It's extremely unlikely that we'll ever be at the same baby shower, but if you weaken in your resolve to never attend another, and I'm there, I'll talk football or baseball or knitting with you. Or sex. But ... not basketball. Sorry.
I have four kids and I hate the cutesie games and stuff, too. Especially the baby poop game. Who ever thought that was a good idea, especially with pregnant women around? GAG!!
Melted candy bars in diapers? WTF?!
Suddenly I'm glad that I haven't made it to very many baby showers. But there's one looming on the horizon -- the horizon being next weekend. Thankfully, I believe the hostess would not subject us to such things.... and it's partly a knitting party.
I'm totally going to be obnoxious now, and ask her where the fake poop is at.
Mostly, Anna-Liza, it's "not cervixes."
*snarf* "All the other baby showers are doing it... where's MY fake poop?" Please do it, Sarah. And tell me how it goes.
you would have loved my baby shower 14 years ago...i had a kegger...and it was for everyone...as long as you were an adult. Just cause I couldn't drink didn't mean no one else could. And there was darts, pinball, and much noshing of yummy, bad-for-you snacks. None of which ended up melted in a diaper. No stupid games either. Thank God my sister and my best friend didn't have their heads up their asses...they were also the ones responsible for my 30th b-day party with the margarita machine. They rock.
Best line of the day? "None of which ended up melted in a diaper."
Darts... $25
Keg... $75
Snacks... $50
Not being to precious to enjoy your baby shower... priceless
I had a child 31 years ago. I hated showers, whether they were baby, wedding, engagement, whatever - and even if they were for me. I'm not above getting gifts, mind you - in fact, that's the best part of Christmas (I'm definitely not green, and I don't care if the wrapping paper or ribbon is made from petroleum by-products - I like ripping into them with wild abandon). I hate the whole concept of showers, from the idiotic games, to the women gabbing about how long they were in labor (I still take the prize, even after all these years - don't ask), to their cervixes (I didn't even talk about mine when I still had one, and it could withstand riding a Harley at full-bore when I was six months pregnant... I was in denial), to their mondo-boobs (I have mondo-boobs without being pregnant). I guess I just don't like female gatherings- I'd much rather be shooting pool with a bunch of bikers or playing blackjack in a casino than sitting around with a bunch of women trying to be social and chatty and witty and and and... oh crap, the whole idea of EVER being invited to another of those things is suddenly making me ill.
And yes... they're exactly like milking machines. In fact, they are.
Honey, I've had baby showers thrown FOR ME, and wound up counting ceiling tiles.
Floor tiles. . .
Themed knick-knacks. . .
Ways to kill myself. . .
Even when I was going through that crap, I thought it was total dorkdom. Now that I have teens, it's like never having had children. Guess the candy bar? naaaaa
Melted chocolate in a diaper? These are grown women right? Never heard of this before. Unbelievable.
I'm invited to 2 baby showers over the next while.
I wish you great luck, Yvette. May your baby showers be faux shit free.
I guess there are just some places where normally rational women lose their heads. This would also explain toilet paper bridal dresses.
And Mike Ricci.
I've never heard of the melted chocolate in a diaper thing either. What a waste of perfectly good chocolate! And how disgusting. I would totally have barfed. Which would have made the party just that much better. And at least been an excuse to leave, right?
Marin, remain strong and next time someone asks you to a shower, Just Say No.
Marin, I could've just checked your blog in between all my loafing today. The shower looks just as grim as your description tonight...
I mean, really, the only poop-ey diaper I want to see at a baby shower is my own. Wait, take that back. If I ever get knocked up, you can rest assured all I'm going to do is send out a group email begging for all things baby. We can have a champagne shower when I start to pump and dump.
If I had only known you in January of 95!! My shower was a Super Bowl Party! It wasn't the same without you! (Of course I didn't know that THEN, but I sure as hell know that NOW!!)
I didn't want a shower, the games make me hurl too. Since there was already going to be a party, some friends just tacked the shower on to it. It was the only way they were going to be able to get away with one.
I never talk about cervixes. Well, I might listen sympathetically for a while if someone else is talking about them. For a while.
Low key, people. Super Bowl baby shower. That's what I'm talkin' about!
The most I ever talk about my cervix is to occasionally relate the story about how my gyno held up a mirror for me to see my cervix once and I finally just pretended to see it because she seemed so invested in it.
It's NOT party entertainment.
Hey... why not male strippers at a baby shower?
I vote for male strippers at the baby shower.
As long as it's not Mike Ricci.
Amen, Sister Lyda!
Although... if Mike Ricci stripped at the shower AND everybody talked about cervixes, I think it would be like ripping the band-aid off every horrifying female leaning and getting it over with.
Or maybe just a special circle of hell.
Heheheh... the "Baby-Shower-stripping-Mike-Ricci" circle of hell. Oh deary deary me.
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