I didn't like the fingerpointing "gun" either and I firmly told my son that it was not okay to do so in our house. We had a few talks about physical behavior and how he has to respect other people and their space and to be conscious of other people's feelings. For us, it was just a lot of talking..not reprimanding him but telling him what was appropriate and what wasn't.
Best of luck. 
Once you have gathered some "boy-dealing advice," can you forward it to me so that I can transfer it into man-dealing advice?
Yes, I could use some of that.
Now a possible way ot gater advice is for me to send a few of my friends your way. Which is why I stopped by...
"Hello, Michele sent me." Yes, TC tag you are it.
Okay, you asked.
I believe very strongly that it's a bad idea to nix young male aggression. I know, it sounds bizarre, but I truly am not advocating raising hooligans. This comes from the developmental work we've done w/ Damian and the professional advice we've gotten. Playing out themes of aggression w/ guns and swords is an extremely healthy exploration of personal power. It's a stage, just like the terrible two year old saying "No!" all the time is a stage.
We have laser guns, swords, water pistols, etc. At first when someone would get shot dead in play, I would act all concerned and want to bring in a doctor (go into nurturing mode, try to teach empathy) but was told, no, go with it. Shoot back. Die dramatically. Whatever. Let him experience the variations. See what it feels like in a safe way. That's what play is all about, after all. A way for kids to teach themselves what it all feels like to act a certain way.
As for the shoving, I saw something similar with Damian and a buddy of his at around age 4. They'd wrestle like puppies. We let them but kept an eye on it to make sure nobody was going to get hurt. Nobody ever did. FWIW. I'm not sure I'd be comfortable with shoving, though. Maybe you can channel it into something else physical. Like wrestling or tug of war.
Also, the most violent, aggressive (even dangerous!) boy I know has parents who have nixed guns from Day One, along with anything else that even remotely suggests violence. I think you can't suppress it, that their Quaker ways are doing their son a disservice because he's being taught that his feelings and impulses are bad rather than learning how to integrate them into his psyche.
BTW, I have a couple of good boy-rearing books I can loan you.
Hello, Michele sent me!
As for your dilemna, I'm not going to attempt to give you advice because I would feel like a fraud -- I am not a mother yet.
However, I want you to know I enjoyed reading your post & hope you're able to find peace over this issue soon!!
I can't give advice, either (no kids) but common sense tells me that making a big deal out of it might make it worse.
Loved your list of stuff you brought home with you after work! That's hilarious!
Oh, and Michele sent me.
Hello, Michele sent me! I'm another kidless one, so I also have no advice. But I LOVE the cake!
Hi, Michele sent me. I am not a parent, but an involved auntie to an 18-year-old boy, whose single mother - with the best intentions - forbade guns or gun-play games when he was younger because of her own pacifist philosophy. He is a well socialised and loving young man, but a year ago he still had what seemed to us like an unhealthy fascination with weaponry. We decided this was probably because he'd never got it out of his system, so last year she allowed him to have an air gun; that seems to have helped him lose interest a bit. If she had her time over, she would have allowed gun play. On that basis I would recommend following Tamar's advice. Good luck.
Hello, Michelle sent me! I think that tresure chest cake is really cool. Today is my daughter's 4th birthday and I bought her cake at walmart (My creativity is limited to web design).
*Playful Parenting* has some interesting discussion of gun play. The author discourages banning guns, but has some ideas for how to move the game onward from the shooting stage.
I wrote about D's interest in guns last month.
http://elb.typepad.com/
halfchang...uns_real_d.html
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