"It's not your fault that she cheated on you. She's still responsible for her actions... but it was probably your dumb ass that lead her to do it."
This is also true for men who cheat. Some men are just scum, but most don't leave the marital bed for another woman if the one he's got at home is giving him what he needs. And I am NOT just talking about sexual needs.
Yeah, scum factor aside, if one of the spouses is cheating something is seriously wrong with the marriage in general. BTW, it's not just know what the meter says, but how to read it/her. We are women and subject to change without warning. The red and green areas are subject to change.
Agreed SB. I would ad though that womens tend to be aware that the meter is infinitely complex and difficult to learn. It's best to find one who is slow to react, and slow to anger where the meter is conserned.
So I'm a little curious to know how many of you expected a guy to get this much right?
Well, we are women so we do come with a built in need for men to be able to read our minds. That being said, I am happily married to a man who knows me very well and almost always reads me like a book (forgetting Mother's Day this year notwithstanding). I couldn't have asked for a better mate for me because he doesn't let me get away with trying to bully him in anyway, he's the head of the house in every sense of the word. I let him know when I need attention by going to interrupt him on his computer and he almost always stops what he's doing, gives me a cuddle and I wander off to do other things.
A couple of years ago, we took a class called "His Needs, Her Needs" at our church. The summary of this class is that if you want to maintain your marriage, the wife must provide the husband's needs and vice versa. When each is meeting the other's needs, they grow together and are happier. When they don't, they grow apart. So, basically, Nate, you're outlining what "her needs" are, and quite well.
When I think of this class, though, I still think "Her Needs, Her Needs". LOL
"His needs" are pretty easy. Sex, food, respect, maybe clean underwear.
Vox forgot mother's day? You mean while I was out there.. only a month out of back surgery... busting my ass to build my wife two 8x8x12 planters, and fill them with over a ton of dirt, Vox was somewhere with his head up his butt????
Oh.. he's gonna take some hell for this.
Vox forgot Mother's Day? D'oh!
I always thought loneliness is what drives women to cheat. I guess that is related to the 'undivided attention quota'.
The security test - I'm not sure I agree with this. But then I can only speak for myself so I guess no disagreement is appropriate - after all, you could just say that I'm the exception.
Of course, insecurity/jealousy is an unattractive thing and I don't think too many women want weak men
but
that would not be enough, imo, to drive a woman away unless he was acting completely mental about it. If someone is insecure, they don't necessariliy have to react in that fashion.
'So I'm a little curious to know how many of you expected a guy to get this much right?'
I think you were right in the first two posts on this subject - I wonder how you think you know so much about women.....experience? or did a little birdy tell you?
Oh yeah...another thing from that class was the concept of the emotional bank account, which is similar to Nate's attention-meter, but slightly different.
When you do something good for your wife, you make a deposit in her account. When you do something she doesn't like, you make a withdrawal.
If you aren't making deposits in your wife's emotional account on a regular basis, then she'll go find someone who will. Got to keep the balance up.
I guess that SB's account from Vox was so full that the Mother's Day forgetting didn't come close to getting him overdrawn! 
I like the idea of a "bank account." Sometimes what seems like a really little thing to a man can be a huge deal to us...which works in your favor.
If Jay is calling me on the phone, he is not to spend too much time talking to my bro or anybody else. I get pouty!
Sorry, that was a little out of place..
Sarah, a bit of advice. Pouts only work in person.
Properly executed, they can serve to end an argument (You know you're wrong, or at the very least beaten, but don't want to cave...a cute, little pout makes him laugh at how cute you are, thus forgetting his anger and forgiving you in one fell swoop.)
OR get him to do something for you that he doesn't really want to do (ala, I really want to see this movie starring Colin Firth even though we both know it will be sub-par and unentertaining b/c it start COLIN Firth, please will you go with me?)
OR avoid an argument altogether (like if you've accidentally tripped up the surge protector sending power to the PlayStation and his oh-so-important Madden Super Bowl game is gone.)
Now, I know it's wrong of me to use the power of the pout, but it's tough to give it up when it's worked since childhood. It got me out of a lot of well-deserved spankings.
Hrmm.. there seems to be a few misunderstandings...
1) Women are not testing your security so much as your strength. Same deal as the tuggin' on the rope reference from the last post.
2) The undevided attention quota has nothing to do with the bank account symbolism. They are completely different. You can do all sorts of wonderful thing for your girl, but if you ain't spending enough time giving her undivided attention, all the nicknacks or diamonds in the world won't save your ass.
oh yes.. and pouting... if your girl's father made the mistake of letting his daughter get by with this tactic.. then I suggest some remedial lessons.
Anyone who acts like an 8 year old, then you should treat her like one, and yes, that includes gettin' her butt busted if the situation requires it.
i should use some type of editor... Bill is right about haloscan sucking... but it's easy so I roll with it.
The bank account isn't about material things, it about meeting her needs.
In your parlance, growing a pair of balls and acting like a man is enough to make plenty of deposits in a woman's account. Meeting her needs as you outlined in the other post makes deposits in her account.
I think RJK understood this.
Women cheat to get a need met.
Everything I have read, everything I have experienced says there is one thing women want above all else, to be loved or at least to feel loved.
I do agree that women use cheating or threatening to cheat as a test. I'm not so sure that they all test for the same thing though. I think some use cheating to test whether their spouse loves them. So a show of jealousy could conceivably be a good thing. A complete lack of jealousy could indicate a complete lack of love. This seems to indicate there are two kinds of jealousy, the malignant and the healthy. I tend toward this view because, Exodus 20:5 and Deuteronomy 5:9 say, "for I, the LORD your God, am a jealous God,"
Also, keeping her needle in the green keeps deposits going into her account. If you let it get into the red, you start making withdrawals.
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'Anyone who acts like an 8 year old, then you should treat her like one, and yes, that includes gettin' her butt busted if the situation requires it.'
That might not be a good way of dealing with it..right, RJK? hahahaha
It would stop me from pouting though, that's for sure.
I'm sorry. I twist things around so badly..
The thing about the "bank account" idea that so frustrates me (and undoubtedly other men) sometimes is that it is not an exact "dollar for dollar" analogy. A big deposit of loving attention once a month will *not* equal the same amount broken up into thirty or sixty smaller deposits entered once or twice a day.
Heaven help the man who thinks that fabulous vacation spent together six months ago makes up for him not being home evenings and weekends... 
true, DC, true...
Pitbulls like A1??
This also presupposes that the marriage and the partners were sound to begin with. Unfortunately, this isn't always true. For example, my brother married a woman who wasn't stable (he has horrible taste in women). She put on a good Christian front until after the marriage, when things went to pieces. She was cheating on him not because of anything he did but because of her own psychosis. Incidentally, there were people in his church who knew that she was having an affair, but didn't say anything until after she divorced him. Bad, Bad, move.
There is also, Nate, one other reason that women might cheat. This is just what I 'heard'. It could be wrong and it is actually directly related to the 'undivided attention quota'.
Another reason is because she is 'lonely'.
DC, your right. Most of the time, it is many small things over a period of time that have a greater impact.
Being romantic can be as simple as buying a rose, or writing a private note, or even just cuddling for a half hour.
ok - I'm just gonna say this, and I know that I'm opening myself up for all kinds o' trouble.
But the whole "Mother's Day" thing has never made a lick of sense to me. Vox “forgot” mother’s day? What did he forget? Did he forget to send a card to HIS MOTHER? (possibly) but that isn’t the issue is it? The WIFE is the issue. Does something seem amiss here? (Now if the children are really little, then of course the husband should do something… then as they get older he could encourage the kids to do something for mom). But, the husband? It’s MOTHER’s DAY. Not WIFE’s Day. They already get Valentines, Anniversaries, Christmas, Birthdays, etc. Why oh why is MOTHERs day also thrown in our lap? Our wives are not our mothers …… yes – I know – in some sick part of our minds they become that to some men (and to me) but you know what I’m saying.
Awaiting the flaming.
Some women cheat because of the simple fact their sex life at home has become dull. Their husbands have lost interest in sex. At least with them anyway.
Heck, some women pack on TONS of extra weight, cut their hair real short, stop shaving their legs, and then wonder why their husbands never wanna touch 'em anymore.
The Hubby - I may catch flack from the other girls here, but I sort of agree with you. Except, I tend to think the whole concept of all of these extraneous holidays is wrong. It seems like a vast conspiracy of the greeting card, chocolate, and diamond industries to guilt men into buying more things for the women in their lives. I still acknowledge Mother's Day for my own mom, because she likes it, and I don't want to hurt her feelings. But I resent that we can't just be trusted to acknowledge and recognize the people we love in our own way on our own calendar. If Chris brings me flowers or buys me a new CD or writes me a song, etc. out of the blue, it is a lot more special to me than if it comes on a holiday.
Well, in my house, my kids are 4 and under. They can't go and get Mother's Day presents without help, namely my help. So, forgetting Mother's Day for a husband amounts to him forgetting to get presents for her from the kids.
I figured that this is what SB meant, Vox forgot to get stuff from the kids for her.
Nathan is by far better at the day to day things than the big gestures. Literally every night I get some sort of message (feet, back, neck, butt) or goose bumps while he tickles my back while I fall asleep in bed. Even if he is not going to bed right then, he will come "put me to bed" with goose bumps and cuddling. We have been together now for 11yrs (since I was 17y/o) and I think I have only gotten roses/flowers less than half a dozen times. Only one of those was not for a holiday. I'll take the goose bumps anyday!
Ummm... I'm sure everyone here would feel better if my 'cuddling' did not become a topic of conversation.
Hubby, first of all, we don't generally "do" Valentines Day or any other holiday for that matter. Mother's Day in our house is generally not a gift or even card giving holiday. It's usually mommy's day off. I don't get the kids up and give them breakfast (unlike the other 364 days this year) and I get breakfast made for me. I don't have to deal with all of the normal "mommy, mommy, mommy" stuff. Similarly on Father's Day Vox gets to sleep in as late as he likes, has what he likes for dinner, etc. We are not big into gifts, although he has given me some wonderful gifts.
Um, yah...
Sorry, SB, that wasn't directed at you, but at Nate..
Anon, I was reading this advice column once, written by a woman. There was a letter from a woman saying she used to work out and was thin and fit when she met her husband and then totally reverted to her old self (large and lazy) and was mad at her husband for not liking it! The columnist let her have it saying she decieved her husband when she married him pretending to be something she clearly wasn't. It was great!
A good point. Yep. I heard this radio call in show where women were calling in saying their husbands were home after work every night. Why?
Cos they had a clean house, a warm meal, and a fit, happy, beautiful wife waiting for them. These ladies pretty much never had to worry about their other halfs staying out late at night doing Lord knows what.
After being fit and thin, why would they *want* to revert back to lazy and fat? Wouldn't they *feel* better if things got done and they didn't have to lug around all that extra weight?
Just a question that popped up in my mind.
Of course,
the most I have ever weighed is 130 pounds. I wouldn't know what it's like...
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