Heck yeah, it'd embarrass me. But in that I-feel-embarrassed-'cause-I'm-feeling-embarrassed-
for-someone-else-who-really-SHOULD-be-embarrassed kind of way. I'd just be embarrassed for the therapist. Puhleeze. Didn't we, as a nation, collectively decide to get over that innerchild stuff in 1992?
Sure, working on feeling emotions is important, but giving yourself a hug? Like, in the literal sense? I could handle the figurative. As in, figuratively "give yourself a hug" by doing something nice for yourself: having a long bath, making some hot chocolate, reading some porn, whatever. I'd still be embarrassed for her just for using a dorky turn of phrase, but I wouldn't be quite as embarrassed as I would be if she were serious. No one should be giving herself a hug unless she's in sixth grade or on Saturday Night Live and doing that thing where, from the back, it looks like you're making out with someone.
If your shrink starts asking you to do things she picked up from the life coaches on Starting Over, run. Fast.
The minute I read the words "inner child" I was screaming, "NEW SHRINK! NEW SHRINK!" I think you should see a behavioral, cognitive therapist, one that doesn't talk about bullshit like inner children and asks you to analyze why your mother didn't love you, but simply talks to you about the thoughts and behaviors you want to change and devises a method to FIX THEM (that doesn't involve HUGGING yourself, good everlovin' GOD). Worksheets! Rating scales! Breathing exercises! That's the ticket! Not worthless review and evaluation of "feelings." Who cares what she thinks about your feelings of guilt? Her job ought to be to GET RID OF THEM SINCE THEY BOTHER YOU. BAH! Now I'm pissed! Love ya hon, switch shrinks. XOXO
The whole inner child hugging yourself thing sounds like a big waste of time. I think you're embarrassed because it's hokey. If you could see the look on my face right now, I'm sure it would match the face you're making. Personally, I comfort myself with reality tv and a glass of wine, or by tackling and finishing a loathesome task at work like filing. Depends on my energy level. If it were me, I'd want therapy that's no nonsense and helpful, not therapy that makes me want to roll my eyes up into the top of my head. It just all strikes me as kinda hokey and forced. But what do I know? I have apathy honed to a fine art.
You know I think all that inner child stuff is a bunch of crap, and I'm with you on the yuck factor of the hugging yourself thing (eww).
I agree that you probably get more satisfaction out of behavioral cognitive therapy -- it's better suited to your style I think! (Big qualification though -- I am a real believer in b-c therapy, so really I think it's better for almost everyone!)
I comfort myself but not by hugging. I dunno, but this sounds to out there for me. Good luck.
I think she's going about it all wrong. Sure, I do give myself a hug, but it's not a conscious "ok, let me give myself a hug now because I'm sad". WTF? Honestly it's more like I hold myself, or brace myself, trying to find the strength within me to carry on.
And I do some inner child work with myself too, but not like that. I use my art and my writing.
Your therapist gives me the jeebies. I believe writing is your therapy. And you do it well. :o)
>wouldn't that whole scene just embarrass the crap out of you, too?
No, it wouldn't. I think it's OK for people to need comfort or to comfort themselves.
Mind you, when I first started in therapy I hated all that stuff too. Now I'm quite comfortable with it and myself.
My former shrink used to always tell me "go fearward," which worked for me since I can never resist an emotional challenge and I relaly wanted to open up more. If this approach to stuff bothers you, though, maybe you need a different approach. But I don't think thre's anything wrong with trying to work through discomfort unless the discomfort is so great that you feel as though you'd rather die than tackle it. For me, though, the only way out was through.
JW
Maybe your therapist was testing you. Perhaps she wanted to see which "you" you wanted to preserve more: the "too-smart-for-her-own-good" you or the helpless, hurt you. Might be worthwhile to analyze the self-description "too-smart-for-her-own-good" in more depth....perhaps quite illuminating in this context, no?
I wouldn't do it. When someone tells me to pat myself on the back I don't actually do it. I just tried hugging myself sitting here, and I felt no comfort. Next she'll have you kissing the back of your hand.
Commenting by HaloScan
