I always feel guilt when my mother buys me dinner or some other gift (these are small things like fancy shampoo and soaps, dessert, etc.). Considering we're on the poor side of middle class, I really feel like I'm leeching off a woman who doesn't have the resources to be so generous. So why don't I stop? I have, but I had to beg her to stop treating my like a child and giving me things... she still does anyway. I think it insults her when I refuse the gifts.
I know DH's story. My dad gets peeved if I don't fill up my gas tank before I leave for DC. I fought hard for my financial independence, but my folks have bailed me out twice and gave me a downpayment.
The better thing is for parents to teach their kids from the beginning how to save. My parents didn't save much at all from what I saw as a kid. All they would say is 'Save money! Save your money!' without telling me how.
I think it's ok to accept small gifts or be treated to meals. Heck, you're still family. But when parents are paying the pay bills and rent, I think that's going too far. If your monthly bills are paid for, you aren't forced to make the tough choices required from truly living on a budget. I know people who get help from their parents, and they have so much difficulty making everyday life decisions.
yeah! what are families for!
Having Mom or Dad buy dinner is no big deal for me but I do not expect them to pay for my living expenses or my debts, etc. However, I do think it is important that families help one another out in times of need. If a family member is going through tough financial times, assuming they did not do anything too stupid, then others in the family should pool their resources to help out.
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