This Catholic Journey
Amber,
This is nothing to worry about -- though that's easier said than done.
Emotions are almost irrelevant when it comes to the spiritual life, and as Fr. John Hardon taught, the evil one will do everything he can to take us away from God. And the easiest way for him to do this is to make us feel far from God.
Say the St. Michael Prayer regularly. And do not fear. God will use this in a way you cannot foresee.
Also remember, you're not confirmed yet. Myself, I've never been known for my 'faith'. I tend to be pretty skeptical, but since confirmation, I have noticed a big difference in my spiritual life. I am like the father of the son posessed by an evil spirit in Mark 9 - "help me overcome my unbelief"
When you are confirmed you will be fully welcomed into the family of God, extending back from the bishop (or priest) who confirms you back to the apostles.
Anyway, its never easy.
Do you have a retreat for your RCIA? We had an all day retreat the day before confirmation.
There is nothing wrong with you. We all go through the desert (in fact, Lent parallels Christ's time in the desert). I am reading a terrific book called Habits of the Soul a 40 day spirital book for Catholics. I have already felt God's presence reading it. The book had me say "God fills my emptiness with his Love" and that got me pretty good. I think it was the build up of the entire day's read.
Check it out, it asks for 30 minutes per day. And it is specifically for Catholics.
BTW, don't be surprised if the devil attacks when you are about to take a step.
Also, God sometimes wants us to make an act of the will in spite of not "feeling" it. Definitely a harder thing to do.
I'll be praying for you.
Have you read "Dark Night of the Soul?"
It's exactly what you just described, and take heart - it was written by a saint!
;)
Just before my marriage was convalidated in 2004 (something I had been praying for and and working on for 18 months!!) I started getting cold feet. I had already been married to my husband for 9 years and we survived raising 4 teenagers and the death of my parents in that time. You'd think marrying him again would be a piece of cake! But I had finally realized that I would be making a promise to God - and my husband - in front of God. I was terrified!
I confessed my fears to my friend and she said simply, "The Truth will set you free." I smiled and nodded, not really understanding. I went through with the convalidation and you know what? - she was RIGHT! The Sacraments helped to heal my soul and the proverbial scales fell from my eyes. I understood that the Sacraments would strengthen me. I can't tell you exactly how but just that I KNEW it in my heart and soul.
Amber - I am so excited for you as you get closer to this life-changing event. I am praying for you. When you are feeling anxious say "I claim the protection of the Blood of the Lamb." Keep saying it as often as you need to.
I can't wait to hear your impressions of the Vigil in 9 days!!!!
Amber, it normal to feel dryness sometimes. The ups and down are what most folks experiences. A very good friend, a canisian (or canusian i am not sure how is correct) nun told me this when I complained of the same problem. hang on in there each time when it comes and continue praying. Will pass.
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