I've rarely read a more beautifully written, brutally honest and compelling piece of journalism. I'm honored that Giant Steps speaks for you, even in a small way. IMHO you're not just a good father, you're a wise one also.
craig bickhardt | Email | Homepage | 06.03.08 - 1:29 am | #

I hear you brother,

I had much the same choice... I was stuck in a horrible marriage, I slept alone every night... for almost 8 years, I kept thinking, "things will get better when...." but it never did.

Every year was the same old thing.

I stayed for the kids, but I was becoming frustrated and bitter. It wasn't a life, it was more like waiting for death.

I finally left. Amazingly, my kids were mostly OK with it. They were already used to the fact that Mommy and Daddy were no more than housemates, but now Daddy had a new house.

I live 5 minutes from the kids, but the very close relationship I had with my kids suffered. I gained my freedom and happiness, but I paid the price.

My oldest is now 14, going on 15... The little girl who I took to karate lessons for years, and had such a close relationship is now a cool distant teenager. I think she feels I "abandoned" them, but I can never share with her the details of just how bad things were for me... she has sided with her mother on everything.

My two younger daughters see me almost every weekend, and we usually have a grand time of it. They sleep over, I make pancakes, we go bicycle riding, we play Xbox 360... I really enjoy being with them... and I guess I should enjoy it until they become teenagers.

Since my daughters can not appreciate the sacrifice I made for them for so many years, I almost regret that I didn't pull the trigger sooner on my divorce.

Imagine if I had stuck it out? A lifetime with a passionless cold housemate (who often didn't speak to me for up to 6 months at a time) and once the kids were old enough, then I can be 55 and free? No. That's not a life.

Despite the title of the James Bond movie (and great theme song done by Bjork), you only live once.

Make the best of it.

Enjoy what you have.
Heinrich | Email | Homepage | 06.04.08 - 8:18 am | #

It's never too late to improve your relationship with your kids (though it's rough to do during the years when they're trying to establish their own identities) as long as you're all alive. My father and I hadn't spent much time together past when I was about 16 or so, and he recently passed away, about 30 years later. The most difficult thing to face about his passing is that I think we could've been much closer if we'd both tried harder, and now that can never change. You still have time.
Scott | Email | Homepage | 08.30.08 - 10:19 pm | #