I don't give a baker's fuck.
Ouch Ouch Ouch.....
Let that be a lesson to you!
Next time you get gluten cravings I bet you'll remember today!
I'll never eat gluten again.
Poor tthwing. Mwaybe, nwext twime you will rewember thwiss...
You know you could have eaten gluten and presumably taken care of the pain permanently.
I fuckign hate migraines
That devil-goat picture is amazing. You've got to start selling signed, numbered copies of these things on eBay. I'd be the first to bid.
John...I'm sort of sensing your sarcasm here.
"Goat Clusterfuck" would be a good band name.
And I hope your poor cousin hears this story and laughs in retaliation...karma is a bitch.
Also, keep track of how good your tips are when your lip scabs over and customers think you have herpes. Naturally, they'll still hit on you -- it'll be Valentine's Day after all. And "Valentine's Day Herpes" would be a good band name.
I'm sorry for having so much fun with your lameness, but sometimes it's nice when it's not me. 
Disagree on Goat Clusterfuck. Doesn't roll off the tongue well.
Valentine's Day Herpes is a winner, though!
Well, I certainly feel the love from you, Milbarge. The sympathy just EMANATES from you.
I thought we were getting two stories for the price of one, but now I just feel really bad for you. If it's any consolation, it should heal pretty quickly.
And it could have happened to anyone, really.
I think that's B.O., not sympathy.
THL - 0, gluten gods - 1. I wonder if something else will attack you next time you are gluten greedy.... need someone to kiss it make it better?
what i don't understand is why you did just heat the ice cream up in the microwave...cold spoons are only supposed to used to get rid of unwanted hicky's and lips.
You poor thing!!! Not only did you not get your ice cream cone, you are wounded now too. Bastard Gods!!! (I'm sure I won't go to hell for calling the Gods bastards, right?) Great pictures and wonderful story of the goats. Made my day!
There's nothing better than a comment thread where Milbarge says something nice, only to get burned by Fitz.
"Burning Milbarge" would make a great band name, by the way.
I was thinking "10 seconds in the microwave" and "for the love of god, keep the spoon in your mouth until it heats up!" It would have been an additional 3-5 seconds for the love of the evil gods!
Okay...I NEVER put ice cream in the microwave because then it gets all melty and that grosses me out. Although I have learned never to lick the spoon.
Burning Milbarge is an awesome band name.
No offense, Milbarge. But you did make a herpes joke in my direction...
"The Jokes of Herpes" would be a good band name.
Hilarious!!! That would be me too..laughing my ass off about the goat. Love your drawings BTW..M
i need clarification on the cold spoon getting rid of hickys? does this work? i mean I'm 30 and haven't had a hicky in awhile but ya never know...
There is no quick-fix for hickys (hickies?) They are bruises, plain and simple. Just cover'em up, or make up a story (or both).
That Conepellet stuffed goat pic was friggin hilarious. I can't even handle it. I printed it our to read a lunch one more time.
You rock.
ps- The spoon would've done the same thing if there was no cone... remember, the gluten didn't do it to you.
Little did you know at the time of the zoo outing, you would find yourself living among a herd of seven goats, who you have written vividly about, as they are passed out on the bathroom or kitchen floors with bloated stomachs and half-eaten food or empty beer bottles strewn around. It was your destiny.
I was wondering if semen is gluten free. Just so that when you blow and then run to the bathroom and I hear you spitting I'll know if it's because of the devil gluten or because I need to change my diet.
I sure hope it is! Otherwise I'm in troub...nevermind.
Next time, put the ice cream container or spoon in your armpit to warm it. With sleeves on, of course.
As you may know, Celiacs are estimated to be 1 of 133 Americans, more common in Caucasians, European ancestry and women. I feel so sorry for you, as were I inflicted, I would lose half my diet of French bread, wheat pastas and Fruit Loops.
Nice title.
I feel your pain. Well, the eating something you shouldn't have pain... Despite the fact that I'm Canadian, I've never stuck my tongue to frozen metal. So I don't feel that pain.
Upper lip injuries can really add spice to life. Back when I was in high school, I managed to split my upper lip completely in half in a skiing accident. Once I returned to school the following day -- my recently hemisected lip delicately stitched back together with 5-0 Prolene -- I became a continual source of glee for my friends. They rapidly noticed that every time I laughed, I had to manually hold the two sides of my lip together, lest the sutures should tear out and my lip rend once again. Thus, my kind friends immediately fixed on the goal of making me laugh, mounting all the hilarity they could muster in the hopes that my lip might split apart and bleed profusely for their delectation. Ahh, Schadenfreude...
No, God, Moses and Noah were not feeling indulgent I am afraid to say... They were hanging with fate and destiny and all the others making side bets and laughing their asses off at how things would get fucked up. No doubt each had a planned trap for you. So think of it like this, you are not lame, they just needed to fuck with someone regardless of how good your paper was or how well you thought things were going.
So, youa re not lame, they just like fucking with us little people down here!
does a cold spoon get rid of hickys?
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