That was hilarious...I'm still laughing. But it was also gross, very, very gross.
That was so gross. I have an aunt who is terrified of bugs and rodents. I don't mean run of the mill girls don't like bugs and mice, I mean terrified. I think I'll send her this story! My favorite thing about this particular aunt is that she is an amazingly good sport about all of the pranks pulled on her because she's such an easy mark.
Dadgummit, Nate, I just ate lunch!
Ugh!
Reminds me of this scene from some post-nuclear war movie where the radiation had created these killer cockroaches, and they swarmed over this guy and ate him up until only his bones were left, in like 20 seconds.
Good grief...
Nate -
Reminds me of the time in my life when I was delivering appliances for Sears. Now, if you've ever been in Detroit, you know there are bad areas, then there are BAD areas. I was in a BAD area, about to deliver a 'fridge to a house, so we started to get the old one out first. Now we pulled this old clunker with the heat coils on the back away from the wall, and the wall started movin' like something out of a horror movie or something. Then the roaches started heading to the 'fridge like a wave of crawling creatures.
Needless to say, our work rules said, "Roaches, leave" (we were teamsters, the only roaches we dealt with had clips on the side) and we told the old guy "When you get this problem taken care of, we'll be back"
Still, no one ever said anything about pissing on them, though...
I'm all for 'whatever goes on in the marriage is cool as long as it's cool for both participants' but THAT is just weird and nasty. Fun and games are, well, fun and games, but good hygiene should always be practiced. 
Well, that was really disgusting. I bet you had a hard time sleeping for the next couple nights, huh Nate? I mean for both instances - because of the roaches AND the pissing..
Jeezuz! Yeesh! That story gave me the major creeps! Yuck! Man, I hate bugs.
Took balls for you to go in there, Nate. If that story is true. But yes, that proves that HUD is an utterly lame program.
I ain't gonna let you piss on me tonight. Cripes. What did these idiots do to get a house that infested? Oh, yeah, ya gotta love the welfare state.
All I gotta say is 'Ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww' on all counts of that story.
I don't think based on what we do know that we want to know ANYmore about what those people did, Anon. It was gross enough.
Time for a politically incorrect question, Nate. Was this family that lived by you white, black, or other?
ugh!!
*gag*
and here i am just getting over a stomach bug!
gee whiz, thanks nate!!
I have a friend who works Children's Services in a city in central Ohio. I've heard some wretched stories that were right along the lines of yours Nate. Walls glistening because there were so many roaches, kids w/ rocahes in their ears because roaches can't back out of what they've crawled in to etc.
I'll always remember one story: A friend of his(He's Tim) from Public Health had called him saying that a woman had called about a house next door. That the smell was wretched. He was going over there and heard the family in said house had children so he wanted Tim along. They went and they could smell it down the street. They got in the house and there were paths through the house because the trash had built up inside to armpit level.
Tim immediately told the woman to take the kids upstairs, get some clothes because he wants her to take the kids somewhere for the weekend. Somewhere that wasn't that house. So she comes back down w/ her 3 kids in swim trunks and towels. He said "Listen lady, they aren't going to a swimming pool. They're staying somwhere else for the weekend."
They then told her that she had to have the house cleaned by Monday in order to be able to stay there and keep her kids.
Apparently she filled 4 of those construction dumpsters w/ sh** during the weekend and was about 2/3 done by Monday. Unbelievable that people can live like that.
It's like my favorite Shel Silverstein poem come to life!
"Sarah Cynthia Sylvia Stout
would not take the garbage out"
RJK, that was great!
Sure sounds like that house *was* infected alright -- and roaches too!
One of the nastier places I've been had goats in the house. In the corner of the dining room was a stack of 20 or so feed bags, where they'd throw down a 100# bag, slice an 'X' and let the animals eat their fill...
I'm ashamed to admit it.. but they were white folks.
White trash and niggers are the same breed, just different packaging.
A buddy of mine and I took a job to paint a house a bunch of hippies (and their dogs) had just been evicted from. We went inside to check the place out, and we didn't make it four steps inside until our legs started burning. We were wearing cutoffs, and I looked at my buddy's legs and it looked like an invisible hand was pulling black socks up, then I saw the same thing was happening to MY legs. Fleas. We ran out of there hollering and stripping and hosed each other off with a hose thank God we'd brought with us and hooked up first. The onliest thing saved us was those fleas were so starved for blood that they stopped to bite as soon as they got on, so they didn't get a chance to swarm our nuts before we got the hose going. There were so many they came up our legs like a warm, biting flood, crawling over each other to find a clear spot. Our legs ended up looking like we'd been burned.
My little brother was on a short term mission trip to Haiti when he was in high school. It was a coed group with the boys in one wing of the dorm and the girls in the other. One evening they were getting ready for bed when they heard one of the girls screaming. They ran over and she said that there was a mouse in her bed. My brother ran back and got his camera. They threw back the covers and he got a picture of a mouse-sized cockroach running for cover. They all had trouble sleeping after that.
"Unbelievable that people can live like that."
Yep, they are called hoarders I think. They did some reports on these types of people on CNBC.
They were white? I should have guessed since the whole "ain't gonna let you piss on me" thing.
Only trailer trash types are into that kinda stuff. Usually. Or so I've heard. But then again, I maybe watch Jerry Springer too much.
OK, I'm suddenly feeling a lot better about leaving that dish in the sink this morning.
I have some distant relatives who I THOUGHT were pretty bad. I'm feeling a lot better about them too.
In all seriousness, my wife did a rotation with the wound-care folks in her "urban" hospital. You wouldn't believe what crawls out of folks who don't change their bandages and live in gub'ment housing.
OK, maybe you would believe it.
Um, y'all, how do you clean puke out of a computer keyboard?
Just kidding...
I have a similar story, when we were looking for our first house, we went in this one house that was for sale, and the front room had a wall of dog cages with big dogs in them. The entire house smelled of dog pee and excrement. We went about 5 feet into the house before running out again. I will never forget that smell. No fleas or roaches, though, thank God.
You know what, the title of this post, Nate, reminded me of those Chernobyl pics for some reason.
I hate bugs and roaches. Gross gross gross. This is the girl who, when she was little and slept out in a pup tent in the bathroom, would wake up the family in the house every night by my screams.
And what did I scream about? Big honkin spiders (they looked like it to me) were in there with me. Now, I know that it is natural to have spiders in tents..but for some reason, they made their nasty webs at night and I could always see them in the moonlight and then I'd look on in horror with my flashlight - too afraid to sleep for fear that a spider will crawl into my mouth if I should haphazardly open it during sleep.
Another nasty bug story. When I was a kid, my family used to visit my grandparent's trailer at the trailer campground. This was in the summer and there was a store right in there, a swimming hole, docks for the boats, outdoors bathrooms, some woods for hiking, berries to pick.
Well, one morning my grandparents had brought out onto the picnic table some cereal for breakfast. I happily poured into my bowl. Poured some milk in there. I ate a couple bites and then a horrible thought came to my mind, 'what if their trailer has bugs?!?!?'
So, I lightly moved some cereal around in my bowl and found one NASTY NASTY bug in my bowl of cereal. It looked like a large earwig.
I showed my Nana:
'Um, I don't want any more cereal, Nana'
Here was her reply:
'You can still eat that, just push the bug to the side.'
Uh..I didn't do that. I went without breakfast that day. I don't remember eating any more of their trailer cereal after that.
Sorry, Nate, I can't possibly equal yours.
(Oh gosh, there is a link to democrats.net in the haloscan ad here!)
'slept out in a pup tent in the bathroom,'
oops, what an interesting slip -
I meant 'in the backyard'..
Yeah, I was thinking that you couldn't have been too comfortable sleeping on the tile floor.
I meant 'in the backyard'..
I thought you ment pub.
ooh-do they let you camp out in pubs in Wyoming...I may have to visit, that sounds like fun!
They let ya camp out in pubs? As in bars?
Cool -- if so, I'm sticking with the amber beers. The pales are usually not to my liking, sometimes too watery, not stout enough. The darks -- can be a bit too bitter. But the ambers are a nice middle ground.
I had a very pretty German-Spanish female friend who hipped me to the darker brewskis. This was before she decided I was a complete and utter a-hole for breaking up with her. Which NO ONE had ever done to her before -- sorry, I'm rambling. Peace.
Come on I'd be glad to have ya. Do ya fly fish?
And man, while I'm on the subject, you wanna see what an angry, foul mouth a sweet, demure woman gets on her when she's had one too many Bloody Marys in her -- and she starts going off on what a f'ing a-hole you are for all your screw ups in your relationship and uses words you NEVER heard come out of her pretty little mouth before -- well, it can be shocking.
Me? Fly fish? I fished years ago off a pier as a kid. Never caught a dang thing. Guess I got too bored.
And I used shrimp for bait, not fancy lures of the humble worm.
Hmmm -- how about this for cool fishing bait -- use the worms in the bottom of bottles of booze to bait your hook with! Now there's something that'd be a great marketing tool!
Tequila flavored worms for fly fishing? Get your fish hammered before you cook 'em up! Heh-heh.
Oops -- the offer was for RJK -- sorry, Res.
hurrrrrrulmph! (vomits)
kinda says it all, huh?
My family has a lot of real estate. We don't deal with HUD because of crap like that. Even then, we often wind up with sorry people who won't pay and tear the place up.
And yeah, there's generally lots of roaches in places that aren't kept clean. Nasty nasty nasty.
Nasty. Reminds me a bit of what a great aunt experienced in the 1940's. She was visiting a friend out on a farm. When lunch was over the back door was opened, and in ran a dozen cats. They jumped up on the table and commenced to cleaning the plates.
Mind you that these plates were the best they had in the house, because they had a guest. However, they didn't have a complete set. They had several different colors and styles of plates.
Well, when it was time for dinner, everyone gathered around the table again. It was then that she noticed that all the plates were in the same locations as at the previous meal. She realized they had been busy all afternoon, but she never saw the table without those plates on it. It was then that she noticed a cat hair on her plate....
gross stories, cool.
I had a friend that worked in a hospital. Had a guy come in with a bad sinus headache, or it may have been a toothache, the pain was in that general area. Well they give the guy some anitbiotics and make a follow up appointment. He comes back a few days later, he can't stand the pain. They put him in a dentist chair, start to examine his mouth and throat, they see that he has necrotic tissue on the roof of his mouth. They push on this tissue with the dentist mirror. The roof of his mouth falls apart, maggots come out of his nasal cavity, flooding his mouth. He gags and gags. It was later determined that he was a coke head, there were fly eggs in the coke he snorted.
YUCK A RAMA!!!
oh lord athor pel!! why didn't you post some kind of warning??
eww! eww!!
i think that's worse than the roach story...
oh goodness, that mental image is going to haunt me for awhile!
If the gross out stories are going to keep getting worse, I'm going to have to stop reading this one. That last one was by far the worst. It reminds me of the stories my cousin used to tell when she was an ER nurse. Yuck.
Eh, our rental is Section 8. The program in Maryland is pretty good (after changes, it used to be really bad), it's now like having a rental management company with teeth. Many property owners now prefer Section 8 due to the ease of evicting Section 8 vs others.
The basic rules;
1) Annual inspection with homeowner present. Signs of trouble (not enumerated - anything the homeowner doesn't like qualifies) warrant multiple inspections. Being clean, and "no visible refuse" are points in the inspection. Ditto with bugs.
2) Any convictions for things worse than speeding tickets means eviction, regardless of if it affects the house. Any drug paraphernalia found during an inspection is an automatic boot.
3) The condition of the house must meet minimum criteria, and when the section 8 folks leave, HUD pays to put the house back to spec if necessary.
Good God, what did they do for that guy?
On a related, but not as gross note, have you heard of when kids stick something like a bean up their nose, and then the bean sprouts and starts growing inside their nasal cavities?
That happened to a student in the class of someone I used to know. This poor girl had really bad B.O., and it turned out that it was from something rotting in her nose.
A million monkeys may not produce Shakespeare, but 6 billion humans sure can produce all sorts of gross stuff like this.
The biggest problem with renting is trying to evict some crack addict. This is why Section 8 is better than private rental - just try to evict someone privately.
From http://www.nhlp.org/html/pubhsg/...g/
onestrike.htm
...owners of federally assisted housing are required to use leases that allow the eviction of tenants whom the owner determines are illegally using drugs or whose use of drugs or abuse of alcohol interferes with the right of peaceful enjoyment of other tenants...
Conviction of Criminal Activity
...a landlord does not have to wait until the criminal prosecution is completed in order to evict a tenant, nor does a landlord have to dismiss an eviction when there has been an acquittal or the criminal charges have been dropped. ...the landlord must prove the existence of criminal activity by a civil standard of proof. Thus, in HUD's view, a "covered person" could be found not guilty of committing a crime, however, the PHA could evict the tenant.
Gross, athor.
Nate, I think it is definitely time that you posted those 'women's jobs.' You, with the rest of us, ran off the feminists yesterday, so it should be safe.
I just think if these stories continue, you'll run the rest of us off, too. It's getting pretty gross in here.
Wusses.
Astrosmith, my cousin's little boy put a raisen up his nose and didn't tell his mom. She didn't know it until he started to have really bad breath and a runny nose. Kids are always putting stuff up their noses, or in their ears.
Yeah, my sister put a french fry up her nose once, when she was 5 or so. Fortunately, our mother could reach it with tweezers!
I used to nanny for a little girl who was constantly putting these little toy things up her nose. Her mom would hold her on her back on her lap and I would get them out with a tweezers.
Better raisins, toys, beans, and french fries than cocaine, I guess.
Or fly eggs...
This one kid I heard about he lived in a bug infested house and he got some sort of bug that laid eggs inside the hole of his penis.
He went to the doctor when tiny little white moths started flying out of it when the laid eggs hatched.
Why not just dip your dipstick real quick in some bug spray? It might sting but it might care of the problemo.
Right now, my son is 10 days past a year old, and taste tests EVERYTHING. He has not tried to shove things up his nose yet but it's probably coming. At this time, he seems to be partial to the consumption of hairballs that our cats leave around as well as corrugated cardboard. Kleenex are good too, but paper towels don't seem to fit the bill well.
I'll never understand how kids' tastebuds function...
The story I related was the winner of the gross-out contest I and my friend had one day. I literally felt my skin crawl after she told me that one, I uttered many awww's and gaaah's and bleck's and "my god that is disgusting" all the while dancing around like I had a small rodent crawling around inside my clothes. Yea, I got completely grossed out. It took several minutes to feel half way normal again.
Or was it the de-worming story that was the winner? I don't remember too clearly. Have you ever seen what happens when you give a human a de-wormer, a chemical that drives the worms out of the body? You guessed it, those little parasitic worms leave by the nearest exit wherever they may be in the body. Yea, little worms coming out your eye sockets will tend to freak you out.
It Could just be apocryphal, but I don't think so.
hey everyone, i wish nate would somehow change the subject in here as well, but unfortunately he and dr.who are on the road and out of town for the next few days...maybe he'll get internet access soon so he can prevent this from getting worse! though, dr.who has some of her own stories equally as gross as athor's from when she also worked in the ER. good dinner table conversations there. i'll call him and tell him he needs to post something new quick...hehe
I useta could put a friend of mine in a near coma by running over someone else's road kill. He would just freak when I ran over a dead squirrel or whatever...curl into a ball and everything. It got so's I'd swerve at them just to hear him shriek.
Priceless...
How on earth would you get fly eggs in coke?! The flies sure wouldn't lay the eggs there. It'd be a pretty toxic environment for the little buggers. Yiggh!
Unless...the guy scraped up some coke spilled on a filthy surface...in which case he was probably snorting a whole lot more than just coke and fly eggs...
Agh!
My nephew once stuck a dime up his nose. I saw him picking it, and I thought he was digging for gold, or something. So I whacked him on the back of the noggin, to make him cease & desist. Well, I'll be a sunofagun, if a nickel didn't fall out of each nostril. Now, when I need change, y'all know who I ask. Go figure.
Really? You take the government's money and they waive the idiotic laws about evictions? Although, most of the time, my family's experience has been that once you start to threated them with the Law, they'll get on out of dodge because they would prefer to avoid "legal entanglements".
The best thing to do is just find good people to rent to. But it's easier said than done.
Flannel Avenger,
Here in the Peoples Republic of Maryland that's how it works - if the state runs things, they have big boys with a tin badge show up if there's trouble. *You* as the landlord can't kick them out for such things as not paying rent, selling drugs from the house, playing with matches in the living room, etc. However, the state can kick them out practically on a whim. Yeah it sucks, but you gotta play the system, or rely on Social Security.... right...
That certainly sounds like the government. I take it that if the government doesn't toss them out, they can give you the runaround and wind up staying a month (at least) past when you file papers against them?
If your renters are not section 8, it can easily take 3-6 months to kick them out, longer if they can prove they can't get a job (it's amazing how rigorous the government is in helping these deadbeats). Oh, and during the time you're trying to kick them out, they don't have to pay rent. The only recourse is to sue them, which takes a year or so and you probably wind up with diddly.
If you plan on having a rental property, be sure to research the laws for your area.
Well, the section 8 program is still in existance. I had the opportunity to talk to a man that finds investors to buy homes that he will place section 8 families in here in Detroit.
I think I need to go burn my clothes now after just reading that story though. Maybe a shower too.
Intruiguing thought: Urine kills some parasites. That's why monkeys bathe in it, becasue monkeys are GENIUSES, man. Could this have kept the eggs in every orifice problem at bay? I keep running into this golden shower phenomenon, and can't help but suspect there's some perverse genius to the whole thing that I'm just barely missing. Think of the things that you end up haggling over in marriage. This guy's got it fixed so when she's mad at him, he dosen't get to piss on her. She probably still blows him about three times, and he's got to act bummed out, like he's really learning a lesson from losing his wee priveleges.
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