as soon as our daughter was born, they quickly checked her apgars, wrapped her up and handed her to him, and he held her by my face until i was sewed up. we were not separated from her at all, even in and after recovery. i was nursing within moments of being wheeled out of the OR, actually. and i held her as we were moved to our family room.
also they now only offer private rooms (really swank ones) in a new renovated antepartum ward, which makes the family vibe really nice and makes rooming in very easy. if your new choice does not work out, i highly recommend them.
it's a true shame that this is the exception rather than the rule.
Hopefully you've found other hospitals to check in to. If you haven't yet, here are my thoughts...
Detroit Receiving - only go there if you've been shot, knifed or otherwise maimed/attacked. Never stay there. I am not kidding.
Harper Hospital - eh.
Children's Hospital - not sure if you can HAVE kids there, or just send sick children there?
Henry Ford Hospital - good for heart attacks and sports injuries.
Have you thought about looking downriver (Riverview, Wyandotte)? I'm not sure where in the city you live, but it might be closer than Beaumont? Otherwise, Beaumont is your best choice. Great hospital.
good god! i am so happy to know that you are seeking alternatives to that very drama-like hospital. dear wood just losing her father and having to deal with all that...
i have to say, "good on you" for being proactive in searching for a place that feels right for you.
have you two ever thought about having a homebirth? seriously, it is easier than you think.
i am talking about a planned homebirth here, not just having a baby at home, big difference.
i gave birth to my son at home in melbourne australia with my dear husband, 2 midwives, a birth attendant, oh and our dog, who actually got into our afterbirth blood! just thought i would throw that bit of info at ya!
you have already gone thru this once, you know what to do. it is the most empowering and amazing thing i have done in my life.
it does require the most work that you will ever do to prepare for the most joyous time in your lives.
anyway, you will figure out where to go. i hope you find it.
i offer you peace and send you blessings on your journey dear ones.
keep up the amazing work dad, your job is so important to us mothers.
How come the woman kept saying, "our babies"? OUR babies. Do you not have custody of your own child until you are signing out of the hospital? She implied the baby does not belong to you. Is that law, or just poor choice of wording on her part?
MID-WIFE!!!!
BIRTH CENTER!!!!!!!!!
please.
oxox
If all goes well, my wife will deliver our next one (at least 10 months from now) in our living room. We checked with the nurse in charge there, and it turns out that their C-section rate is 0%, and the baby is placed on the mother's stomach immediately after birth, for as long as she wants.
but..
with the understanding that if something more serious comes up, you have another hospital as back-up.
please excuse me. i get a little emotional.
And I was born at Beaumont in Royal Oak, for what that's worth. (In 1977)
L.- from what i understood, my roommate was just about to meet with the team who was going to walk her through the whole 'c-section recovery 101' when she asked to see our daughter- btw, i of course said yes, and even would have let her hold her, but i think she was nervous due to some residual effects of the surgery, weakness, etc. later that morning, her baby was cleared from the NICU and she was able to have her brought in the room- we have a rooming in policy in our hospital- but if i remember her baby was under close observation for the rest of the day, but ok.
and i also think many women who need emergency c-sections experience a great deal of trauma from the unexpectedness of it- not to mention the wacky feeling you get from all those drugs and anesthesia and then the funky hormones that surge almost immediately don't help either. but i've never met a mom who had a emer. section who regrets getting their baby out of a potentially dangerous situation even if it was in a way they hadn't planned or expected.
jim and wood- i only hope that you have the best birthing experience for you that results in a healthy sweet boy- it doesn't much matter where or with whom, in the long run.
So relieved you guys are trusting your guts and getting the hell outa there.....
totally research it...homebirth is a completely safe option for most women, as are birthing centers who value the fathers role and bonding.
Weird how this subject is so touchy for so many, always brings up such strong opinions. Why is it that so many people view someone's unique,individual choices as a threat to their own unique individual choices, that somehow the fact that they chose something different makes them wrong and they have to defend it.
the best part of all of this is your trusting Wood and her trust in you.
Beautiful, thanks for sharing
My heart is aching over this story. What a surreal experience. Best of luck finding a better place -- a place that doesn't make you sad. I'm hoping you find that spot soon!
In the realm of more info than you probably need,
- Greenhouse Birth Center 1831 Newman Road Okemos, MI 48864 Tel: 517-349-2620
- The Birth Place 25500 Goddard Taylor, MI 48180 Tel: 313-299-0966
- Beaumont as previously mentioned
- Providence Birth Center (but if you have to transfer, the maternity ward is not as warm and welcoming)
- home birth is statistically just as safe as hospital birth. Lots of good midwives in SE Michigan
- and if you wanted to make the trek, I can personally attest to how good UM Hospital is. I'd even doula you, even though I know that's not Dutch's thing.
Your friendly neighborhood Ann Arbor Doula
Whoa. I was waiting for nurse Ratchett to slink around the corner ... perhaps this hospital's policies is something that the city council might want to know about?
Crap. I too would be running from that hospital place crying. There is NO way I could have had the wonderful (though admittedly very painful) birth experience I had without Charlie and my doula. Especially Charlie. And if I had had to have a c-section? I would have raised HELL if Charlie was prevented from being with my baby.
I'm glad you guys have found another option. I hope, Wood, that you have a safe and healthy delivery of course. But I also hope that the experience is so much more than that, as it was with Juniper.
I'm so glad that you guys found out how horrid this hospital is before you actually had to give birth there! My second son is turning 1 tomorrow... we've survived the first year of being parents to two boys so I'm feeling a little emotional.
Best wishes for a continued healthy pregnancy, and good luck finding the right place to deliver at.
Ahh the lovlieness that are Detroit hospitals. Go north young man, go north. LOL Actually St Johns on Mack or a Beaumont are GREAT places to deliver.
Wood, I cried after our first hospital tour too. It was like a baby factory there, a rigid machine where they cranked out babies. My husband could not stay with me unless we took the hospital's parenting class. The mothers weren't allowed to get out of bed during labor, weren't allowed to have much control at all over what was happening to them. It made me sad and I could not imagine having my child there. The second one we toured was in the yuppie town next door and was so much friendlier, we immediately knew we were making the right choice (even if I did have to switch OBs at 28 weeks).
As it turned out, even at the friendly hospital there were issues. My birth experience was so disappointing, I still cry when I think about it. I had a very unplanned c-section, but my husband went with the baby to the nursery while the doc sewed me back together and I held my daughter less than 45 minutes after they cut her free from my body. No way I would've lasted four to six hours before seeing her. No way in hell.
It's so sad that all those security measures are necessary in what should be a place of joy.
Damn.
I hope you guys get the comfort you need during one of the most important moments in your life. My heart aches for all of those women and men who have to bring babies into the world in the most challenging of situations.
Good luck, you two.
I had a lousy hospital experience the first time around. Next time I'm doing it at home.
Frightening. Horror-novel frightening. I'm so glad you're able to find somewhere else and aren't stuck with just the one local place. What a distressing situation for all involved - for you two, first of all, but for the other women forced into believing that kind of treatment is 'the way things are'.
blimey. big hugs for you both.
my first was a horrid birth in a horrid hospital where i worked. When i changed hospital i had my next two there. Cedar was posterior and i had a hard labour but lovely staff. Juni was born in the midwife led birth suite with me on a birthing ball on my knees. fantastic.
having worked in hospital complaints for over 10 years and heard so many heartbreaking stories about bad labours, for so many reasons, its so important that you find the right place where you are a person and not a case.
good luck x
this post made me so, SO sad...I hope you find someplace else...quickly!
I work with non-functioning families for a living, and I can tell you its a toss up which parent you should be worried about running off with the baby (or whatever they were worried about). Most of the assumptions made by that nurse make no sense even taking in to account distressed families. And her attitude is inexcusable. Its not about the reality of who the hospital sees, but an all too familiar 'we're the professionals and we'll tell you how it is' ego. Ugh, I have the creeps just reading about it...
I had my baby by c-section and they gave her to me immediately. There are better places - you're right!
My friend had her baby in a birthing center. Very friendly place.
you know those UM - "the michigan difference" ads on tv and the radio? they are true. um is a great place to have a baby (i had 2 there).
a woman i know just had twins at the u. it was a very emergency c-section. a nurse they had just met (whose shift was ending) volunteered to drive there 4 year old home, so the dad could stay with the mom.
it's a long drive for you, but um is a great place.
Back in the stone age when I had my kids, Beaumont was awesome and I know it's gotten better since. I had absolutely no complaints with them. They even fed my hubby and me lobster and steak for a celebration dinner the night before I was released. (I had a c-section and spent 5 days in the hospital)
I also completely agree with Olivia about Receiving. Amazing, incredible place if you happen to be bleeding to death from a stab wound or some such other violent trauma, but I'd stay the heck out of there otherwise. My friend did her nurses training in their ER and she saw things people should never see.
and in a completely unrelated note, today's Free Press has an article about the same rotting book depository you wrote about last week. Their pictures are nowhere near as good as yours.
So sorry to hear about your horrible experience. I had both my girls at St. Joseph in Clinton Township. Had great experiences both times but I'm sure too far for you. However, my friend lives in Detroit and just had her first at U-M. She had planned a home birth but suffered some complications and had to deliver at a hospital. She had nothing but great things to say about U-M. They were very respectful of her birth plan, allowing her husband to be involved and sticking with her original plan as much as possible. Best of luck to you in finding somewhere to welcome you new little miracle.
I had my son at Beaumont Royal Oak, and while I agree that the facility was amazing, my experience was a bit different than many of the previous comments.
I had wanted a natural birth. From the moment I went in, they would not let me out of bed. My doctor asked me so many times did I want an epidural, that finally I gave in. Being sedentary was not how I planned my natural birth experience.
Anyway, after I had my son, I was not able to hold him for over 24 hours because he was in the NICU because I had a fever during birth. The four hours everyone keeps talking about seems like nothing. I would have been thrilled with four hours! I didn't even get to go look at him for over four hours!
And now that it is over, that 24 hours seems like nothing. I didn't take my son home for nearly a week and he was perfectly healthy. Being in the NICU makes you realize how lucky you are in the first place.
The delivery staff was great. The room was incredible. My husband slept in his own pull-out bed in my room.
In any case, four hours really does not make or break your relationship with your child. Spending time in the NICU makes you realize how many people go home without their child.
I don't really know your area, but I just had my second child (son) in a free standing birth center here in Oregon just this past June. I believe there is one in your area: Mothers Own Birth and Women's Center. Also Henry Ford Health Systems Birth Center is in a hospital, but has midwives and doulas available so they seem like they would be open to your birth choices. Much luck and a happy birth to you and Wood!
I'll add on to what others have said...
One word: HOMEBIRTH.
I know it doesn't work for everyone. The best hope for a complication-free birth is by minimizing stress. For some people that is a competent hospital, but I would argue that most people would probably be much happier at home. Drake sure was.
My heart goes out to you both. My husband and I had planned to deliver at Beaumont in Royal Oak (5 min. from our house) and ended up switching providers and hospitals at 22 weeks (we're now at 37 weeks). A terrible experience at Beaumont R.O. confirmed our worst fears about the place; we are now delivering at Troy Beaumont (30 min. from our house) and went on the tour just last night. Although it is not necessarily "perfect" for us we think it will be loads better than Royal Oak and we know many people who have delivered there and loved it. Even better, Troy Beaumont welcomes midwives, which is exciting for us because we LOVE our midwife and she is well worth the extra distance we have to drive (even my husband, who is a worrywart first-time dad terrified of my giving birth in a snowstorm, agrees with the decision now). I hope everything works out for you and feel free to email me if you have any questions ...
Since so many people have suggested homebirth, I'll just say: I love the idea of homebirths. I am glad more of them happen every year. I wish it was the right option for us, but I don't think it is, for several reasons.
1) We live in downtown Detroit. Not San Francisco, not Portland. Home birthing midwives are difficult to find around here. If I'm wrong about this, feel free to email me or correct me.
2) Insurance, cost.
3) I don't think Juniper would respond well to witnessing me (even in another room or on another floor) in so much pain. She is a really, really sensitive kid. I'd rather have her home, with one of the grandmothers she adores, while that goes on. The place where we hope to deliver now will allow her to visit soon after the birth. I think that'd be better for her.
The bottom line is that in order to pursue a homebirth, I'd need to know that both Jim and I were completely committed to the idea, and completely comfortable with it. We're not. I think (and hope) we've found a good alternative.
Jim, you mentioned doulas. Does this mean you have softened your stance on doulas? I was going to venture to recommend it (in spite of having read and appreciated your hilarious story from the first time around). I had to birth in a pretty hi-tech hospital and the doula was a terrific buffer for us. Keep us updated!
I had never considered those kinds of questions from the dad pov - I suppose I just take it for granted that you're part of the process. Even Nate who's not even my husband was never made to feel like anything but my other half.
New hospital, stat.
One that doesn't make Wood cry.
Delurking to also recommend Beaumont (Royal Oak). We had our daughter there about 7 months ago and the experience was fantastic. They did everything possible to give us as much time with our daughter as we wanted. We had a pretty routine delivery, which may or may not have made a difference.
As a former Detroit city resident my advice is to hit the burbs for the delivery.
Mark
Beaumont in Royal Oak is nothing like this hospital...also I had a good experience at UM, but the drive would be a little long for you!
I can attest that UM in Ann Arbor is worth the drive. Even with an unplanned C-section, I saw my baby immediately & had her with me within an hour (and her fatherwas with her from the moment she was born), and I was up walking around, feeling great within 5 hours.
A friend had tried to have a home / midwife birth,after 28 hours of labour the baby was simply too large, so they had to go into Providence where they berated her, told her they wouldn't be surprised her if her baby died because she hadn't come to them in the first place, and that it would serve her right! Then they tried to kick her husband out of the room saying he should have forced her to come to the hospital when her water broke. Her other 2 children have since been born at Beaumont with good experiences.
I'm glad you guys got out of there asap!
I'm so sorry you had to endure that and cringed reading it. Aren't there any birthing centers in Detroit? That's where we had Lily (@ ST Lukes Roosevelt in NYC) and it was the most positive environment. Very accomodating and treated birth like the natural event that it is vs. a medical emergency in need of intervention. If we were to have another I'd only go the midwife/birthing center way again.
Looks like there are some facilities like that close by from the doula's comments prior to mine.
Good luck!
Please go someplace else. I can speak as a mom who had to wait 4.5 hours to see my baby, and it is horrible. My daughter did need NICU help, but it was still horrible to have her whisked away to where I couldn't follow. But perfectly healthy babies to be alone all that time? For that reason alone, go someplace else.
I live in SE Michigan - out in the rural 'burbs. I did go to a reputable hospital, one that would work better with your expectations (I think) than the one in this post would. If you're interested in an anecdotal account, email me.
All my best to Wood. That must have been so hard for her after losing her step-dad.
What an awful experience that was for both of you. I am glad that it happened before the birth and not during, however.
We are just outside of Detroit and toured many hospitals and birth centers before deciding on St. Joe's Mercy in Ann Arbor. They have a birthing center with certified nurse midwives who were very respectful to my husband and I. If I can be of any help to either of you, feel free to contact me.
I was pretty shocked to hear about the retro views and hostile environment from that hospital (although I also guessed, as Jim surmised, that it's a consequence of the inner city locale and the situations of most of the patients that they serve). But I'm especially surprised to read from other comments that there are similar experiences elsewhere. I naively took for granted that every hospital now encouraged the father to be a complete part of the birthing process, including sharing the room and sleeping there - providing a second bed for that purpose. I also assumed that every hospital now had the baby stay with the parents in the same room from the moment he or she was born (unless needing to go to the NICU). Our daughter never left my sight, and I assisted in her birth. Certainly every hospital in San Diego is like that now, and you can no longer find that classic room with the big glass window and the rows of babies lined up.
I'm glad you have the opportunity to find a better place. I'm just so sorry that others have to endure those policies. Particulary families that lack your wherewithal and need all the support they can get. There was an article in the WP this spring regarding a birthing center that serves poor women that I found inspiring. The founder has a great deal of respect for her patients and a belief in the continuing impact of a positive birth experience.(http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/
content/article/2007/05/23/AR2007052301294.html)
Now what's really sad about this situation is that the "dads" that they are excluding from the process, the ones that actually show up, but get treated like dirt. The ones who are told they can only spend 5 minutes with the baby - most of those dads, I'm assuming, do not know any different. It's just too bad this hospital doesn't try to stop the cycle of, oh, what's the right way to say this, the cycle of low expectations for the Baby's daddy. I can't help but imagine that if the hospital not only allowed more access to the baby for the dads, but encouraged it, that some dads would actually form a bond with that little being that is theirs - and maybe - just maybe stick around while it grows up. They'd feel important (the dads). Just think if they were able to hear, "While Mom is recovering from her c-section, it's really important that the baby be held by someone close to it. You should hold your baby." I realize I'm stereotyping right now, but from what you described I don't think I'm too far off.
I must comment that I gave birth in the hospital that I believe this post is about and had a very difficult labor that resulted in a c-section. I was lucky to have a friend who is a doctor on the staff and was able to bring my child to the recovery area in a short amount of time so I got around the unfortunate policy that results in the four hour wait time. But more importantly, we found the staff overall to be extremely friendly and helpful in the four days I remained in the hospital (with my husband and baby in the room with me the whole time). Clearly this is not the right place for Wood and Jim- But it is not the house of horrors some of you seem to think it is either.
Coco -- two of our friends delivered at this hospital within the last year, and both had positive experiences. That is a large reason why I was sure we'd be all right. And perhaps we would have been -- but it seems like we should move, and we're comfortable doing that. It may have just been an unfortunate tour, but we don't want to take that risk.
What about a homebirth? I know it's not for everyone, but studies show that a homebirth has the same risk to momma and baby as a hospital birth. Perhaps it's worth looking into? My firstborn is 8 months old, and although I didn't have a particularly horrible experience birthing her (at St. Luke's w/Homestyle Midwifery in SF), I'm definitely doing a homebirth next time.
Come have him at Virginia Hospital Center. Not only were they awesome and kind, my house is 6 blocks away. Spend your post-partum recuping in Mueller comfort. (Sander will cook.) We have a seriously baby-ready, turn-key operation here. xo
Andrea, they could go south too. There's nothing wrong with Downriver!
have you thought about homebirth?
from the sounds of Juniper's birth story, your woman does not need medication to birth. I may be biased because I have had two at home and my third is planned there next month. just a thought. it's such a powerful experience. you are both powerful people. (and despite the lack of information on it, it's just as safe as birthing anywhere else.)
Just to make your search narrowed a bit - I had my 2 kids at Providence (in southfield) ONLY because my midwife worked out of there - the regular hospital I found to be very unsuuportive of us "Hippie" types. I have heard that they have a non-medicated birhting center, but I wanted an epidural. So I was stuck in a place where they restrained my husband at one pt. (for trying to follow me as I was wisked away for an emergency C-section) It sucked. He was bawling. Not the experience we expected. THe 2nd was better and we were prepared to be better advocates (I had a v-bac - vaginal delivery after C section - sorry TMI). If I didn't absolutely adore my Dr. I wouldn't have gone back there. I know this doesn't help your search AT all, I just wanted you to cross another off your list.Good luck, I will be rallying for you two! And Rah rah rah for mates(and support) that rock and understand.
And that is why I have my baby"s at home. And I'm the soccer mom in the gymboree class, no crunchyness here. Ain't nobody gonna tell me how to deliver. Homebirth empowered me and my husband to be the awesome parents we are today. "My way or the highway" was my theme and I again just said that to my 9yr old last night.
think about it!
This makes me SO glad I live in Canada! Midwives are covered by our universal health insurance (as is the hospital and any drugs required). I live in a big enough city, that we have a teaching hospital with all the latest and greatest (tools & IDEAS).
After my c-section, I got to see my daughter, my husband got to hold her and bring her to see my parents. I held her and nursed her in the recovery room, say, about an hour later. She stayed with me the WHOLE time we were in the hospital, I even followed when they took her for the necessary screenings (the nurses were surprised, but did not give me any trouble).
The midwives came to MY house to check us out at the 10 day mark (and take out my staples).
Oh yeah, and I got a year maternity leave (at 53% of my salary, but taxed at the lower rate, so more like 65%). Actually, the way it works is that I got 16 weeks pregnancy leave, and my husband and I each got 17 weeks parental leave. He had the option of taking his leave, or transferring it to me. I know a couple who shortened her leave, so that they could spend a MONTH all together as a family, before she had to go back to work.
Sorry but y'all need to work on your government. It's a crying shame how women / mothers / FATHERS are treated in the States. And 6 weeks of mat leave is simply BARBARIC.
Wow. I would have been crying too. What a sad place to start a life. I hope you can find something more fitting with your hopes. Have you considered a home birth? Are there any free-standing birth centers near you?
Hospitals suck.
Our first child was born in a Chicago hospital that sounds kind of similar, but the experience wasn't all that bad.
Sometimes it's just a matter of the people that work in them and I'm not saying the people are bad, they might be burnt out from the environment they work in and if no one mentions it, it goes unchanged.
My suggestion to you, would be to forward this story to the administration offices of the mentioned hospital.
The two of you might not have your child born there, but in bringing light to the situation you might make it better for the next person that might not have a choice.
It sounds like a bad situation, but if it goes without question to those that might be able to change it, chances are it will stay the same for others.
I don't consider myself a crusader, but my mom left me a thought that stuck, change begins with an individual.
Cathy- you are so right. They have actually done studies that show that having the father be present for the birth and immediately afterward has a significant, positive affect on the bond between the child and father and the continued involvement of the father in the child's life. This is particularly true in situations in which paternal involvement is not high to start/a given. After all, Jim is going to be there for his son and bond with him whether he is there for the birth or not (which is not to say that he doesn't need to be there), but for fathers on the margins, involvement in the birth can be huge.
I read this post thinking that there are probably mothers out there who are happy with the hospital's policies. Women pregnant by abusers/absent fathers/addicts might not want their baby daddies having too much access to the process or the newborns, and young women who are overwhelmed at the idea of being a mother may be happy to have an extra four hours to process their new reality. It sounds like this hospital has policies in place that reflect the community it serves, and while you have staked your flag in the middle of downtown Detroit - possibly very close to this hospital - and embraced the city's graffiti, decay and abandon, you aren't necessarily part of the community being served by this hospital.
I'm a little surprised at how offended you were, Jim, about the hospital's attitude and how personally you took it as a man. You have such a soft spot for what it means to live in an urban setting but you whip out your JD (as in juris doctor, not jdg), yuppie indignation because the hospital doesn't allow doulas?
It's great that you found someplace that fits your needs for this delivery, and you certainly have a right to getting what you want. I guess what I'm trying to say is, Why do you have to be so hard on the hospital that didn't fit your check list?
What I got from this post was the story of one couple trying to find what works for them. And it looks like (from the later comments) they did. Jim/Wood--glad to hear it.
My parents both worked in several hospitals as I was growing up: ranging from the kind that have "Patch Adams" clowns to the kind that have metal detectors. My mom once saw a baby delivered in a hallway.
I was born in a maternity center with my parents friends standing next to her while she pushed. My nephew was born via emergency c-section and they didn't allow my brother to stay overnight, but he was ok with that. I had a professor 5 years ago who was the dad with the cigars pacing--he didn't want to be in the delivery room.
I guess my point is--it's a pretty lucky thing to know what you want and be able to get it when it comes to giving birth. There seem to be a lot of strong opinions here and that's completely understandable, but I worry about the judgements being thrown out.
I truly hope that you can find a place that will support both of your needs and desires for a better birth experience.
merseydotes: But can they not be flexible with those that don't fit the demographic they serve? That would surely be better than this one-size-fits-all approach. And for me, the sad thing would be a couple who maybe didn't know how hospitals handled births, or what 'normal' procedure was, and they would think this anti-fatherness was the norm.
I felt like I had the wind sucked out of me when I read your account of the c-sections moms not holding their babies. I was one of those moms. Reading this made the hurt come rushing back and that was seven years ago. I didn't hold my daughter for 4 hours after birth. Nice, huh? As usual, your writing is beautiful. I hope you find the right place for you and your family.
I had a great L&D and a spectacularly awful post-partum experience in a smallish suburban hospital--mix-ups with medication, confusion about whose patient I was, major issues that I couldn't get addressed by any member of the medical staff, despite asking every doctor or nurse that I saw. I think I delivered in the last hospital in America that doesn't allow rooming-in, still has multiple-patient rooms, and only allows fathers to stay if there are no other patients in your room.
Definitely seems like the hospital you toured is the wrong place for you guys, and despite all its supporters, home birth sounds extraordinarily stressful to me (yeah, I know that's probably not a popular opinion.) I hope you've found a place that will meet your needs this time around.
Oh my god you have a PENIS?
here's one option for you guys....
http://www.birthasweknowit.com/
1...nute_promo.html
There's got to be some rocks down by the Detroit River suitable....
Sheri Bheri: Don't be too smug about Canada's support of midwives. They're only covered in three provinces. My first was born at home with midwives in Vancouver. We have since moved to Alberta and they are not covered. I'm due a week before Wood and we're going back to Vancouver to have a home birth with midwives (among other reasons for being back in Vancouver). Otherwise, it would have cost over $3500.
Wood & jdg: So glad to hear you've found a better solution. I would have been in tears, too.
As a nursing student who hopes to work as a midwife somewhere down the line, I would be eternally grateful if you'd send me the name of that hospital so I can avoid it.
As a mom of a one-year-old, I can also attest to the greatness of the nurses at UM. They are the reason I decided to go back to school to be a nurse. I am still in e-mail contact with the poor girl who got stuck with me during the really rough part of the delivery.
I too had an emergency c-section (seems standard protocol these days, creepy) and my husband was only shooed away for 10 minutes while I was prepped, and my daughter never left my arms from the moment she was pried out and I was transferred from the operating table to some other rolling bed like thing.
nothing to add except, I hope you have a safe and joyful birth, wherever it is... probably not at that particular place.
Wood, to answer some of your questions on homebirth in the Detroit area:
1) Are there homebirth midwives that will come to downtown Detroit? Yes, there are. I know of at least two right off the top of my head, and I'm sure there are many more. One of them is my midwife (http://trilliumbirthservices.com/), and I cannot recommend her highly enough.
2) Insurance, cost. My midwife bills $2800 to your insurance (if you have billable insurance) and charges less if you're paying out of pocket (sliding scale based on your ability to pay). So far, she has reasonable success getting at least partial reimbursement from insurance companies. I'm sure she would be willing to discuss the details of that with you. Her fee includes all of the prenatal visits, the birth, and several post-partum visits. She is also available to answer questions, any time of the night or day. Everything, including prenatal visits, occur at your home. If you switch to her care partway through your pregnancy (as you would), I believe the cost is pro-rated due to there being fewer prenatals.
3) Juniper being present. This is something that just can't be known in advance. Lucky for us, my ILs live 5 minutes away, and my daughter adores them. If things get too intense, or *I* want her gone, it's done in the blink of an eye. I realize your situation is different.
As for being committed to the idea, that just varies from couple to couple. If it's not the right thing for you, then it's not. I did want to address your first two points, though.
I had my first at the birth center at Providence, and am happy with my experience (although I am opting to birth at home this time). Like others have said, though, I've heard bad things about their normal L&D if you need to transfer for any reason.
I've also heard bad things about RO Beaumont, and somewhat better things about Troy (really depends on your care provider and the nurses). I doula'd for a friend at Troy recently, and did not like how it went. But I suppose my thoughts on birth are pretty "radical". My friend was very happy with her birth.
I know the woman who runs the free-standing birth center in Taylor, and she is extremely competent. She also does homebirths (and will come to Detroit), and was my friend's midwife for both of her homebirths (I was present for the second one, and watched in awe as the midwife handily resolved a shoulder dystocia). My friend absolutely loved her. Birthing at her birth center would take care of item #3 on your list, but it still depends on your comfort level. Might be worth taking a tour of the facility, though (it is beautiful).
If you want to go natural and also be at a hospital, I would suggest the birth center at Providence, and hope you don't need to go to the L&D for any reason. There is no better place to go in the area (within the hospital system) to support a natural birth. I am friends with many doulas and midwives in the area, and they all agree with this.
If you would like any more information, a list of more midwives who do homebirths in Detroit (I could get that info very easily), information on my experiences at Providence or on my current midwife, please feel free to drop me a line.
I'm glad you're taking steps to find the right place to have your baby. It is much more important than many people realize.
The real underlying issue here seems to be the creation of policy based on the lowest common denominator. It isn't restricted to just hospitals, here in the UK it seems to me that many Government or Government agencies have this same way of deciding policy. What happened to flexibility? and allowing individuals to decide policy on a case by case basis.
The reasons why I opted for a homebirth (bearing in mind that I live in the UK, and have no idea how the logistics transfer to Michigan).
When giving birth in hospital here there are generally about 1 midwives for every four women (or more or less depending how many ladies are giving birth and how well staffed or understaffed the hospital are). In a homebirth there is one midnight with you at all times, and a second on hand for the actual birth.
My hospital that I am booked in at is a (maximum) 15 minutes ambulance ride away. Therefore, if anything went wrong the transfer would be very quick and efficient. Actually, here it is faster to transfer someone in from home into hospital by ambulance than it is to transfer them from one labour part of the hospital to a theatre.
In my home I am in an environment I am completely comfortable in (and this is my first kid so I don't have another to worry about).
I can have a pool, I can walk around, I don't have to worry about MRSA either which in the UK is always a plus.
Anyway, I hope your birth goes as you would like it to, whichever place you end up in.
Molly Wade Chase - your hospital is not the last one like that....mine (in the middle of NYC!!) allows rooming in, but is otherwise the same dismal situation. I had (loud, insomniac, TV-watching) roommates both times and my husband was not allowed to stay past 10pm. With my second child I knew a bit more what to expect, but with the first I felt really alone and afraid. I had great L&D experiences both times but I credit my doctor for that. She's the reason we delivered there. I thought about switching with #2 and decided to stay with her. But the hospital really, really sucks.
It's amazing that we're in 2007 and the technology is so amazing but many hospitals simply can't get the human side of things right.
What those rules say about the experiences of people who have used the hospital in the past - it makes me sad.
I hope you find a more welcoming place for you both, and for your boy.
That's awful, but I'm glad you've got other options out there and time to find them before the baby arrives. With my recent newborn the OR nurse was with me and insisted on holding me in PACU until the transport team was ready to leave with my baby just so I can have the chance to see him. Because lord knows it was a long week before I saw him again, and it's not going to get better. Never underestimate the power that a concerned and involved husband/father can have in the course of a delivery; my Boy is and remains my link to sanity and I could not remain sane or even reasonably with-it without him around.
I haven't read all the comments, and don't know if you have decided on an alternative yet - but you should definitely check out The Birth Place in Taylor (www.thebirthplace.com) - I used Bridgett for both my home births and I can't say enough great things about her. Good luck!
For selling your photos, why not try etsy? (www.etcy.com) It's cheap and linked to cc, paypal etc. Might simplify things a bit.
Sorry, Wood and Jim! Hospitals give me the heebie jeebies, too. Maybe it's 'cause my mom works for a School of Medicine and my sister is an ER doc. I know too much about what they don't know and don't do...
I had my first at a birth center. Plan to have my second at home. If you are contemplating a home birth, here's a nice article:
http://parenting.ivillage.com/pr...,6rl1-
p,00.html
All i can say is thank God i live in Australia. Our health system while flawed, is a million times better than what you poor guys get. Our first will be born in a few weeks at the same hospital i was born and they have been so wonderful to my wife and me. I want to be the one who takes her and gives her to her mum. I think these first few seconds are my way of connecting with her. We visited other places but nothing comes close to what you write about. Hop e it all works out for you guys.
Firstly-- consider yourselves lucky to have the choices you do.
Secondly, Isn't the whole point a healthy baby?
After many years of infertility, the babies I have came to me in long, hard and uncomfortable situations, but the reality of it is they are healthy and beautiful despite the moments in the beginning.
I hope you find a more comfortable place but I hope even more that your baby is born healthy and free of complications. Take care.
I've done two photo books on Blurb, one as a Father's Day present and another with vacation pics. Both turned out great. Blurb is easy to use and prices are reasonable.
Canada all the way! Rooming in here at our hospital is essential. Fathers are also welcome to room in. Plus you can leave as soon after the birth as you like,(if you and baby are okay) bring a midwife or doula if you like.Breastfeeding is supported and encouraged, even those nifty lactation consultants come with the deal. Plus, they have those cozy warm heated blankets that are totally worth getting pregnant for alone. Oh, and our heath care system covers everything. Plus, we are so polite. Seriously, be a Canadian.
You're breaking my heart. Come to Berkeley and we'll take care of you right. Juniper can stay with us.
I must first defend Jim in his indignation! I understand completely why he was offended, but he does make sure to state that he understands their reasoning behind all the protocol. Each case needs to be judged on its merits and obviously the nurse only has one approach based on her experience. It's unfortunate.
I don't know if homebirth is an option for you but I've had two. I realize it is not for everyone, but it is the most empowering feeling, not to mention the safer alternative as far as all of the studies I've read. Ok, I'm a bit biased as I did study midwifery for three years, but had to give up something to raise three kids. I hope that you two find what makes your soul sing no matter what the choice! Best wishes to you both. I can't wait to hear what Juniper thinks of her new brother.
Ugh, how horrible. I hope you find a better one. That would really get to me too, especially as I might be facing that with our No. 2, when the time comes, as we don't live in NYC anymore (where No. 1 was born).
Be thankful you have options. Where we live, the ONLY hospital has basically the exact same policies and protocols as those you mentioned.
"Lucky" for me, I had a repeat C with my second child so I was able to go to a hospital 2 hours away where I could actually see and hold my baby after he was born.
Until until you've lived through it, it is impossible to understand just how horrendous being in the general recovery room after a C-section can be; the new mother is treated as nothing more than just another body fresh out of surgery to be monitored. Sometimes I wonder if the post-op nurses even know which patients have just given birth and which have just had their gall bladders removed, but to be honest, in a hospital with those types of policies, I doubt they even care.
The new mother is left there with no baby, no husband, not even a nurse who appreciates what she's just been through to check on her - literally left alone in a bed to "stabilize" while her newborn is off in a nursery for four hours by himself, screaming his head off because he doesn't have the one thing he needs, his mother holding and feeding him (or even the second best thing which would of course be his father there to hold him while his mother "stabilizes").
(And for the record, my experience was with a healthy newborn and no complications with me.)
i doubt what i am saying is anything new...but i too echo the folks that speak to the benefits of having race, class and privilege on your side. as "sad" as it is for you...it only makes me have such respect for the medical providers of that facility who recognize that assuming safety and love are present in the relationships of the people that show up to give birth is just that...an assumption. i some communities it is to the benefit of women and children NOT to assume love and safety are present. but how i wish that was not true.
as a person that works in women's health, and spends a good deal of time with young people, i again have a small amount of hope when i hear how protective those women are of the people they serve.
hopefully someday it will look different.
Wow. I can see their point, but I can also see that this is no way the place for you all and the situation you're in. Would it be at all possible to go to UM hospital? It was the perfect combination of crunchy and ready for drama for us. Our first ended up having to be delivered with forceps, but I did avoid a c-section. And when our second had to go off to NICU for a test that couldn't be done in the birthing room, his dad went with him and stayed until they wheeled him back to me.
Glad you seem to have found the right place.
Do you think you can make it back to Kalamazoo at the first signs of labor? I had a great experience at Bronson and they have a bamboo garden and "hydrotherapy" tub now. What I actually want to do in the tub remains to be seen, but I'm looking forward to having it when our #2 comes this March/April.
best,
Tory
i know you've probably gotten a ton of advice already but i had my son at troy beaumont (it's about 25 minutes from detroit). i was soooo impressed with them. i had been there before as a child, my parents have also both been there. i am absolutely amazed with their services! i had my son c section and he was there with me the whole time. royal oak beaumont i've heard good things about too ... good luck!
I am learning over and over to trust my insticts. What a horrible place to be during those first amazing days of giving birth. I wish my leibshen had a daddy like you- woot!
You guys need to find a good Birth Center with a Doula FAST!
The birth centers here in Wisconsin (Madison area) are the best. It truly is like having your baby at home, but with all the qualified personnel there to help, if needed.
No better birth experience anywhere.
There's no need to complicate anything that isn't complicated.
Best of luck to you and your family.
I am so glad this wasn't your first time around this particular block. I know with my first child I just said, "okay" to a lot of things that in hindsight make me cringe. I was at the hospital where more babies are delivered than anywhere else in the state. Lots of babies = some assembly-line practices.
With my second child (same hospital) I knew what to expect and what I wanted to do differently. I was so much more confident and as a result, I asked for what I wanted. Nearly all of the time I was happy with the results.
Wow this makes me want to stay here (Vancouver island) until I am done having babies. Poor babies kept away from their mums for that long. That is the time they should be spending bonding. I wonder how that time apart effects breastfeeding? I am originally from the states and the stories I here from friends and family usually tend to go this way. So sad. I had two lovely (and very different- my first took two days and two hours of pushing, my second came in three hours with twenty minutes of pushing) births at two different hospitals on the island and never felt this sort of indifference I hear of. I always felt that there was sympathy and compassion and support. I had a doctor with the first and a midwife with the second. We plan on having one more and doing it at home with the midwife who attended our daughter's birth. I agree with Kim, ask for what you want. Make sure that you distinguish policy from hospital preference and be vocal about what you want and don't want. I am still shocked that POLICY is an average 4-6 hours without contact from mother or father (5 minutes doesn't even deserve metioning, it is an insult).
That's a pretty disturbing story. I think your instincts are right on. Find someplace else. My wife chose a different hospital from my own because the atmosphere in our OB-Gyn department is pretty malignant, and it was the best decision we made.
The midwife thing is a nice idea, but when it was my wife and baby, I wanted a surgeon on hand in case things got ugly. (OK I'm biased, but we went au naturale and having competent backup made it much less stressful for me.)
Correction: previous post should have read "competent surgical backup"
Oh yeah... if your new hospital is more than 15 min away I'd suggest being conservative about deciding when to head over there. Second births are often quite a bit faster. Based on my classmate's experience, it's no fun than trying to drive fast but safe while your wife is crossing her legs and contracting.
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