You are a lucky man. I wish I could enjoy being around my kids like that, but maybe I just need to learn to have two minds. I do have a Master's Degree in Gnome/Squirrel Relations, so that's a start.
expanding your mind to fit the situation.
it's an anthem of sorts, isn't it.
well, unless I can learn to split my mind in three, these days are numbered. That's why I'm trying to pack as much enjoyment into them as possible.
Thanks for that post.
"Usually we are the only people in the museum"
That's sad.
You will learn to split your mind in three. I learned to split my mind in four! It works, trust me.
I long for this. I have the open-mouthed stare all day long and it is mind numbing. I miss my daughter and I'm trying everything to get out of here!!! Once I'm out I will never again work in a business/manufacturing atmosphere.
This is the exact reason I wanted an administrative job when I moved to New York to write. I like something that keeps you occupied, but allows your mind to wander. It keeps you so creative after 5. Of course, you're spending the 8-5 part much more nobly than I was. Talking about owls and fairies trumps faking an Excel spreadsheet every time.
My dad was a sahm dad in the 70's. He went to night school and my mom worked during the day. When he was not in school, he would pack my sister and me up and we would hit the free days at all of the museums and the zoo. He was into photography too and he would drag us up to Lake Erie, parks and cemetaries to take pictures. Your daughter will remember your time together. I don't recall all the details and I now realize that my family was fairly poor but I look back at that time with a lot of fondness.
I. Loved. This. Post.
A cow metaphor for Milton, my god. I'll make the cliched observation that these daughters had an awful lot of imagination and coulda "been" something.
"...written down entirely by surly teenage girls." Man, you are good.
This was awesome. I can't wait til my SAH-husband can read it. I only wish we had access to cooler museums where we are. But so far Jeff and Charlotte manage to have a lot of fun just playing with leaves and dirt.
Holy shit, you're the only other person I've ever encountered who is as obsessed with the image of blind, curmudgeonly Milton dictating poetry to his teenage daughters as I am. I once actually pulled a 25-page paper about Milton's conception of the vocation of 'poet' out of my arse in grad school.
Even more apropos to this post is the visceral gut-punch of the last line of his sonnet "On His Blindness": "They also serve who only stand and wait."
I had no idea about the surly daughters. I learn so much here!
I find it much harder to use my time to create than you do, although I supposedly have other projects on the go, too. You explained it well here, but I still don't get how you do it. Maybe it's because I didn't have law school training....
I am blown away! And somewhat jealous... I used to be a stay at home mom and miss it sorely. Fat chance dragging my own surley teenage daughter to museums anymore... Maybe I could do the Milton thing? Haha! Love your blog.
i'm grateful as always that you inspire me to do a little more with the pnut than our usual Y/library/enviro ctr triangle. why am i such a pussy to attempt a museum with her? bah. maybe b/c all i can handle these days is trying not to pass out on the couch when she's awake.
i'm consumed with thoughts of how different it all will be when the new one arrives. pnut and i are so damned close- we are our own twosome, so bonded right now and in sync, even when she is babbling something and i'm 'phoning it in' it still is so *us*. i hope i'm not projecting how hard it could be for her to have to share me with a sibling. part of me hopes that she'll be mature enough to handle it, but i don't know, it will hurt me so much to see her if she is hurt. part of me doesn't want to have to share myself, either, i've become so used to the way this all is.
pnuts mama: I feel the same fears with our impending Number Two. I keep telling myself those concerns are normal and that it will all be okay. I hope I'm right. I don't want to screw it all up.
Delurking to tell you that Juniper is adorable, and I love that you stay home with her. Your posts are wonderful, and very insightful. My husband and I just found out we are expecting our first child, due in June. Unsure of the childcare arrangements as of yet, but hopefully one of us will be afforded the same opportunity as you and your wife.
(Hopefully this is not a duplicate comment)
Every time I think that I, recent law school gradute, should be articling, I read your posts and realize no no no, I should not.
Sweet Juniper once again takes home the prize for most educational blog on the internets. I love this post -- the metaphor of Milton, the image of you and Juniper strolling about the museums, and the ph.d. in wee folk and owls... you will have to learn to split your brain in three, either that or start dictating your thoughts to Juniper.
You are an AMAZING father. I love reading your thoughts on fatherhood and what it's like to parent your daughter. I once was a stay-at-home mom- I couldn't hack it. Not in the very least... That pains me to say; but I admire you and your fabulous outings with Juniper.
Re. dividing your mind into three:
"I was of three minds, / Like a tree / In which there are three blackbirds." --Wallace Stevens
License to do things that would otherwise be too silly. Exactly.
SAH parenting is a great gig if you can get it.
I have enjoyed your blog since you arrived in Detroit. You rock. DIA opens soon, lots to see there. Toledo Museum of Art of nice too, and they have a special family area open on certain days - almost like a preschool. I have been a SAHM for twelve years (four kids!) and I still have days I struggle with it - mostly I love being the one to push the swing etc...etc.... I will let you in on a secret - it gets even more fun as they get older.
Yes!
I can't thank you enough for this post.
I think I commented before that the Detroit Institute of Art is one of my favourite places. It was such a wonderful surprise. I lived and worked in Windsor Ontario for a year and I still remember the feeling of visiting the DIA for the first time. I found Detroit so fascinating. Its great that you and Juniper are exploring the city together.
She's a great age for being a stay at home parent.
you said that so much more eloquently than i could have.
I live in a small town that has few museums. But when we take the train through Chicago on our way down south, we always spend two to three hours of the five hour layover going to the Field Museum. Seeing my daughter run around talking to all the stuffed animals in the dioramas is about the happiest I've ever been. Just thinking about those times makes me feel calm and content.
it's not relevant to much to your point, but i can't get past the vision of Juniper casting her own shadows. i'm somewhat of a failure as an art student. i'm going to have a degree in a field i don't intend to pursue because "i just want my work to be better." (i'm pursuing a separate career which is working out fine, etc.) as such, i'm less encumbered with how much people like or "get it" as i am with how it is presented: does it look good, do i think it's a successful image? if the answer is yes then i move on and don't mind how it is construed elsewhere. to which i mean, i think i would love to walk into a gallery and see a toddler creating her own work with shadows against the backdrop of my own. i feel like it gives new meaning.
as for something relevant (and having commented elsewhere that makes this my second irrelevant comment in fifteen minutes, crap!) i used to hate it when adults interrupted my interactions with my parents. i STILL feel that way, and i'm glad Juniper speaks up, if only because i never have.
i love that you take her to see art, but it might be because i'm a little biased...
ahhh... the life of a yuppy hipster. good lord I'm jealous.
that's a gainfully unemployed yuppie hipster, erik. get it right!
Definitely enjoy it while it lasts. Once the second one starts moving, he ALWAYS moves in the opposite direction of the first one. Makes it difficult to go to museums. You find yourself contanstly making calculations like - which piece of art that's going to be destroyed here is more valuable? Or - which child is more likely to cause permanent bodily harm? It does get better once they both get a little older, but for some period of time, it's not pretty.
Just another post in support of continuing to go to museums and the like with 2 kiddos. One will be an infant and easily wearable. As they get older you will figure it all out. I spent lots of weekends at my hometown museum when i was a kid and i loved loved loved it!
your post today made me laugh out loud. can you believe it's pnuts daddy who is pro-cut? (i couldn't care less either way, i suppose, and go along with the expertise of one who actually has one).
his rationale is along the lines of "have you any idea how dirty boys are? all i need is for my 14 year old to come to me and show me his schwanz all purple and green and black and swollen, and needing medical attention cause he was too lazy to clean out the schmegma. and what if he decides he wants to be a jew?"
i wonder if the jewish guys who go to those clubs could sue based on religious discrimination. that could be your niche if you ever decide to do some part-time lawyering, perhaps. can you imagine? wow.
This comment is actually directed at the circumcision post (but you didn't open it for comments, probably to disuade people like me from posting).
My husband and I had to make the same decision 3 weeks ago when our son was born. I too, left it up to him. He chose not to do it (even though he himself is circumcised)and while I was on the fence about it before hand, now am totally thrilled that we didn't.
The fact that he *may* be able to get into certain clubs without cover in 21 years?? Bonus.
Dutch, this post is beautiful. Truly beautiful. It's nice to peer into the mind of someone as fulfilled as you.
One thing that was at the forefront of my mind as I read this was... how kid 2 will change your life. Juniper always needs to be able to get one-on-one attention (it will obviously never be the same, but the challenge will be providing that to her at all after kid 2 appears).
One of my mother's best friends gave up his job when his wife had their first kid. She was (is) a lawyer, him a middle school teacher. Three kids and 21 years later, he still tells everyone it was the best decision he'd ever made in his life. I love hearing you talk about being a stay at home dad, I think it's awesome.
PS. I love the circumcision story in the post above. That is the greatest reason I've ever heard to no do it.
am I the only one having a hard time with Formerly Dutch? I'll get used to it.
we love bringing Teddy to the museum where I work. at first he wasn't interested in the work so much as the air conditioning rising from the vents in the floor ("wind! cold!") but he's starting to talk about the art and how he sees it. in an Armando Reverson wire sculpture he saw a skeleton... a huge contemporary photo of a wind gust caught his stare for a good two minutes (eternity for a 2 year old) and two days later he told me 'the man's hat blew away.'
so people - bring your kids to museums, if only for a very selfish reason - it will make the whole thing new and exciting for YOU.
and a last note to pnuts mama and m -- we brought home #2 four months ago. maybe I don't speak for everyone, but it hurt our older child terribly at first and that hurt our hearts so much. you just have to be gentle with yourself and let that parenting wound heal on its own and tell yourself you're giving them a precious gift. we let Teddy work out his own relationship with the baby with minimal refereeing and four months into it, Teddy is already starting to see that the baby finds him hilarious, and he is starting to enjoy that. there is much kissing and mauling of the little one now. good luck to you both.
Reveron, not Reverson. it's late.
HA, HA! Your blog on Wednesday (Thus ends the circumcision debate) is perfectly brilliant!
Bossy's sorry -- she's lost in the thought of strolling 5th Avenue past the Public Library. Also there's a great place right there for discount hair products. Painting what?
the bit about the circumcision really hits home. i left the decision up to my husband (the whole i have no frame of reference thing) & we did not have our son, Cash, snipped. it is incredible the questions/ comments we get from people concerning this decision. my father-in-law sited an article about africa & the spread of HIV amongst the uncircumcised. thanks, we'll keep that in mind when we send Cash off to have lots & lots of unprotected sex. and our friends- whose main reason for deciding to circumcise their newborn son was so that his first girlfriend won't "grossed out" & think he "looks funny". folks can be ri-goddamn-diculous. that's for sure.
It's such an idiotic cop out for a mother to say "oh, my husband has the penis so I'll let him decide". And to say "snipped" just infuriates me.
This link should help:
http://www.mothering.com/discuss...b97f6a&
t=112410
This was a beautiful post. Don't worry.. you will learn to adjust to having three minds.
I have never really been able to enjoy Milton after hearing that story in college- sometimes genius can be so selfish. Well, I suppose people in general can be selfish.
What's wrong with doing thing Thomas More style, where you raise up awesome daughters that think and stuff AND help you be all intellectual, I ask him in my head.
But I love this post, and think it's lovely that your daughter is doing all kinds of neat things while you think thoughts of thinky-ness.
Also, I liked your Witchcraft store post. Experiences like that always make me grateful for the chance to see things through another person's reality.
Siblings! Today my daughter (2) hit her younger brother (10 months) after he tried to steal the book she was reading.
When I left the room for a minute, he started to cry and she tried to give him her bottle and patted him on the back saying, "it's OK baby, it's OK"
No one can make my little boy laugh like his big sister. She makes a face at him and he laughs so hard he falls over. She also scolds him - when he grabs something he shouldn't or when he puts his finger on her chair in what can only be a deliberate attempt at provocation.
Juniper is about to learn two very good lessons - first, that she is not the only one in the universe that you will pay attention to (and that is not the end of the world) second, that she is responsible for someone else that she must love and care for even when they cry and wake her from her nap or steal her books or wreck her car or embarrass her in front of her friends. She is also about to learn what it is like to have a boy adore her because her little brother will idealizer her and try to keep up with everything she does. He will be the owl to her fairy.
Have you thought about the potential conversations your two kids will have? Once they're both verbal, you may not have to talk at all. It's a rough first year but then, smooth sailing.
Besides, think about how satisfying it must have been for Milton's daughters to have someone to bitch with at the end of the day - someone who really understood how horrible it had been.
Siblings rock.
I've been reading you for some time. I have a 1 and 3 year old. My 3 year old sounds like she had similar sleeping habits to Juniper as an infant and toddler. Crappy. My 3 year old just gave up her naps and we no longer stuggle at naptime or bedtime. She's so tired now that it takes her literally 2-3 minutes to fall asleep. She has no extra energy to ask for another story, more food, etc. Just a thought. I can relate to the total frustration you feel at night. It's a horrible way to end the day.
I too have trouble with noise -- not that it's scary, but I wake up countless times in the night because of small (and large) noises. The only thing that has helped? White noise. Streaming websites with cheesy rainstorms, or waves, or trains going by, or pure white noise. Maybe that might make Juney more awake, I don't know, but it has ended my urban-noise-related sleeplessness.
Commenting on another post-- Have you guys ever tried a white noise machine in Juniper's room to help her with the fear of noises? In the winter, I find that a small space heater with a fan helps my son fall asleep.
Just remember - they say that toddlers may revert back to more baby-ish habits when a new baby arrives. So, don't be surprised if Juney starts acting more babylike. It will pass.
solidarity jim. sometimes the good times are so amazing that one forgets how profoundly shitty the (hopefully brief) bad times can be. i breastfed my son for the last time two weeks ago and i have been feeling so low. my son is confused and upset (though i followed his lead with weaning). my husband is frustrated and exhausted every night and wants me to magically pacify our squirming, squalling breast baby(that should have read "beast baby" but i think it's an appropriate typo). i want to run away from home. a dense rage-cloud descends over our apartment every night. but this morning my husband made me coffee and my son woke me up with kisses. and we all curled up together for an extra five minutes just breathing in the relief that we are all okay somehow. but tonight we'll probably do it all again. sorry to vent. just know that i feel your pain.
Acknowledging that fear is important. Identifying the problem is the first step toward solving it. Man, don't I sound like my engineer husband?
You are not alone.
Glad you are feeling better! I am not a natural commenter but I appreciate your words too much to not say anything, so occasionally I will comment and say things like, You're great!
I know (or perhaps I should say, I knew) Jon Pylypchuk from way back in '96 when we were at summer school/art bootcamp together, and later when I moved to Winnipeg, his hometown. I met his mom once and she fed us apple pie. He is a sweet guy, and I'm sure he would be very pleased to know how much Juniper loved the babies peepeeing.
I'm coming to this thread years late. Typical.
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