Exactly. The shoulders of children are never really strong enough for the burden of childhood greatness.
Are you kidding me? I love Gram's clothes but what about the stained double stroller?
P.S. Juniper's pink is forgiven by her Wood-like face.
the stains are from the ice cream she gets when we run past the ice cream stand. she spills more than she eats. gram is actually on her regular side.
and if you know of a better way to run every day with two children, I'm all ears. I am proud to say I have never used this hideous double stroller unless jogging.
I guess I see your point, but my 21 month old can count to 10(and sometimes "sebenteen") so I'm already casting actresses to play her in her made-for-tv movie. I'm thinking Shiloh Pitt.
THANK YOU for this post. It gets so tiring seeing parents living through their children in this way. Like they create this little "This Should Have Been Me" person. Ick!
Our neighbors are forever in their backyard throwing balls (all kinds- footballs, soccer balls, baseballs, basketballs) with their 3 year old. Yes, the kid's 3. And all we can hear are instructions and critiques of this kid's efforts. It makes me want to rip out my eyeballs.
My man and I've had numerous conversations about the line between supporting your kid and becoming the complete twats that these people are.
And, ya, our kid was in the G/T class (don't tell anyone), but we took her out to homeschool her because most of the G/T parents are just like our neighbors, critical and supportive in a scary way. Now our daughter has the time and freedom to learn whatever she wants (with very little pressure from me). It's a fantastic arrangement.
Oh dear. I teach in a 'burb of Detroit. Everyone there thinks their child is gifted, talented, or both.
I'm pretty sure I'm going to have to quit reading your blog now that I know you don't like Wes Anderson movies.
Gram's outfit is great. He even has his hip-hop pose down.
I think you actually really LOVE Wes Anderson movies.
But I get what you're saying about child prodigies. Growing up, I remember a few kids who were exceptionally gifted and also completely miserable, thanks to their a-hole parents.
Thanks for writing about the child prodigy issue. I was watching a TV show a while back, and under the name of the guy in the show that came on the screen, it read "Former Child Prodigy". I felt a sudden sadness, a sense that he was once something and is now nothing. How tragic, and unnecessarily so.
I don't believe for a second that if your child turned out to be a theremin virtuoso that you'd be able to keep quiet about it. Half your posts would start out, "after last night's theremin practice. . ." or "while Juniper was recording with Jean Michel Jarre. . ."
Gimme a break. And buy that girl a theremin.
Yeah, you're totally wesophobic. I bet you have a secret closet with a tiny TV and a keypad bolt. I bet Wood doesn't even know about this double-life you lead.
I've always thought that child progidies were freaky and the byproduct of having parents with inferiority issues. If you spoke to parents in my neighborhood, you'd swear there must be something in the drinking water. Apparently, every fucking kid here is either a prodigy or a genius.
I guess that's why I still chuckle every time I see one of those "My kid beat up your honor student" bumper stickers. So wrong but still so funny.
By the way, I never would have pegged you as a Wes Anderson fan. You seem more of a Michel Gondry guy to me, n'est-ce pas?
I've always thought that child progidies were freaky and the byproduct of having parents with inferiority issues. If you spoke to parents in my neighborhood, you'd swear there must be something in the drinking water. Apparently, every fucking kid here is either a prodigy or a genius.
I guess that's why I still chuckle every time I see one of those "My kid beat up your honor student" bumper stickers. So wrong but still so funny.
By the way, I never would have pegged you as a Wes Anderson fan. You seem more of a Michel Gondry guy to me, n'est-ce pas?
I've always thought that child progidies were freaky and the byproduct of having parents with inferiority issues. If you spoke to parents in my neighborhood, you'd swear there must be something in the drinking water. Apparently, every fucking kid here is either a prodigy or a genius.
I guess that's why I still chuckle every time I see one of those "My kid beat up your honor student" bumper stickers. So wrong but still so funny.
By the way, I never would have pegged you as a Wes Anderson fan. You seem more of a Michel Gondry guy to me, n'est-ce pas?
Gram = LL Cool J
Don't forget William H. Macy in Magnolia and (I think) Geoffrey Rush in Shine as ex-child prodigies.
I had a minor disagreement with the hub the other night about him wanting to enroll Petunia in Junior Kumon to get her to learn to read. I was like, 'Um, she's four and a half and she's doing fine and I can't be one of those parents who willingly takes her kid to a place where she gets 20 minutes of homework assigned EVERY NIGHT. If you want her to read, then read to her and then read to her again and then read to her again and make her love reading.' So he backed off.
Oh man. A woman I worked with was once reduced to tears over all the mixed emotions summoned up by her grandson's being tested for the G&T program. (Mind you, he hadn't even qualified yet. Just been selected for testing.)
Chief among her worries was the "burden" of intellectual greatness. The kid was 6. And if he was anything like his grandmother, there was not going to be any burden to speak of.
The worst part is, even the kids who DO test into the G&T programs are merely bright, not prodigies or geniuses. Someone ought to devote themselves to articulating this to the parents of such children, because they're insufferable. Glad to see you're not among they're number--although I'm sure Juney and Gram won't be intellectual lightweights.
This is why I hate people who talk about how they were gifted children. Guess what, everyone who didn't eat their own crap was. Then we all grew up. Get over it.
And god do I ever second the Salingerism.
This is why I hate people who talk about how they were gifted children. Guess what, everyone who didn't eat their own crap was. Then we all grew up. Get over it.
And god do I ever second the Salingerism.
I think it ate my original comment.
This is why I hate people who can't get over the fact that they were gifted children. Guess what, everyone who didn't eat their own crap was. It was 1981. Now you're a grown up, try being good at that.
And god do I ever second you on the Salingerism.
I agree with what you're saying about child prodigies. I think that in many cases, the reason it happens is that all parents want their children to share their own interests and values, to some extent. Nothing wrong with that. We all do that - even you guys from what I've seen and read from your blog. It's just that some parents are more zealous about it than others, and push it to extremes.
Hi, I was gifted. See above.
As a resident of Pasadena CA and as someone who drives past that Bally Fitness everyday, Little Hercules would NEVER be caught there dude. If you're going to chug protein shakes outside of any Pas gym it's the L.A. Fitness on Lake.
BUT, while I'm living in your comment box instead of showering and working, I should add that the gifted program in my elementary school was lovely, and led by a lovely woman, Mrs. White, who actually shaped my little life in a very nice, no-pressure way. She was what every teacher should be: someone who made learning interesting and fun. And never told anyone they were a genius.
As a resident of Pasadena CA and as someone who actually drives by that particular Bally's everday, pshaw, Lil Hercules would NEVER be seen there. The meta-life chugging gym you're looking for is L.A. Fitness on Lake, with the ellipticals in the window & at least one member I know to be a porn star (DON'T ASK ME HOW I KNOW THAT). I used to belong to it, actually, but the dumpster from Souplantation is next to their vents and you get a steady draft of refuse throughout the place.
"Unless he continues to perform at a prodigious level above his peers as an adult..."
I learned in a psych class this summer that they usually don't. Highly motivated and smart, sure, but generally not way above the level of their peers.
But I do love Wes Anderson movies...
What? No Wes Anderson? That's just terrible.
Ha ha ha...LL Cool J!
THANK YOU for hating on Wes Anderson movies. Everyone I know expects me to like them. Yuck.
PS -- Your kids are gorgeous, silly outfits and all.
Am I the only person in the whole world who had to google Wes Anderson? I am so far removed from modern day culture (modern being anything after I turned 5) that my kids are going to stick out like sore thumbs when they start school. They may as well just go ahead and become weird child prodigies to just underscore the point.
All this reminds me, I will put in a vote for another online "mistape." I loved your earlier lineups, esp hand-clapping.
Oh, "mixtape" obviously. Is it the day for hitting "publish" to soon or what?
Wow, that was worthy of Dennis Leary.
I am so out of modern culture you lost me after Salinger. Maybe even before. I've heard of Bill Murray.
I was one of those kids labeled "gifted and talented", but in Coloma, Michigan in the '80s there was nothing anyone could do about it. I lost a few brain cells along the way, but my parents still look reproachfully at me that I haven't acheived something amazing, like discover a new planet.
They're not amazed that I write a blog.
You also lost me at Wes Anderson.
I was also labeled one of those "gifted and talented" children, but in Southwestern Michigan in the 1970s there was nothing anyone could do about it. I've lost a few brain cells since then, but my parents still reproach me for not doing something amazing, like discovering a new planet.
Hahahhaha! Retiree baby! Hysterical! How funny that he looked like an escapee from the retirement village in Boca Raton! He could be the first ever Bingo prodigy.
(still laughing from the first paragraph! If you are looking to extend the country music library and haven't already done so, early Dolly Parton on Coat of Many Colors is pretty cool for the cowgirl. Roger Miller isn't bad either.)
I weep for untapped beekeeper violinists.
PS. My kid is in all pink today too but just because I washed all her crap with a red sock.
Um, what's up with your comments function?
Sorry for the double comment.
I think Juniper needs a heavy dose of raccoon eyeliner and a cigarette.
I love that movie. And our "boy name" was Holden for our first three kids.
But I think the only child who is truly gifted is the one that can make mommy a refreshing gin and tonic. That is a life skill that you will never outlive.
SaraB- hahahahahaaaaa!
I am just trying to keep my 4 y old
gifted daughter from beating the crap out of all of the other children. Their Mommy's frown on that at church school.
You don't even like 'Rushmore'?
You made a very convincing argument there. At the beginning, I was completely on the side of "Aww, I really like Wes Anderson, and particularly The Royal Tenenbaums, and I'm also fond of Salinger's non-Catcher folks, too. They're kind of interesting, you know." Then you mentioned that blues kid and I gagged and by the end of it all, I was giving every child prodigy who ever lived the finger. (I've been doing that a lot lately, but they especially deserve it. I hope they tell their douchebag parents, too.)
Great picture, by the way.
Hey, you don't have to like Wes Anderson, but maybe you should give that movie another look, because what you're doing in the entire rant here is violently agreeing with it.
I did actually consider that matthew. but in the end, I disagree.
I think their clothes are AWESOME! That is exactly how I would have dressed as a little girl had I owned that outfit!
So refreshing to find another parent who isn't into "genuisifying" their child. Hilarious post!
Don't know who this guy Wes is but I don't mind quirky characters as long as they are not too contrived, affected or precious. You're pics are really adorable and none of those above things. Kids should have the life they want with the parents providing support and structure not railroading them into prodigyhood.
I loved Tenenbaums so much I named my son after the street the family lived on. We're planning on naming our daughter "291st Street"... Is that weird?
In all seriousness, though, I know a couple child prodigies. (Went to college at 12 years old style) ... And I don't think anyone would, if they knew better, want to put their kids in that position. It turns one into a social leper (which IS actually what Tenenbaums is about.)
Then again, half the people in my neighborhood have commercial agents for their infants (not to mention their dogs) so scratch what I just said.
There are far too many parents around here (and everywhere, I suppose) pushing their kids into wells few can escape from.
yes, but Anderson believes the Tenenbaums are interesting enough to make an entire movie about them. like with key grips. and best boys. I find it all very boring.
I realize my own post ventures into the territory by stooping to discuss people like this at all, when really my intended point about former child prodigies was, "shut the fuck up. nobody cares!"
I love Junie's boots. Gram is totally channeling LL Cool J.
Also... I love this post.
HAHAHA! I love this... it reminds of something that happened to me about 3 months ago. I was sitting out on a cafe patio, completing a school project when a woman showed up to meet a man. This man had been waiting for nearly an hour, and was about to leave when she finally showed. This woman did not appologize, she simply stated: "I don't know if you know or not, but I was a child prodigy when I was young." The poor man sitting at the table with her was so caught off guard and awkward that everyone stopped what they were doing and started listening to what this weird woman was talking about. She went on about how she is an accomplished artist, had recorded material and it was apparently published by a "record label," the man DID NOT know what to do or say. This woman went on to argue with everything the man told her (he was a book publisher, and was having trouble reading the notes she was sending him daily about the layout). She refused to acknowledge that this man could POSSIBLY know what he was talking about, because... as she stated AGAIN, she (an early 50's woman) was a child prodigy.
That was hilarious, but the best part was the "that face" link. Is he serious, poor thing. Thanks for the update on Little Hurcules; I've wondered what happened to him!
Your kids are beautiful!
for some reason that made me think about eddie izzard's comedically genius discussion about why seals are good with balls even though they have none in their natural environment. he wondered if other animals have hidden talents- perhaps tigers are good with banjos?
also, i don't like most wes anderson movies but the darjeeling limited is very good (if for no other reason, the indian scenery).
Graham is totally rocking the early LL Cool J look, from the "I Need Love" video!Cute!
Juniper has one thing that will carry over from childhood to adulthood, pretty knees.
love Gram's outfit, totally rocking the retiree chic.
and to further bolster your point: I was in the gifted/ talented group and was also a teenage finalist in the national spelling bee. NOW look at me... wasting my life writing blog comments and coveting children's cowboy hats. it's terrible, just terrible.
I teach 'gifted and talented' kids, and I can assure you, most of them are neither gifted, nor talented. But their parents sure insist they are.
THANK YOU for not liking Wes Anderson! I seriously thought I was the only one of us out there.
http://www.smh.com.au/news/
opini...8307004602.html
Aw krap -- our girl name was going to be Esme. Does that make us some sort of Salinger poseurs?
I *love* that Gram could apparently be mistaken for either a Sarasota retiree or LL Cool J. I'm so curious which of the two would be more offended to look like the other.
The whole G/T/Kumon/Baby Einstein pressure is one of the reasons I'm glad we're not raising our child in the US (yet, anyway). It's true we'll try to give him healthy doses of reading and classical music. It'll just have to be mixed in with bike riding, playing on the playground, and dancing along with Beastie Boys and The Clash.
krees -- nah, I'd just assume it's from Terry Pratchett.
I realise this is a little off-track and not really a cerebral-reply as your posts warrant, but I think we have the same stroller.
For some reason this humours me.
I like Wes Anderson for the colors, honestly, more than anything else. The colors are so nice and the costumes are usually hilarious. I don't much remember the story, but I remember the look of the Tenenbaums.
I think Gram and Juney look awesome, which probably means my taste is severly messed up. And maybe I need to go find my own kid some weird, colorful clothes that don't have dinosaurs and spiders on them (like EVERYFREAKINGTHING for boys normally does).
And I was in the gifted program - it set me up for failure, seriously. You think if you're supposedly gifted, it's all a free ride and everyone will cater to you forever and ever, amen. At least I did, and then I just took being smarter than everyone else for granted, and then I went to college and there were OTHER smart people, and suddenly I wasn't special anymore and it took me years to get over it.
Hilarious and spot-on.
'That face' at 8? Too funny. I love your stuff.
Don't get me started on the 'gifted and talented' thread. I have one 'gifted' kid (don't credit me: he's adopted), one "selected for testing" and didn't quite make it (gasp) and one...what shall we call her? Regular? Normal? Not gifted?
The whole thing is elitist and a huge turn on for the parents.
the day progressed after reading this entry to the point of me checking the mail to find Parenting magazine (blame the wife) and on the cover: THE TRUTH ABOUT GIFTED KIDS
Sooooooo with you on the Anderson movies.
It's not that they stop being gifted, it's that other skills (social,organizational, etc.) become more important to succeed at the adult level than just skill or knowledge. So they become the person who learns to express themselves differently, hide a little part of themselves, have a few hidden hobbies and occasionally gets the "look" that suggests you may have demonstrated an inappropriate island of knowledge or skill set.
I teach 'gifted and talented' kids, and most of them are neither gifted nor talented. They're usually burned out, overly articulate and used to getting their way. Their parents are sucking their childhood away. It's depressing.
That was extremely funny. Thank you.
Hilarious! And, yes, Gram does look like he just played some shuffleboard and perhaps was just readying himself for some lawn bowling when you so cruely plucked him away from the horde. Thanks for the smiles....I needed it.
Gram is modeling the exact pose of the New Radicals album from '98
http://www.amazon.com/Maybe-Youv...o/dp/
B00000DF6J
That picture is hilarious!
I agree completely about Wes Anderson. Anything you have to try so hard to "get"isn't worth it to me.
As a mother of a "gifted and talented" child who grew up to continue to perform at prodigious levels above his peers, in the company of other young men who are also performing at prodigious levels, thank you for this. No matter how gifted he was as a child, in how many ways, he was always allowed to just be a child. Even as an adult, his talents and accomplishments are never discussed, they are just part of who he is, and most people just know him as a regular guy, never guessing at what amazing talents he offers to his work, and we like it that way. That old saying, "actions speak louder than words"? All the hype these child prodigies get sure is a lot of words.
But Junie IS a genius. And seriously, two years in Detroit and she's just NOW asking you about ain't? Maggie even says axs...which I hope is just three year old speech impediment and not fluent Detroitese.
We half-seriously would joke about Maggie being a future WBNA star because she's tall and loves to run with the boys, and all her cousins on her dad's side are athletic -- until now, at three, her inherited klutziness has manifested itself. So now we look at each other and say "maybe we shouldn't plan on that basketball scholarship?"
i suppose your version of shutting up about your child being a prodigy is to post youtube videos of her singing punk songs on your blog that's all about what a genius your child is?
your blog just jumped the wes anderson movie.
"In twenty years I hope you're more than just another loser in a Sheen-shirt playing Satriani covers in a strip mall bar & grille and singing songs about your glory days as an 8-year-old blues-rock phenom. But I wouldn't bet on it."
YIKES. You scare me, a little. What about little Stevie Wonder?
This is one of the funniest posts I've read. Are you sure you didn't dress them up just for the post?
I think this rant may have been suppressed since law school, which (if yours was anything like mine) was pretty much a G&T alum circle jerk.
Your kids are adorable, and I LOVE your escaped retiree outfit!!! (although i cannot help but point out the uncanny resemblance to the twins' outfits in the Tenenbaums!)
freaking adorable
You're an incredible writer and I love your blog but what's with all the hate all the time? Is it necessary to trash someone in every post? Reminds me of some girls I knew in high school.
I keep meaning to tell you this: Gram is a Man of Elegant Leisure! Now where did he get that from?
I agree with you, except for most of what you said about Wes Anderson movies.
I don't know...I actually do think my kid's a genius. Aren't we supposed to? Furthermore, isn't it a little fun to? Maybe this makes me one of the insufferable ones. But I know my parents thought I was, and during the junior-high-zero-self-esteem years, I drew strength from that burning pride many times. Like, they totally believe in me - not sure why, but they do.
I know you're talking about stage parenting, and I agree that crushing pressure to achieve (for the parents vicarious thrill) is bad.
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