This Catholic Journey
Dear Ammber:
It's ok to feel bad!!!
No easy answers here, but one thought, and this has certainly been new to me too as a newbie Catholic, but.... we can offer up even our despair, depression and bad feelings to God. Paul said that we can unite our sufferings to Christ's for the sake of the body. So even the dry, dark, depressed, "I hate everything about my life feelings", are not suffered in vain or a waste. Not that the bad feelings go zipping away , but Jesus holds his arms out on the cross and says,"Amber you come up here and share your suffering with me for awhile."
Prod and I will keep you in our prayers and if things don't get better
see a good doctor and get on some appropriate meds. Yeah, even devout Catholics can suffer depression (I'm board certified in the state of PA :)
Hi Amber,
I don't know if what you are experiencing is the same thing that happened to me after coming back to the Church, but I have heard from others as well that they have had a time of depression. I especially struggled with scrupulosity and thought I could never be a good enough Catholic. It was weird because I wanted to be Catholic for so long and suddenly I found myself despairing. I prayed a lot and tried not to be too hard on myself. After a few months it went away. I hope your struggles go away soon. As TJ said, you're in our prayers.
"Lord, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief."
A beautiful prayer that says so much in so few words. I pray it with deep desperation when I feel separated and conflicted. I am both a perfectionist with a very logical intellect and a woman of strong feelings. My mind and heart don't always seem to be going the same direction.
"Lord, I do believe; help me overcome my unbelief."
Since God created you, there is no break beyond His repair. When you have trouble praying for yourself, know that their are others who will pray for you. I will.
Hey Amber, You have been in my prayers. I suspected those of us who just came in to the Church might experience this sort of slump/spiritual attack (whatever it is) not long after Vigil. I want you to know I'm there too....struggling to feel joy, nothing very insightful to write on my blog, feeling just plain flat emotionally. I too am not at all encouraged by some certain circumstances in my life. So for you and me, I'm including this reminder that Jesus is bigger than this. He is enough. His gifts to us in the sacraments are enough and we need them now more than ever. Get thee to Mass! ;) (That goes for me too!)
Martha
Thank you to everyone who commented here... Your words have meant so much and have been very encouraging.
I am so glad I started this blog because it's put me in touch with wonderful people who I would not have otherwise known.
It can be good to cry. Sometimes we have to expunge all of the emotion by saying what we have left unsaid. I'm not sure you want to do that here, but somewhere. It sounds to me like you believe you are holding onto something - you've got to find a way to let go. Perhaps the priest that you mention in your post would be good to talk to.
Amber, sounds like these bad feelings are making the rounds. Perhaps it is a spritual attack, perhaps the Lord is allowing it to refine us, to make us lean more on Him. Frequent reception of the Sacraments will help. I really recommend you read Fr. Groeschel's "Healing the Original Wound" and "Arise From Darkness." Also the Little Flower's Story of a Soul and my new favorite St. Teresa Benedicta of the Cross (Edith Stein)could help.
I will pray for you Dear.
((((HUGS)))) I am in a similar state emotionally. God will help you through this. I will pray for you. Take care
RobK, that's not a bad idea... Maybe I will do that!
Angela, thank you for the book recommendations... I'll add these to my ever-growing list of must-reads!
Cathy, sorry to hear you are feeling the same. I will pray for you also.
Amber,
Right after Easter I sent you my story about "Good Friday at Easter vigil" (it can be read here: http://www.envoymagazine.com/for...p?
TOPIC_ID=3179 ).
Because my annulment was not yet complete, I was not received into The Church at the Easter Vigil Mass. Of course this was a major, yet temporary disappointment. However, now that being recieved in is "in Sight" (The case has been affirmed in the Diocese and is now at the Archdiocesan Tribunal for final review), I have a real concern that I can't "live worthily" of the Eucharist that I soon hope to taste. That, I will soon become dry and complacent.
For the past 3 months I've experienced one thing after another in the way of prolonged sickness, inability to exercise, and now an issue with my shoulder that keeps me in almost constant pain. I had to miss Mass and RCIA classes several times as well as the Rite of Election Ceremony due to illness.
The ironic thing is that prior to all of this happening, I was going to Eucharistic Adoration 3-4 hours per week, Reading tons of Scripture and Catholic Books, and doing a major study in The Cathechism of The Catholic Church. Then the health problems hit and "shawammy" I have little strength for anything but work and sleep. I was literally angry at God for taking away the very vitality that I was using to get to know Him and His Church better with!
Then God showed me to simply "trust Him like a little child". That, unlike the prior 12 years of my life as a "Bible Christian" that the Catholic Faith is not as much about "doing and knowing" as simply "being", that REAL spriritual growth is orgnanic, it cannot be forced, but must be nurtured slowly, even when we are at our weakest moments!
So, I still wonder how it will be do be free to go to the Sacrament of Reconcilliation and the Eucharist. Yet, God has given a rest that this is really still the beginning of my Journey in His great Church!
Brian,
It seems that we go under attack whenever we strive to get closer to God. I'm glad to hear that you are persevering.
If there is one thing I'm learning, it's that "feeling" is not a reflection of the strength of one's faith. We are all part of the body of Christ, some feel more than others... Being dry does not make us unworthy to receive the Eucharist. In fact, it is at these times when we should desire it all the more.
Keep me posted on your journey. I can't wait to hear the blessings that God may have in store for you!
Don't be depressed. You don't need to work to gain God's love or his saving grace.
"For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so that whosoever believeth in Him, shall not perish, but have everlasting life." John 3:16
Salvation is a free gift and it cannot be earned. Do not despair. No ritual is needed to earn God's saving grace or love. Not the eucharist or anything else.
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