oh geez, too funny.
i think this guy would do the trick:
http://thumbsnap.com/v/JbghxrSM.png
http://borrowafeelingthesimpsons...sons.ytmnd.com/
I hope the little one shows up soon before you go to extremely extreme measures to induce labor.
My husband could not believe that Tigers player had an ORGAN LP out.
I couldn't believe we didn't take the opportunity to crack more sophomoric jokes about the word ORGAN.
Good luck evicting the resident of your womb. Have you considered INTIMACY? Or not talking to your parents anymore?
I used some herb- Blue Cohosh- or something. On the bottle it says "don't take if you are pregnant could cause labor". My only problem was with the word "could."
Try a Slim Whitman album, or that Zampheer the pan flute guy.
When I was overdue with my son, I tried a pedicure and requested a long foot massage - it is supposed to induce labor. My water broke that night. Coincidence?
If the little guy comes out looking like Conway Twitty, you may want to consider a different method should you find yourself in this predicament again.
Frankly, I can't believe the songs at Sesame Street Live didn't do it.
I think you should try the foot massage! If nothing else, hey, you got a foot massage. 
Jules
House of Jules
try a 3 mile walk
We're trying things over here and nothing seems to be working, either. But then again, we don't have access to your record collection. Good luck!
When I saw where you were going with this, I was going to suggest letting you borrow our "Denny McClain at the Organ." So glad to see you have your own copy. Wouldn't want to risk ours getting lost in the mail.
Very nice! I think some Lawrence Welk is also in order. Perhaps a little ditty like the Pennsylvania Polka would get the wombling dancing and Wood's uterus contracting. I have my grandmother's collection of polka music if you guys need it.
My mom can totally relate to your discomfort, by the way. She was waiting and waiting for me to vacate the womb this same week twenty four years ago. She ended up spending something like 37 hours in various levels of hell- excuse me, labor- with me over Valentine's day. I was finally born in the wee hours of the 15th.
Not that I'm wishing you'll hold out until Friday or anything... that would just be totally cruel.
If the voice of Elmo didn't do it and the sound of 3 dozen banjo's didn't do it, I think you're going to have to drag this lad out yourselves!
Honestly, after being 2-weeks "over due" and trying every trick we had ever heard suggested (except Conway Titty...will have to make a note of that if it works) we went to have my water broken. Easy, fast drug-free labor from that point forward!
Wood - I feel your pain. I was ready to claw that baby out with my fingernails at week 41.
I would have thought some of those selections might scare a person back into the womb-certainly I would curl up in a fetal position.
I suggest a dose of "Chocolate Rain;" son and heir would clearly think "WTF?" (like everyone else) and need to come out and have a look.
Or Evening Primrose oil. That works, too.
Tomorrow I'm going to have a birth induced by pitocin. I was scared of that until I saw some of the other methods of inducment that people are willing to try. Inducment via banjo music? You're a brave woman.
Sex, drugs, rock 'n roll. I think you're on the right track.
(or at least some reasonable facsimile... wine, maybe, and tanya tucker.)
I would totally buy an album called Banjo Assault 3: Relentless Banjos. Brilliant.
I am in awe that you own these albums.
You're brilliant. And mighty odd. An excellent combination.
"I think you should shut the hell up".
YOU PEOPLE KILL ME. I want to live in your house.
No no no -it has to be Dance Music, sillies! Aunt Bossy is still holing her breath. She looks good in blue.
Oh, that first shot is really excellent. Best wishes for a healthy happy baby who won't be too scarred from the exposure to Dean Martin Country Style.
Jim Neighbors while eating a pepperoni pizza .... yep, that should do it. =)
I so feel your PAIN 4 years ago to the day I was in the same boat. The little stinker was born on the 15th 1 week late. Acupuncture worked for me.
Would it be possible to call on Davey O'Dwyer to get things rolling?
he'd be drunk until the next full moon.
Childless here, but chiming in to say that a friend of mine was almost two weeks overdue, and acupuncture seemed to work for her, too.
Not sure that I'd be brave enough to try it, myself. Also, she lives in the Pacific Northwest, where acupuncture might be easier to come by.
I take that back. A quick Google search indicates Detroit is positively rife with acupuncturists.
My water broke while walking through Sears after getting hopelessly lost driving through Southeast D.C.--not the greatest neighborhood on earth.
So basically, I recommend benign amounts of perceived danger, and then a waddle through a big box store.
Here's what was recommended to me when mine was overdue:
Walk along the curb with one foot on and one foot off.
Go to the mall and drive around the parking lot over all the speed bumps.
Drink seaweed juice.
Hour long prenatal massage.
None of these actually worked, but gave me something to do while waiting. Finally came 3 weeks late after 22 hours of labor and an emergency c-section, clearly she had no intention of ever being voluntarily born, but seems happy enough to be here now anyway. Hang in there.
I tried EVERYTHING. From what you've been doing to caster oil (twice, no effect either time), bikeriding uphill a week past my due date (only brought on some serious Braxton-Hicks), walking miles and miles and miles (which only made my hands swell up to four times their normal size). We went bowling too.
The only thing that brought on labor was the baby deciding it was time. By then I had given up and resigned myself to being pregnant FOREVER. It was almost two weeks past my due date.
Hang in there. Hope he comes soon.
i wish your little one could SEE conway twitty's enormous bulge. but then again, maybe he'd stay inside forever.
Love love love. You guys are awesome. Baby come out now so we can have more awesomeness. (The Husband wants to loan you our autographed copy of "An Evening of Humor with Joey Russell: Recorded LIVE at The Algiers" for your efforts.)
OMG, I have the same record cabinet.
This post is hysterical. Your boy will come. He will come, you know, right when you're both walking out the door for a morning adventure, or better yet, a movie. Take the kid to a movie tomorrow afternoon, and throw Wood's bag in the car before you take off 
. You know: there's always Castor Oil. (Yuck!) Best of luck to her - I keep checking here to read the big news...any day now...
I bought that Conway Twitty for a quarter and gave it to my dad for xmas a few years ago. It's been hanging on the wall of my parents' family room as part of dad's golf-themed record covers collection ever since.
How is it that you have a toddler and a sweet turntable within her reach?
My sister in law induced labor 3 days before her due date by accidentally falling off a stair and completely shattering her elbow. I wouldn't recommend this, but it did successfully induce labor. (And reconstructive surgery).
I did the same thing. I tried to sing my little guy out (you'd leave the womb if you had to listen to my singing, trust me). I'd get in the car, pick the worst station on XM radio and sing my heart out. It didn't work and now my baby loves "cracklin rosie" by Neil DIamond, so be careful.
I can't stop laughing at Mildred and Julie Ann... and more at the fact that you own their record! Sounds like you have a stubborn boy on your hands...
This entire post is fantastic. You two are fantastic.
Come soon, baby!
My daughter was 3 weeks over due. I think a certain level of desperation and insanity needs to be achieved before labour is appealing.
Clarisage oil in my bath ended up helping get the game a foot - and it felt great
I feel like you might be a little late on trying to keep him from being a Republican.
Also to get Noriega out they also used the Howard Stern. So you could try that.
I am a little in love with Mildred & Julie Ann. MAKING ALBUMS WITH YOUR MOM is the ONE!
How about some acupuncture? That seems infinitely less tortuous.
God, this was funny.
Rumor has it that eating eggplant parmesan is supposed to do the trick. I remember reading about some restaurant in Atlanta (I think) that is famous for the labor inducing powers of theirs and even sends it out Fed Ex around the country. A total load of hogwash I am sure, but so are all of the other theories out there.
Rock on baby, but don't take too long as we are ready to meet you!
a few weeks ago i was doing the same thing, i found a bus ride did the trick. a few miles of bouncing around and the next afternoon i was holding him in my arms, just one day before his due date. wish you all the best.
This is, hands down, the funniest thing you have ever posted in your entire lives. If unbridled giggling induces labor, I'm going to be 6 weeks early.
old texas wives' tale remedy:
(and it totally worked for my mom when she was pregnant with my brother)
take a hair comb in your hand, with the teeth facing toward your wrist. squeeze the comb in your hand. contractions should start up soon.
this also works if your labor stalls out.
good luck! you guys have the coolest family ever!
you're in my thoughts and prayers.
OMFG, it's like classic sweet juniper- seriously, you guys, i missed this kind of post.
pnut was 4 weeks early due to pre eclampsia, and quite frankly, i don't wish that on anyone. like molly, my water broke right in the middle of a store (kohls) as i was arguing with a saleslady as to where the newborn sets on sale were located. good times.
although i will say i'm liking the idea of the pedicure/footrub. they'd never rub my feet when i'd get a pedi when i was pg. if nothing else, you get a nice relaxing hour out of the deal- well deserved i think.
and thanks for refraining from using the words "nipple stimulation." *shudder*
I love y'all. I really do.
i'm soooo jealous of Detroit thrifting opportunities!!!!!!!
have lots of sex. you won't be able to for awhile & it really gets the labor started quick. too quick, in my husband's case...
Alottttt easier than having your membranes stripped by the midwife which mine inadvertantly were 2 weeks before due date setting things in fast motion after. so keeping fingers crossed. My guess is that an ass-kicking Tanya Tucker could vocally strip someone's membranes, so put that one back on.
And did you try "hands and mouths"? I heard it wasn't the big O that worked but rather the sperm which has cervix softening properties. She might prefer Tanya Tucker at this point, but hey....
Good luck!
Tory
My little one waited until almost the last possible moment and even then she got stuck and had to be removed via c-section. I think it was the first clue as to her will versus mine.
Also, the record collection and commentary absolutely made my day!!!
I say it's time for a trip to the music store to get a replacement banjo string!
You should never disrespect the Conway, because that's just wrong. There will be heck to pay for your anti-Conway sacrilege.
Holy shit, I thought I was the only other person on Earth who owns Neil Young "Trans." and on vinyl too!
I think your kid is scared to come out now.
I love that the repressed patriotic homophobe included O Canada on the album.
Speaking of Canada, you could always play Fred Penner's Canadian version of "This Land is Your Land" for the wombling. Folk music by children's TV show hosts who live in hollow logs is generally frightening enough to induce labor.
Conway Twitty is a total pimp. My 75 year old mother in law is totally hot for him...it is gross...
dude. i certainly hope you weren't dissing mr twitty. they used to say he was the best friend a song ever had. you're lucky youtube appears to be broken, because i was about to link up some conway action.
since my wife won't name any child of hers Maceo, i am thinking of naming #2 "Conway," even if it's a girl.
anyway, funny stuff, etc.
I don't have any advice for you - vinyl womb torture is about the only thing that I haven't tried at this point. 41+ weeks and nothing has worked. Membranes stripped twice, driven down bumpy roads, black cohosh, castor oil, boob ... stuff, walking, only to have my daughter stick her tongue out at the doctor via ultrasound yesterday.
So, good luck!
Ugh! Waiting is the hardest part (it was hard to write that without singing) (okay, I sang it)
Also - don't forget - for 9 months your kid has enjoyed the sound of acid reflux. So there's just no accounting for taste.
I just realized that I have that same stand, or at least one of the same exact design. I use mine as a nightstand. I bought it for $5 at a junk store. I plan on painting it down the line but right now it is a very ugly shade of fake wood.
I hope your new baby has arrived.
Dear Wood,
I like your socks; where'd you get them?
Shut up, I like funky socks,
Green
P.S. I hope you have an easy labor (soon).
I love this picture of her and the speaker and the socks.
wow.
just beautiful.
Try some Yoko Ono. Should do the trick as it could worm a dog!
you guys rule. Seriously good try though. I think you should name him Banjo as a tribute to this little failed experiment.
you guys must be going crazy by now...hope that baby decides to come soon! i know you are dying to hear my words of wisdom, since everyone has to give theirs...don't induce if you can avoid it--labor is so much easier if you let the baby come when he or she wants to, in my experience...my first was 2 wks late and was induced--long labor on pit, epidural, etc. my 2nd was 3 days early and natural, and 3rd was 10 days late and natural. good luck! such exciting times for you.
Wait, wait. I know. Play him the Shaggs.
Why didn't I think of that before?
The funniest thing I've read in ages. Thanks for a great laugh. Best wishes for a speedy, easy labor and delivery.
HAHAHAHA!!! I wish I had tortured my kid this way on those last few days. We have an excellent copy of "Pia and Phil: The London Philharmonic Orchestra". That would be Pia Zadora.
I am out to stymie your don't comment here.. but comment not at all.
It is dark here and getting late and I have been checking you know. Lots of folks checking for your baby news.
Please take care. I did like this recent post D.
Please take care and I hope little man be upon you soon. I know whereof you speak. The wait. It was more than an irritant. Waiting was my barrier.
I wonder. I wonder many times over if I hadn't waited what it would have meant for those waning moments of our daughter's only childhood. I wonder even if it might have moved things along even.
I gave up a late Sunday night. Gave up using my head on my cervix. Delivered 12 hours later.
It is a weird thing a cervix. I guess a lot of men have known that all along. Took me a while.
Good birth wishes to you. Soonish.
Take care.
Good luck you guys!!! Sorry I haven't posted in a long time but I've been reading, anxiously waiting for something, for so long.
Much love and wishes for you three, or is it four? Or five? Dogs are people, too, right?
YES! contractions at last!!
if only conway knew what his ultimate 'good' would be.
good try, anyway.
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