I know this is an ancient post by any measure, but I clicked on it through my bloglines as you've been republishing the old stuff.
And I just wanted to say that I'm sitting here, cheering, fist in the air. The doula/midwife movement makes me want to, in general, hurl. You've said it all already - it's overtaken by inflexible, preachy, patchouli-wearing-types, and has almost completely alienated the very women it needs to reach out to most.
The only side-note that I can add - in my travels online, I've discovered that if you're a doula or midwife or (as they call themselves) a 'homebirth junkie', you have two options in birth: 1) you have an orgasm amid the chanting, at home, which makes for super-sexy blog fodder and gushing, multi-thousand-word birth stories dripping with goddesshood; or 2) you move to more intensive hospital care and decide to be traumatized and describe your kid's birth as rape. Rape! For the love of christ. Which makes for super-sexy blog fodder and grief-stricken, multi-thousand-word birth stories dripping with victimhood.
You never hear them say, "It didn't go as I'd hoped it would... but you know what? I did really, really well, and I'm proud of myself.. even though my baby and I needed more help than I'd expected." GASP!
The above is my story. It disqualifies me from membership in the doula-sorority. I'm nowhere near crunchy enough to qualify.
And that's my rant for the day. Thanks for expressing just about everything I've felt on the topic, even if it was ages ago.
Kate
In the interest of a wee bit of backpedalling (seeing as the odd likely-offended birth enthusiast has been lately finding their way to me)...
I'd like to scratch that second paragraph. You know, the "hurl" bit, the patchouli-discrimination bit. It's more abrasive than I normally would be.
Like your post, I think the rest of it warrants fair consideration. I know doulas that are incredibly giving and professional, and that's great. Not to harp on them.. it's the surrounding 'birth junkie' movement that can sometimes do more harm than it realizes by banking in such absolutes, and by not encouraging women to temper blind faith with adaptability.
Okay. I'm done now.
Also just found this old post and wanted to say I hired a doula. She was indeed judgemental and in the end did nothing to help with my birth. My husband and I did a great job as did the doctors and nurses at the hospital. She got $700 for showing up at my house at 730 and staying at the hospital until 1 am. I had hired her for post-partum help and she sent her daughter instead. My daughter is three and I am disgusted with her to this day.
Hi,
Came upon this post during the wee hours of the morning. I had to comment about the words on doulas. I am 27 and a new doula, and I am neither "crunchy" nor anti-medical. I have helped in hospital births, birth center births, and home births. We aren't all dogmatic about our beliefs, some of us are mature enough to transcend our beliefs and support the best interest of our mommas (which, at times means pitocin, epidurals and c-sections...modern medicine!) As a doula I want to be there for the mommas and dads who need me. All my dads have felt supported and took the roles they were most comfortable with. A good doula doesn't replace the daddy, she supports him! Labor is hard work and it deserves all the love and support availible. Please don't throw the baby out with the bath water because of one rotten apple (I have reached my limit for cliche' sayings for the day!) Thanks for your time!
I have to say with all these harsh words against doulahs from people who are relatively inexperienced when it comes to child birth, your singular experience must have been unusually bad.
It's unfair to write off thousands of good doulahs and midwives because you had one bad experience. That's exactly what you accuse them of doing to the medical profession!
I've known a few doulahs and most of the ones I know only do hospital births. I've attended the births of my friends (2 hospital and 2 home) and their husbands were aided by their doulah not cast off to the side (which is just your assumption stemming from insecurity perhaps)
My mother became a doulah a few years ago after having 5 of her own kids. She loves helping mothers and fathers at a critical time and she non judgmentally supports their choices. She is not a hippie, not a lesbian and is just basically a super nurturing person.
What do you suggest we do, write off an entire group of individuals because one person rubs you the wrong way? Reminds me of a few intolerant people I've heard of, such as Hitler, the KKK and Ossama Bin Laden.
What a great posting. Even, measured, and well thought out. Congrats on a successful delivery!
You posted on Dooce and now I'm finding myself reading your archives. LOVE your writing.
We had a doula and it was the perfect situation for us. Then again my husband did not read "The Birth Partner" and would not recognize the name Ina May Gaskin. The fact that you know the name Ina May and use it correctly is fascinating to me. Kudos to you for doing what was right for your family.
De-lurking to say, hey, I'm a twentysomething new doula! And if you want me to wave aromatherapy oils in your face, I'll do it. Then again, if you want me to hold your hand while they place the epidural, I'll do that too. Not all of us are judgmental hippies. In fact, most of us aren't hippies at all. It's unfortunate that you had such a bad experience, but it's great that the birth went so well. I have to agree with the commenter who said kudos to you for becoming educated about birth. Many partners don't.
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