I have this image of Juniper going to Home Depot to get a card from them so that she can buy a surplus of wood. Then walking off into the wilderness and building a house, whistling as she works.
I think we have to be a bit tyrannical when they're little, because they can't decide on things themselves -- making decisions can be very unnerving. Then we have to retreat little by little, until they're grown and can be free. As long as you're working out of love, I think it's OK to impose your beliefs. What other choice do we have? You are still you.
Amen. But you're wrong about one thing: it is cool. Maybe not really "cool," but still.
it's so close now, isn't it? so much time to spend dwelling on how it's all going to be different but the same- until all you do is get caught up in the craze/haze of baby boot camp again.
i'll bet you stay the same in most ways- your values aren't going to change inherently, the things you hold dear will remain no matter how many influences from the outside world creep in, no matter how many kids you have.
the first movie pnut ever saw was the simpsons this past summer- our experience was similar in that she sat so well and surprised both that she was able to sit happily for so long. someday we'll tell her about that and she'll roll her adolescent eyes at us and sigh deeply at the horror and retreat into her emo equivalent influenced room and shut the door. and we're ok with that. cause we've never considered ourselves cool at all. it's easier that way.
We're about to introduce our boys to Eron Flynn in Robin Hood. Their idea of comedy so far is the Wallace and Grommit shorts, and drama is Plantet Earth. My 3yo told me his "eyes were watery" when a lion killed a baby elephant. I teared up at hearing that!
My husb got a book called The Best Old Movies for Families and we're browsing. The Three Stooges brought up too many questions about why it was ok for them to hit each other and why they were laughing when people got hurt. Awkward.
You missed a Sinatra moment!
(or is he too modern?)
Lovely post. Thank you.
Thanks for being those parents. It gives me hope for the future.
yeah, city lights... one of my favorite movies. We wholeheartedly plan to impose good old films on our children. I mean, in a way, either you're tyrannical or the big corporations are, right? Anyway, thanks for bringing hope. And Charlie.
We've been taking her to children's theater way too early (< 2 years). And we know that she probably won't enjoy it forever, but maybe this will be the one thing that sinks in...
gorgeous. you have such amazing self awareness and perspective. that will always be cool.
I kept in the back when my school mates talked about Grease and never told them that I'd watch "Cyrano de Bergerac" and "Casablanca" instead with my parents. I got to watch Grease later, but the other way round? No.
Love that you use the word "maelstrom" (only I'd spell it malstrøm) - makes the distances seem shorter.
You're exactly the kind of parents I want to be.
I love this post very much. Something that separates you from the typical asshole hipster parent is your authenticity. You're not trying to impress anyone by your choices and how you raise your daughter, or trying to prove how awesome and outside the mainstream you are. That will serve your children better than any specific cultural influence you try to give them. And having met your daughter, it shows, already.
Have you been to the Redford Theater? Shameful confession: I grew up five minutes away and have never been there.
Beautiful words as always
I think this is my favorite post of yours to date. Your writing and perspective contiue to blow me away.
Benjamin is 3 and has not yet been to a movie. We do the no cable thing too, but he still comes home from school knowing who the characters are. Damn you Walt Disney.
Thinking of you and Wood a lot as the due date approaches. I think I am living a little thru you guys, as we have thought of a second child, but will probably not do it. Wishing you all the best.
I remember the days of "The Tyranny of the Cool." My older daughter, Delphina, went through her stages of not watching TV, our making sure that she didn't take in anything we didn't want her to, etc. I remember going to the State Theater in 1998 to see Fugazi and Shellac. I held her up on my shoulders to see the show. She was the coolest kid ever as some dude told us. She's almost 13 now and loves Fall Out Boy. I could consider myself a failure for not steering her towards what I deem more quality art, but I don't because she's still an individual and I'm all the happier for it.
Our youngest, Hero, is different because we're different now. No more tyranny because we're too tired to be tyrannical. She eats too much chocolate and I tell her now and again that Spongebob makes kids not too smart. Then she'll say something like, "But I'm smart, Dad!" Indeed you are, kid.
Love your blog.
that was wonderful. thank you.
I think it's amazing what you are doing. So many people get caught up in how other people are raising their children, they forget to raise them in their own unique way. Your children will be amazing people for it.
This was beautiful. I teared up.
ok, crying now, thanks. great post.
Bless you, Jim. I am literally sobbing right now, and I refuse to blame it on my hormones, but point my shaky finger to your beautiful words. Thank you.
Great post.
If I ever have kids, this is how I would love to raise them. You guys are so unbelievable!
Your writing is so descriptive and moving that is takes my breath away sometimes. I finished reading this post and I had tears in my eyes and cold picture the three (well three and a half) of you sitting in the theater.
Raising her in that way takes integrity and will teach her integrity. So hold out as long as you can.. Fight Fight against the dying of the light!!
I should have known better than to read your post while I was PMSing. I'll be sobbing for another 10 minutes... but.... but.... but... your writing is gorgeous, and I can't help it..
Jules
House of Jules
Making City Lights your daughter's first film...what a great gift you've given her.
you're right. at some point, fighting against all the latest trends and childhood obsessions is futile and not always in the kids' best intersts. but i'm still not buying bratz dolls.
and ya know? sponge bob ain't half bad though i prefer sesame street and backyardigans.
Dude, you are so awesome. Just being your awesome self will be educational and inspirational to both of them as they grow up.
Mind you, I will laugh (hopefully WITH you) when you stoop to lows of distraction not previously attained to keep the children from killing each other and keep yourself somewhat sane, but it's all good, you'll get through it, with both kids no worse for the wear. Because that's really not the important thing. Being kind, learning to care about each other, learning about respect and responsibility and individuality are all things you will impart even if she DOES watch that queer yellow square dude that I also loathe w/a passion.
It's the end of one experiment but the beginning of another. Losing your ideals is not inevitable. And even if those ideals get squeezed a bit at times, with words of love like the ones you've penned here, none of us is concerned about you losing your dignity.
Hope Wood's feeling good.
Seriously, when are you putting out a book? Because this post is so gorgeous and heartbreakingly simple and touching, and I love reading your stuff so much, and a book would be awesome.
beautiful. as i sit here, waiting for the birth of my first child and wondering how his father and i will bring him into our fold, wondering how we will keep our sense of self and somehow give this new little person his own sense of self while keeping him close to us--well--let me just say that i am moved by your writing.
That post was just...
Wow.
You story telling skills are just amazing. I love that reading this post made me cry. You have a gift and you should write a book.
I got teary this morning when I heard a song from Thomas the Tank Engine because my 5 year old has all but moved on to Spiderman. My 2 year old seems to have skipped Thomas in order to follow his big bro to the superhero genre. sigh.
Love the DFT but wouldn't want to sit there if I was so great with child.
Just remember it doesn't matter what your kids think of you when they're tweens or teens--it matters what they think of you when they are adults. The only thing you can do for them is model your own brand of happy adulthood and hope that they come to understand it some day. Stay true to yourself and you will always be cool.
Bossy doesn't mind standing in joyous shame and frightened, prideful awe -- as long as she's not bra-less too. That's asking too much of anyone.
congrats on the piece in Dooces' book. If the stories are like those on the blog, it will be great.
I have never commented here before... I have enjoyed reading about Juniper and you and Wood for a while now but never felt the need to "say" anything. This post moved me so much. Maybe it's because I have begun to seriously think about having my own little girl (I would have to adopt).. anyway I wanted to say hello and.. thank you so much for sharing.
i hope you don't mind, but i'd like to forward this to my new-parent friends.
it's really beautiful. and i have to go blow my nose now.
sometimes I'll see the lead-in to a new post of yours in my reader, and I'll hesitate a few days before buzzing up to be let in, because I know once I come in, it's going to make me feel something. like now. like this.
Very touching. I was just writing about our own kids' initial blast with media in my blog when I read yours. Wish I could say ours was as moving and positive!
Good luck with your new baby! It is absolutely incredible to have two. You will be completely undone.
No Friday Morning Street Urchin Blogging.......anyone else on pins and needles?
I just discovered your blog, and I thought this was one of the most elegant and beautiful essays I have read about fatherhood.
For my husband's 40th birthday, we threw him a surprise party at a local theater (will remain nameless - perhaps violating copyright or some sort of projection laws?) where they played our copy of his favorite movie, City Lights. All the kids loved the movie, though there were no 3-year-olds. And he, too, is always overcome with emotion at the end of this film. We followed with pizza and peppermint ice cream cake. It was truly a night to remember.
if number two waits until valentines day to be born i might have to make fun of him for being way cheesy.
i have lurked around here enjoying your lives for quite some time. i just figured i'd finally say it -- reading this blog makes me want a toddler, badly.
This moved me. And reminded me of my own parents.
So did all the old fogies gush over how "good" she was after the movie was over?
I've come back to read this many times since you wrote it (actually took me about an hour of googling to find it most recently). It was something I shared with someone I loved. Even though it now it reminds me of what I've lost, I'm still moved by what you wrote. Thanks.
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