Do people really say those awful things about you and Juniper. I don't thing either is true. Sure you do things differently than a lot of parents but in truth you are so much more involved than most of those other parents are. I love the idea of you bringing Juniper to the silent films or to the art museum. Sadly my kid doesn't sit still or quiet for 5 minutes yet, maybe someday. I just think it's terrible that people go out of their way to read your blog, which I LOVE, and then feel the need to bash you on it.
I love that you inspire me to look outside of the 'normal' realm of what's considered appropriate for children. LOVE IT. And, that you are fitting your kids into YOUR life, not the other way around. I can just see Juniper standing in front of that Picasso and asking questions....makes me smile. There will always be people that don't agree with your particular parenting style, but you won't agree with theirs either, so bygones. That's what I say!
BB- the vast majority of response I get is positive (and I hesitated to leave comments open here, knowing that this kind of post sort of invites people to give me the kind of positive feedback that actually feeds the hatred of those who love to hate me).
But I left the comments open because I think the people who read this website are inordinately wise and interesting, and whether or not as parents (or as people) they are trying to do something different from or resist what big corporations want from all of us, they at least keep me thinking and provide me (and each other) with great perspectives.
A few hateful e-mails here and there, a few nasty comments, none of that means anything compared to the amazing people who come here with respect, whether they agree with me or not.
I guess I am not surprised that you get negative comments from people. There are so many weird people in this world. When I read your posts, I am jealous of the time you've gotten to spend with your children. Someday this will bring back warm feelings for all of you!
I applaud you for your efforts! I think what you do is brilliant and it obviously works for your family. I love reading your blog; you and your wife inspire me to be a better parent. Thank you for sharing a little slice of your life with us.
My parents were adamantly not "popular culture" people. I grew up listening to the blues in my mom's car and carousel (carousel!) music in my dad's. I remember a brief period in middle school where I resented not having the same "pop culture" background every one else had- I didn't know any of the classic rock their parents listened to, I didn't know the tv shows and movies they did. It didn't take me long to "catch up" on a lot of that stuff, and in the long term, I can attribute so much of the music I listen to and other media I consume to what my parents exposed me to back in the day and I wouldn't change any of it.
I've never understood the motivations of people who would either leave negative comments or take time out of their lives to write nasty e-mails. I've received my share of both and every time it happens, I fear that it augurs the end of human civility. Especially when it comes anonymously.
With all that's going on in the world, who the fuck has time to take out of their day to write an e-mail to a stranger disparaging their parenting?
You keep rocking on, my friend. Juney is all the better for it.
I think you're doing a great job and I'm envious of the some of the things you do with your kids. Your description of Junie writhing with the jeans? Perfect.
That said, cheese? Why shield her from cheese? A good parmesan, grated on pasta. A nice smelly brie, spread on a baguette. A slice of sharp cheddar (OK...for some reason, I can't get my daughter to eat orange cheese!). And the more pedestrian mozzarella, eaten string by string.
I love cheese, can you tell?
I too am baffled by the cheese. Do you mean cheese in the figurative sense, as in cheesy consumer crap? Or do you really mean cheese? Please tell me why, if I were a snob with a freak child, I would be shielding said child from cheese?
And when the negative emails come in, just remind them of the Elmo/Disney on Ice incidents. No one escapes it completely.
I bet she'd enjoy some of e.e. cummings as well. And you might want to read through the Spiderwick Chronicles to see if it's to either of your tastes... my eldest really liked it, and to me it was tolerable.
I really enjoy your stories about Juniper and how you're exposing her to vastly different things, art and media wise, than her peers. They remind me that there are other eccentric parents and kids out there and I end up feeling less alone.
My five year old conducted a seance for her best friends departed dog on the school playground and my 3 year old would like a spider as a pet.
cheese in the figurative sense. juney is no elijah pollack, but she loves herself a stick of mild cheddar now and then.
Your honesty is refreshing and your outlook inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
I actually find that more people online are accepting of this rather than in real life (remember the neighborhood with the lions on those condos I sent you forever ago?). In real life, I am surrounded by yuppie moms on the play lots who don't understand why we don't have television. Online, though, I tend to read people who think more like I do about kids and that is so much more comforting.
As for the pink? My daughter, almost 12, spent years and years and years wearing pink and only pink and there wasn't anything I could do about it. It was like her crack and she always found someone to buy something Pepto-colored for her. Now, thankfully, she has graduated to punk rock music and wears more fitting clothes: black. The only problem now? She won't stay out of my closet.
As a parent of older children (10 and 6), I both applaud you for raising J. this way ... and wonder how on earth you'll be able to sustain it when she goes to school. Or will you homeschool?
The incident with the jeans struck me. Because there will be more (and more) incidents like these. It's inevitable, I think.
I've watched my control over my children's environment slip away as they get older, until today, I am one of so many influences that my imprint is virtually undetectable -- at first glance, anyway.
Now you can argue -- and I do -- that what I gave them as little ones HAS stuck, and shows in their characters, in their curiosity about things off the beaten path...
Sorry if this sounds cynical. I guess I'm curious as to how -- other than homeschooling, which I personally rejected because I think that at a certain point children need other children (and adults) as much as they need us -- this wonderful world you've constructed for J. might not have an expiration date.
My dad read poetry to me from infancy. I have an intimate relationship with Rudyard Kipling and e e cummings because of him. It is a gift I cherish. When I learned to read, I read the same poetry to him over and over. He taught me to love the sound and the feel of the words in my mouth and my ear, and no one can ever take that away from me.
So what if I was the weird kid in elementary school? I also skipped through an English Literature major in college with ease. I attribute a lot of that to him. A book, fiction, non fiction, or poetry, can give me the greatest joy, and connects me to him again.
There is no better way to connect with your children than over the things you love. You love them, you love art: they love you, they love art. A circle of love! Don't stop, whatever you do.
I blame my literal mindedness about the cheese on the fact that I have had no caffeine this morning.
I totally get wanting to keep Juney away from the figurative cheese. 
We all have our parenting priorities, and our kids will all be both empowered and screwed up because of them. At least "freak kids" will have more interesting stories to tell at parties or on their space age blogs.
More power to you for reading poetry to her! I'm 1/2 Chinese, and growing up my grandparents taught me to recite famous classical poems from the Tang & Song dynasties, a gift which I cherish and try to pass onto my own kids (in spite of my clumsy prononciation).
Too bad you can't start your own alternative school. I'd love to send my children there!
The people who send you nasty emails are just haters. I love that you are so involved with your children and go out of your way to teach them subjects that are so dear to your heart. Your children are so lucky to have you as a father. And I don't know how many times I have to say this but I love love love reading your blogs.
God, I love the Rattle Bag. Why didn't I think of that? My kid is getting an excellent treat in the bath tonight! She's Juniper's age and loves rhyming. Thanks, Dutch.
I think it's only normal that people parent there children by exploring what they find interesting. And seeing as they live with you, and spend the majority of their waking hours with you, it's really no surprise that kids share interests with their parents. People who find that hard to understand are annoying.
Jim, I'll be honest, half the time I have no idea what the hell you're talking about when you discuss design, literature, or art. Edan and I watch Star Wars, not Charlie Chaplan. But you did inspire me to take Edan to our local museum awhile back, and we had a really good time.
The clothing thing happens in both genders. From the time my son was old enough to be aware of his clothing - before age 2 - he flatly refused to wear overalls. I never understood it, but whatever.
What's really a hoot is that now that he's a teenager, he's started to tell us about these great bands he's discovered. "Ma, you gotta hear this band called The Ramones. They rock!"
Neal Pollack - Faux
JDG - F'realz.
If Pollack could but touch the hem of your healthy doubt and introspection, he might be healed. 
Does Juney like The Adventures of Isabel by Ogden Nash? I think that's a great one, and Petunia really likes it too.
If I have ever emailed or commented anything perceived as nasty, I apologize. I have so much respect for you and Wood and your family, and y'all seem like nice, top-notch people. Even if you are snobs, raising freaks.
I've been wondering for months what "Parent Differently" meant (different from you? different from the people that read this site? how different? if someone else copies or agrees with my parenting, is it still different?), and I was glad to see you explain it. I wouldn't call your parenting "selfish" at all, at least no more so than the act of having a child is. I think you parent deliberately, thinking about what you're doing and why instead of just doing what other people do without questioning whether it's right for you. I think the comparison to fundamentalist homeschoolers and vegans is brilliant because you all put so much thought into how you're raising your children. Keep it up, Jim and Wood.
Another child of too-well-educated, pop-culture-resisting parents here. The only negative effect that I can see is that it did take me an unusually long time to differentiate and to learn to have my own opinions, rather than just to parrot precocious comments for the benefit of adults at my parents' dinner parties. I also had much more difficulty connecting to my peers than to my parents' friends. I was, however, a really great student.
I love that she calls you Pops. My friend's five-year-old son has always called him Daddio. And my brother's toddler calls him "HeyYou" from all the peek-a-boo and "Hey, You!" crib good mornings.
I'm sure as a father it's equally great to hear "Daddy" but these other names always strike me as more endearing.
I think it's great that you took her to see Buster Keaton-- everyone should! I'm not surprised she loved it. "The General" is laugh-out-loud funny. Even my wife enjoyed it, and she doesn't like anything from before about 1986.
And don't worry (not that you seem to be) about turning Juniper into a "social outcast"-- there are more important things in the world, and she'll make a very tight group of outcast friends when she's older. She'll win in the long run.
I grew up with Buster Keaton and Charlie Chaplin, as well (on TV, though), and boy! did I love them and still do! Also, the idea of reading Blake's poetry rather than some sort of silly children's book is quite brilliant. I might just use all those great ideas on this blog to raise my baby when s/he comes.
I just started reading your blog, and my first thought on this post was, "Wow, I never thought to take my child to an art museum or watch a silent film." I admire your ability to think outside the box when it comes to spending time with your kids. Of course, I also admire that your kids are well behaved enough to go into an art museum! Keep up the great writing!
I think it's phenomenal that she's interested in such "odd" things, and I think it's wonderful that you've been able to keep the world of children's marketing at bay. That's tough to do. You're raising a spectacular, quirky little person there.
Delurking to say I think you are an awesome parent! Yeah! Your child is exposed to more than just Dora the Explorer and Disney princesses. I'm not saying either one is bad... Merely that variety is the spice of life!
P.S My little girl only likes to wear pink skirts too!
Honestly? The way you're raising Juniper sounds a lot like my childhood: Greek myths, poetry, silent films, and general high nerd-dom.
My sister and I turned out well enough. What made us freaks when we were kids turned into "interesting" as we grew older. We rebelled a bit here and there, and were ill-prepared for some aspects of the real world, but really, we can't all pop out of our father's heads armed for battle, can we?
I too would totally send my kids to a school run by you. I think what you're doing is remarkable and inspiring.
You call it controlling, and you know yourself better than I do, but what parenting isn't? Even if you give the kid koolaid for breakfast and yell at them every time they come in the house, it's a kind of control.
I like to think that by controlling what comes into our house and controlling where we go I'm actually making my kiddos aware of how many more options there are than Madison Ave would lead you to believe. I hope they learn that if the option they want isn't there now, they probably can make one up their own selves. I believe it's easier to teach this to children whose parents opt out of a lot of the stuff most people take for granted.
But really? Yeah, they'd probly turn out fine if we fed them koolaid for breakfast and kicked their butts outside
I have such a great time reading about your parenting adventures with your children. In fact I admire and aspire to be the type of parent you are. You're fun and you're teaching her these amazing things that most of her peers won't learn until college. I don't thing it's 'odd' or 'different' I think that there are things you want her to learn and so you teach them to her. We all learn about the Greeks and Romans and Picasso (that makes me adore her, by the way) but she's just learning about them earlier. So what is so wrong with that?
I love that she is obsessed with The Blue Lady. I have been fearful of taking my crew to the Art Museum because I don't want to annoy the "serious" art seekers but maybe I should re-think this notion. My two year olds have a right to art as much as anyone so screw it, we'll go as soon as I work up the courage.
Every story about Juniper makes me weepy. I think you have such an amazing relationship with your daughter. I try so, so very hard to emulate that with my son, but he's just not interested in the "finer" things in life: poetry, myths, stories. He'd rather play crash with his trucks, play chase and have light saber duels in the back yard. While I'm in no way discounting those experiences I have with him, I wish so much that I could sit down and just imagine with him the way you do with Juniper. To take him to a museum and have him ask me questions about art! Be still my heart. Instead I would be chasing after him, worried that he'd knock something over or fall into the art with his boundless energy.
He's too much on the go, too much wanting to take apart things or play in the dirt or chase after cars and watch monster trucks to share these experiences with me - yet. I still have hope, I suppose.
Sometimes I feel so awful, like I failed as a mother. That I'm giving him too much popular culture and not enough imagination. He has already been to a few movies; he has his favorite cartoons on tv. He wears licensed character clothing and plays with big plastic toys....I worry that he's not going to thrive mentally, and he's going to be stuck in a stereotype of a boy. But, damn it, he's the happiest little boy and he has such fun. And he laughs. Great big happy laughs that are infectious to the world.
I suppose, then, the hardest thing of all isn't what we hear from other parents about our parenting skills or abilities, it's what we hear from ourselves.
For what it's worth, I would give my right arm to have that kind of relationship with my dad. You are wonderful.
We have a TV and it is used to watch Thomas the Tank Engine and Walking with Dinosaurs again and again and again. I totally understand your trying to make parenting interesting and regret not holding firm to the no telly rule, which faded when kid 2 came along (be warned).
But what struck me is that you're just telling your kid stories, stories that form the basis of cartoon narratives we suffer under today, and stories written a bit differently - in rhyme or long skinny trails of words down the page. Different names, different contexts but they're stories. I'm sure your kid, like all kids, likes stories but mostly, likes hearing them from the people who love her the most (is Where the Wild Things Are still favoured by Juniper?).
I reckon kids get up all the pop culture stuff by osmosis; my three year old knows about cartoons she's never seen, picked up from kinder. And no music will ever sound so sweet as the stuff she'll hear under her covers on the sly, listening to it in defiance of your decree that THERE'LL BE NONE OF THAT MY NOISE IN MY HOUSE YOUNG LADY. Why deny her those sneaky delights?
We are took our two year old daughter to a somewhat-nearby park recently, and some random dork of a suburbanite dad decided he had to interact with our family as well as his own.
His first question, out of the blue: Does your little on like the Wiggles?
Me, curtly (I'm a bit of a misanthrope): No.
My wife, being more polite than me, said, "well, she doesn't really pay attention to TV yet, so she hasn't seen it."
He: Oh, when she does, I recommend the Wiggles. She'll start to wiggle too!
I certainly wish more parents chose Buster Keaton for their kids so I could be less afraid to play at local parks.
Love the way you are exposing your child(ren) to so many things other than what is deemed "popular" today. We've raised our 2 in a similar fashion. My eldest (now 11) went through the "pink & swirly" phase, until a couple years ago and now complains that everything for girls has pink in/on it (ewww!). Her school recently participated in "turn off your tv" week, and when she told the teacher that we don't have a tv (well, we do, but it's only used to watch occasional dvds), one of her classmates said "That explains everything" and my daughter was so proud to repeat that to us. I do worry sometimes that we're raising oddballs, but c'est la vie! What parent doesn't worry?!
"It's not that I actually believe they're somehow better off than some kid whose parents aren't as paranoid about the modern children's media clusterfuck as I am."
Why shouldn't you believe that? If you didn't, you could be having a much easier time of it by just parking them in front of the TV all day, right? So why aren't you doing that?
Every one parents differently. I tend to believe that people who harshly judge others for their parenting styles, need to spend more time looking at their own.
Truth is, I find the way you do things, completely different than what I'll do one day. But that doesn't mean I think any less of the stories you tell. You are sharing the things you're interested in with your children and there's nothing wrong with that. Juniper seems to be able to think independently and she has a thirst for knowledge, both of which are good things in my book. Are you raising freaks? Who knows? I doubt it though.
I think they're both lucky to have you. A dad who's interested in being with them is good enough, but a dad who spends his days teaching them things that they'll never learn on Dora, well that's pretty dam awesome.
Poms! That's what we're missing! My 2 year old has a remarkable grasp of song lyrics already - she randomly started singing the chorus of "Black Devil Car" by Jamiroquai the other day, and it was alarmingly accurate. It had not dawned on me until reading your post that we should perhaps channel her amazing ability to memorize towards something useful. Although, I had considered reading her some Shakespeare, but thought the content might be too "adult."
But, I suppose, no more adult than modern song lyrics...
Pay no mind to the Haters. They only make you want to reevaluate your existence and create fissures in your identity. Your blog is awesome.
I think you are doing a darn good job. Of course, I think I am doing a good job as well, and then I get comments about what a bad parent I am because I took a picture of my son sitting in a toy dump truck.
This was a) brilliant, and b) inspiring. And c) I really needed it. It can be really hard not to slip into safe slothfulness on the couch with the two of them corralled in the livingroom sometimes. Thanks for the push back out there...
A happy parent, one who enjoys the ride with their kids (rather than by ignoring their kids), isn't selfish at all. It's the best thing you can do for them. I have an appreciation for big band music and jazz thanks to my snobby yet cornball dad.
Nah, you need to indoctrinate her while you can. I have, on occasion, kind of wondered why you cared about the artsy stuff so much-but then you posted about the gender issues withe people jumping on you to reeee-lax, and you won me over instantly. Maybe because it's an issue I can relate to from my own upbringing.
Your child, your views, your life. I can't lie, if I ever have a child I'm going to be reading to it from Wall Street Journal as bedtime stories. So what makes me so much better?
PS: Juniper is not a freak and everyone is a snob about something or the other.
You are the dad I always dreamed of having.
I'm not sure why anyone takes you so freaking literally with what you choose to expose your kids to. I can completely relate to the idea that you expose them to things YOU enjoy, because otherwise it would be a boring-as-hell job. There are four people in your family who all have needs and wants and desires to be met, and all of you are important. The creative person will figure out how to meet them all and not make someone the martyr, suffering in silence because they are "putting the kids needs first".
And I don't think you ever said what you do is better than what other people do. What you do is what interests you. People who don't like art need not go to the art museum. If they like baseball, they should take their kids to some baseball games. I like art, but the creation kind. I have my kids' room stocked with all kinds of art supplies because I love to create with her, share techniques and tools and stuff. She's 4 and has already painted her first acrylic painting on gallery-stretched canvas. Some think, "isn't that a bit much for someone who is 4?" But who is to say that? For me, it isn't too much. It's what I enjoy and I want to share it with her. Like I enjoy taking pictures, and letting her use my camera. And making jewelry, and sharing my beads with her. And gardening, alongside her little gloves and tools. If what you do with your kids is anything, it's just a genuine reflection of who you are, and I think you're awesome.
You may be a "snob" but it has nothing to do with how you sculpt your childrens' early lives!
I like your writing and your wife's writing. I like your blog. You dress Juniper cool and all that jazz. But holy shit, you and Daddytyoes Greg sound like such sanctimonious asswipes from time to time (ok, he is 90 percent ass and you are 10 percent wipe, and then I feel the need to be fair and remove him from this conversation, but: also, I believe he knows my feelings regarding his writings).
You need to learn to write in such a manner that doesn't make your readers feel less than, that does not make them feel as if they are shitty, mainstream ball lickers. I hear them saying in comments they feel like they can't live up to your perfection. That is sooooo fucked up of you to put out there. Read Ariel Gore or Anne Lamont or Marritt Ingman. Or any of the millions of people who have procreated and retained their sense of self before you did so.
You and your (blog) peers tend to write as if you have invented this whole "cool" parenting gig. You did not. It sucks to write this, because I REALLY love most of what you write. In fact, I haven't felt like this since your precious indy-christmas gift guide.
It's ok. You will get it soon enough. Your life and your children's life isn't a damn picture or a perfect paragraph to satisfy the masses. Stop posturing in such a way, pretty please? Because I want to crush out on you and your family, but it's hard to do when you make me (and,please, I am not the only one expressing this) feel inferior.
It is wonderful where you live and the pictures you take and the life you put on paper (um, screen?). I feel honored to read it. But i also feel lied to, because I have children who are 13 and 6 and 3- so I know what you write is a heavily edited portrayal of who you want to be seen as. Life, true life, isn't that. It's kids who could find the fifty states on a map at age 3 but caqn't be bothered at 6. I't's 13 year olds who like lacrosse despite the fact that only jocky preps do that.
I hope you are prepared to let your kids be who they are. I've always had the impression you and Wood are...
I was told today by a friend that I'm depriving my child (of what, she didn't say) because I don't let her watch television. My daughter is 11 months old. I had no response. After reading this, I want to forward her the link to your words. Bravo.
I guess another commenter said it best for me...I read what you write because I feel inspired.
Sometimes its the little pull I need to remind me to stop watching the clock and start clueing in some days.
My mom and love finding old children's books at the public library where you can get a bag for a quarter and none of the characters in the book are from some show we've never seen. Some days I feel like its the only thing I do right. Other days its just the icing on the cake.
Your story about tugging the jeans on cracks me up. You should try it on a 37" 40+ lbs 2.5-year-old.
Sign me up for the snobbish freakshow.
No cheese though, thanks.
Selfish? To share the essence of yourself, your values, your passions with your kids? That's the exact opposite of selfish! That's parenting of the highest order.
I've been raising my 3 little freaky children for 12 years in this city. We go to the musuems, shop Eastern Market, walk Belle Isle and knew the deer before they were locked up. My kids go to the freaky hippy school that makes them memorize poems and plays. I don't think you are selfish, I think you are in love with your children. Besides, I'm the mom of a 12 year old. I know how it changes, and one day you find yourself looking at your child and wondering where the hell did the time go. Rock on.
I sort of twitched when you said that you're censoring Juniper (and Gram) because I have a hard time believing she can't keep up with kids deeply involved in mainstream society (jumping to assumptions). I hate that people would say those horrible things because instead your family is incredibly well-rounded. (And that's why I'm reading! And lurking on Flickr! Because honestly, I think it's pretty obvious I'm not the target audience.)
My parents were like that too, albeit a little less in control because I was the last kid and the effort had waned...and they definitely weren't spiteful. They just wanted more.
I tried to delete my excessive cursing. Oooops. Sorry. Um, blame it on blog commenting sincerely, but agitated due to extenuating life circumstances. (AKA took it out on a stranger). It was wrong of me, although I stand by my basic premise. Sorry.
We've long since worked our way through your SJ TV collection and Sophie's faves right now are the old Chaplin clips in the collection. You inspire me, even when I don't understand the particular Greek myth being discussed. We do a lot of classical music and such, would love to spend more time in museums, try to not dumb down the things she loves, like music and birds. It always surprises me how few people actually use our library- read a book? who knew? I never considered myself a throwback, or a "snob" until recently- but am glad to have some company here.
Not that we parented exactly like you, but much of what you're doing sounds similar. And our kids went through phases of "you ruined us because we never watched TV and had to go to hippie May Day festivals!"
But the other day, both kids, now 20 and 22, thanked me for their "weird" upbringing, which the 20-yr-old noted can be used to her advantage. Her actual words were, "Thank you for making us weird, Mom. Sorry we whined so much while it was happening."
Keep it up. You're doing everything right.
Haven't commented in a while but gotta come out of hiding on this one and hope that someone actually reads this.
Relax. Your. Selves.
I mean Everyone. On both 'sides.'
Dutch and Wood, you have every right to be proud of your child. My kid is 2 and he can read - does that make me proud of him? Fuck yeah it does. And I've read him 400,000 books when I could have been watching tv, just because he loves it and wanted me to. Does that make me feel just a leeeetle bit self righteous? Sure. You have nothing to apologize for. What is the joy of being a parent, if not to think your kid is the nicest/or gentlest/or funniest/or smartest/ or whateverest? and to think that you somehow, in some very tiny way, had a part in that? It's nice to feel like your kid is doing well. Who doesn't want that? And who holds it against someone else?
What I suspect truly bugs some is the people who jump to your defense in a really nice but sometimes cringeworthy way. Wouldn't it be okay to let Jim defend himself sometimes? A negative commenter doesn't need to be stoned. Of course, Jimfans are entitled to their thoughts too....
I guess I just think that if someone else's happiness and pride in their kid can make you feel 'inferior' (not my word) about your parenting, then maybe there's an insecurity issue there that needs to be dealt with. Work on it. Then get out there and be as obviously and relentlessly proud of your baby as this loving--and as they admit, flawed--couple.
I can't thank you enough for giving me the idea to read my child poems besides (or rather in addition to) Sandra Boynton's work - in the bath or anytime.
awesome post sir. yes indeed. these valiant efforts to control/shape/form our child's lives. I think it's a good thing. hope so at least as it's the road I'm taking as well. And here here to poetry for children. No reason not to skip or at least supplement the traditional chidren's sludge.
I also grew up listening to what my dad wanted to hear--lots of blues, ragtime, and 70's rock. We attended the symphony, and I sat through movies I didn't understand. I also had to endure years of his efforts to teach himself various instruments: autoharp (lovely), penny whistles and recorders(come on), violin, and accordian.
As much as sometimes I wished he'd be more "normal", I was proud of my dad and my friends thought (and think) he's cool.
I rebelled in my own way, but almost always against both his interests AND pop culture. I absorbed his distrust of pablum and learned that it was/is important to develop my own opinion. My dad still lets me know what he thinks of my opinions, but he's always let me have them.
Juniper is so lucky to have this foundation.
We just took our 2,5 year old with us for a long weekend in Paris.
It really was not that hard to find things we all enjoyed, including the Louvre and the zoo. As long as you're flexible and relaxed, it works out fine - most of the time
You know, as a dad, I have to commend you for being willing to think outside of the normal realm of possibility and introducing culture to Juniper and Gram at such an early age. Working at a University it is all too apparent that most kids are not raised in this way and it is like pulling teeth to even get them to read let alone read and appreciate poetry, art or other creative outlets like this. Never let those who are envious deter you from giving your children the gift of culture. You actually inspire me to push this gauntlet a bit more with my own girls. Thank you for blazing a new path for all of us other parents...it is inspiring!
My daughter used to be "into" Bangladeshi heroes and imitating life in a Mosque (she built her own in our living room). She could describe Indian holidays in detail and thought "Christian" referred solely to our neighbor's child. I did get a bit sad when we'd socialize with more conventional kids and she'd say, "Wanna be Nura Pagla???" and they'd have no idea what she was talking about. I was afraid we were creating some kind of nerd/social outcast deliberately; actually I still am. But kids are kids. No matter what we do they'll come up with their own ideas and ways to fit in. Shortly after her Mosque phase my daughter declared she was absolutely only reading books that featured ballerinas. Thank God that passed, too. We all know this really, right? But still we all wring our hands and hope it all turns out okay.
Your family is an inspiration!
Love, love , love the description of the writhing jean-wearing creature! My daughter is the same age, and we get this reaction nearly every time we attempt to dress her in anything other than her favorite night gown. Which happens to be a different one each week. And panties? Forget it. Socks? No way. Don't even try them, because they are, "NOT RIGHT!!!"
I take a strange comfort in knowing that my child is not the only one melting into the floor over a piece of clothing.
I think the way you parent is enviable. It's great that you and Wood are on the same page -- I am not so sure I will be so lucky. I am in favor of taking away the television entirely when we have children, for the good of all in the family. I'm sure Erik won't feel the same way.
One thing I find odd about today's parents, as opposed to my own parents' peers, is that they really seem to CATER to their children. When I was a kid, no one ever asked me about what kind of music I might want to listen to. I grew up listening to bluegrass, jazz, blues and 50s/60s music. My mom liked Abba, too, so I have a special place in my heart for them.
Neither of my parents would even have considered putting me in front of a show made specially for kids (well, sesame street? maybe), and certainly wouldn't have put music made specially for kids in their cars. To me, it sounds kind of ludicrous even now. Kids can learn to like ANY music; you don't have to buy into the Wiggles and Raffi crap just because someone tells you your kids will like it.
My dad used to tell me various stories from philosophy texts. We read "Sophie's World" when I was very young. I always loved that about him.
I think you are an excellent model for raising kids in a more conscious, less typical way. I think its fantastic.
Please do keep writing about the kind of stuff you do with your kids. I'm due to have my first child in October and I am constantly on the lookout for ways to entertain them that will also entertain me. It is suprisingly rare to hear about activities outside of the "modern children's media clusterfuck" and I am delighted to read of your attempts to evade it.
Bossy doesn't even control what hangs in her own closet: ("The devil made me buy that.")
Teaching kids about art is teaching them about their souls and God and humanity and all of the beautiful things that no one can really explain. There is nothing selfish or elitist about that--you are awakening in them the ability to see what you can see yourself. They will eventually slam up against the portion of the world that doesn't believe in art, but you would do them a disservice by trying to raise them in accordance with the linear world's principles.
Please pay no attention to the critics. And please don't feel like you have to censor. I think you're an amazing father and you're pretty much my parenting hero (you and Wood.)
I'm learning so much from this blog for when i (might) become a parent - namely, that it's ok to think outside the box and follow your instincts and not treat children as though they're just adorable little idiots like so many people do.
This blog makes me happy. When you hear so much about all the horrible things in the world it's blogs like this one that manages to restore my faith in people again. It's really nice. You guys are so blessed.
On, and pink is a nice color. More people should wear it.
I've been reflecting on similar thoughts these days. "I hope you are prepared to let your kids be who they are"... I think that sums it up nicely. It took a while, but I've learned to loosen my indie-snob grip on my 2-yr old and just go with the flow. Sure, I may despise Justin Timberlake, but dammit the kid boogies to that crap with dance moves that were never ignited by my steady stream of KEXP radio. So instead of cringing (too much), I get up and dance with him!
It will be fun to watch Gram's interests and preferences emerge.
i would never think you were a snob. that's just crazy talk. when i read your stories about parenting it just makes me feel you have a lot of time for your kids, you are taking your time and really watching out for them. which is awesome. i envy you, i and my husband both work full time jobs & sometimes we just get lazy about things with our son because we're just so tired, sure go ahead, watch the incredibles for the third time today ... on another note, we are vegan and i sometimes feel we're raising a social outcast as well. because he doesn't have the same diet as everyone else in his preschool, but it's what we believe and what we feel is right so we fight the norm. sounds to me like you're doing a super job, carry on!
The wonderful parents who bypass mass marketing mindless media to create an environment where children can learn about the world from experiencing a painting, playing music or breathing in nature, are thankfully not isolated. Maybe our community is small but connected through parenting stories. Having two girls I can so relate to the pink skirts only dilemma. I've fished them out of the dirty clothes more then once to quell their suffering.
"It's not that I actually believe they're somehow better off than some kid whose parents aren't as paranoid about the modern children's media clusterfuck as I am. I do this partly because it helps me enjoy parenting. I fear that if I didn't exert so much control, I might find this business as mind-numbingly dull as some suggest it is."
Well, no. We are lax. We are tired people who take our work home and so forth and so we are lax. She eats cheese, she watches DVDs that are both good (1930s animation) and stupid (Disney, with intermittent moratoriums on it merely from my loathing.) Even so, it isn't mind numbingly dull, even when you don't live up to the reality of the dream parenting or your kid is just on her own kick, soaking up the occasional or frequent cultural thing you yourself despise. It's not the least bit dull, parenting her in our lax, half-assed way, with the blending of cultural garbage, the Iliad, Aesop's fables and horrifying Disney crap. Yeah, she likes the story of Odysseus's five brave men, Snow White, the dwarves and the Trojan Penguin. She likes that story repeated but because it is her we are talking to, it isn't mind-numbingly dull. There's just something about your own kid. There's always a surprise in there.
In fact, I think she might be better off with a more pristine gustatory and cultural diet but you do what you can with what you have. And who you are perhaps. She will be herself in the end as she is now and it is a total blast to see.
Oh, and yeah - know that "I control what's in the closet" thing? (close enough, anyway) Yes, but unless it's all grranimals - you can't control the combinations! Oh, just wait! I bet Juney will come out with some humdingers. Maryn? Age 4? Pastel polkadot pajamas (pants and shirt), pink ruffled skirt (because we must wear a skirt with everything!), red poodle sweater with white collar and black details, pink flip flops, hot pink hairband worn as a crown, purple and blue paisley scarf/cape, and, quite possibly, a wand, gardening gloves, purse (where she got that, I've no idea as I don't carry one), and bright multi-colored scarf tied around her waist - oh - and some plastic beads and vegetable bands on her wrists. Or! pants and t-shirt (yellow and blue, respectively), burgundy goodwill tinkerbell halloween dress, hot pink hairband (as a crown)... I'm sure you get the drift. We leave the house like this. Conner (age 2), on the other hand, only needs a skirt. Diaper, tutu or "twirly skirt," and possibly a scarf tied like a cape, a ratty pink poodle purse, or a naked plastic baby. Actually, she pretty much always brings the purse and the baby. I can only get a shirt on her if we're going out.
Oh. Oh. And Oh. If only I were able to do this and know about these things. I took my son to an Annie Lebowitz exhibit, and he loved looking at the pictures. But he was more interested in the person in the wheel chair next to him. He is just 2 years this week. He wanted to know why she was in a different stroller. I'd never had to explain something like this in front of someone in one, but luckily the woman did the explaining.
I praise you for taking your children to things that interest you. This is the way to raise a child. It is the way people have raised children until the invention of Disney and children's books.
It's great inspiration. Thank you!
I don't understand how anyone can accuse you of being elitist/snobby unless they're feeling some sort of guilt themselves and want to put you down. Before I discovered parenting blogs, me and my husband were wondering how we could raise a child in just this way. We learned many of our favourite things after school was done - then we were free to read the books we wanted, study the history we wanted, listen to the music we wanted. Now we have the chance to show these post-childhood secrets (music, poetry, myths, history) to our children so that they can choose which paths to tread, instead of being stuck on a treadmill of prescribed curriculum and then getting the freedom later in life. You're an inspiration to those who wish to parent this way - if it's even 'a way', because I don't think it is.
I'm *so* getting rid of the "All About Trucks" DVD my Nate picked up and clung to the last time we were at Wal-Mart.
Buckle up, Hard Hat Harry.
~not Jill
"Superdad",
As I loyally read the Juniper blog, I can't help but hope that one day I find a partner willing to mess up our theoretical offspring with me in a similar fashion as you and Wood. I've been reflecting on my childhood a lot recently and have come to realize that, while for a time I resented my parents for being "untraditional" in many ways, they really knew what was up. So I didn't get to watch the cool cartoons (I was allowed to watch Bill Nye, Reading Rainbow, and two other PBS show that escape me) or veg in front of the TV for hours like my peers. Big deal. But my accountant-stay-at-home-mother would sneakily hide around the corner from the front door and shoot us with bags of rubber bands when we got home from school. Don't get discouraged when Juniper doesn't want to go see the blue lady anymore, once she gets out of that nasty tween/teen stage she'll tout it as one of her favorite childhood memories. She'll thank you. When you least expect it. I did.
It's posts like this that keep me coming back to this blog every day. Thank you so much.
p.s.
this made me think of an opinion piece in the New York Times a while back, called 'Young, Gifted, and Not Getting Into Harvard.'
http://query.nytimes.com/gst/ful...+harvard&
st=nyt
I have kids weird by the standards of norm who 'get' culture and art and love the Beetles and ZZ Top as well as Haydn.
Loved this post.
"Francis Kilvert once wrote, "If there is one thing more hateful than another it is being told what to admire."
I can understand your fear here and that is a brilliant quote. It sounds to me you are sharing your love and enthusiasm for particular genres and not stuffing them down her throat. That is a big difference. Your daughter is a sponge absorbing everything around her right now and better she get to soak up clean, fresh water than putrid sewage gushing out of NBC and elsewhere. And better she have someone who is sharing a sense of awe and curiosity about life. That's the real knowledge to pass down. Mom and Dad don't know it all and there is always something new and interesting out there to learn.
My mom exposed me to all sorts of cool, geeky, scholarly, hippie, and standard stuff and by my teen/college years I couldn't have cared less about going with her to see a Broadway musical. I'd rather have seen Brian Eno or the B52s instead.
I didn't exactly rebel since my mom never tried to pigeon-hole me, but I definitely acquired my own tastes and styles.
But starting in my 30s I mysteriously found myself drawn to pursuing many of my mom's own interests that I had been so long exposed to: like beekeeping and Broadway musicals.
You just need to be yourself as a parent. Your child will appreciate your genuine love and admiration for things and it will help her later pinpoint the pursuits and interests that make her happy, too.
Delurking to say 1) I love what Geek said above. I was raised in a very similar way, and I agree 100% with his/her assessment.
And 2): One take on parenting that I have found helpful in raising my two boys -- in addition to just being myself, as Geek recommends -- is the concept of family-centered parenting, vs. child-centered parenting. I was definitely raised in a household that valued the family-centered approach -- perhaps out of necessity, because there were five kids (yikes!). We did things that were good for the family as whole (and of course we each did individual activities like summer programs and school sports). Sometimes I appreciated this and sometimes I didn't, but ultimately I got a clear sense of parental expectations and family community. This helped inform my decisions later in life when faced with a popular culture that maybe didn't jibe so well with my upbringing.
So ask yourself: Is it ultimately beneficial for your family that you and Juniper forego popular culture and go see the blue lady with tagalong Gram? If so, then the museum trips are good. Is it good for your family that you and Juniper recite poetry together? If the answer is yes, then keep reciting.
Be yourself, and do what's good for your family as a whole. Most things will follow from there.
As a parent who is also resisting the "modern children's media clusterfuck" (boy, you know how to turn a phrase!) and the general societal focus on consumerism, I'm with you. I don't consider it spiteful or selfish parenting to expose your kid to options different than Disney Princesses and Hannah Montana. I have a 7 year-old boy and and a 9 year-old girl, and, believe me, your kids will be exposed to more mainstream stuff as they get older -- good to get in the Greek myths and silent movies now! My main concern with my own parenting is to avoid making Hannah Montanna/Playstation II/(insert your pet peeve here) a kind of forbidden fruit, so that when my kids are old enough to gain access on their own, that's all they want to do.
I feel that same weird guilt (?) when talking to/more likely listening to other parents with whom I share little parenting affinity.
Why am I such a snob about TV-watching, food-eating, etc.? "Sheesh! I'm such a jerk," I think.
The truth is, we all have our "things" that are really, really important to us as parents. They just aren't the same as anyone else's. And that's cool.
You sound like you are a doing a fairly good job. I admire you for teaching your child what you are interested in.
I discovered during my course as a babysitter to children who sometimes do not like the clothes they are put in is to appeal to their vanity. Tell them they are gorgeous and you have a slightly higher chance of getting your child to agree with you.
Best of luck
hi Dutch-
I have been a long time follower- not just your book pics
I live in pittsburgh PA - there is a small town here called Braddock- quite dilapidated- but trying DESPERATELy to come back- lots of cool pics on this site- check it out
http://www.15104.cc/index.html
reminds me of some of you detroit pics- i think you'd like them
All anyone has to do is read your blog entry featured in Heather Armstrong's book, Things I Learned about My Dad, and they will come to know that you are the farthest thing from a person who is parenting "spitefully."
In fact, I would say that someone capable of writing the sentence, "My life is nothing now if not bent toward nurturing and protecting my daughter's" is a truly *gifted* parent. And writer.
And we readers are all the better for your willingness to share your gifts.
Love your blog which I stumbled upon a few months ago. I too have a dogged-eared copy of the Rattle Bag and will start bringing it into the bath with me - FYI I grew up in Detroit and back in the early 90s I lived on Robert Bradby Dr. I would walk through Lafayette Park on my way to work (I walked in Detroit!) I so loved the townhouses and the beautiful setting and I still have a fantasy of living there one day. FYI - I was home in Detroit visiting family and I used your city guide - thanks for all the footwork.
I for one admire the fact you are exposing your children to the fine arts. All children should be so fortunate.
It surprises me that as hard as we try to protect our children from making the same mistakes we have, they insist on doing it themselves.
Commenting by HaloScan
