This Catholic Journey
This is such a poignant post. Maybe you can frame this transition as one that enriches and adds to your faith life. It is no coincidence that we Catholics don't like changes in the Mass (there's a few coming up and some folks are not happy) because we all cherish the familiar.
As a cradle Catholic I cannot give you my "history" of growing up in the Church, but can tell you that the rituals of the Mass are one thing - the meaning deepens every time I go - still. I don't know if that's helpful to hear but it's very true.
Take care,
Ruth
My heart goes out to you and I pray that you will continue to trust God and, gee, why not the angels?!?
I was raised Jewish and baptized in a nondenominational church by lapsed Catholics who tried to convince me that the Roman Catholic church was evil. They failed in those endeavors and 5 years later I came into full communion with the Church by receiving the sacrament of confirmation.
I'll also note that I took my time because, having church hopped and gone through 2 divorces, I wanted to make a strong commitment when I finally did receive all the sacraments.
RCIA programs vary greatly in quality parish-by-parish, so please don't be discouraged if you find an RCIA group unnerving. I was fortunate to have a pastor who acknowledged that my formation was "different" and "deep."
Part of this formation involved seeking and receiving Church annulments for my previous marriages. This took nearly two years and was hugely healing.
My priest did not require that I go through the RCIA program at my parish. (This caused no shortage of resentment among the RCIA program directors!)
Re: the differences in worship. While I enjoyed the hootenanny type atmosphere of nondenominational worship (AG, especially), I found that the more formal liturgical structure of the Mass very comforting, calming, and steadying.
I love the solemn-yet-joyful elegance of Mass and am fortunate to be in a parish where the music is glorious. But even if it wasn't, I'd love the Mass.
Roman Catholicism called to me for these key reasons: 1) it is the unbroken line from Jesus the Christ; and 2) the Eucharist is at the center of the Mass...and our faith. I simply don't "get" churches where they have Communion only on occasions!
As a practical matter, I'm wondering if attending church w/your family and Mass w/Damion is causing too much cognitive dissonance for you?
Hope these (long) musings help. May the peace of the Lord be with you always.
Meredith
Amber,
It sounds like what you need is to connect with a Catholic Charismatic Renewal group. They have prayer meetings that are really Holy Ghost filled. Unfortunately, I don't know of any in the Reno area and there sure aren't any up here at the lake. I sometimes think I must be the "lone charismatic" of Tahoe. You might check with some of the parishes in Reno and see if you can find a group.
In time you will be able to let go and totally accept the Catholic faith. But, take it one step at a time. Right now, since you are early on your journey, keep attending the Mass along with your current service. As your go through a few RCIA classes, I would then let you family know of your decision and then just attend the Mass. You can still listen to Christian music and everything.
And, don't worry if your family will not accept your decision to convert. Remember as Our Lord says, put Him first and all things will be given unto you.
Take it one step at a time. And pray, pray, and pray. Attend Eucharistic Adoration if you can. Just keep praying and God will give you the courage and strength to leave all of you knew and accept Catholicism. That is the fault of the rich man in the Gospel. He couldn't let go of his life and in turn Christ left Him. Just keep praying and God will deliver you to Himself in the Holy Eucharist!
Amber, I so remember feeling this way. (not about missing the worship, because the Mass fits me like a glove...I'd never felt at home in protestant services, even though they were the only thing I'd known) ...but the "oh NO" feeling when I thought there was something about the Church I could not reconcile with, and then, what the heck was I gonna do? Thank God I just pushed through and confronted my doubts and studied and was ultimately satisfied with His truth, every time. I trust it will all come together for you too.
I remember going through something very similar once I started RCIA, whenever I was with my parents I went to their non-denominational church after I went to mass, and it seemed fine, but eventually I only felt at home in a catholic church. It was 4-5 months into RCIA but it just sort of happened. For all your life you are not catholic and then you are, it is a strange but great feeling, just give it some time and prayer.
Amber,
The wonderful thing about my Protestant upbringing, and it would seem yours as well, is that my parents, and my church taught me to seek God and follow Him.
Continue to seek Him, follow Him at whatever pace He leads you. That's such an awesome thing about our God is that He takes us where we are and knows exactly how to lead us, how to speak to us in the way that we will hear Him best.
For my husband it was a three year process - for me it was less than a year. However, my husband needed the lengthy time with the Lord to unpack so much of what the Catholic church is (and is not) before He could lead our family in that direction. God opened my eyes to some huge and significant things about the church initially, enough to bring me in, and I've just spent the time since continuing to unpack.
Whatever time frame this all works out in for you is the correct time frame as long as you continue to seek Him and follow Him.
I also agree that churches vary greatly and there is nothing wrong with going to a different parish - I know that is so odd, it's not the same as "church hopping" as we knew it among Protestant churches. :)
Sorry to go on and on...but you know.... LOL
Deanna
You say it is different. How is it different? Is it feeling? Music? Form? I am really interested, and articulating the differences might help.
I have never been out of the church. The few non-catholic services I have gone to for various reasons have either been similar to the mass (e.g., some Lutheran or Anglican), or so foreign, it didn't just didn't work for me.
My prayers are with you.
This is in reply to your post at:
http://www.blogger.com/
comment.g...591367119884766
There are lots of folks that can talk about the whys and wherefores of what we do. But don't thing that is where you are (e.g., why we have an offering in Mass).
If you beleive what you said about the real presence, then you know that the Mass is the ultimate prayer, and there is no substitite. So what is it holding you back? What is it in your gut? You say, you are not converting because of feelings. The intellect and will are involved. But connversion happens in the heart as well as the mind.
When I read your description, I hear the community coming through - how your children are treated, the greatings, the informality, the not having an offering in the service.
Two thoughts. 1. Change is always easier with a group of friends who share the experience. At the parishes I have attended, the RCIA class forms a supportive community itself. I suspect that will happen (perhaps your blog community can help too). 2. Have you started to connect into the parish community? When you know the people and they know you, it starts to get comforatable.
I am not a convert, so I can't know exactly what it is like. But I have joined new parishes. I have moved a lot - we have had 5 parishes over the past 10 years (I moved too much for work). All the transitions have been tough (and at times, it was tempting to skip Mass - I felt disconnected and alone at times).
The thing that has made the moves easier or harder has been how easy or hard it is to become a part of the commuinty. Some communities are more welcoming than others (I think that is true with all human groups). At all of these, I felt outside until I became involved. I hope you reach out and become involved. You don't have to go through RCIA for that.
Of course, I hope those in this Catholic community make you feel welcomed. I'll do my part. :)
I will keep you in my prayers, of course. Sorry for rambling.
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