I never had any rules about when I could start dating or what the conditions would be for dating. I pretty much did what I wanted as long as I didn't think Mom would care if she found out. She didn't usually know where I was going or who was going to be there, and rarely when I'd be back. I remember coming home from friends' homes after midnight on school nights. However, in general I was a good girl. I never got in trouble and never did things I thought Mom would not approve of. And by choice, I didn't date until I was 20! (of course now I blame that on the fact that no good guys would ask me out!)
Good Plan. Think thats basically what my parents do. Now, I don't think we've ever sat down and talked about "the rules", but what you describe is basically what happens. If you're close enough to your kids that they say hi to you when you pick them up from soccer practice and talk to you on the way home, you shouldn't have any problems. But hey, what do I know...
Obviously - you have no daughters.
Girl A - Stays home w/ Dad forever.
Girl B - Arranged marriage by aforementioned father at the age of 30.
JAC4, do you know this from experience?
Nate, that sounds about right to me.
Also, it reminds me of how strict my in-laws were when Mrs. Astro and I were in high school. -I- knew that they could trust their daughter with me, but they didn't. Her father never threatened me or anything. But our curfew at ages 16 and 17 was 10 PM. At 18, 11 PM, and during college, midnight. And boy, she didn't want to be home late, because she would get in trouble.
They're much cooler now. But they are still in-laws... 
Somewhat OT, but it reminded me of a good 'trick' my parents used...
Instead of waiting up for me, they'd go to bed and set an alarm clock to my curfew time. If I wansn't home in time to turn it off --- busted!
(Of course if they thought it through, they'd realize how many times I stopped by the house to run in and turn the clock off before going back out. )
Not yet Joy. I have two young daughters - I'd just as soon keep 'em forever.
JAC4,
Let one of those little girls stay at home till she's 30... Then we'll see if you still feel the same way about keepin' them forever.
Natalie,
Let one of your bring home a 'Spike' at fourteen then we'll see if that's an appropriate age to date.
I wasn't allowed to date until I was 15, the boys always had to come to the door to pick me up and we lived in a very small town so my mom not only usually knew the boy but his parents as well.
we have great technological tools that our parents never had...My kids may not have to worry about big brother, but they damn sure need to be concerned about big daddy...they can have privacy when they are no longer my responsibility.
i hate to disappoint you nate, but i was girl A...
in fact people used to tease me in school for being a goody two shoes.
well, and... um.... the good thing is, i DID end up marrying the guy.
and i knew girls who did sneak out and do all kinds of crazy things like that, and never had sex....
oh, and i started dating when i was 16...
i guess i'm just saying that the chances of girls having sex has much more to do with psychological reasons than being responsible about schoolwork and calling home. oh, and hormones!!
in fact, many times it's the 'good girls' who feel the need to break out and do something crazy for once who DO end up having sex. i knew several examples of this....
"Tell us where you're going, whom you are going with, who is going to be there, and when you will be back... then do what you say you are going to do..."
Agreed. Add: Put down in writing your itinerary, and how you can be reached at those locations. (Parents don't need to try and remember which pizza place, movie theater, etc.) After the itinerary is reviewed (in case there are questions or concerns) it is placed on the refrigerator. Call if there are any significant changes.
Same rules for sons and daughters. If caught breaking the rules... know that you will be unable to go out on a date for a while (though the date will probably be allowed in our living room).
JAC4,
One of my daughters will never bring home a Spike. I have a plan to insure this. The day I decide that it's ok for her to date, I'm going to take her own back. I'm going to find some cat... and I'm going to shoot it with the .357. Then... I'll say, "Honey, if you ever start to think about bringing home a freak, make sure you don't like him, because we'll be burying him right next to this cat."
Oh... and Tonya... I'm well aware of the 'good girl' syndrome. Every girl I've ever laid has been a 'good girl'.
If the girls are reliable, we will give them some slack. If they are unreliable (not likely in the older one, more likely in the younger one), I plan on getting a camera phone. If I suspect dirty pool (not where she says she is or not with who she says she is with), I'll just ask her to snap a couple pics and send them to me.
Awww, the poor kitty..Nate, that is crossing the line! You don't be hurting cats!
Oh, by the way, I love 'Natalie'..good one, Jac, I think I just might use that.
Um...I have no stories to tell. I never dated as a teen because I was a homebody, I didn't trust males (not for reasons that you might think), and I was tormented at school (ok, that was why)...
although when I was in grade 4 or 5, my Mother didn't didn't like one of my friends (who was a male) because we went off by ourselves a lot. He wanted to show off his tree fort thingy...now, that is ridiculous. I didn't have a clue at that age what she would have been so concerned about..
..perhaps she thought something weird of the boy. I don't know.
Papapete,
You can also make her call you from a land line to establish whereabouts.
Maybe I'm getting old, but I hate the way young girls are dressing. They look like little slatterns with push-up bras, jeans at half mast (so you can see the tattoo dragon crawling out of her crack), bare belly's with a piercing in the navel. Yuck!!
Jimo,
Tramps. Just tramps. And if you pay attention, you'll notice it's their mom's that are encouraging it.
Maybe I'm getting old fashioned in my "old" age, or maybe it's the result of having daughters, but....
I'm getting more and more bothered by how the young girls at my church dress on Sunday morning. I'm certainly no prude, but wearing SHORT skirts to a Southern Baptist church on Sunday morning is just not right. I always wonder what the HE** their parents are thinking!!
Nate, you always seem to have insight into these things..much greater than mine. You really think the Moms are encouraging them?
Jimo, I too have seen that. What motivates a girl to show off like that? Why would they want that kind of attention unless they just want *any* kind of male attention....
but, I have to admit that even I cringe all the more when I see girls dressing like that who don't have 'the body' for it...that is probably a bad thing, but....oh well..
hey now! just because a child is younger doesn't mean she will be more 'wild'! i'm the youngest of 4 girls and am not wild at all...but i guess if you compare me to my sisters, then i am...hehe
I found an article that *might* be of interest in relation to this subject of discussion. It is from a Canadian newspaper but I think it would equally apply to the US..mostly anyways. You be the judge.
First time drunk, high? Likely, age 13
I'm not in the least bit surprised by that.
Here is some of the article:
"OTTAWA -- One in five Canadian adolescents ages 12 to 15 has been drunk at least once, and has tried marijuana, according to a study released yesterday by Statistics Canada....
Among those who had been intoxicated, the average age for their first time was a few months past their 13th birthday -- around the same age they were most likely to sample their first joint. The likelihood of drinking and marijuana use increased with age; 66 per cent of 15-year-olds in the study reported consuming at least one drink and 38 per cent said they had smoked pot..."
Friends were the most significant factor, the study suggested: Kids who travelled in drinking circles were 11 times more likely to indulge themselves; those with peers who smoked pot were twice as likely to, compared to other teenagers. But parenting style also played a role, the study found, with the odds of alcohol use rising, the more hostile or inconsistent the parenting behaviour. Among youth in step-parent families, drug use was almost double compared to those raised in other two-parent settings...
But the study warns against making a straight causal link...
Long-term studies, he points out, have shown that the vast majority of experimenting teens develop responsible habits in adulthood..."
This post has some common sense reasoning behind it. Good job.
Jimo, your point was well-taken. I see this kind of thing all the time. What I find most fascinating is seeing a 13 or 14-yr.- old girl, dressed in this fashion, while shopping with her mom, who apparently approves of her "fashion statements." *groan*
I can almost hear the mother-daughter conversation before heading to the mall:
"Like, Mom, are these jeans, like, tight enough? Like, do they look spray-painted on?"
"Of course, honey. Don't worry, you look just like every other skank."
"And, like, Mom, what about my, like, blouse? Like does it show enough cleavage, like?"
"Yes, darling. It's like a big, neon flashing sign that says SLUT!"
"Like, awesome! That's what I was, like, going for!"
"Good, hon. Now let's go to the Gap, and show off your wares."
Sheesh!
I think that if the Moms are encouraging, it goes something like this:
'There is no need to be ashamed of your body'
...just a thought...
Equating modesty with shame. I've heard that a couple times.
No sarah....
Moms are playing "Barbie" with their daughters. I take jeb to play in the kids area at the mall during the day several times a week.
Wait.. I need to just blog on this...
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