Feardriven.
Defensive.
Betrayer and betrayed?
Disloyal?
Liar.
Rationalizer.
TRUTH.
Self-seeing.
No place to run, hide/deny.
Frustration/imploding.
Collapse of denial and pretend.
Powerless.
Acceptance of what really *is*.
Breakthrough.
At first I had a lot of resistance to the idea of posting on this, because I assumed my post was going to be all about me.
"After a little while the bystanders came up and said to Peter, 'Certainly you are also one of them, for your accent betrays you.'"
Today we had five new guests. Two were men from the group residence nearby. One was probably a single dad with child in tow. Two were probably partnered. Each, in there own way, searching and eager.
When I invited all the bapized who are accustomed to receiving communion in there own places of worship to receive communion here, there was a general stir among them - they all looked up, either startled or with the surprise of joy all over their face.
I know they each were "one of them". I hope they saw in us that we are "one of them", too. I hope "our accent betrays us," and I am called to do what I can to help this community be more clearly recognized (to have more of the accent) as being among those who follow Jesus on the Way.
...(thank you, Jake; I hope our reflections are of some special use to you right now)...
fr jake, I am sorry/happy for your release from your step-mother. My own mother-in-law made all manner of untrue and unjust comments about me to my children and to my then wife. She once insisted that I had AIDS, for instance. But at the end (she died at 96) she made her peace with me and with God simply by asking me to give her a hug. It was her way, I am sure, of making a life-time apology to me. I accepted it as such, and we were both the better for it. I read your blog daily. Thank you for your witness and your great good sense.
"This man was with Jesus of Nazareth." Again he denied it with an oath, "I do not know the man."
I see myself doing this in my life.
A fraternity pledge becomes unpopular because he is different and I say "He's a nut case. We can black ball him on the next vote".
A coworker points out a design flaw in a major project during an 'executive review' and I discredit the criticism because I know my vice president wants this project done quickly rather then correctly.
My social life can die in one case. My career can die in another. I pick my self preservation over doing the right thing.
How can I say Peter is bad in wanting to live. I can't. I am exactly the same as he is in this story. I am not willing to 'die' to do the right thing.
I think of every time I heard someone say something bigoted about "one of them" (whoever the particular "them" might have been), and I didn't immediately say something (like, "in that case, *I* am one of THEM, too")
---or if I DID say something, I did so in such a snide, morally self-righteous way, that WHAT I was saying got lost, in my indignation to prove myself superior.
Kyrie eleison.
Christe eleison.
Kyrie eleison.
I'd never tried anything similar to Lectio Divina before. Extraordinary feeling...
I focused on the phrase "I do not know the man!" To be perfectly honest, I have said that of my friends at times. I have allowed others to decimate the character of them behind their backs while I simply sat there and watched. My silence is affirmation.
In that same way, I must be careful that the shame I have of what Christianity often looks like doesn't make me ashamed to profess Christ as my Lord and Savior. I don't want to shove it down peoples' throats, however; I really don't think that's the answer here. I need to live in a way that my actions do the talking for me.
I've had the latter preached to me incessantly, but I have never considered the former interpretation until now. I am reminded of Jesus's chastisement:
"... for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me." (Matthew 25:42-43)
If I deny my friends or anyone in physical or spiritual need I am, in effect, denying Christ.
So very often, I'm Peter. Kyrie eleison.
I'm sorry if the above is disjointed or grammatically correct. To be perfectly honest, I can't type very well at the moment, and my mind hasn't entirely come out of that meditative state just now. It has taken me multiple drafts of a single sentence just to make it readable. I'm moved.
Thank you, Fr. Jake, for this blessing. I'm looking forward to the next installments! What a wonderful way to acknowledge Holy Week!
The Lord bless us and keep us
This is very helpful, thanks Jake
Prayers for you and your family
Ah, Peter, my favorite character in the New Testament. I once heard the name Peter translated as "everyman". And Jesus said, "And upon this rock I will build my church." It is amazing how well he knew/knows/will know Peter!
+May the peace of the Lord which passses all understanding by always with you Jake and also with all your family+
Fr. Jake, these postings are a great idea; thanks for doing them.
For some reason, I hooked onto "Then Peter remembered what Jesus had said...."
Love and regret....
yesterday our rector asked us to examine the people in the gospel reading.
He asked us, "could we be the crowd that threw palms one day and turned on Jesus a few days later?" Could we be Peter? Caiaphas? Ect...
My guess is we could be all these people at different times in our lives, Peter, the crowd, Judas, Caiaphas ect...
John always presents problems for me. Do we read it metaphorically or historically? I think it is JD Crossan who points out that the crowd choice of Barrabas is choosing a violent, militaristic approach to the Romans as opposed to Jesus' way of non-violence and social reform.
One way is easy and a clear victory can be seen. The other takes longer and asked us to each do our part. At times we choose the easy way out as Peter did (at least up to this point).
Just my two cents.
Peace,
Bob
Exposure to truth is often unrecognized until long, later reflection. (Peter had already been on the Mount of Transfiguration!)
Denial of truth can be considered to be absolutely inevitable - somewhere - sometime - for literally everyone.
Tears only initiate and pave the way for redemption; they don't accomplish it.
Declared certainty will always eventually be proven flawed and imperfect.
At church yesterday I spoke the servant girl role -- that gave me pause on many levels. Do I point to God's followers accusingly? Are my actions those of one who seeks to "expose" the bad deeds of others? Do I even understand what it's like to be relegated to a life of servitude?
-J
Hmmm I'm thinking we are like all these characters at different times in our lives. Maybe what I/we need to do is realize that we live this kind of story everyday. We tear down others through gossip and put downs (I keep trying to keep my mouth shut and give myself a day before venturing and answer on certain people and subject). We like a certain boss one day because we see progress and the next day tear them down much like the crowd. We see this so often in college sports where one day a great coach wins, wins, wins and then the next season they have set backs and people want them fired.
As for Jesus dying for my sins, thats a bit of stretch for me. Jesus dying because of my sins, that I'll buy with out reservation. We live out this tragedy every day but with much less at stake but at times quite painful and very real.
Peter's rooster has crowed in many lives since Peter heard it and realized what he had done: broken his word to the Lord and broken the Lord's heart.
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