Jake,
Permit me a brief moment to refelct on my mother. She passed in 1994. Sheraised 7 children after her husband (my dad) died at 42. She could not drive and hadfew skills. She raised all of us and went back to college and graduated wit ha degree in accounting. She embarked on a mildly successful career and in the meantime lost her youngest daughter to an automobile accident and a lingering coma. She struggled with alcohol her entire life. She gave me the most precious gift of all, my faith, and unfortunately, while I was close by and had indeed said my goodbyes, nonetheless her eldest son was not present when she died. Jake, grief comes in all sizes and shapes.
Hey Jake,
Ride it out, brother. Mental illness is painfully commonplace. You were smack dab in the middle of the worst of it, but you're not the only one. Best case scenario, your family situation was way beyond anyone's correction, and only the Grace of God let you get past it. We've got our share in my family, and the only way to grapple with it is to do what you've done and let the light shine. Actually, I've found, once you get past, "I'm X and my family member is totally bonkers, abusive, whacko.. whatever, things start looking better. My thought are with you in this hard time.
Jake, just think -- she is finally healed. Deo Gratias!
You and your dad are in my prayers.
Jake,
You have really been through a lot. Accept my deepest condolences.
Let us also remember the families of those unfortunate people in Tibet.
Terry: you are amazing. The words and emotions flow and we are washed by them. Peace be upon Pan and may peace be yours, good friend, and rest with you always.
Jake,
Christs light shines before, and after you !!
Jake, you chose the Cross and not the switchblade. And you stuck with it to your mother's end.
Be a comfort to your brother and enjoy him. You are the only ones now who have known each other your whole lives.
No one ever gets the reconciliation they need from their parents. But:
"How goodly it is and how pleasant
when brothers can live together."
Thanks for the lectio divina during Holy Week. May we all see resurrection in 7 short days.
My prayers are with you, my brother, as you enter the often strange land of Bereavement. I will be joining you in Lectio Divina this week. Thanks for offering the discipline. Traveling mercies, my friend. My the soul of your Mother, through the mercy of God, rest in peace.
There's nothing strange about your confession at all. Michael's mother descended into psychosis and left the family when he was 19. He too was the focus of his mentally ill mother's delusions. I think he would completely understand that mix of relief and grief that you feel.
I hope this Holy Week will be a much needed rest and renewal for you in a much too stressful time.
May your mother, and all of us, awake in that place where Lazarus is poor no more.
Jake, I read this just before heading over to the 8.00 HE. Know I will keep your [step]mother, your father, your brother and you in my prayers, honouring the complexity of the relationships as you described. May not only she but also you find the peace which passes all our understanding. There will be a candle burning for all of you today. And be gentle to yourself this week.
My condolences, Jake. My own mother died just six months ago, and I understand grieving the relationship we never had.
May God stand close beside you and comfort you through this trip and your time of mourning.
Jake - my prayer for you is that this can now move to a safer place in your heart. I have an odd pain myself, a story not for today.
But, I just sent out a prayer for my parents, sound, kind and intelligent people. I am blessed to still have them both on this side, they are in their early 80s and still very mobile. Thank you, mom and dad, for your faith in me.
Love to all, and may just a little bit of healing come to all of us this week in some way.
Jake--May your grief be enfolded in all God's tender mercies and the love and compassion of Jesus surround and shield your heart.
You are our soul-mate brother and you are very much loved.
Fr. Terry,
The powerful witness of your "Stops the World" autobiography touched my heart as few others have.Those pieces, which I read years ago, keep me coming back here daily, informing the regular chatter and arguments. I encourage anyone new at Jake's place to read the series of posts before we began Holy Week.Our host is a holy man, a chosen vessel of G-d's Grace.
G-d's Peace to you and your family, and my prayers for continued healing.
Jake,
There is nothing I can say other then may God hold you close to His heart when you need Him most.
From the Book of Common Prayer:
A Prayer attributed to St. Francis
Lord, make us instruments of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let us sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is discord, union;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
Grant that we may not so much seek to
be consoled as to console;
to be understood as to understand;
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive;
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life. Amen.
Fr. Jake:
My condolances for your loss and prayers for you and your family at this time. Safe journey while you go to be with your family.
Regarding your plans for Holy Week, I look forward to your posts. The drama has been a bit much lately, and it will be good for all of us to step away and get back to the roots of our faith.
May God bless and keep you and yours.
Terry, my condolences on not only the loss of a mother figure but also for the relationship that could have been but never quite was. May she rest in peace and rise in glory and may her family be comforted and healed through God's grace, love and mercy.
Bless you on your journey this week, both the physical and the spiritual. Your family will be in my prayers.
My deepest condolences to you. May Christ's love shine on you and yours and help you through this time.
Blessings,
Dave
Jake --
Your reactions make perfect sense -- provided that you are a good person trying to do what is right & to become an even better -- which could seen as a precis of your entire life -- which is why we love you -- nature & nurture are both true & so are our free choices -- your acceptance of the grace you have received inspires us.
Prayers for Pan.
Prayers for healing.
We all grieve what might have been. You have more reason than most.
Jake……..
You and your family will be remembered during our liturgy this morning. Have a safe journey with our Lord’s speed and blessings.
Prayers for you, and for Pan, and for all whom you love. Peace and healing.
My prayers, Fr. Jake.
Jake,
Travel safely and in peace. I"ll be thinking of you.
As for my Jake's place friends, this is clearly a week for things upon which your tame atheist cannot comment usefully. I hope it is a good one for you, and I'll see you after Easter.
IT
Jake, you love so well that you help me love more honorably by the example of your personal experience.
Thank you, travel well, blessings to you and yours.
Jake - travel safely and know that the prayers of many go with you. Your ability to be as honest, open, and healthy as you are is a gift for all of us. Thank you for sharing, God's peace be with you.
Father Jake:
My prayers and condolences on your loss.
Have a safe and uneventful trip.
Love & peace
Jake, prayers for peace and continued healing for you and your family. May Pan rest in peace in the arms of God. Travel safely my new-found friend. I look forward to your daily postings and to participating in the Ho;y Week meditations.
Blessings,
Aileen
PS--how do we read the rest of the story from 2004?
OOPS,,nevermind--I found it!! Thanks.
Aileen
[Sigh. Desperately trying to expunge from my brainpan the post above mine (not DeaconA!)---I know it will soon be gone]
Prayers for you and yours, Jake. May ALL of us, even jw, have a holy Holy Week [Even IT, whose reflections on Scripture I would actually love to hear ;-)]
Just Wondering's comment is a marshmallow with a fishhook in it.
My sincere sympathy, Jake. Although I never had as traumatic a parental relationship, I can really understand your conflict of emotions. May God bless you.
Prayers ascending for you, your father and brother and especially your mother in these times.
My own mother died seven years ago after several years of progressive dementia and alzhiemer's. She did not know me for much of the last year of her life, but was always happy to see me and would tell me all about her son Gerry.
My sense of relief and joy for her deliverance into eternal life was profound while tinged with the grief of thge lose.
It will be painful but Grace will come and peace will flwo around you and the family.
Holding you and both of your mothers in prayer, Jake.
Jake,
Condolences and prayers--and thanks, for the witness you give.
Joining in the Lectio Divina!
Prayers for peace and healing..
BJ
For the first time in many year (maybe in her entire life), Pan is well. For the first time in YOUR life, she is able to love you wholly, as she at some level always wanted to. For the first time in HER life, she fully knows the love you wanted to give her.
In and through the heart of God, all is forgiven. May you and your family be at peace.
Andee
Dear Fr Jake,
May God bless you in this time of grief. You and your family will be in my prayers.
If it helps--please know that you are not alone in the strange landscape of grief. My mother died just this past Christmas. (Her death was precipiatated by neglect and abuse at the hands of my own brother, so while not the same, your reflection regarding the divergent tides of grief truly resonated.)
So, the landscape of grief is amazing and holy. And there are no accurate maps--but you already know the Way. Take all the time you need there; there are unexpected treasures to be found.
many blessings, --margaret
Jake, please accept my prayers and sympathy for you and your family. When my abusive, alcoholic father died, I felt relief, just as you did. He had caused my family so much hurt and grief over the years, and I knew that was over. I can't say that I felt grief, but I did feel loss that our relationship would never be made right this side of heaven.
I still think about my father and how different our lives could have been. My hope is that perhaps things yet may be made right between my father and me and between you and your step-mother, that God will make a way for us to come together in peace.
May God bless you and your family and keep you in his love and peace. May Pan rest in peace and rise in glory.
Jake, please accept my prayers and sympathy for you and your family. When my abusive, alcoholic father died, I felt relief, just as you did for your step-mother. He had caused our family so much hurt and grief, and now that was over. I can't say I felt grief, except for the might have been. I experienced a sense of loss, in that our relationship could never be made right this side of heaven.
Perhaps, in some way that we don't now know, God will make it possible for us to come to peace with them - you with your step-mother and me with my father. That is my hope.
May God bless you and your family with his love and peace. May Pan rest in peace and rise in glory.
Jake, I am very sorry about your mother. Please accept my condolences.
Have a safe trip and I know we will all be praying for you and your family.
Father Jake,
I'm one of your lurkers, but I have read (and understand out of my own experience) your story. Please accept my profound sympathy and know that you will be in my prayers. As I began to write this, a thought popped into my head: For now we see through a glass, darkly; but then face to face: now I know in part; but then shall I know even as also I am known.
It's really, really going to be that way Jake. It's why we have Easter.
Anne
Eternal rest grant to her Oh Lord.
Dealing with the loss of a parent is never easy, but your situation is particullarly difficult. Prayers ascending.
FWIW
jimB
Jake,
God bless you and your family.
Bill
Jake, I lost my mother while I was deployed in the Indian Ocean on the USS California in 1985. It took me Four days to get home and the family had already buried her when I got home. So you're in my prayers. Losing any relative is rough, but a mother is even worse. God bless you keep you and make his face to shine upon you and grant you peace.
My mother in law died last summer- she was a bitter angry woman who never liked me. And I too felt relief thet after 17 years I did not have to rein myself in. And sadness that nothing I did could ever be enough for her. You are in our prayers
Terry,
My heartfelt prayers for you and your family.
I read your Stopping the World essays quite some time ago, but they have left an indelible imprint in my mind and soul. I cannot know all your pain but I am humbled by your deep faith and your fight to live, for yourself and others.
May you find in these last moments of conflicted feelings what it will take to finally bring you a full and quiet peace that passeth all understanding.
Kathy
Dear Fr Jake
Prayers for you and your family.
Isaiah 42:3 comes to mind for some reason 'a bruised reed he will not break'.
God bless
PM
Jake,
To you and yours ... peace, blessings, comfort ... may Jesus be extra close to you all.
Hi Jake--For some reason your post for yesterday, Palm Sunday, had not appeared. So I assumed the meditation was on the collect you left on this post and I will share that.
After reading it aloud several times the phrase: "O Lord God of our salvation" was my meditation.
TRUST was the only word that came back to me. And this is what followed.
There was a very long tunnel, pointing upward infused with a soft bright white light. And at the very end of this very long tunnel was a small circle of intense blue.
The vision then shifted to a large expanse of darker blue flecked with prisims of white light and in the middle of this was a long green expanse of land which seemed to be gently rocking.
The space was very nurturing, gentle and calm.
The vision shifted again in the strangest way. I see the stand of trees that are outside of the window where I am sitting. It is dark already and the blinds are closed but I see these trees as plainly as I would if it were broad daylight and the blinds were wide open. The sky is gray but infused with a soft white light.
I think the message for me is Trust what is life-giving. Trust in what God has made. Find healing and nurturing in his light. He can do better things for us than we can do for ourselves.
When in the thick of the complications that come with a loved one trapped in mental illness, the only metaphor that I could think of to describe the experience was holding on to a live electrical wire without the ability to let go.
May God bless you and your family with peace through the challenges presented by the life and passing of your stepmother.
It sounds like it has been a long and difficult road. I will pray this week for you, Jake, and for your mother and for the rest of your family. May Christ's peace be upon you all.
You are in my prayers
My deepest sympathy on your family's loss.
Requiem æternam
Bob
My prayers are with you.
One of the earliest memories of my mother is her pushing me down a flight of stairs at age 2.
When I put her ashes in the ground there was a little voice inside me singing "Ding dong the witch is dead"
But I found my grief was no less deep because I loved her and because I always had the (I am sure) childish hope that one day she would wake up and be the mother I always longed for. When she died that hope died with her. So, we grieve just as deeply but in a different way.
May God's love surround you and sustain you through this difficult time.
((Jake))
God hold you especially close right now.
Love,
Grace.
Jake,
I'm sorry to have said nothing before now. I've grown up in an environment of low-level mental illness most of my life, as you can probably see from recent events.
I understand, but I won't say that I understand all you're going through, because it's different from all. The important thing is this, that priests have someone to talk to, as well. I remember hearing of a Buddhist priest in Japan, once, who said, "I go through the village and speak to and listen to everyone. The only time others seek me out to speak and listen is at a birth or death." I think that's true for our priests as well, and I worry it is ingrained as "the way things should be."
Jake -
Prayers ascending for you and your brother. May light perpetual shine upon your step-mom, and may God hold you close as you work through your difficult and complicated feelings regarding her death.
((((HUGS))))
((((((((((((((MORE hugs)))))))))
There are so many here who have faced various types of struggles.
Wow.
It's like a brilliant mosaic. Shining and colorful.
Wow.
God don't make no junk. :wink:
Dear Jake, it is not touchy-feely, it's called prayer and discernment, and we all could use a little more of that. Lectio Divina is a fine thing.
I hadn't been by here in over a week (that Holy Week thang, you know) and was saddened by your mother's death and moved by your words. May you find the silence you need, and good for you for this healthy break from the usual. We will all do the Anglican Communion and the Episcopal Church more good if we focus on the holy mysteries of this week -- Godde, I'm sounding old-fashioned. But those of us on the "left" are much more traditional than some others might think. We love Christ and Christ's church and we try to live that foot-washing, Eucharistic way, and we too kneel at the foot of the Cross and discover new joy on the day of Resurrection.
Be well, brother, and take the time you need. Thank you for all you do for so many, and for posting the Scripture reflections this week, one more sign of your devotion to ministry. Take care of yourself. Christ has died. Christ is risen. Christ will come again.
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